Between the cracking of bones and the slurping of rotten flesh, Del’vhario’s members planned their next hit. Besides obtaining supplies, Mau and Nila had also gathered valuable information from their contacts in Kargraz and Silifran. The flow of merchants into Silifran from human lands had dried out after Saint Jaulea’s aftermath, but Kargraz still received a decent amount of traffic. Commerce caravans usually arrived in the first days of the week.

“Shit got fucked up after Saint Jaulea,” Nila exclaimed.

“We had a great business going on when suddenly human and elven patrols triplicated,” Mau spoke. “For all of us bandits, things went downhill into a stinking shitpile!”

“We even though there’d be an all-out war,” Nila said.

“Everyone thought that,” Mau added.

“Like the ones not seen since fucking forever,” Nila concluded.

“Really? I don’t see much activity,” X commented.

“The worst of the crisis passed, and nerves calmed down. The Elf Kingdom had to negotiate,” Nila stated.

“The fucking Elf Kingdom! You believe that? Some important sucker came all the way from Laisla Core into Saint Jaulea just to lick some nasty human’s boot,” Mau laughed.

“The human bastards had leverage. And what did they expect? Sending Princess Ilili’na and Delia’ilu Ruianne down there,” Nila said, with a hint of anger in her expression.

“I’m sure gnomes would’ve acted different?” X asked them.

“You’re damn right! First of all we wouldn’t have sent fucking important people into the evil’s den,” Nila quickly replied.

“Shit, I’d have loved to be there, though, in the middle of the glory, blood and gore!” Mau grinned.

“Bringing our race’s wrath upon all of the degenerate small-brained races!” Nila’s heart began pumping fresh blood.

“Bada-baam!”

“Bada-boom!”

“And I heard that everything began at the arena, with two human noble Houses battling it out with their champions for the Delia’ilu,” Nila spoke.

“Nah, you got it all wrong. The rebelling slaves killed their masters in their sleep,” Mau claimed.

“You really believe that?” X questioned their versions of the events.

“It didn’t matter in the end. Most of them ended dead or worse. Fuckers,” Mau added.

“What would you have done if you were there?” Nila asked X.

“Mmm... good question. What would I have done? I would have pushed through until I was either death or free. And I wouldn’t have given a crap about anyone or anything else.”

“Would you have done that and left the Delia’ilu and Ilili’na alone?” Nila asked, surprised.

“Yes,” X responded dryly.

“Well, I would’ve helped them both,” Nila stated.

“You what?” It was Mau’s turn to act surprised.

“I could’ve brought them into our gnome kingdom, honorary gnomes, like Ekk’s here,” the female gnome argued.

“I see your point...” Mau chewed on her idea. “Imaging the mind of a gnome in the body of an elf... And those two... specially with the Delia’ilu... What a dream! Many high-quality gnomefs running free!”

“You creep, I’m speaking about their prowess and command of the battlefield.” 

“Yeah, yeah, that too...”

“No,” X interjected. “That wouldn’t work out, Nila. Some creatures are set in their ways... until failure or death hits their pretty faces.”

“You think so?” She asked.

X stared at both gnomes. “Kargraz caravans are our best bet.” He returned to the matters at hand. “We’ve got the caravan schedules, as soon as possible let’s hit one of those... rich merchants.”

“Got any ideas?” Mau asked.

“Don’t we just fuck ‘em like last time?” Nila inquired.

“I don’t know, I think the crazy dryad’s onto us mate,” Mau looked at the female gnome.

“She... might have a vague idea.” X tried to diminish the dryad’s importance.

“I’d prefer, and I speak as female, to try not to anger her more than necessary,” Nila stated.

“And I agree. Her rules hold her together... for now. Let’s not risk that,” X said.

“Then what’s the plan? You’ve got one, right Ekk’s?” Mau asked.

“I do.”

After explaining it to them several times to be sure they wouldn’t screw up the plan, the trio stepped out to see Khratzika’s work. She lay upside down on the ground.

“Damn... there’s nothing left!” Nila exclaimed.

“I. Eat. Much.” Khratzika said between burps.

“No fucking way,” Mau nodded in approval.

“Well, the family’s remains are no longer our concern,” the elf commented.

X spent the rest of this day polishing their plan while Mau worked on the equipment the elf had requested for this hit. Nila alternated between cleaning her weapons and talking to Khratzika. 

The next morning, X went out for another bath at Felpein River and conducted more reconnaissance around unexplored areas near the farmhouse. He discovered a cave under a ravine, secluded and humid. 

On his way back to the farmhouse he encountered several vines that reminded him those belonging to the dryad. Curiosity made him follow them, and soon enough, he found himself before the dryad who kneeled with her arms extended, prostrated before an old, leafless tree. X stared, enthralled by her actions. She was performing a ritual. Her vines embraced the tree, cracking it in two. After taking both pieces out of the earth, her vines arranged both parts on the ground. A light green glow surrounded both pieces, and a dematerialization process took place. The tree transformed into a kind of magikal ash. Her vines put the glowing ashes inside the hole left by its roots, covering it with normal soil. She bowed, her full body sinking into the earth, and then stood up. Her spread-out vines returned to her.

“I’m on my morning stroll, and look who I’ve found. Our host,” X smiled at her.

She didn’t reply.

“What are you doing?” the elf asked.

Her ritual had ended, and her vines fully retracted. The dryad turned her head. “Returning this tree to the earth.”

“I thought so. What happened to it?”

“The tree was old and diseased... I relieved it from its suffering...” 

X stood still, his eyes glued to the dryad who, in this moment, looked graceful, half-sane, and at peace. A faint luminescence leaked out from her body, a decaying aura from the ritual. It slowly faded away, and her fine poise gave way to the usual madness.

“Do you plan on teaching someone this secret knowledge? Or at least give us mortals a chance? You can trust me. Teach me,” X said.

She stared at the elf while approaching him. “No.”

“Or the gnomes.”

Silently, she walked past him.

“Come on, show us! Let us learn. I know what you think, you don’t trust us, but if you never teach anyone, and more importantly, have some patience, your forests will forever be in danger.”

She didn’t stop.

“Hey, you giant talking plant! It’s bad manners for the host to leave her guest talking alone!”

She stopped and, without turning around, spoke. “This is the last time I’ll tell you... I’m not you’re fucking host! And you’re overstaying your... whatever you’re doing in my forest.”

“Are you immortal?” X cut to the chase.

She didn’t respond and continued walking away.

“I don’t think you are, and when you are gone, who will look after your forests? Hey!” She left him speaking to the branches and leaves.

He looked at the soil covering the tree’s remains, new grass had already sprouted. The creatures of this world never ceased to amaze him, for good and bad. 

When X got back, Mau was busy finishing the items needed for the hit. Nila observed the elf for a good minute, then began laughing in amusement.

“Hey Mau, come look at this!” the female gnome shouted.

“What is it?”

“Damn Ekk’s is growing a beard!”

“Nah, you’re fucking with me-- Shit, it’s true!” Mau said upon closer inspection.

“Look at you all grown up. Come down, let me touch it,” Nila spoke.

“No.” X touched his jaw and felt the unmistakable little, thick hairs growing out.

“Ekk’s, you’ve got a stump,” Mau said. 

“But isn’t it weird? Uff... it gives me goosebumps,” Nila remarked.

“It is weird. Never in my life have I seen an elf with a beard, heh, you look like a freak. No that you didn’t before,” Mau teased the elf.

“Mau’s right, I have never seen one of you lankies with beard either,” Nila added.

“Uh...” The elf continued feeling his chin.

“I’m so proud of you Ekk’s. You’re growing into a fine gnome,” Mau stated.

“And you never grew one before?” Nila inquired.

X shook his head.

“Never in all these years?” She asked further.

“Not in this life,” the elf replied.

“What the fuck is happening to you!” Nila yelped, both confusion and laughter assaulted her.

“You can’t do magik and you’re growing a beard... Are you sure you’re an elf?” Mau asked.

“Shit’s weird,” Nila interjected.

“This whole world’s weird,” the elf retorted.

“A bred, fed gnome!” Mau exclaimed. “Or puberty. In any case, it is growing nicely, lanky!”

“We gnomes grow stronger!” Nila spoke.

“Maybe it was the mutant meat?” X wondered out loud.

“Whatever it is, let me tell you Ekk’s, I finished it!” Mau changed gears.

“What?” the elf inquired.

“What you asked for our plan,” Mau replied.

“So soon?” the elf asked.

“Do I look like some fucking lazy dreg? Of course I did!”

“Gnomes are ready to blast shit up again!” Nila raised her voice, already filled with energy to wreak havoc.

Blood began boiling in Del’vhario members thick veins.

“When was the next loaded caravan?” X asked.

“There’s a couple today at midday, next ones are...” 

They smiled to each other.

*

X lay face down on one side of the bridge, overlooking the area. He found himself near Kargraz, where he had fallen into Felpein River and almost drowned. The elf watched both sides of the road, keeping an eye out for any incoming caravans crossing the river through this point. 

“Anything out there?” Nila asked.

“Nothing,” X replied.

“Fuck! This shit is getting hot!” Mau complained.

“I’m sweating like a yoinkolin in heat during one of their summer escapades!” Nila added.

“Quiet down, you two!” X exclaimed.

“Should’ve made larger holes. Can’t see shit,” Mau interjected.

On each side of the bridge, Mau and Nila sat covered by a hardened material made to look exactly like two rocks.

“Here comes a carriage. Stay put and quiet,” X said.

“Finally!”

“Is this the one?” NIla asked.

“No!” X replied.

The elf made sure Mau and Nila could not see the incoming caravans on either side, only the stretch of road the carriages passed through before them. He had to rein on the easily excited personalities of both gnomes. 

Only one high-value target had crossed, but it came guarded with too many soldiers and adventurers. Several poorer carriages passed by, increasing in frequency as midday arrived. X had to choose the correct target and the right timing. 

More human caravans than non-human crossed the bridge, and among the latter, elves comprised the majority. Even with the heightened conflict, merchants came and went untouched. Not a strange situation, but a complicated one to navigate for a trio of upcoming bandits.

“I’m worried we left Khratzika alone on the farmhouse,” X sighed.

“Worst that can happen is we find her body minced into fine little pieces,” Mau spoke.

“No, that won’t happen. I spoke to her,” Nila bluntly stated.

“Is Khratzika staying with us?” the elf asked.

“Don’t know, I didn’t bring her,” Mau replied.

“Oh, come on. Don’t your hearts melt looking at her face?” Nila said.

“Nah...”

“No.”

The bridge was narrow enough that only one carriage at a time could pass, along with any guards or mercenaries protecting it. From their positions, Mau and Nila could clearly see the caravan’s wheels but not much else. This bridge formed a natural bottleneck, one X hadn’t foreseen thanks to his impulsiveness that made him gloss over such a powerful tactic.

Coming from opposite directions of the road two carriages passed through, while another awaited its turn on the opposite side, disappearing into the distance and leaving behind only the murmurs of Felpein River.

“We’re fucking cooking in here!” Nila shouted.

X wasn’t sheltered by one of those rock-like materials but he cooked all the same under a blistering sun.

“Not even one guard on any of those last ones,” the elf exclaimed.

“Did everyone turn piss-poor suddenly?” Nila asked.

“We should have attacked the first loaded caravan that passed through here!” Mau said.

Mau and Nila didn’t care if high-value targets came heavily guarded, beyond their current means. They seemed hell-bent on attacking whatever approached first, as long as the promise of a good haul held true, despite their numerical disadvantage.

“No! Stick to the plan,” X reminded them.

“Boring,” Mau stated.

“But safe,” the elf retorted.

“Meh... I think we could take one of those... valuable targets,” Mau said.

“With your plan and our prowess, we gnomes are unstoppable!” Nila added.

“Do you feel that?” X asked.

“What?” Both gnomes inquired.

“A well-executed plan... no improvisation, no unexpected crap. Smooth sailing.”

“You’re not the one boiling inside this sweltering shit!” Nila complained.

“Stop your blabbering. There’s a loaded caravan coming,” X spoke.

“Is this it?” Mau asked.

“Damn it. Just fucking tell us this is the one!” Nila chimed in.

From the opposite side, another promising caravan appeared in the distance.

“Humans hate elves, don’t they?” X asked.

“Yes!”

“And elves despise humans?” the elf further inquired.

“Of course! What the hell? Did you hit your head?” Nila replied.

“What does this shit have to do with anything?” Mau asked.

“Would you risk your lives on that?” X wanted to be certain.

“Fucking yes!” 

“Then shut up. We’ll go in whichever one passes first,” the elf gave them the green-light.

“Yeah!”

“Wait, the first one?” Nila asked, confused.

“How many soldiers guard the nearest one? What race?” Mau asked for more details.

“Humans... They are a total of six fighters. Two knights ride at the front, one adventurer walks between the first and second carriage, and another one between the second and third. The last two knights guard the rear. No spotters, no witches... nothing else,” X described. 

“Let’s hope this shit is loaded rich!” Nila yelled.

“Quiet! Here it comes. Three carriages... I see chests in the last one. We’ll focus on that carriage. And follow the freaking plan! Count the wheels, I’m going down!” X said.

The elf crawled back and disappeared beneath the bridge. Nila and Mau peered through the pair of holes in their covers as several noises grew louder. The gnomes saw horses legs followed by the first carriage passing them by. They attentively counted the wheels. One...two... three... four...

A controlled explosion beneath the third carriage’s left-front wheel shattered it in half, instantly capturing everyone’s attention.

“What was that sound?” an adventured asked.

“A wheel broke!” a knight shouted.

“Halt the caravan!” one of the riding knights yelled.

“It sounded worst than that... take a good look,” a knight told both adventurers.

Beneath the bridge, X saw fire emanating from a hole the explosion had created.

I told him a small explosion!

Two adventurers approached the broken wheel.

“Is it bad?” one of the riding knights asked.

“It’s completely broken-- wait! Is that fire?”

Another detonation heightened their alarms further, yet this one was accompanied by dense smoke that rapidly engulfed the entire bridge.

“What the--?!”

“Take postilions!” the apparent leader of this escort commanded.

Within the smoke, their voices lost their sense of direction.

“See that shadow?” an adventurer asked.

“No! Where!?” a knight replied.

“Boo motherfuckers! Del’vhario’s here!” Mau spoke.

A powerful explosion rocked the bridge, scattering several human body parts in a gruesome display of violence. Mau’s shot from his Skull Ripper vaporized one knight and hit the parapet, exploding upon impact. Bricks tumbled into Felpein River and pelted another nearby knight.

“Shit, they got Derrel!”

“We’re under attack!” the leader shouted. “Spread out!”

The humans obeyed as quickly as they could, carefully combing the bridge.

“Knights to the front! Clear the smoke!” More commands were issued by the dismounted knights.

“Get us out of here!” The terrified merchants in the front and middle carriages shouted in a mix with orders from the soldiers and adventurers.

“Stay in your carriages! Don’t come out!” The knight-leader commanded.

Meanwhile, a gnome and an elf yelled at each other instructions under the cover of smoke.

“To your left!”

“What?”

“Left of the mark I drew on the stone parapet!”

“Got it!”

Two knights positioned themselves on each side of the bridge and executed martially enhanced swings, generating enough wind force to disperse most of the smoke. 

“Told ya those fuckers would disperse the smoke!” Mau shouted.

“It gave us enough time!” X exclaimed.

The knights and adventurers caught sight of a paltry gnome standing atop the parapet, tossing a chest into the river.

“Hey Ekk’s! I think they’re angry I blew up one of their retards in arms!” the male gnome yelled.

“Get that little shit!” a furious knight commanded.

Hardly had the knight finished giving orders when another set of explosions erupted. One on each side of the caravan’s front carriage, tearing apart half of it along with two carriage-pulling creatures, a knight standing next to them, and an unlucky adventurer impaled by the debris.

“What the hell is happening!” The surviving adventurer began to panic. “Mike’s gone! Shit!”

“Where are they hiding!?” a knight shouted.

“Let’s get the gnome in the last carriage!” the other knight yelled.

Caught off guard, the two surviving knights and the adventurer regrouped and, fueled by combat-enhanced abilities, dashed towards Mau. He was dropping the third chest into the Felpein River as the guards advanced towards him, but he continued indifferent to the danger. 

“Get this putrajado!” the adventurer screamed, panic and fury in his eyes. The three rushed towards Mau’s but three bladed knives blasted from under the last carriage stopped their advance. The adventurer veered the first shot, the knight manged to raise his shield just in time to protect himself, but the last blade pierced the second knight’s head right through his ear.

All this unfolded before the eyes of an elven caravan on the other side of the bridge. The elven merchants and guards contentedly observe the transpiring scene with smirks on their faces. Del’vhario’s bet that they wouldn’t aid each other had proven correct.

But X failed to account for what happened next.

The bridge rumbled, a crack formed near its center, and everyone’s world crumbled. The fracture expanded, causing bricks and rocks to fall into Felpein River.

“Holy crap! I only told you to use enough nutty dusts to disable the carriages, not blow the whole freaking bridge!” X shouted from below.

“How am I to know humans use fucking paper to build their shit!?” Mau shouted back.

“The bridge is collapsing!” one of the knights shouted.

“Men, get out!” the adventure yelled.

“Don’t leave us!” Shouts from the remaining carriages didn’t move the guards. “Help!”

“Run!” the three combat-oriented humans screamed, dashing to escape from the falling bridge.

“Jump into the raft!” X yelled at Mau and Nila.

Below the bridge, X stood on a tied-down raft where Mau had dropped the previously enchanted chests—using Lighter Than A Feather spell. Of the three dropped, two landed on the raft, while the other lay by the riverbank.

Nila emerged from beneath the final carriage and sprinted towards Mau, assisting him in carrying the last chest and tossing it down. In quick succession, both gnomes leaped out of the bridge.

“Ruuun!”The humans raced as the bridge collapsed but only one made it to safety.

“Mau, tie the chests and start cutting the rope!” X yelled.

“Damn it!” Mau grabbed a knife and began slicing through the rope. 

“Nila, get the other chest!” the elf gestured to the chest resting on the riverbank.

“On it!”

“Hurry!” X shouted at both gnomes with all his might.

Nila grabbed the chest’s handle and began swimming back.

“Mau, grab her arm!” 

“Do I cut this shit or I go for her?!” Mau struggled with the thick rope.

“Darn it! Cut it, I’ll get her!”

X twisted one end of the rope around his right arm and extended his left hand towards Nila.

“Hold on to me!” the elf shouted at her.

The female gnome took hold of his arm.

“Cut it now!” the elf shouted at the male gnome.

Mau finished cutting the ropes holding the raft in place as the bridge fell down behind them.