Ktlunk pskaaaa The sound of the ratty rattling air conditioner shutting down woke me up. Its replacement sat down at the bottom of the stairs, but I couldn’t be bothered to push it up. This, of course, may have appeared to others as lazy. But that old clunker on a timer and had become an alarm clock, and that gave me plenty of excuses to keep it how it was. I flopped out of the side of my crooked broken bed, rolling all the way to the middle of bed and sliding myself off like a kid going down an underwhelming slide.
My body creaked and cracked as I dragged my lazy bones upright into a stretch, which locked them into place. The offer of a warm shower to bask in called me to my bathroom. I looked in the mirror after turning the knobs of the shower, giving it time to give me my ideal temperature. My hair was a mess as usual, but I thought I was slightly hallucinating when I saw numbers in the reflection with some sort of stats. I must be reading way too many litrpgs lately, I thought as I stared at the stats.
[Quinn]
[STR] C-
[DEX] D+
[CON] D
[WIS] C-
[INT] B-
[CHA] D
I must be dreaming. I pushed my mind to toy with the dream reality I was in, to no avail. Normally, with my level of lucid dreaming, I could alter the very fabric of a dream I entered if I was in the correct waking state. Maybe I was in a half dream state while sleep walking. There hadn’t been anything too stress inducing in my life recently, as far as I felt it had been very calm. I definitely hadn’t watched any horror movies lately. Those always caused my dreams to go out of whack and led to some sort of loss of body control, like kicking the wall, which would wake me up, leaving me in pain. That should work! I hit the back of the non-dominant hand against the porcelain sink.
Ouch! It had only ended up stinging me a little. The information was still in my vision, unchanging. Blinking didn’t work, nor did splashing my face with water. They wouldn’t wipe away either, even with cleaner. I looked closely around the mirror looking for a moon like in Star Trek: Voyager.
The steam of the shower hit me and I hopped in, hoping its heat would calm my mind and the number would go away. The shower was my sanctuary where my mind roamed freely, no matter what stressors were going on in my life. For a brief moment in time, I had forgotten about the stats in the mirror.
Once I stepped out, though, the hallucinated numbers were still there, but at the bottom of the list was a blinking cherry red light that said:
[New Message]
The format was familiar to me, but I didn’t want it to be real. It would mean I had officially lost it, like really off the handle. I wasn’t too surprised because it always felt primed with how I thought and comments people made like “You must be crazy with that creative reasoning.”
I had read enough of these stories to know to focus on the spot—
Welcome USER: Quinn… YOU HAVE BEEN SELECTED!
Selected to wha—
To pre-alpha test the earth human progression system. It has been determined that this planet has become stagnant and needs a push in the right direction, so testing has begun and YOU HAVE WON SELECTION! Based on your disorienting past, counterproductive present and likely dull future; you have been chosen to be an AUTHOR!!! Your glorious future awaits. Help your fellow humans by elevating yourself with all the money you will make and the people’s lives you will enrich with your whimsical, wonderful writings!
Writing I haven’t that since well sinc—
You will be given quests to guide you along the way to guide you through your given profession. Think of it as your class. This will help improve your stats as well though base stats are tough to change so you had better work hard.
Can it read my m—
YES! This is how the system determines your progress and assigns quests and rewards!
Don’t think then it can’t do anything. Don’t think,Don’t think,Don’t thin—
THAT WON’T WORK! Your first quest is here!
[Writing Test] Write a flash fiction from a writing prompt you have 1 hour.
[Reward] Access to System
[Failure] Memory Wipe*
*Note that memory wipe system for humans is still in pre-alpha and may result in a brain malfunction, leaving the recipient in a permanent vegetative state.
This can’t be real. I am just going to avoid doing this. I will just schedule an appointment with a psychologist. It will be out of pocket but worth it. I thought as a loud high-pitched sound plastered the room, causing me to close my eyes and cover my ears in pain.
SHKInKInTInGKInKLInKDInK
When the sound stopped, I was sitting in front of my computer with one screen open to a notepad and another on r/writingprompts. I am so gonna be a caramelized veggie. With my healthcare, they will pull the plug as soon as I drop.
There was a countdown timer off to the side of my vision. I had quickly begun scrolling through possible prompts, hoping to find something good in the fantasy genre. Nothing really popped out to me, so I sorted by {Top} of the {Year}.
{[WP] You, a low rank adventurer who got stuck with the gardener class, have to put up with the higher ranked adventures trampling your garden and making fun of you. One day a famous adventurer trips on one of your plants and dies. Your level skyrockets. No other gardener has ever leveled up before. By: u/Spoon_Elemental}
Maybe, fantasy could be fun but it isn’t clicking
{[WP] You’ve never felt the same after learning Morse Code. The rain keeps telling you to run. By: u/Affectionate_Bit_722}
No, too close to horror
{[WP] The galaxy was amused when they learned that Humans have Rules of War. They were less amused when they figured out what Humans do in war when there are no rules. By: u/SYLOH}
NO, Too broad
{[WP] “Dead men tell no tales as they say, right? Well your honor, that’s just not true. As a necromancer, I literally summon my first witness to the stand. The victim!” By: u/ULTRAPUNK18}
NO! Too comedic, I am not that funny underpressure. HURRY UP REDDIT GIVE ME SOMETHING COME ON!
{[WP] You’re a mimic. You were disguised as a chair in a dungeon when an adventurer decided to take you as loot. You’ve actually enjoyed your life ever since as furniture in a jolly tavern. So when some ruffians try to rob the now-elderly adventurer’s business, you finally reveal yourself. By: u/nobodysgeese}
YES! Okay, only 45min left!
My fingers danced across the keyboard as I cranked out word after word.
✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻
The fake crescent moon hovers inside of the dungeon, its bright calming light attracts heros like bugs to a blue light. This moon is the source of your levels. It brings you exp every time a worn out delver decides they want to rest staring at the moon. Many have come to an end in your clutches. There had been so many of them, countless in fact. The upgrades you made to your structure made yourself more and more alluring. Whether it be the cushy seats, the weapons rack on the back, the reclining position, the footrest, the cup holder, the fold-out table, heated seats, or even the massage function. None could resist, but to be lulled into a false sense of security before you ate them up.
Parties of heros would fight and fawn over you with the losers resting nearby. After the first fly was eaten you walk over and consume the other asleep heros whose parameter alarm spells did not go off because you were already within.
There is a ruffle of leaves in the forest. New prey had arrived. They are barely standing, their armor smashed and broken. Scarred and fresh wounds strewn across their body. Approaching with a limp and a stumble, they enter the range of your most vicious attacks. They are alone with no party. This baby fawn would be an easy snack.
They sit in you before speaking, “Bawhh, I am done with this delving junk. It’s right time I open that tavern I always wanted. I have the funds now. This chair would be a great centerpiece. The pride of me tavern, I should smuggle it out with me. Well, once I wake up.”
Your tongue is drooling just underneath the seat and retracts when you hear of the delvers plans. The dungeon had grown far too boring. There was never anyone around to praise your achievements, the dungeon never even visited you after creating you and giving you your mission. This delver, no, this hero would elevate you to a position of prominence rescuing you from the daily monotony of eating and grinding levels.
Snoring loudly, they had passed out even without you having used any abilities. It would have been so easy to eat them, but you didn’t. Not eating them gave you a sense of control, a sense of power. A feeling of being a god that could crush this creature’s world but choosing not to out of a shared benefit.
Once they woke up, they tried to put you into a dimensional bag but you wouldn’t go in. Trying not to snear, you remembered how other adventures had tried similar ploys in order to sell you. Everyone knew those bags couldn’t accept living things. You think this creature must be a bit dim-witted.
They strapped you on their back and taking you on a journey back to the top. There were so many new sights and scenes like you couldn’t believe had existed. Deep jungle biomes, red desert biomes, and even some underwater pathways. It was a good thing you don’t need to breathe.
The city they bring you into is colossal, with buildings that reach for the sky. It’s odd to you that it is right next to the dungeon. You wonder why the dungeon never attacked. Then you realize that is no longer your concern. You are no longer denizen of the dungeon; you are a prestigious tavern chair now! They take you to a building that is empty and run down. The place looks like junk to you, but the creature fixes it. They seem to be very good with their hands.
Soon the place is transformed into something magnificent. They put you onto a raised platform in a corner where only the most important people sit. Listing to the adventures and heroes tell their tales of excitement and perilous danger. Time goes by fast for you, as people come and go. The choice you made so long ago to come here was very wise. If you ever went back to the dungeon, you could make an even more enticing location. Not that you would, but perhaps you could setup your own tavern and have your pick of delvers to snack on.
The creature ages in front of you as time passes. They get older and older, and such get slower and slower. You met the creature's offspring and the offspring’s offspring. They would all play and sit and read on you during the day. You hadn’t had a pack of sorts before, but you became attached to watching them grow instead of just eating them in one go. The tales of war the children bring excite you. You know you could eat the weak soldiers easily.
Enemies and monsters besiege the colossal city you are in, the now old creature and its kin held up inside the tavern. A wounded hero comes stumbling in, armor torn asunder. A small group of guards in toe all worn to the bone behind him.
“Prince Grinnin, are you okay? What about the evil on the way?” The creature, you know, says.
“We are just barely alive. They will be sweeping through soon. Take your family and run. We will hold them off here.” The prince says with a heavy breath. You recognize the prince who had sat in you many times under disguise mumbling about their woes.
“There is nowhere else to go. We shall stand with you.” The creature says, grabbing weapons from behind the counter and distributing them to the adults. They sent the little ones upstairs and told not to make even a peep or a squeak.
The recent developments excite you, quickly you run through attack methods. You don’t wish to expose yourself, but there is no better way to go than in a great battle against a foe. The prince and the creatures stand facing the door, not noticing you stretching legs and growing in size behind them.
The main door to the tavern cracked and split into pieces, as enemies come rushing in. The prince and his retinue charged at them. The creature and his clan following behind, rushing the enemy. They fought valiantly in front of you, but one by one, they were repelled and pushed back and severely wounded.
This is your opportunity. You leap into the middle of the enemies. Your tongue sends them flying as you whip it around. A huge enemy comes in with a bullrush, holding an axe threatening to chop you up. So you inturn chomp him up as you open your maw and before he could stop you trip him so he goes flying in. The creature is tasty to you. It had been so long since you had eaten.
The exp flowing into your system activated your old self. You rampage threw the room, tossing the enemies in your mouth like gushing fruit snacks. The room is cleared. Those you know look at you in shock and horror trying to ready their weapons against you. They are just misinformed. You turn away from them and charge out the door and gorge the enemy soldiers all night long. The low level foot soldiers stood no chance at being anything other than a snack.
Come morning, you are confused as to their being no more food. They all seemed to have fled. So you return to your tavern, taking your rightful place on display in the room. It seems much had gone on in the room while you were away. People were standing and unsure of what to do around you, but they left you alone, which was good for their sake. Over the next coming weeks, your tavern returned to normal when eventually the creature that had brought you out passed on to the next world. New generations watched over the tavern but no one sat in you anymore, only looked in reverence and horror.
✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻
My fingers ached immediately, and I felt a massive pressure wave pushing on my brain. I was proud of myself. I looked towards the clock and saw I still had 15min left. That was pretty easy.
Please check your grammar. If you get a high score, you may get special rewards.
SHOOT! I pulled out ProWritingAid (PWA) which I had gotten a lifetime subscription of the last time I had fancied myself an author which had only lasted for a week. The page was filled with red spelling mistakes, yellow readability, purple passive, and blue confusions. I raced the clock clearing one error after another. I finished just as it hit zero. The screen locked and the words ANALYZING where strewn across the page in neon green. The UI really needs a better color palette something in the pastel range.
[Overall] 2
[Style] 2
[Story] 2
[Grammar] 2
You failed score wise, but the test was for completion, so you are lucky you. Welcome to the system new [Pre-Alpha Author] Quinn!
Author Notes:
This chapter is a loose reenactment of when I decided to start writing again while having shower thoughts. Here are some other notes about the story:
Those are all real prompts from the real r/writingprompts go check them out.
I really wrote this flash fiction in 45 min. I felt like practising so I thought “Why not make it realistic?”
I wanted to get writing something in 2nd person pov
I wrote this chapter while listening to the band Say Anything. Check out their older stuff.
I really use and love to use ProWritingAid I have had it since 2k16
Star Trek: Voyager: https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Waking_Moments_(episode)
Feel free to ask about anything else!
