You Eclipse My Everything
by Nahrenne
Content enticements/warnings:
Action/Combat, Drama, Fantasy, Mild Swearing
☀️
The sun blazed in the sky on the hot summer’s day, as a young man looked up to the sky with his hand covering his squinting eyes, “Geez, it’s hot today.”
Another young man came up and slung his arm around the guy’s shoulder with a smirk, “Heh, then put some sunscreen on so you don’t get burned.”
“Was gonna do that anyway.” The first guy pushed his companion’s arm off and went into his car to get the sunscreen with a pout.
“Heh.” The other guy stared at the cloudless sky and sighed before he admired the view of the ocean, “A lovely peaceful time for our summer holiday.” He smiled before he got a bottle of sunscreen thrown at his head.
“Oi! Slather up, or I’ll cake ya myself.”
“Haha, sure.”
+++
“Arrrrrgh! Get your fucking disgusting hands off me, will ya?!” A bronze-skinned man wearing nothing but a white shendyt shouted as he punched a fiery fist at a black fog-like being. The creature burned up and dissipated on contact as it let out a shrill shriek of anguish. “Hahhh…hahhh…These fuckers never stop coming.” The man wiped a soot-like mark from his chiselled face which smudged due to the light sheen of sweat gathered from his workout.
The large, well-built man full of muscles glanced around him and noted about thirty more of the creatures surrounding him. “Well, shit.” He punched his fists together, which caused the flames on them to increase in size and heat as he smirked, “Looks like the fun’s just begun.” He charged into the group of malevolent beings and dispelled them all as a fiery tornado wrapped around his body.
A few minutes later, he breathed heavily as the flames died down with only him present. He brushed his short golden hair from his forehead before he glanced in a certain direction, “…He’s not slacking off…is he?” Just then, his body tingled as he felt the presence of more malevolent beings entering one of the mortal realms. He sighed as he muttered to himself, “They just don’t stop coming,” before he disappeared in a flame and travelled to the location.
A fair distance away, in an elegant garden surrounded by silver stone walls, was another man. His obsidian skin was a stark contrast to his long silver hair, as his dark blue, flowing robe covered most of his lean and well-toned body. His light blue eyes calmly gazed into a pool of water in front of him as he lounged on his side with a small cup of alcohol. His vision was filled with the sight of the other man fighting a horde of shadowy beings with a flaming khopesh in his hand. He slowly sipped at his alcohol as he casually waved his slender hand over the pool to magnify the image.
As a cool breeze made his hair and robe move a little, he revealed a small smile as he said in a lazy tone, “Why would I work when I can watch you do it?” He dipped his slender finger into the water and swirled it around the bronze man’s body, “…Mmnh…I could watch you forever…” His finger slowly stroked over the bare chest muscles glistening in the daylight before it slid down to his well-defined abs. He then retracted his finger and lay down on his back before he yawned and fell asleep in a graceful position.
+++
“…Amaris.”
“…”
“Amaris.”
“…Mmnh…”
“AMARIS!”
“Wha?” The silver-haired man partially opened his eyes to see the handsome visage of the bronze man. He slowly sat up and yawned, causing beads of moisture to form at the corners of his eyes as he nonchalantly glanced at his colleague, “Oh, Roshan. Finished already?”
Roshan folded his arms over his wide chest and frowned, “Finished the fuck! You missed the beginning of your shift again.”
Amaris displayed a blank expression, “…Ah.”
“Don’t, ‘Ah’, me. The soldiers of Aka Manah are already congregating at the mortal realm of humans. Unless you want the Celestial Collective to send an agent to us, get moving!”
Amaris sighed and lackadaisically got up from his comfortable position. He yawned while covering his mouth with one hand as the other reached out into thin air and pulled a silver billhook spear from some dimensional pocket. “Guess I have to work and let you rest, then…” He shook his head and sleeves which released a silvery powder around him, his body then slowly faded away into the night.
Roshan stared at the spot Amaris had just been in a stupor before he sat down on the lounger and grabbed the half-full cup of alcohol. “…” He sighed before he brushed his fingers through his gold hair and muttered, “Why do you have to look so elegant and beautiful all the time…?” He then gazed at the cup in his hand and hesitated before he brought his lips to the rim and downed the remaining contents. His bronze cheeks flushed as his lids became heavy and clouded, “…Truly delicious.”
He then snapped his fingers to create a burning brazier to replace the calm pool of water before he gazed into it with his fiery red eyes. Within the flames was an image of Amaris calmly holding his hand out before a silvery hue enveloped it. Tens of silver rock projectiles manifested around him before they shot out in all directions towards the shadowy figures. With each point of contact with a projectile, the malevolent beings dissipated into nothing.
“Heh. He makes it look so easy; not even breaking a sweat.” Roshan muttered as he watched his colleague do his work. A warm smile began to creep onto his face as he enjoyed the sight of Amaris’ dark blue flowing robes shimmer with silver light that matched his sleek and sumptuous hair. Sometimes, he would catch sight of the lean and well-toned muscles of his chest as the robes billowed in the night air, creating a dazzling picture for him. Roshan sighed as he thought how he didn’t get long to see all this before fatigue would set in from his hard work, thus savoured the scenes flickering through the flames and burned the images into his mind.
+++
“Ahh, another peaceful night. Don’t you think the moon and stars look so tranquil this evening?” asked the young man while having his arm wrapped around another young man’s waist. The two were snuggled into one another on a grassy hill that overlooked the sea. The crashing of waves against the shore was their background music as they relaxed together.
“Mm. The moon especially looks beautiful tonight. Not a cloud in the sky to hide its regal splendour,” replied the young man’s companion with a comfortable smile. His free hand reached out and intertwined with his lover’s before they gazed at each other and leaned in for a chaste kiss.
“You’re more my king than the moon is.” The first young man said as he smiled at his partner and stroked his cheek.
The other man slightly turned his face away and hoped the night would hide his blush, “…Don’t say something so sappy…” Though he still smiled happily at the compliment.
+++
“Shit! Shit! Shit!” Roshan slashed away with his flaming khopesh as more and more malevolent beings appeared before him. He’d been fighting for hours without a break and no end in sight. He gritted his teeth as he felt the shadowy claws sink into his bronze flesh, making him bleed gold blood down his bare and muscled back.
“Kuh! Fuck, that hurts!” He shouted as he swung around and slashed the enemy down before his blood glowed white hot and sprayed out to burn those behind him to ashes. His wounds then burned away before bronze skin appeared once again. “Looks like it’s punchin’ time!” He hung his weapon on the side of his waist and pumped his fists together.
“Arrrgh! Eat this, you fucking bastards!” Roshan slammed his fiery fists into several enemies and watched as they caught alight and blazed into nothing. “Fuck! When is Amaris gonna start his shift?! This is the longest I’ve gone in a year! Fuuuuuuuuuuck!” More enemies surrounded him and began to drown him in their miasma.
“Hahhh…that idiot. Just use your magic instead of your fists.” Amaris muttered as he monitored the situation through his scrying pool. Although his words were of criticism, his face showed concern as he lightly bit into his lower lip while his hands gripped either side of the bowl. He waited a few more minutes in stark silence before he slowly stood up with a stern expression. “…Has he run out of energy already?”
Amaris sighed as he nonchalantly waved his hand to create a silver portal of mist while his other hand grasped hold of his billhook spear. “So annoying…” He then stepped through the portal as a silver dust surrounded him.
“Argh, get the fuck off me, you vile things!” Roshan shouted as he felt more and more miasmic claws sink into his body. “It fucking hurts!”
“…So loud.”
“Eh?”
“Shut up.” Amaris appeared right before his colleague and immediately spread his silver veil out to cover Roshan as well as himself. Hundreds of silver rocks appeared in the air around them before they plummeted into each enemy.
“…” Roshan watched with a blank expression as he tried to process what was happening. “Did…Did Amaris come to help?” he thought as he saw the elegant actions of his colleague dancing around the shadowy figures with his billhook spear, flashing a silvery arc as his projectiles continued to rain down upon all with great intensity. The dark man’s calm face gave a stark contrast to his flowing silver hair and robes with efficient, deadly movements.
+++
“Huh? Did the news say there would be a solar eclipse during the summer solstice?” asked the guy on a long holiday with his partner.
“Hmm…I don’t remember there being anything about it…” Replied the other while looking unsure at the moon covering the sun in the sky.
“Oh well. It shouldn’t last long, right? Eclipses usually don’t,” shrugged the first guy as he glanced over at the television displaying the news presenters giving a newsflash over the sudden eclipse while giving warnings to people to wear eye protection if looking at it.
“Oh, it’s starting to move away now.”
+++
“You can take care of the rest, right?” Amaris said as he lightly brushed some silvery dust off his shoulders before he opened a portal once again to leave.
“Ah…” Roshan blankly answered as he stared at the empty scenery around him where hundreds of enemies previously resided. His eyes then widened as he came back to reality and reached out towards Amaris, “Ah! Wait!”
Unfortunately, the silver-haired man had already stepped through the portal while yawning, leaving the golden-haired man alone.
“…Aaaand he’s gone already…” Roshan dejectedly sighed before he loosened his arms and shoulders. He could see another wave of enemies approaching from the distance, and smirked. “You just don’t know when to give up, do ya? Why do ya have to do this on such a special day, huh? You fucking shitheads!” He raised his khopesh up into the air and set it ablaze before he charged into the throng of shadowy figures, now full of pep after briefly getting some respite.
A few hours later, Roshan stepped into the tranquil garden that Amaris often resided in. He scanned the area before he saw a silver stone gazebo surrounded by soothing plants and ponds that created a calming atmosphere. He saw a familiar figure leaning against a pillar and began to move before he paused. He saw Amaris’ head dip down, causing his hair to fall in a silvery curtain over his obsidian face.
Roshan then lightly shook his head to bring himself out of his reverence before he quietly walked over. As he approached, he saw the slender man tilt to the side as his body slowly slid down the pillar. “Ah.” He immediately reached out and wrapped his arm around Amaris’ waist to catch him before he fell and noted how firm his body felt beneath his loose robes. He carried him in his arms with ease before he gently placed him on the lounger beside a small pool.
“…Is your shift over…?” Amaris asked in a drowsy tone without opening his eyes.
Roshan gazed down at him and admired the long silvery eyelashes and luscious lips before he smiled and replied in a warm tone, “Mm. It seems that Aka Manah is having to recoup his forces due to how quickly you decimated his troops earlier today. Thanks for that, by the way. I think I’d have gone dormant if you hadn’t arrived when you did.”
“Hmm. That’s because you wasted your energy and didn’t take them out efficiently enough.” Amaris responded in a lazy and matter-of-fact tone.
“…” Roshan lowered his head before he pinched Amaris’ nose.
“Ah, hey! Stop that.” Amaris said as he opened his eyes and glared at his colleague but made no effort to remove the bronze man’s fingers. His voice sounded a little off due to his nose being pinched, though.
Roshan smirked as he leaned in close so he could gaze into Amaris’ light blue eyes; his own fiery red ones lightly blazed in the darkness, “This is punishment for overworking me. I wouldn’t have used up all my energy back then if you hadn’t slacked off for so many weeks. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you doing less and less time every day.”
Amaris pouted a little and averted his gaze, “…It’s not like I was hiding it. I just thought it was a hassle since I had to pick up your slack in the mortal realms’ winter.”
“Hey…” Roshan leaned in closer as he removed his fingers from Amaris’ perfect nose. His voice turned low and husky as he continued, “…Even I get tired at times, ya know?”
Amaris returned his gaze without moving away, revealing his calm and cool eyes, “I just wanted to watch you work more because it’s when you shine the brightest. You become very appealing at those times, despite your brutish way of fighting.”
Roshan chuckled as a smirk crept on his lips, “Oh? Is that your way of complimenting me? Or confessing to me?” He leaned back a little as his eyes trailed down Amaris’ face to his lips before he licked his own with a smouldering heat in his red pupils.
“…Fifty-fifty?”
Roshan raised his eyebrows as his smirk grew bigger.
“…On second thought, maybe eighty-twenty?” Amaris turned his head away and felt thankful that his skin was dark as obsidian so his colleague wouldn’t see his blush.
Roshan chuckled again as his eyes lit up. His fingers brushed over Amaris’ cheeks as he leaned in close to the man’s ear and whispered, “Did you forget what I was a god of? I can see the heat in your cheeks.”
“Ah…I forgot…” Amaris blushed even more as he chose to remain silent, which earned another chuckle from Roshan.
“No need to blush, Amaris. You see…I think you look incredibly beautiful when working, too…” His voice turned lower and full of heat as he continued, “…To the point I want to brand you with my flames of desire.”
“…Ah…” Amaris’ body shuddered as it tingled with pleasure from the sound of Roshan’s deep voice in his ear. He swallowed his saliva and breathily asked in a weak voice, “…And…what if I refuse?”
Roshan gave a sexy growl as his lips brushed against Amaris’ ear, “Mmnh, then I’ll have to work even harder to arouse your desires.”
“…That would be nice.” Amaris replied with a straight face, though his heart was beating at a rapid pace as he caused the oceans of the mortal realms to turn violent and turbulent – not that he knew.
“Mmnh…then maybe I should also slack off so I can watch you work your magic on me, too.” Roshan admitted with a mischievous tone.
Amaris swallowed once again before he slowly turned his face to see the handsome man’s, “…How about we call a truce?”
“How about we just get together and enjoy each other without pretending we’re not attracted? Hmm?” Roshan asked with a smile and curved eyes.
“…We could also do that.”
Roshan smiled triumphantly as he chuckled, “That sounds wonderful.” He then leaned in to give a chaste kiss before Amaris wrapped his arms around his neck and deepened it.
+++
“I’m sad this is the last day of our extended holiday. I don’t wanna go back to work.” Sighed the young man as he walked around the festival stalls with his lover.
“Suck it up. You’re the one who chose to use up all your allotted holiday slots for summer.” His boyfriend replied while eating some mitarashi dango.
The young man sighed again as he ate some of his takoyaki balls. “…Weren’t you the one who complained about not having enough time with me…?” He mumbled while keeping his arm wrapped around his lover’s waist.
“Woah! Get a load of those two guys! They’re both so hot and foreign looking.” Exclaimed his boyfriend while pointing at a certain direction.
“Hmm?” He looked to his left and saw a bronze-skinned man with short golden hair wearing a black yukata with many golden sun symbols on it. His eyes widened at the powerful muscles bulging through the material, as well as his height. He then glanced at the man beside him and gulped as he wondered if he was a man or a woman due to how beautiful he seemed, though his appearance seemed even more outlandish. He had very dark skin with long silver hair loosely, yet elegantly, done up with some ornamental hair pins that had dark blue flowers on the ends. He wore a dark blue yukata with silver crescent moons on it, but the flowing robes couldn’t hide how lean and well-toned his body was underneath.
The young couple glanced at each other and gulped before they sneaked a glimpse back at the outlandishly attractive couple, “…Why do I feel inferior for some reason?” One of them muttered.
+++
“…Everyone’s staring at us. I thought we were wearing the traditional clothes for such festivals, though.” Amaris said as he elegantly waved a fan to cool himself while feeling the gazes of locals and tourists alike.
“Haha, don’t people often look up at you every night, anyway? It just means you’re irresistible.” Roshan answered back with a bright smile as he held onto his lover’s waist and guided him through the stalls.
“Mm…I suppose. By the way, why did you decide on this place in this mortal realm?”
“Why not? I heard there was something amazing to see tonight if we came here.” Roshan responded ambiguously as he rubbed his nose and took in the sights around him before he happily waved at those who blatantly stared which caused them to suddenly turn their heads and hurry away.
Amaris tilted his head in curiosity, “Something amazing?”
“Yeah. First, let’s go to a high place that’s quiet.”
“…You mean the sky?”
Roshan sighed before he chuckled, “No, silly. I’m talking about a hill away from the crowds. Trust me, you’ll love it.”
Amaris shrugged lackadaisically, “If you say so.” He then allowed his lover to guide him along through the splitting crowd before they found themselves at the summit of a grassy knoll.
“Here.” Roshan took a blanket out of his dimensional pocket and carefully placed it on the ground before he motioned towards it with a smile on his face, “Take a seat.”
“Mm.” Amaris plopped down smoothly without looking awkward at all before he sat cross-legged with a straight back.
Roshan smiled before he also sat down beside him and snuggled up with his arm around his lover’s waist. He then kissed his neck and muttered in his ear, “Just keep your eyes on the sky.”
“Mm…” He blushed from the sensation of the kiss and voice in his ear as his gaze moved to the dark night sky.
A few minutes later, a loud screeching sound filled the air before the black canvas exploded into colourful sparks.
“Ohhh, fireworks.” Amaris muttered as his light blue eyes reflected the blossoming lights before him. He slowly smiled as more and more explosions occurred while he leaned into Roshan’s chest. He could feel his body heat permeate through their clothes and warm him up as he enjoyed the show. “I see what you mean by something amazing, now.”
Roshan smiled and snuggled more with the dark man, “You like it, then?” He kissed the top of Amaris’ head while ensuring he didn’t mess his hair up.
“Mm. It’s wonderful.”
The fireworks continued for half an hour before they finally died down. The crowds began moving around them as the people milled about now that the display was over, though Amaris and Roshan remained in their spot at the top of the knoll.
Eventually, Amaris turned his head so he could see his lover’s face and gazed up at him with a calm expression.
Roshan smiled down at him, “What is it?”
“I want to do something amazing with you back home.” Amaris said in a calm voice as he reached his hand out and stroked over his lover’s sculpted face.
“Oh? What kind of amazing thing?” Roshan asked as a smirk began to creep on his face while he gently grasped hold of the obsidian hand and pulled it to his mouth to lightly kiss.
“Mm…” Amaris closed his eyes before he opened them with resoluteness. The scenery changed to the inside of a pavilion with luxurious, yet elegant, furniture and decorations all over the place. He then leaned in to kiss his lover’s lips before he tilted his head to whisper in his ear, “I want to see you pant beneath me as I make you work hard.”
“Hahhh…” Roshan released a jerky breath as his heart sped up with arousal at his lover’s assertiveness before he licked his lips and smiled, “I’d love to see you work me hard and drive me insane.”
Amaris smiled calmly as he nibbled at his lover’s lips, “Then be sure to brand me with your hot passion and burning desire.”
The two then began to make out as they undressed each other before they made their way to the emperor-sized bed. The stars in the skies averted their gazes on a certain corner of the immortal realm as the Celestial Collective deemed the two gods had more than earned some time off thus granted them some respite.
🌑
Author's Account:
Author's Note:
Interviewer: We're here today to interview Amaris and Roshan! Say hello!
Roshan: Hello! Hello! Nice to meet ya'll!
Amaris: Mm.
Roshan: *lightly elbows Amaris*
Amaris: *sighs* ...Hi.
Interviewer: Okay! With that done, question one: why are your hairstyles like that?
Roshan: Huh? What do ya mean?
Amaris: ...
Interviewer: Uh, like why is yours short, and yours long?
Roshan: Oh, haha, ya meant that way. *scratches back of head* Ya see, any longer than this and those bastards'll grab my hair and yank, or worse, ya know? Ya ever had your head pulled back while having your throat slit by miasmic claws?
Interviewer: Uh...no? *sweats nervously* ...Should I?
Roshan: *laughs* Fuck no. The pain's a bitch!
Interviewer: ...I see... *looks at Amaris* And you?
Amaris: *yawns* Isn't it obvious? It's to prove I'm better at combat than this guy. *thumbs at Roshan in a graceful manner* The longer my hair, the more it shows enemies I'm untouchable.
Roshan: I thought it was cos ya couldn't be arsed cutting it.
Amaris: ...Shut up.
Interviewer: That's interesting! So both are for combat reasons, then? How different, yet similar you both are, haha. Next question! How'd you both meet?
Amaris: *shrugs* I don't know. It just kind of happened?
Roshan: *laughs and wraps arm around Amaris' shoulders* Well, ya see, I was fightin' the good fight when I kept fucking up planets along the way. Eventually, the Celestial Collective shoved a work partner at me, claiming I needed tempering, or some'in. So get this! Out comes this guy to take half the work load, and he just goes for a nap right after looking at me!
Amaris: ...It wasn't my shift, so I went to meditate...
Roshan: Hahaha! Sure, sure. *gives a light squeeze to Amaris' shoulder*
Amaris: *pouts a little*
Interviewer: Wow, that both answers and doesn't really answer what I asked, but what the heck, let's continue on!
Amaris: Do we really have to?
Interviewer: Eh? I mean...it's good exposition.
Amaris: *stares blankly at the interviewer* I'll allow only one more question, so make it count.
Interviewer: Ahem. What's the dynamic of your relationship, now that you're together?
Amaris: What do you mean?
Roshan: I brand him with my love, and he tempers my soul with his technique.
Interviewer: Oh? Care to expand on that?
Amaris: *brow twitches a little* I shove my weapon into him and vice versa. *grabs Roshan's wrist and drags him away* That was two questions. We're leaving.
Roshan: You sure? I'm fine with answering more, ya know?
Interviewer: Yes, I'd be more than glad to have mo--
Amaris: *stares at Roshan calmly* I want to spar with you in bed.
Roshan: ...
Interviewer: ...
Roshan: Okay! Let's go! *gathers Amaris in his arms and goes through a blazing portal*
Interviewer: Ah! Wait! *reaches out only to see the flames flicker away with them both gone* Ah, for the love of... *notices the cameras still rolling* Ah, I mean, that's all we've got for today, folks! See you, later!
This concept was pretty unique in the way that you told it! I can't say I understood it at first, but with another read through, it definitely made more sense. I'll never get sick of a good sun and moon dynamic. The personalities you gave Roshan and Amaris also make sense with Roshan being the crass one and Amaris being the cooler one.
I also loved visualizing how the characters likely looked; I noticed you used a lot of metallic descriptors like "bronze", "gold", and "silver" throughout. For example:
shadowy claws sink into his bronze flesh, making him bleed gold blood
The dark man’s calm face gave a stark contrast to his flowing silver hair and robes with efficient, deadly movements.
Again, very fitting for embodiments of the sun and moon. :^)
I think one aspect that confused me (and has already been mentioned in other comments, so apologies in advance for the repetition) is the scenes in between with the unnamed mortals. At first, I thought you were going for an element of suspense/mystery by not purposefully revealing their names, since the story starts off with one of those scenes. It also got a little confusing when each character was labeled with "the first man", "the other man", "etc.
If you were to continue/expand on this, I'd definitely love to see more worldbuilding and more explanation on what certain terms were (like what the "Celestial Collective" is) or just the backstory of the two in general, or why they're seemingly in constant battle. It's all thought-provoking stuff.
Thank you for the story!
Well, the concept of the Celestial Collective is that the immortals are split into factions. One faction wants to maintain order and peace, protecting the mortal realms and helping them thrive. The other faction wants to destroy the mortal realms and harvest all the mortals and resources to make themselves stronger. Aka Manah is the name of a demon whose name basically means: Evil Mind, Evil Purpose, Evil Thinking, Evil Intention, etc...
So, the idea was that the mortal realms that include Earth have this particular demon targeting it due to them being susceptible to temptations. As such, it's the job of Roshan and Amaris to protect this section of mortal realms.
I digress, sorry.
I agree that a first read makes the nameless mortals a bit confusing...but I did it like that because I didn't want to make them feel as important.
As for the metallic descriptors and such, I really wanted to hone in on the unhuman aspects of them. Though they may look human in shape, they are still gods/immortals, so have otherworldly appearances that don't quite fit with humans/mortals. This is made even more evident by the way the mortals all stare at Roshan and Amaris when they descend to attend the festival, despite them dressing as the locals.
I think if I did this again, I'd probably give some more description for how the mortals looked to better differentiate them from each other, but I was worried about the word count when I initially wrote it and didn't want to detract from the stars of the story: Roshan and Amaris.
>w<
I'm glad you found their personalities and appearances fitting for what they represented.
*huggles*
Thank you for reading and leaving a comment.
(^-^)
X
hfkfnfjbask Nahrenne why are you so funny, you were like "My story is so boring..." and three paragraphs in this muscular hunk is punching the crap outta the darkness in some epic action battle ;;; Really enjoying the back and forth between the mortals POV and the gods--I was slow and only realized Roshan and Amaris were incarnations of the sun and moon when the human couple was like, "Huh how come there's an eclipse" hahaha.
This was a really fun read with a great mix of vibrant chemistry between Roshan and Amaris, lots of personality in the dialogue, a lot of well-described action and a loooot of sexual tension/thirst between them. The interplay of the rise and fall between the sun and moon being interpreted as this battle with work shifts between them was a really fun reveal and lightbulb moment to connect the scene changes. I also just really enjoyed how, with the first scene, I was totally expecting "Oh, this is gonna be a cute beach summer story" with the couple bickering about sunscreen--then cut and pan to the flaming fists of fury lmaooo. Super fun turn of expectations there.
Overall I really enjoyed it, especially the care given to demonstrating Roshan and Amaris's personalities, and the hints to how their relationship has been developing up to this point through the way they talk about each other in their introductions ❤️ Super cute mythological relationship that I'd love to see continue!
I'm glad you liked it so much!
*huggles you lots and lots*
\(^o^)/
I'm happy you didn't find the switching between humans and gods to be jarring.
X
The story opens with two men teasing each other about sunburn and sunscreen on a hot day, which swiftly transitions to two men fighting supernatural creatures with magic. These creatures are aiming to enter the mortal realm.
This is a story with a lot of action and quirky banter between the main couple and mortals. Very fast-paced, which is what I liked.
To be honest, I wasn't entirely sure what was going on, but it was a fun and exciting read nevertheless.
Thanks for sharing your story with us.
Sorry you weren't entirely sure what was going on but I'm glad you still enjoyed it.
(^-^)
X
The personification of the sun and the moon! and an eclipse to boot!
In the beginning, I had thought that the story was about the two nameless male characters, and then later I thought that Roshan and Amaris was the past lives of the two nameless characters. Turns out, they are completely separate and have nothing to do with each other... except bump into each other at the fair (at least I think it's them and not other random nameless lovers)
But the imagery that you conjured with your words allowed me to see the two celestial bodies as the heavenly beings that they were. Not to mention that their bodies were heavenly (lol). They were very opposite of each other, not just in looks and attitude but also in the way they dressed and attacked. Just the mention of shendyt, kopesh and bill-hook spear conjured up a very Egyptian theme so well done if that was your aim.
As always, I'm glad that you added a little bit of spice in their dynamics as well as the little theatre at the end. I would rate this chili flavoured chocolate... Sweet, addicting and a hint of spice to make this a not so tame dessert.
Thank you for sharing!
Glad you liked the imagery and the dynamics between the main couple! Also happy you thought their bodies looked 'heavenly' in your mind.
I wanted a little spice in it since it was set in summer. The two main characters have certainly had desires for each other for a veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery long time. With their personalities, it's a given that they act as they do once they confess.
Which one did you think was most attractive to you? Or was it equal?
|.o)
Anyway, thanks for reading and leaving a comment!
\o/
X
The Sun and the Moon in love, is a timelessly beautiful story.
Am going to be thinking of the man in the moon differently from now on, never thought of him as sexy before.
Thank you for a interesting and fun story.
Glad you liked it.
(^-^)
*huggles*
X
Okay... I had to reread a number of times to fully understand the story, and as it became clearer, I found it to be a beautiful story. The beginning was a little confusing;
I didn't quite get how the first section worked with the second. Were the two people introduced in the beginning of the story Amaris and Roshan? Or just random (humans) people? Also the transition from one part to the next wasn’t as smooth, so I found myself rereading and going back to see if I missed something.
Overall, it was a good read. Thank you for the story.
Yeah, the nameless characters were humans having their holidays with their lovers. They were supposed to be indicators of how the gods affected the mortal realm.
Example: Roshan's excitement and brashness made the weather hot and sunny for the couple.
Amaris' fluid and efficient moves made the night tranquil and beautiful.
Etc...
I'm sorry that it was so confusing...this really isn't my best entry.
orz
X
The story has a very unique concept, it was very interesting to see the worldbuilding though we didn't get much. The characters are also quite diverse and interesting with a very fun and enjoyable personalities, which I love. I also like that they kind of get closer through working together to fight against whatever they were fighting.
The story itself kind of gets confusing especially for character descriptors and it kind of jumps around so I find myself rereading a bunch of paragraphs.
“I’m sad this is the last day of our extended holiday. I don’t wanna go back to work.” Sighed the young man as he walked around the festival stalls with his lover.
“Suck it up. You’re the one who chose to use up all your allotted holiday slots for summer.” His boyfriend replied while eating some mitarashi dango.
Like this part, I don't know who's talking and I can't quite picture them in my head. It might just be my brain not picking it up.
Overall, I think it's quite an interesting read although it would probably benefit more with a longer format instead of a short story.
Yeah, the nameless ones were supposed to be as such...kind of like faceless NPCs in VNs.
>w<
Maybe I should have written more than I did...
Sorry that the descriptions of Amaris and Roshan weren't clear enough.
orz
X
His finger slowly stroked over the bare chest muscles glistening in the daylight before it slid down to his well-defined abs.
Abs! Now a certain someone should be happy
But hoh, this is a pretty interesting concept. I quite like the idea of divine beings heading down into the mortal realm to fight against disruptive forces.
As for the flow of the story itself, I personally found the bits featuring regular mortals interspersing the main plot a bit jarring - like, I can sort of understand why they're there, and they would've worked pretty well if this had been a visual medium rather than a textual one. Personally, I would've probably cut down the number of those bits by for example merging the bit with the solar eclipse with the thing at the festival and turning it into those characters discussing the solar eclipse after the fact.
Another thing (which might be just a me thing rather than a general thing): Splitting up the paragraphs a bit more would've made this easier on the eyes - on my eyes at least. I sometimes have trouble reading text if the paragraphs get too "crowded".
Nevertheless, thanks for the story!
Your points are completely valid.
It's why this isn't my proudest entry for an antho.
orz
*huggles*
X
Well, one thing for sure, I love their banter! It felt like I was eavesdropping on an old couple at times, but let’s not talk about it. I just appreciate how they kept bickering like kids yet understood each other so well. I always had a sweet spot for this type of relationship.
I didn’t have difficulty understanding the story, though the sentences are sometimes pretty long—it can be challenging to follow, especially if English is not your native language. Otherwise, it was a pleasant read. I love the concept, and I swear these poor gods are worked to the bone! How about giving them some holidays? Not sure they’re gonna rest much, but still!
The concept of opposites, like the moon and the sun, is always interesting to read about. I especially love it when characters impersonate inanimate objects or abstract concepts, and their personalities reflect it. I think it was well done in this story. I was suspicious about the characters’ true identities early on, but the eclipse episode was what nailed it. The transition was well done and made me smile. You know, when you have that “I knew it!” feeling that makes you giggle for no reason? Well, that was it.
Thank you for sharing this lovely story! ♥
I'm glad you enjoyed their relationship dynamic. It's nice to see you like those kind of relationships.
\o/
Thanks for thinking I portrayed the two main characters well enough to reflect what they represented. I also agree that it's a very good feeling when your predictions/suspicions are confirmed.
(^-^)
Sorry about the long sentences, though. I tend to have the habit of over-convoluting my writing.
orz
Thanks for reading, though!
*huggles*
X
The mini theatre interview is cute!
The story was exciting and interesting. Would love their world to be expanded more and see the origin of those shadowy beings. I wonder if there was anyway to stop them from continuously coming.
Seems like they have a tough job in maintaining peace for their realm. Both of them are strong in their own rights and thats pretty cool! I like that they are two different type of people yet they just somehow blends together. It must be because they worked together and finding one another as an eye candy made them look forward to work.
The ending was also nice as to wind down and show that they have a passionate fiery relationship fitting with their desire with one another. Also, a switch couple! At least that is what seemed to be implied in the interview.
May their love last and maybe one day, they get longer vacation.
Thanks for sharing~ I enjoyed it
Glad you liked the mini-theatre. Also, yes they are basically complete opposites of one another which I feel is fitting since they are the sun and moon deities.
I'm happy you liked how it ended. And yes, they are indeed switches.
(¬w¬)
X