"The best seedling cannot grow on its own."
"It doesn't matter how good the soil is, or how brightly the sun shine. If the seedling does not want to grow, it will always stay under the ground."
"Young Master Ji SongLi, do you want to grow?"
She said all those to me.
How can such a young girl have such perspective?
"If you want to grow, nothing can stop you."
Her eyes... they contained faith, that even my own father has not shown before. Maybe because she doesn't know me? Yet, how can such a young girl be so sure in myself?
..... .
I am not sure in myself.
She is small and she is very young, but at that moment, her tiny body looked so tall in my eyes. Ever since then, she is the brightest thing I have ever laid my eyes upon. No, maybe she has displayed her brilliance ever since I took notice of her. Now, this brilliance is just getting more and more dazzling for me.
"It needs good soil, it needs the sun."
She is as bright as the sun. I feel so inferior. I can see her vibrance all the time, but I feel like I will get burnt by her radiance if I get close.
"If you want to grow, nothing can stop you."
I want to grow, if it will just make me just a bit closer to her. Just a bit closer to her radiance.
Will I be worthy then? Will she then look at me? Not like when she look at me normally, but maybe with that slight touch of yearning I could see in her eyes whenever she was lost in thought. Will she look at me like I am her equal?
There is an unknown secret behind her faraway look. Sometimes I feel that she doesn't belong; sometimes I feel she may just vanish, just a wisp of vapor in a snowy winter night.
But, if that were to happen, only coldness would remain.
I don't know what this warmth I am feeling means, but I don't want to lose it. I want to stand tall next to her. I want to be proud of myself. I want her to be proud of me.
I want to carry her secrets, like she hopefully will to mine.
If I grow and reach where she is, will she burn me? Can she share her warmth with me? Will she?
If Ji family is my soil; Bai YuLan, you are my sun.
"Young Master Ji SongLi, do you want to grow?"
I, Ji SongLi, want to grow. And nothing can stop me.
