***

Anyway, I am inexplicably drawn to those exotic varieties you just can’t find in Human Country. When I was a boy, I would dream of monster girls nibbling at my toes and neck... Most times, they were rat girls, on account of it being rats that were actually nibbling on me. Regardless, those dreams stuck with me. They didn’t make me hopeful, though. They made me despair.

See, normal Humans are pathetic. Someone sees your beautiful sister, and next thing you know, her head’s off her body because some guy couldn’t even formulate a sensible fantasy. That’s what happens here in Human Country, but what about up there--on the Dungeon Moons? 

The home of monster girls. Those moons housing all manners of environments and denizens. Those moons that float around us as we float around them. How many times I looked to those moons hoping a rabbit girl version of the Sister would come down.

Never happened.

Timmy down the street though--he got a dragon girl to fall into his room. Now he’s off saving some moons like a badass.

Anyway, life’s hard. Nothing comes easy if you’re not a Main. That’s why, after everything went down, I doubled down. I was going to make my own story by my own efforts.

I want to see the world--all of it.

I want to meet beautiful women.

But how could I do that as an insignificant orphan? The answer was simple.

I needed some god power. And the first step in getting it? I had to become a Bard!

I looked up the god that was fond of my sister. She had a thing for the bardy type. That was why I had to do it.

I set off into the Human Country, armed only with my incredibly resistant body. (It was resistant because of all the years I spent getting munched on by rats.) I read books, listened at taverns, watched the ways other played and was relentless in my pursuit of safe and tested ways of improving. Any time I heard of some great quest with an even greater reward at the end, I went the other way. If I tried to do those quests, I would have died, like all other bit players do.

No, I just hit the stage at the taverns and practiced while dodging mugs and wine bottles. Years later, when I was “Okay” at it, I set off to look for some really good teachers. Now that I had basics down, I was going to be their apprentice and learn from them.

I had found these three old guys, and studied under them at different times. Let me tell you, Booze Therapist, these old men were awesome. The music they made—holy shit, I thought I could die and see my sister again. I’m pretty sure one might have made me hallucinate even, but that may have been the mead he was micro-dosing with Tellathade Shrooms.

Anyway, not the point. The point is, these teachers were awesome. What made them better was that none of them had the favor of gods. They were just dudes who got good because they loved their music. I studied under each for like two years. How good do you think I got by the end of all that?

***

“Huh… If you trained under such prestigious people… You must be amazing!”

I smirked. “Not at all.”

“… What?”

I pointed at myself. “I’ve got no talent, my friend. You either got it or you don’t! What I do have is that I’m above average in general and above average at a bunch of different styles. I guess the only thing I can really say I have going for me is that I’m the only person who can bring together their three styles… Not that it means it’s a good idea to do so.”

“Oh…” the booze therapist smiled. “Well, that’s not so bad.”

“Yeah… It’s not… Those guys weren’t talented either… If I devoted as many years as they did, I’d get there too…”

“That’s nice…”

“Don’t give up on learning to read, friend.”

***

Anyway, I got to a good Level as a Bard and did all I could to get her attention. It was hard. I wrote her poetry and performed songs, dramatic spoken word segments, but nothing. So I switched gears. I use my vocal talents and started yelling at the sky that Nordeen abandoned my sister in her time of need. People don’t tell you this, but ALL Bards are VERY good at shouting and being a general nuisance.

Anyway, I got her attention.

The Dungeon Moons are no place for pathetic humans so I petitioned Nordeen for some divine protection, but she was a little cold. Don’t know why. She wouldn’t give me favour for nothing. Instead, she, a goddess who governed knowledge, tasked me with something upon hearing my plight.

She wanted to learn of the people who inhabited the Dungeon Moons. She wanted an archive of information she could refer to. So, I set off and refined my language and metaphor, on top of becoming a better Bard.

I would use this ability to record for her the information that was slightly out of her reach. In exchange, she gave me access to a special system—one linked to my progress along her quest and one that would allow this pathetic human to traverse the moons. And guess what? I was told there were more moons than what I could see from the Human Country, in exchange for my efforts.

I’m excited, Booze Therapist!

A world of adventure is at my fingertips.

I’m the Bard of Nordeen! And I will make a record of all the Monster Girls (and guys I guess) for goddess Nordeen. What I desire is simple!

***

I grinned at the booze therapist. “I actually really like being a Bard. It was one of the biggest surprises in my journey. I want to see places, meet beauties, and be inspired by them. I just want to be free to enjoy life.” I tilted my head. “But in this story, people like me have to do insane things to get what they want.” 

There was a door behind us, and that door flew open, crashing against the wall. The booze therapist jumped and—this burly man’s man— cowered behind his counter.

I smirked and drank the last bit of my Unicorn’s Temptation.

“If I want to get what I want, I need to do something insane,” I glanced over my shoulder, “something like getting the attention of the only succubus in Human Country.”