I close the door. I move to the window, and look outside moon is up in the sky, shining, giving this dark night light.

I remember when the first time I saw teacher, I thought how fucking hot she is, wish I can spend the night with her, ravishing her the entire night. Make her moan in pleasure.

These were my thoughts every time I saw teacher until she help me when I was desperate.

Since then I saw Teacher in a new light, I saw how gentle and kind she is. Not like before, just having lustful thoughts. But how nice it would be if I just spend time with her, laughing together, went out for a movie, to the park and just a simple walk.

I saw teacher take extra time and teach the weak student in class, stood up whenever someone gets bullied, make an extra effort to make her lecture as easy as she can, smile all day, and do her best to help others.

I think teacher is a beautiful, gentle, and hardworking woman.

Today I also saw another side of her life. She has a daughter, like chinese food, watches the series, and has a dream of getting someone like that blond vampire as a partner.

“Hmmm....” I stretch my hands up.

Should I also become like that blond vampire? I think I just have to build muscle, then dye hair and wear fake teeth. How much money this will cost though?

I change my clothes and just wear simple shorts, and jump on the bed, roll in this soft bed, I sniff

“Oh!! this bed really smells nice, like the teacher”

*Ring* *Ring* *Ring*

I heard a phone buzz; I take my phone and saw a call from Ava.

Ava is my childhood friend. Not only she is a simple childhood friend. She is more than that, not anything like a girlfriend or lover. To me, she is like a family, someone who I can trust unconditionally and do everything for her.

In high school, I get bullied, my ex-girlfriend cheats on me, my friends left me alone, and school becomes hell. Every day I get beaten up and see the girl whom I love with another guy. I lost the reason to live. Not a single day went by when I didn’t think of killing myself.

After all, killing myself is the best way to end the hell I was in.

Though I never kill myself, I was still dead inside. Not talking to anyone. Or going anywhere, just live in my small room.

I even pushed aside my only friend Ava. who always comes and tries to help me. To make my life better, try to get me out of the room.

I didn’t listen to her. I swear at her, slap her, but she never stops, no matter how badly I talk, slap her, push her away. She always comes back to my room and said.

“Noah, come with me amusement park”

“Noah, come with me to see this anime movie”

“Noah, come with me to see the aquarium”

“Noah, let’s go beach”

“Let’s go love hotel”

“Haha” I laugh, just make me out of my room. She said that, although she never said we’re going to have sex, anyone who hears will think about indecent things.

But I didn’t get tempted. I stayed in my room, not leaving at all.

One day, like always, I was waiting for her to appear. I thought, how should I swear at her, how will I beat her, so she would never come back?

But she didn’t come. I wait one day, two days, four days, but she didn’t come. I feel some kind of emptiness inside me. I feel something gone.

She didn’t come for a week, two weeks. I looked at my pathetic self in the mirror. Thin body without any muscle, just skeleton, sunken eyes, and long hair reaching my shoulder.

Tears tickled my eyes. I didn’t know why I feel empty. Isn’t this what I always wanted? Why did I swear, beat, and push her away? Didn’t I always want her to go away and never come back?

Then here, my wish granted, now she will never come back. So why aren’t I happy? Why did I feel so empty inside me? Why did I feel anger at myself? Why did I feel shame? Why do I feel guilty? Why do I feel sad? Why I’m crying?

I saw my face full of tears, emptiness, anger, shame, guilt, and sadness all over my face.

This emotion just rampages inside me. Breaking me apart. Just what was I thinking when I’m swearing at the girl who always talks to me sweetly? what was I thinking in beating the girl who never ever try to fight back? What was I thinking, pushing aside the only friends I had left?

That day my tears didn’t stop, just sit in the corner of the room. I let out my emotion, let tears fall silently, didn’t move, just in the same position the entire night I cried,

The next day I try to get out of the room, then the next day my house, then I try to walk a little near the house, then again get a little far. Progress was slow, but I was getting used to outside.

Every day I ask mom, does Ava come today? But her answer is always no. and I can’t contact her. Like she gets cut off from my life. I didn’t get sad, instead; I become positive; I thought if tomorrow she come then I can see her more progress than today.

I continue getting outside. It took me two months to recover. During these two months, I never saw Ava nor I heard about her from anyone else. Like she disappears.

Then one day at a park I saw her, when she saw me her eyes become watery, I didn’t know what I could say.

Forgive me, I’m sorry, please forgive me, or I am extremely sorry for shit I did.

I thought about many things in a second, but the word to come from my mouth is,

“Sorry,” and look down.

But then I feel something soft in the face, something warm warped me. Ava hugged me tightly. Her choked voice sound in my ears.

“How are... you? Did you feel... better outside? I bet you will... feel better here than a wretched room of... yours.”

I hug her, shut my eyes tightly, it was hard to talk, still i said “Yes... outside is... thousands of times better than my wretched room and...” I stop for a moment, then hug her more tightly, and buried my head on her chest, my voice choked, i said," with you this feels a million times better."

We two hug each other, silently didn’t speak anything for a long time. After I learned she get an accident, that is why she wouldn’t able to come to see me.

After we two always hang out and spend time together. Our care and trust for each other grow and helps each other.

Ava becomes one of the most important woman in my life. For her, I’m willing to do anything, to not let any harm come to her, to make her happy.

she is someone even teacher olive can’t compare.