The first thing that welcomed Sae after opening his eyes was that of Emi, seated in the chair in his room so close to the bed she was practically sitting on him. Sae lowered his tapered eyelids, tapped the girl's forehead, and pushed her away with his finger.
"What are you doing here?" he asked in a sleepy voice, "Didn't you say you're not coming over?"
A glance at the clock showed it was already 16.30. That meant he napped for almost three hours. Sae covered his face with his uninjured arm.
"Your mum had to leave and asked me to keep an eye on you," said the little girl while combing her fingers through her fringe. "She said your head teacher left a long time ago. I wanted to visit in the first place, so..." She winked with both eyes.
Sae looked at her with a blank expression for a while before asking, "When will my mum be back? Did she say?"
Emi shrugged. "I don't know. She only said there was a mix-up with the deliveries at the restaurant so she got called in to take care of it. Do you want to sleep still?" Emi carefully squeezed half her body under Sae's back, propping him into a half-sitting position. "I really hope you don't, because it's so boring when you're not even conscious. Other times you'd at least pretend to listen."
"It doesn't really matter what I say, does it?" Sae let himself be pushed until he was properly sitting up. He had the urge to laugh, amusement tinting his slightly nasal voice, "What are you doing?"
Emi huffed. "I wanted to pull you up but it's impossible with only one arm and I am afraid of hurting you."
"So nudging me like this is effective?" Sae twisted his head to the side to look at the other.
"Well, aren't you up?"
The two sat side by side. After a minute, Emi said while giving Sae a little kick with her bent knee, "Stop leaning on me, you're crushing half my lung. Get up! Aren't you hungry?"
Emi stood up and waited until Sae straightened as well. Then, even though Sae did not need it, she slipped under his armpit to help him out of the room. They made their way to the living room where various kitchen utensils and bowls were stacked on the low table. Sae immediately got an uneasy feeling. He sat down and looked around.
“Thanks for visiting, but what is this?” Sae noticed a giant crepe maker prepared on the floor. Trailing his eyes over the assorted materials, he couldn’t help but ask, "What are we doing?"
"Well, I wanted to make these fluffy pancakes," Emi pulled her phone out to swipe picture after picture before Sae's eyes. "I need you to tell me what I do wrong. I already watched videos about it and it doesn't seem that hard to make but we never know. You can give an account of what happened while I bake and if the pancakes come out good – which they will, trust me – you can eat them after I upload shots on my SNS."
Sae flicked one of the plastic mixing bowls, "Are you sure you won't burn down the house?"
Emi sat down cross-legged on the carpet and started to move things around. She said breezily, "That's why you're here."
"I'm sorry but, as you can see, by my whole being," Sae pointed at himself, "I'm not really in the best condition to jump around and run for the fire extinguisher… Not that we have one."
"It's not like the last time." Emi stopped cluttering around to make a vow: "I won't set anything on fire, I promise."
Sae grinned. "Now it sounds like that time you did it on purpose."
The little girl gave Sae a warning glare to which he put his hand up, "Okay. I got it. Give me the phone."
"Wait," Emi said and opened a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips. She passed the bag to Sae. "If the pancakes aren't successful..." she said as an explanation.
Sae accepted the bag and reached inside. Emi looked on with a shudder. "Disgusting," she mumbled under her breath, "I won't ever understand how you can eat this."
Sae smiled, "Because it's delicious."
This had been an ongoing debate of theirs. The little girl could be excessively dramatic over the smallest things. "You," she pointed at him, "have no ambition."
Sae laughed mischievously. He looked good when he laughed, a bit of youthful wildness etching his features. There was an easy-going, cosy air around the two children as they bickered some more.
Eventually, even Emi cracked a smile and put the phone in Sae's hand. The already loaded recipe showed a video of a girl making the notoriously fluffy pancakes. Sae put the phone on his thigh and started to narrate in a level voice, "Stir two egg yolks around in a bowl. Wait, is this two or three? Oh, never mind, it's written here that it's two.
"When you're done add one tablespoon of milk. Honestly, that is not a tablespoon...” Emi was not even done separating the eggs when Sae continued to narrate around a chip in his mouth, “We don’t have these measuring spoons she uses. Well, okay the girl said it's a tablespoon so we're going to believe her."
"Stop! Just stop," Emi reached out, a little glob of glair stuck to her index finger, "Read it slowly from the beginning, but only when I say we can continue with the next step. As of now, I'm not even done with the eggs."
Emi grabbed the second egg. Sae felt like this was bound to be a disaster; he leaned back and sighed.
"Tell me what happened after the doc said you need surgery," Emi, with her head low, concentrated so hard as if she was doing a chemistry experiment with dangerous explosives. Well, in her hands anything could become dangerous.
"Did your heart jump in fear? Were you cursing the asshole who tripped you?"
The last lights of the afternoon shone through the windows tinting Sae's long eyelashes in gold. He burrowed into the cushions and tilted his head back, eyes lowered. "I've already told you about that."
Emi's tone turned sullen. "But it was over the phone and your voice sounded half dead."
"That was the anaesthetic," retorted Sae.
"Didn't you say you were awake?"
"Local anaesthetic. They gave me a bunch of painkillers as well."
Emi finished with dividing the eggs and moved on to stirring. "Were you angry?"
"No." Sae crunched one slice of potato after another.
"Then what were you?"
He thought about it. "Confused and in pain."
Emi stirred the eggs. Other than that, the room was silent for a few seconds.
Sae ultimately continued, ''Add one tablespoon of milk and keep stirring. Next, you need a vanilla extract – one teaspoon, – but this girl is deceiving you because now she is using a smaller spoon from her spoon collection and says it's only half a teaspoon."
Emi measured the vanilla extract, then looked up as a sign that they could continue.
"Sift soft flour – thirty-three grams – and baking powder, and mix it all with the whisk."
"I should've used a whisk?"
"Yeah," Sae said, "Didn't I tell you?"
The little girl glared at him.
"Use a whisk," said Sae, unruffled. While Emi measured this and that, he ate and watched things unfold. The smell of vanilla extract and oily, vinegar chips made an interesting pairing, filling up the room. After a while, Sae asked, "How's the rumour mill coming around?"
Emi looked up at him with some surprise. "Nothing much... like, this freshman girl started talking shit, but none of the teachers said anything to back her up, or confirm there was any truth in what she's spewing. Plus, Teo says it's bullshit, and I laugh in anyone's face who asks about it. I think we're pretty effective."
"Oh," Sae did not know what to say. Should he, like pat her head and go, Good job?
Emi asked, "Egg whites?"
"Yes." Sae wiped his fingers with a tissue. "Put the sugar in it in small amounts as you whisk."
"There's even a blurry picture of you going around. Too bad you don't have your phone, but you can look it up in our group chat.” Before Emi powered on the electric whisker she told Sae, “I'm about to whisk this."
"Mhmm," he sounded and nodded, a bit distracted. Ever since he woke up, a layer of strangeness descended on how Emi acted. He could not pinpoint just what it was, but her behaviour seemed off. Sae gazed at the girl and opened his mouth to say, "When you're done, you can gently mix it with the batter."
The little girl made an OK gesture with her hand. The whisker emitted loud noises, whirring rather aggressively as Emi switched to faster and faster settings, up to the maximum.
Over the din, Sae tried to tell Emi he’ll go to the kitchen for a drink. That pack of chips had been salty and delicious but made him crave water. Sae stood up with his good arm propped on the end table. Emi wanted to stop what she was doing and help, but Sae signalled for her not to bother. If he couldn’t even go to the kitchen by himself, how could he manage in the bathroom?
He wobbled over and pulled the fridge door open, grabbing a bottle of water. Leaning to the wall for support, he gulped down half the bottle before taking a break. His arm still smarted with pain.
The kitchen table was not that far, so Sae hopped to its side before going back. On the table, one of those padded envelopes hid under some of Emi’s books, one third of it peeking out. The little girl’s bag had been thrown onto a chair. Earlier, she probably ransacked it looking for one thing or another, leaving the remnants of her destruction scattered around.
The envelope was the standard, enforced kraft paper type with inline padding. It bore no real addressing. The only thing written on the upper side’s surface was – the big bold letters spelling out Sae’s name. Upon seeing it, Sae was surprised. Just what could it be?
He felt the envelope, prodding with his fingers but couldn’t decipher what it harboured, only that it was something firm and rectangle-shaped. It wasn’t heavy, nor thick.
The whirring in the living room stopped. Emi padded out to check on Sae as he was taking such a long time. She pulled out one of the chairs, ready to sit down. "What happened?"
Noticing the envelope in Sae’s hands she let out a quiet little, Oh. Then she explained, “Teo found that.”
Sae was silent for a while. "Okay," he said, “Where did he find it?”
“In your locker. You asked me to bring your books, right? When Teo emptied your student cabinet it was there so he gave it to me. Ah! Now that we talk about the books,” Emi dug the work and notebooks out of her bag.
“My shoulders almost fell off bringing these home on top of my stuff,” she whined, acting pitiful. Pointing at the envelope, her tone turned mischievous, “I wanted to give that to you with the books but totally forgot. In exchange for bringing your books to you, tell me what’s in the envelope!”
"I don't... know," Sae said honestly, "Thanks for the books. I'll open this in a bit." He tried to brush by Emi, but in his current state, the possibility of succeeding at it was highly unlikely.
The little girl raised the tip of her brows, gazing at the hand holding the envelope. Although she couldn't guess what was in it, she saw the identification written on it. That chicken scratch was nothing she had seen before. Emi grabbed at Sae’s good hand, the one holding the mysterious item. “Who wrote your name on it?”
“I don’t know.” Sae didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Go away if you won’t help.”
Emi playfully trailed him like a big tail. “Is it something unbecoming? Something I can't see?"
At last, Sae burst out laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
“You,” he chuckled, “Since when have you become so confident as to interrogate me. No matter what I say, you won’t believe me. Just what’s in that head of yours?” He indicated that they should move.
Emi stopped talking and the two walked back inside.
Once Sae was sitting, she stood before him and stared intently.
It was inconvenient to open the little package using only one hand so it took some time. Two minutes, and Sae managed to do it, albeit clumsily.
Inside were a cell phone and a piece of paper. Sae managed to make out what was written on the note with much difficulty. It looked worse than animal scratches.
At first, he was not even sure if it was his phone, since it bore an intact and shiny screen. Flipping the thing over, however, the stickers on the back indicated it truly was his. Sae powered up the phone and it worked just fine. Then the screen...
Actually, there were three hairline cracks intertwined throughout the screen of Sae’s phone since July, when he went skateboarding with friends and dropped the phone from his pocket. Now it was spotless. Sae remembered Shum Deil standing across the school gates while rain incessantly pattered down on him.
Did Deil think the screen got scratched because of his fall? So he got it fixed for him?
How foolish.
The contents of the package got revealed. Seeing it was Sae’s phone, the one he supposedly lost, Emi could not help but recall what the maths teacher said about him getting pushed. On top of that, there was the oddity of Sae asking about a certain boy. Putting two and two together wasn’t hard. Emi asked, "Is what they say true?"
Sae raised his eyes to glance at her. "I don't know what they say."
"That you were pushed. That some biker actually pushed you... And you asked about him. You asked me about Shum Deil twice, right?"
Sae nodded.
"Why?"
Sometimes the little girl was too vigilant.
"I just wanted to know if he went to school." Why was it such a big thing? Sae rolled his eyes.
"Okay, but why?" Emi's voice rose a bit higher; took on a mocking edge as she fretted, "Can't you ask Kaikai about it?"
"I didn't want to," Sae said, "...okay." He felt it was rather ridiculous, like he was about to be reprimanded by a little girl.
"Did he push you?"
Sae's hand on the envelope tightened. He did not answer.
Emi cried, “He wanted to hurt you!”
Sae shook his head slowly. “He didn’t.”
“Why would he want to do that?” The more Sae wouldn’t say, the more worked up Emi got. “You don’t even know him. Is he actually crazy? Just tell me, did he push you?”
Bated tension pulsed in the room, unfamiliar and improbable.
"You're not going to tell me?" There was hurt in Emi’s voice, like she wanted to say, But I’m like your sister.
Sae sighed and said noncommittally, “He didn’t want to hurt me. You’re going to believe others or believe me?”
Following that question, the room descended into silence. Two youngsters gazed at each other, each wanting to prove their grievances.
At a loss, Emi sat back down and started mixing things from one bowl to another. She stirred once, twice. Another time. Each movement was the opposite of gentle or slow. "Okay," she said, "Then just answer this one question: was he there yesterday?"
Sae threw his head back, staring at the ceiling. It was completely dark outside and the lights blared at his eyes like harsh spotlights. Between clenched teeth, he pressed a word out, "Yes."
Emi stirred the pancake dough until it completely collapsed in on itself. She stood up, huffing all the way to the kitchen.
Sae did not intend to quarrel with the little girl, nor did he intend to shield what Shum Deil had done.
The problem was that he had been in the dark just as much as Emi.
But at the moment he fell, Shum Deil was just as surprised as Sae himself. He saw it.
Ever since then, quite inexplicably, something in his chest told him that the other boy did not want to cause him any harm. That thought was quite irrational and baseless in the first place. Sae had been pondering it for two days, and now another surprise found him.
Would Deil go the extra mile to get his phone fixed, sending it over as soon as possible if he intentionally hurt him?
Was that out of guilt for what he had done, or remorse for what he had caused?
Sae could feel the dull ache in his body intensify. His emotional state was a mess, firing his temper. So, when Emi confronted him in such a straightforward manner, how could he reply? That Shum Deil never deliberately hurt him, that technically, he did not hurt him? Or that there was an explanation, but it was tiring and long-winded and he, himself, still wasn't sure about it?
Emi returned to the living room with a cup of water and lid in hand. It had been only a couple of minutes but she seemed to calm down a bit. "What was he doing with your phone anyway? You said you don't know where it was."
"I didn't," Sae said and lowered his eyes, "Now, I do."
The little girl did not question him again. She looked a bit sheepish as well.
The sizzling of the pan made Sae look up.
Emi plopped three globs of batter into the heated pan, and the second the dough made contact with its blazing surface, it deflated into pitiful little puddles.
"I've fucked up... sorry," Emi said slowly, "This is so sad."
Sae wasn't sure if the little girl meant the food or their argument, but chose not to pursue the matter. "You broke all the egg whites. It's okay, we'll just eat it like this,” he coaxed, “Put the lid on, I start the timer."
Emi did as he said and they waited for the minutes to tick by. Flip the cake, add some water to the pan, and wait again.
They stopped talking about the topic. The pancakes were flat and a bit dense, but their taste was fine. No pictures got taken, of course.
