Chapter 5

Meet Vanessa

 

Another day passed…but the world had barely changed…or made any bigger progress for change, be it for the people or the environment. Sometimes the environment outside is filled with fear, desperation, and agony when it was imagined to be covered with blood, intestines, and organs from those dead innocent bodies based on the news each time a monster attacked but at times, it was as if it was a normal day where the sun shone brightly, cheerful laughers and smile on others faces as if nothing changed…but the damage and mess were still present.

Just like the state of Vanessa’s apartment. A regular apartment that should be more than enough for one resident, maybe even a handful of people staying over…or it would have been comfortable if it was in a decent and presentable state. Now it merely looked like what depression or grief in the naked eye. It was no excuse to leave a house in that state no matter the situation.

It shouldn’t be that hard for one resident to maintain and clean up its mess, right?

Wouldn’t the state of the house…symbolize what its tenant feels? Or does it not?

But at the same time looking at the world now…is this mess worse than monsters tearing people and eating them?

The life of a hunter…monster hunter, can either be seen as something heroic if one survived and celebrates the demise of the monster to create a future that resemble the peace, they once lived in. 

Or

It could suck the life and soul out of someone if something were to go wrong in the mission or if their skills weren’t up to parr no matter how hard they trained and studied the monster. Oh, what have life done to them…or what have they done that the world decided this is their new world. A beauty of comfort could be hiding a mess waiting to be swept away or cleaned for its shine to return.

Once again, exactly like this apartment.

Despite the beauty of the modern interior, or what it should have been, the new decorations seemed to be those piles of clothes hung onto every furniture and based on its crumpled and faded state, it hadn’t been washed in a while and it was a miracle that it had yet to stain any fabric furniture. Dishes and cups that were supposed to stay in the kitchen neatly, were all over its countertop, sinks and even on the floor as if it was making its way to the living room and a beeline to the bedrooms. If those weren’t enough, there too, were take-out containers wherever your eyes could fall onto along with alcohol bottles of all brands. If the house wasn’t squirming, the liver of the drinker probably is with that much content. At least it wasn’t smashed into pieces otherwise the floor of the apartment would be quite hazardous to walk onto. Other than its physical eyesore state, the stench of all the soon to be rotten and already rotten bits in the takeout and alcohol was becoming the new air freshener odor in this apartment. 

Or in a summary…the apartment is crying out for a deep clean, begging its tenant to help it. 

The tenant…as dull as the apartment.

Vanessa.

At this hour, Vanessa was still dead asleep on her soft bed, buried under the blanket and her mountain of pillows that she was hugging, or her sleeping figure was confused of which to hug and her hair was the new bedsheet where her head rested. Well, that wasn’t the only thing on the bed with her. Like the state of the apartment, there were abandoned alcohol bottles all over her bed and the floor of her room. In fact, there wasn’t a room without a handful of those bottles. The curtains were closed, preventing even a hint of sunlight from saying hello and good morning to her. 

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep

There goes her alarm, struggling with its job to wake her up again. Since it wouldn’t go off after a while, finally at long last, there were some movements on the bed. Vanessa groaned softly at her interrupted sleep. She tossed and turned for a bit causing the pillows to shift and the bottled to clank against each other till she threw the blankets off her. It became a makeshift shield for the bottles that were nearly crushed on the floor. 

Her eyes were barely opened, and her hair was still all over the place as if it had a late-night clubbing of its own. Her head felt as if it was about to explode. There was that ringing punch in her brain that felt that its blood was wringed out dry, and her internal body felt jittery as if needles were assimilating into her blood cells. That wasn’t all, her throat too, seemed as if it was filled with bile that would soon come out as vomit if she didn’t keep her drinking under control. Hangover certainly wasn’t the best of feeling but it did kind of matched with the current situation in the world. 

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep

The constant beep from the alarm wasn’t helping, but she had to stop it, nonetheless. Vanessa forced herself to get up, groaning as she used her arm to support herself up before she could sit down and lean against the bed frame. 

The amount of alcohol she drunk sure did quite a number on her it seems that thankfully there wasn’t any alcohol poisoning involved. That would be as bad as getting murdered by a monster and having your body delivered, but at least alcohol would allow the body to be returned in one piece. 

Vanessa rubbed her eyes, carefully allowing the non-existent light to convert into images for her eyes. It took her a few seconds before she decided to feel around the bed for her phone, painfully hearing the alarm over and over. 

“Erhh…what…time is it?” She mumbled to herself while searching for her phone that decided to play hide and go seek.

Her hand brushed against the cool glass surface of the phone screen, and she immediately picked it up and faced it towards her not before flinching like a vampire when the screen was at its maximum brightness. Not wanting her headache to rise to explosion, she hurriedly slammed her finger onto the off button. 

“Ah, finally…” Vanessa was at relief once the room was back into its eternal silence. She placed her phone at the side table so it would be easier for her to shut down another alarm…if she did created a at few at once. She couldn’t remember and her brain had no capacity to remember it now. Vanessa took a deep breath, hoping to stabilize her aching head for a bit. 

A minute passed…then two…ten minutes later, she figured that the pain was more bearable than before, she reached for her phone again to see if there were any messages, calls or voicemails from while she was hiding from society and herself. 

And as she thought, there were countless of voicemails left for her by multiple people in her life…at least the ones who were still able to smile and talk…all those. Her friends, families, and some acquaintances…she still reminded herself at times, that ought to be thankful about the fact that her family was still around. Even though it doesn’t mean that she didn’t have the right to let out the agony she felt. She stared at the screen of the phone where it showed her the number of voicemails left, contemplating listening to it. She wondered if both her head and heart can take it…in case if there were any…any messaged she didn’t need to hear again, things that she didn’t want to be reminded of again. She took a deep breath and started to let it play one by one. 

“Hey Vanessa!” Then silence. “How are you dear? I know it’s still a hard time, but all of us are going through this too, with you. Call us back so we know you’re fine, so we’ll know that you’re still there. Have you eaten dear?” 

“Just checking up on you! Are you alright, I’m here open for a call or text anytime you need someone to talk to?”

“Hey there, would you like to, you know just go out for a stroll…or maybe not. We can just have dinner at your place or mine for you to relax your head and heart.”

“Have you eaten? Don’t drink too much please…”

“It’s not your fault-.”

“You know, we look up to you so don’t be too hard on yourself…”

“You can always leave the place”

While the messages went on and on. On one hand, she was glad that the people in her life cared for her wellbeing, be it her physical or mental state and they were trying their best, somewhat best to get a hold of her. But on the other hand, she wished they understood that she needed some space. Away from everyone and the society.

Away from the world. She needs to allow herself time to heal.

Was that even possible?

Vanessa finally found some energy left in her to get up from bed completely. She reached for the lamp on her side table and switched it on before grimacing at the sight of her room once there was some light to feature…the dump she was living and sleeping in.

“It piled like my voicemails…I’ll clean it…uhm, maybe another time.” She didn’t have the mood in her to even pick up a bottle to place it aside when she could merely kick it away, without breaking it of course. 

Before she decided to start on anything else, she grabbed her glass and the jug, deciding to hydrate herself a little since her throat still felt as if bile was fighting for its place to either stay or leave. And perhaps some water could ease the tension in her head. 

Although it was a little challenge to not chug it down like one of her alcoholic beverages.

She licked her lips once she was done and leaned against the backrest of her bed again, facing the dresser. Her gaze fell onto the newspaper…the one and only that she refused to toss away, the one she refused to consider it as trash. Her heart raced heavily the more she stared at it, it was as if the newspaper was glaring daggers and yelling a rainbow of insults to her. 

“Why…” Only one word escaped her lips after a few minutes, as if she was trying to let out the burden on her shoulders and only to fail when it refused to come out.

How she wished it was doing that because of the state of her house…unfortunately it wasn’t. 

How would she ever be at ease now?

Ease was no such word in her dictionary…

Vanessa didn’t even realize how her body started trembling as the minute passed the more, she stared at the paper. 

How it was such a lovely way to start the day isn’t it?

Finally, despite her trembling body, she slowly got up, barely straightening her shirt and made her way to the dresser…or it was more of dragging herself to the dresser. carefully moving away, the glass bottles with her foot without tripping from either those bottles or her unforgiving headache. The instant Vanessa approached the dresser, she shakingly reached for the newspaper. While the voicemails kept playing on repeat at the back. She didn’t know who’s it was since her head was only focused on that newspaper.

Vanessa picked it up carefully and bringing it towards her as her gaze on the pictures and letters became clearer for a second till the tears in her eyes threatened to fall by blurring her view. 

Another team of hunters perished by the monsters.

One survivor.

Did she fought bravely or escaped like a coward?

Unfortunate hunters massacred. One survivor.

Right at the very first page of the paper, there was an old photograph of her…former team of hunter that the reporters managed to get their hand on. To convince herself, the families of her former team members deserved to have them recognized for their sacrifices.

It wasn’t long till Vanessa realized…the tears that threatened her finally framed her face. Her nose felt stuffy that it was leaking out to join her tears. Her throat instead of being filled with bile, was now gasping for control so she wouldn’t uglily sob on the spot. Her face wasn’t moving…but her heart and guilt was.

Especially when she remembered everything that happened.

“Go! Get to the front!” 

“Almost there- NO!!”

“Go! Run! We can’t- ARGHH”

Screams…

More screams…

The sound of flesh torn apart, weapons breaking,

“There! A safe… hide there!”

“No wait! You’ll die out there alone let me come-NO!” 

They never got to kill the monster…it was the other way round instead, as if it was a natural selection. She sniffled and wiped off her tears, tilted her head back and looking up to ease her agony even if its temporary. As she stared at the ceiling, all sorts of wished appeared in her brain.

“Why…” The one word she repeated.

Vanessa took a deep breath after a few sniffled and shifted her gaze back onto that newspaper. She bit her lip before slowly shaking her head and placed it back at the dresser neatly as if the souls of her teammates were in there. 

She should be grateful that she lived…

She should be thankful that she was able to return to her loved ones…the people in her life…

She should be encouraged for the bravery to attempt to fight and kill a monster despite its result…

But why was it so hard to do so?

“If only…If only I forced myself out and joined them in the final farewell…no. No that’s not it. They should have survived…if…if I went ahead earlier, distract the monster and they kill me instead, they could use that short second to decapitate it or stab it. Then finally they can celebrate their success of killing that monster and living after, returning to their loved ones who waited for them all day and night.” Those thoughts kept whispering in Vanessa’s head while she became a living zombie, shuffling her feet towards her side table to grab her phone before she got out of the room to another mess. Her eyes caught the sight of a nice full bottle of vodka in the kitchen waiting for her…calling for her as if her life depended on it. 

Was this her team members telling her to drink out her agony or slowly…slowly join them. Join them up there. 

Vanessa took a seat on the chair by the island in the kitchen. The vodka kept calling out for her that she eventually grabbed it and uncapped it before taking a nice long swig of it, feeling the liquid running down her throat and saying hello to her stomach and liver. She was chugging it a little too fast that some dribbled down the side of her mouth. The instant she had to catch her breath was the moment she had to stopp chugging to place it on the table then wiped off that little dribble. 

A long sigh escaped her lips as she now stared at the half full bottle. It might last her sanity for the day once she leaves her cocoon of depression, also known as her trashed apartment. 

“I should…I should get going.” Vanessa mumbled to herself again. She glanced at her phone, pausing for a second before unlocking it. 

She stared at the endless voicemails but ensured she didn’t accidently play it for another round. Her heart probably wouldn’t be able to tolerate it…no matter if it was in sadness or frustration. And to make the best choice, at least for now, Vanessa decided to delete every single voicemail. If they really needed something they would probably send it again or come barging into this apartment if she didn’t respond to them long enough or if they didn’t see her dead or alive on the news. It didn’t matter now. 

Once every existence of voicemail was perished in her phone, she looked around the kitchen. She didn’t want to waste the vodka that was opened and half full, but she didn’t want to chug it all now and end up drunk outside. In face she could even save it for later if she happens to have a mental breakdown outside…right in public. 

“Oh, hello there.” Vanessa muttered to a shaker up. She grabbed it since it was just sitting on the island of the kitchen, staring, and waiting for her to make use of it. 

She uncapped the shaker cup and brought it up to her nose. So far, there wasn’t any foul smell and it looked quite clean to her. There shouldn’t be any issues using it if it was only her. There she was, transferring the vodka from its glass bottle into her shaker cup. No one was going to check it anyways. 

She shook the bottle a bit to get every last drop before letting it join the rest of the abandoned empty bottles on the table that were either waiting to be trashed or dumped in a recycling bin or something.

“There…I should have everything reading to go. The house…uhm…I’ll leave it to future me. The bottles won’t rot anyways, and I won’t be having any visitors. Or so I hoped.” Another long sigh escaped her lips while she brushed her hair back.

Vanessa got up from the chair of the island and grabbed the gym bag with a boxing logo at the side that was sitting by the side of her couch. She hung it over her right shoulder and turned to look at the apartment.

“Well, nothing else then.” She turned her gaze to the door and finally left the dirty apartment.