Soreness was quickly becoming a good friend of mine, though not of my own want. Thankfully, everything hurt less today; despite the full-body workout I'd had just last night (or this morning), my aches were getting better by the minute. This boded well for the future, but it'd be a while before I really saw the fruits of my exercise. Probably.
It wasn't really that apparent for right now, though. Like, there was a bit of soreness, a bit of aching, a little bit of joint crack and snap, but the real reason I was thinking about it was because there was nothing else to do. Player screens were visible to everyone else, and that meant that any coding I'd do would be seen by Wendy, which would likely get reported. And if the devs didn't know about me before, they absolutely would after that.
Yet even with the knowledge that my existence would likely be erased if I were to be found out, I still wanted to type or fidget or do something with my hands. I hadn't realized until now how much I'd come to lean on the coding sessions with Flurry to pass time between camp spots, and to work off excess nervous energy. It was calming to just use my brain, without any limitation on time or need to get it done!
I mean, I guess there was a limitation. But it'd take months to get to where we were going, and despite my want to do things to help us along... there weren't really that many stakes, I'd take the long way.
However, the sudden lack of mental stimulation was killing me. And what's more, Flurry and Wendy were already conversing, and Nora seemed to still be not talkative, so I was just fucking alone I guess. I sure didn't want to explain my menus to Wendy. She'd already seen them, but. I could only hope she forgot.
Or I could try and implement the sorting feature into her player data too. Hmm. It might be a good idea for me to set a partition to breaking out of whatever system I was housed in. Would be useful, especially to just have a backup on the outside...
Anyways. I was fucking dying out here. It was just... rocks, mountains, and wind, and all of that without me having anything to fucking do. I couldn't even use my magic, because my magic wasn't built like everything else in this godforsaken game! Which fucking sucked, because, uh, I wanted to get better at it. For no reason in particular. God, I couldn't even use the spellcrafter I'd been using for a while...
This sucked. That was my thought at the end of the first day and start of the next. We were all sleeping in our own tents at this point. And shit, it felt wrong to ask someone to sleep next to me — I didn't know what Nora or Flurry thought of me, not fully, and I'd only just met Wendy. Plus, it'd probably come off as... weird or narcissistic or something, to be overly comfy-cozy with artificial intelligences if the concept of a sapient AI was so foreign. So much of my cover would be blown if I wasn't careful. If Flurry or Nora weren't careful. If I went too far, if I did too little, if I talked or didn't. I was walking a minefield with a sniper trained on me, told to shoot if I looked like I'd eaten a little too much that morning.
I actually decided to revise my statement. This didn't just suck, this was the fucking worst. And all because I hadn't known how to say no!
God, the nerve of some people. Trying to have fun in a videogame.
The silence as we continued our trek through the mountain was getting to me more and more as the seconds ticked by. So you know what? Fuck it! If life was going to be like this, I'd just march right up to the person who was still free to talk — Nora — and start a conversation. To hell with the awkwardness.
As I walked alongside her, she averted her eyes. I hoped that wasn't a sign she didn't want to talk. "Nora?"
"Mmhm?"
Ah shit. Wait, I hadn't planned this far. "Uh... how are you feeling?"
"Mm." She seemed to consider that for a moment, at least, and rolled her shoulders a little. "Mostly okay. I'm used to walking this far by now, though this has been a lot less action-packed than some of our quests. You?"
"Er, mostly fine as well!" Wait, was this lying? "Maybe? Sort of? I dunno. What kind of answer do you want?"
"A truthful one, dumb... ass." Nora paused for a second, a tense expression on her face.
"Then, uh, bored. I'd usually, you know..." Carefully making sure Wendy wasn't looking my way, I mimed typing in the air. "...but I can't really do that with, uh, her here. Restless. Irritated. Was hoping something would jump out and attack a little, er. Ideally something non-dangerous. And, well, also I'm a little lonely? I know that's weird. You're all right here, it's—"
Nora cut me off by squishing my cheeks with one hand, stunning me with the revelation that my cheeks could be squished. I'd never been able to have that before! My old robot body had a literal metal jawline and no padding there, so like... this was cool. It was neat! It made me feel a little more like a human — well, like a person, at least. "Muh?" I said, after a second of contemplation.
"Hm," my friend said, clearly seeing my second of rapt attention lapse. "Do you want to sleep with me tonight?"
And then she went a little red in the face, and hurriedly said "Not like that, I mean, like, normal friends wise. So you can... do your, uh, thing, and Wendy, um... shit, you get the idea, it's. Yeah."
That sounded good. I wasn't sure what she was getting all flustered about, but I gave her a quick nod. "Yeah honestly that sounds. Really good. Thank you. You're sure?"
"God, yeah, I'm sure. You'd look like a kicked puppy if I didn't say yes, at this point." What? I didn't look like a kicked puppy at any time. "And there you go, making that face anyways! Jeez, Cyl, I'm agreeing with you."
"Wait, I'm doing it right now? I didn't realize, I'm sorry — I'll try to regulate my facial expressions better. Sorry."
"No! That — in what world is that what I meant? I was poking fun at you! I guess! You look cute! Uh! In a platonic way!"
We were both a little red in the face now. God. "Okay. Uh. Sorry for the misunderstanding. Are you angry at me?"
"Dear lord, Cyl, we need to get you some self-confidence. I'm not angry at you, you're just..." Nora made an indescribable — that's not a euphemism — gesture with her hands. "Gah, I dunno! I'm not good at talking with people a lot of the time. I think you're cool and I like you a lot. And I try to act cool around you a little, but I've been realizing I actually don't know how that makes you feel? I don't want to hurt you or make you feel like you're doing stuff wrong!"
"Oh. Uh, I don't know. You're nice to be around and kind. Also you haven't made me feel like I've been doing stuff wrong for the most part. I guess that's the best way I have to put it."
She sighed. "Well, good to hear. Anyways. You're always welcome to hang out in my tent, or just like... generally be around me, I suppose. It's all good with me, I find it perfectly agreeable."
Score! I did a little fist pump out of excitement, skipping along just a little to let off excess energy. Now I could at least make progress on re-fucking my HUD layout, or at least toggling it, without having my code bared to the world for open viewing! "Thank you. A lot! It means a lot to me that you are okay with that situation!"
Nora snorted, finding my behaviour apparently funny. "Okay, hotshot. We've got another few miles to go, keep walking. And if you don't want us to get attacked, maybe keep your voice low?"
"Yeah, you were yelling a couple seconds ago."
"Huh?" She looked positively shocked at that information. "I was???"
"Yup!" I called, jogging ahead to catch up with the other two, who had pulled away by a decent amount while we were talking. Goddamn Flurry and her legs. Why'd she have to be taller than me?
As the sun traced its way across the sky, we made our own steady progress through the rocky hills and crags and valleys. It suddenly hit me back in Farlin that this was what I was lacking — friends. Real ones. I'd felt more alive than ever, even during my brief bouts of loneliness or anxiety. And I'd just need to keep up the belief in them to stay going, I thought. As we slowed down to make camp for the night, I traipsed my way into Nora's tent and we stayed up long into the night talking about whatever while I chugged away on my modifications. In those moments, as Flurry checked in on us and made quiet, friendly conversation, I finally felt some long-ignored part of me feel at home.
I'd keep going, for them. No matter what.
