literallyafailureineveryway

While it's not something done nearly as much on webfiction sites where a lot of fiction is expected to contain some degree of violence and triggering things, I thought I should add a trigger warning anyway when I was editing this - because despite being kinda crack-like at times, this story is filled to the brim with suicidal ideation, unhealthy amounts of self hatred, violence, and just trauma in general. So just be aware what you're getting into. I recently read a great story called Vigor Mortis where eventually the author just put content warnings in a spoiler on every chapter(even when there weren't any CWs needed) for those who wanted to see it, so I'm doing that too. Since CWs can sort of spoil what happens in a given chapter, the idea is that only those who feel like they might need to check the CWs do, while others who think they're good remain unspoiled to what might happen in a given chapter. This story has a decent amount of rather sudden moments written to catch you off guard, so some chapters are more effective when CWs don't spoil what happens in it, so um, yeah. Here's the rough more detailed CW for the whole story/ CW

Spoiler

{Content warnings for work overall - basically EVERYTHING, but mostly suicidal themes, extreme self hatred, possession/loss of control, extreme violence, transgender themes that may include distressing amounts of dysphoria, sexual harrasment and violence to some degree(though it’s not a focus or common at all), minor amounts of lewdness}

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Richard was having a bad day. 

First, he slept through all his alarms and thus had just realized that he was gonna be basically an hour late to school. 

Second, the milk was going bad so he couldn’t even have his normal cereal for breakfast.

Third, he realized he had also not done any of the homework he planned to do last night before falling asleep, having instead just fallen asleep probably because he had told himself that he would “rest his eyes” in bed for a bit. A brilliant idea that always works - except when it doesn’t, which is literally every time. He should have probably learned by this point, but Richard was an expert at not learning from his bad decisions. Yes, today was starting quite badly.

And then on top of all that, when he finally got going to school, there was just utter chaos outside and it seemed like a zombie apocalypse had started. Typical really. Cars were randomly on fire, zombies were running through the streets,  there was gunfire and shops being raided everywhere, the whole shabang. At least the zombies didn’t seem to be as fast as those in that one movie with that scene on the airplane that lowkey gave him a fear of airtravel for like a year afterwards. 

Richard had always been one of those guys who thought “damn if a zombie apocalypse happened I’d just die instead of fighting because existing would suck in such a world”. So according to that logic, he thought while currently hiding behind a car and staring out towards the several blocks of the neighborhood full of zombies, he should basically just die now. Now that this was all actually happening and he realized death would mean he wouldn’t get to finish finding all 900 korok seeds in Breath of the Wild, pretty much the only interesting thing he had any hope of actually achieving in his life, he realized dying would kind of be bad. 

Plus, it wasn’t easy to just randomly decide to die. He’d thought through ways of killing himself many times before, weekly if not daily if not hourly like any normal person, but dying smoothly was kind of hard. And he didn’t want to just get bitten by zombies and die because that might hurt a lot, or even leave him as like some sort of conscious zombie which wouldn’t really be dead. How was any of this possible anyway? He thought the world was pretty sure by this point that a real zombie virus wasn’t possible. He honestly had thought something like Truck-kun being real would be more likely, though perhaps that was just his subconscious desire for escapism talking. And the copious amounts of isekai fiction he had filled his mind instead of things like social skills. 

Maybe if he just drove a car without a seatbelt directly into the wall of a hopefully empty house he could die in peace actually. He wondered. A bit much? Na, that wouldn’t guarantee a clean death. As a veteran of making suicide plans, Richard knew full well that such a haphazard method wouldn’t cut it. Though, could he really call himself a veteran of suicide plans when he hadn’t even tried once yet? Yeah he wanted his first try to be his last one but still, he wasn’t even on the suicide attempt scoreboard. He really had to step it up, didn’t he?

Ultimately his plan of action for now while crouching behind a car, was to try to head towards school and think about things later. In the case of zombies, running from your problems was actually a good idea after all. He slowly crouched forward behind the car, looking around at the streets and random chaos going on around him, and suddenly shot up to sprint to the next cover he could find hopefully. 

“AAAAA ZOMBIEEE!?” screamed some random dumbass shakily holding a gun who had been hidden from his sight on the other side of the car. 

Richard didn’t really think he seemed like a zombie at all but clearly whoever this guy was didn’t agree as they immediately pulled the trigger of their gun several times, with every shot hitting him. He wanted to feel betrayed or mad or something, but all he could think of was ‘holy shit I’ve been shot’ and ‘perhaps I can’t really blame this guy for his mistake since in hindsight I do look incredibly pale and dead inside, quite like a zombie’. The sound of the gunshots attracted actual zombies to their location, and the guy panicked, sprinting away at random, while Richard fell to the ground in his own blood. He felt like he was in shock. He felt a searing pain, but at the same time this couldn’t, didn’t feel like reality. At this rate, he would die, which was his goal somewhat, but the zombies coming closer to his location would likely reach him before his death and that would really suck. So, he tried to climb on top of the car a bit, maybe so he could delay the zombies reaching him for a second, or something.

Richard didn’t really know what he was doing. He felt really disconnected from everything at this point. Was he really dying? Were there really zombies everywhere? Was he really a victim of American gun violence and gun culture? Was it insensitive to think that? Maybe it didn’t matter. 

Climbing on to the top of the car, he immediately slipped on his own blood and fell into the street, zombies still getting closer. Shit. He could see the guy who had run off getting into a truck in the background and panicking over something. Maybe they would make it out of it alive at least. 

The guy then pulled a classic zombie movie move and absolutely stepped on the gas in order to ram through all the zombies on the street. Richard pondered whether doing such was a viable strategy in real life, all while bleeding out and beginning to lose consciousness. He then noted that the guy was heading directly towards the swarm of zombies that were getting closer and closer to him. Huh. Wait, was he going to be hit by a car? Better than being eaten by zombies, he thought with the last thread of his consciousness. 

The car careened into the zombies and he heard a thud as his body was hit by the full momentum of the vehicle and everything started to fade away. 

In retrospect, maybe dying kind of did suck. 

—

After what felt like an eternity of darkness, he blinked open his eyes and found himself standing on top of a rocky hill, looking out at the sun rising across a distant landscape filled with cool ass looking ruins on a grassy plain, with scattered copses of trees that really added to the whole vibe of the landscape. Damn, he felt like Link standing on top of that one hill at the start of Breath of the Wild, when the camera pans and stuff. Like, damn.

His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden sound in his head. 

DING!

Congratulations! You’ve been isekaid as a catgirl! Enjoy your new life!

… catgirl? 

Richard looked around for a second, then started dancing on the spot. 

“FUCK YEAH!!! I’ve always wanted to be a catgirl! Hell yeah!” he exclaimed, then immediately tripped on a rock under his feet and ragdolled down the rock slope, rolling and in pain along the way. He hit the ground hard, heard a snap in his neck, and started to return to darkness once again. 

Ding!

Congratulations! You died!

Fuck 

Strangely though, things didn’t fully fade out. He sat there, with a broken neck, eyes glazed over and with his heart in doubt no longer beating, but he was still “awake”. Strange. Also this hurt. Also why wasn’t he more panicked about all of this? Richard, or whatever he could be called in this body, was having serious doubts about this whole situation and his current mental state. 

Ding!

Congratulations, you unlocked your unique Otherworlder Skill, Undying!

Oh, so that’s what happened. Of course he would be granted some sort of OP skill just because he was some idiot from another world, so he could go on his epic isekai adventure and save the world from demons or something. Knowing isekais, he thought “Status” loudly to check things out. 

Name: <insert text here>

Species: Catkin

Gender: ?

Sex: Female

Titles: Otherworlder, Death Defying.

Class: None

Class skills - None

2nd Class: None

Class skills - None

General Skills:

Identify lvl 1/350

Undying lvl 1/100

Stats:

Health: 0/10

Mana: 10/10

Strength: 10

Speed: 10

Mana regeneration: 1 per minute

Health regeneration: 1 per minute

Unspent Stat points: 10

Available Classes:

None

He wondered if he could identify skills to get their description or something. That seemed like a very isekai thing. He tried it on everything he could cause why not. 

Otherworlder

• You have come from another world. How special. +20% bonus towards space and time magic. 

Typical isekai bonus and all that jazz. Space and time magic was dope, he wondered if he could get like an op item box skill or something or even teleport!

Death Defying

• You’ve died before. And yet you’re still alive. Try not to do it again - pshh who am I kidding you’re fucked kid. +10% bonus towards necromancy and healing magic. Death Count: 1

Technically, he died twice, but he supposed this system wasn’t counting his death on earth. 

Identify Lvl 1/350 [Rank 0 Skill]

• Used to identify what things do, as long as they’re in the system. Idiot.

He felt that was pretty self explanatory. 

And finally, the skill he had been waiting to check. Or she? He was female biologically now and that was dope cause everyone wants to be a girl and all that jazz but wasn’t he really just a guy in a girls body and therefore it was actually bad and appropriation and there were so many real trans people that would have loved this opportunity and he’s the scum of the earth but this isn’t earth and - 

He stopped thinking about it, and just identified the last skill. 

Undying Lvl 1/100 [Rank 0 Skill]:

• You can’t die. Well you can die, but you stay awake anyway and come back. A legendary skill that has been searched for for thousands of years by villains who can’t accept their own mortality. Dumbasses, why would they want what’s basically a curse? You don’t age, you don’t sleep, you don’t lose consciousness. Your body slowly regenerates, but you’re still alive even when it hasn’t regenerated at all yet. Congratulations! You’re basically just a moving dead body! Have fun! +1 health per minute, increasing with skill level.

Shit. 

He managed to move his hand towards his neck, and found that his neck was still undoubtedly broken and bent at an odd angle. Double shit. 

Suddenly they weren’t too keen on this whole isekai adventure thing. 

At least they could never really fail the adventure?

literallyafailureineveryway

ayo it's ya girl literallyafailureineveryway, just letting you know I went back and edited this chapter a bit - and will probably do so for every chapter. I'm oddly attached to this world I've made, but I also need to get caught up again with stuff to actually continue writing it - like I honestly have no clue what half the characters really look like, especially cause I hardly bothered to describe their looks. Oh well - this is writing practice after all I suppose, no point in practicing if you aren't trying to learn from your mistakes. While I edited this chapter a bit, I made sure to keep it simple and hopefully it still feels spontaneous and cracklike. I wouldn't want to lose that quality.