Chapter 5

 

I woke slowly, my arm dead and something tickling my nose. I tried to move my arm to brush the irritant away and realised that the reason my arm was dead was because something was laying on it, trapping my other arm round it too. I opened an eye and nearly had a heart attack, snuggled with her back against me, holding one of my hands on one of her tiny boobs and comfortably resting her head on my other arm was my naked sister. My usual morning hardness nestled comfortably between her legs near her bum, she slept peacefully as though she had never been so comfortable before. My own sleep must have made me confused as I couldn’t remember why she was there but the memory of last night soon came back to haunt me and I jerked away from her like she burnt me.

 

With the memory came the guilt, she’d confessed to me that our next-door neighbour, her childhood friend Jimmy, had raped her. After she’d told me that I’d not only permitted her to give me head, I’d manipulated her into thinking it was alright by going down on her. I cursed myself for being such a bad brother as my dick shrivelled in response to my thoughts. Not only was she sooo underage I was probably not only going to hell but to jail for the rest of my life if anyone found out. She was my sister, I was supposed to protect her even if she was annoying, not abuse her. At the thought of abuse, I promised myself that I would deal with Jimmy when I got home, for Summers sake, I wasn’t going to let what he did go unanswered even though I realised I was just as bad as him, if not worse.

 

Time and thought are kinda funny things. I mean, I’ve written down what went through my head but for all there were plenty of thoughts, they must have gone through my head like the Japanese bullet train, I was still recoiling from my sister when I saw the end of the thoughts and felt the guilt starting to weigh on me. As I leapt away from her, I obviously woke her up. She rolled over languidly and smiled at me happily, her big brown eyes sleepy but warm and smiling already.

“Good morning,” She drawled languidly, “You made…”

“Out.” I snapped, cutting her off harshly and pointed to the door. “Get out of my room.” I was already standing beside the bed and was self-consciously covering myself with my other hand as I ordered her out of the room. She smirked at me covering myself and then frowned as I ordered her out of the room again.

“Jeez, don’t get your balls in a bunch, I’m going.” She rolled out of the bed on the opposite side to me and picked her nightshirt up off the floor and slipping it over her head. I recognised the colourful Metallica logo on the front, I’d bought it in a “nearly  new” shop once, it was too big for me and way too big for her but I’d liked it because it was comfortable. I’d wondered what had happened to it and assumed that mum had thrown it out at some point. She stormed out of the room and I hurried to get dressed. I had some idea of making a leap from the balcony and going for a quiet smoke before I faced anyone but when I looked out of the window, the weather was grey and piddling with rain.

 

I had made up my mind that I could cope with the weather if I made a run for the barn I’d found on our first day and I was looking for my trainers when I realised they were down by the front door. I crept down the stairs, trying to be silent and inconspicuous but the bottom step creaked as I stepped on it and dad looked over from where he was standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Sorry son, looks like it’s not good for exploring today, you’ll have to stay in the house and try to keep your heads down at least till it clears up.” He greeted me and I felt my heart sink, if dad had seen me then there was no way I was getting out of the building without breakfast.

I resigned myself to having to be at least semi sociable and eat something. I mumbled something to him as I squeezed past him into the kitchen. Skye was already sat at the table shovelling cereal into her mouth, her usual pot of tea jealously placed close at hand so that no one could help themselves.

 

I dropped bread in the toaster, trying not to look at anyone. The twins breezed in, taking it in turns to raid the fridge for orange juice and milk which they drank with gusto, leaving themselves with little moustaches which they wiped off with the back of their hand.

“What are we going to do today? The weather looks shit so we can’t go out.” Amelia chirped. I glared at her and chewed on the toast as Summer entered the room. I choked on the toast and dad hit my back till I could breathe again.

“You alright?” he asked when I could breathe again. “You seem a bit out of it this morning.” I looked at him with tears still in my eyes.

“Yea, just went down the wrong way.” I lied.

“Here.” Summer thrust a glass of orange juice at me and I nearly recoiled as if she had bitten me.

“Thanks.” I mumbled, snatching it from her and downing it in one gulp.

“If you go through the boiler room in the basement, there’s a games room you could try out, I don’t really know what’s in there but I did see some board games.” Mum answered Amelias earlier question as Irene tottered in, already wearing high heels. She peered round blearily, looking for her handbag.

“Jess, honey, could you make your daddy a drink while I find my pills, I’ve got one of my headaches again.” She complained. Mum found Irenes handbag beside the table and handed it across to her where she furiously began to dig in it, clearly searching for her tablets. She shed spare tampons, cigarettes and more than one lighter from the small bag before she found what she was looking for and blinked owlishly as she seized the packet and fumbled to pop them from their blisters before struggling to open a small bottle of tablets and tipping one of them into her hand with them. Amelia took her a glass of juice and sat down gloomily as Jessica made a large mug of tea for her dad. Mum slowly picked up the packet of cigarettes and peeked inside to see how many were there.

“I thought you said you’d given up smoking Irene.” It wasn’t so much of a question as a statement.

“I have, I only keep them there so I don’t crave them.” She was clearly lying from the guilty look on her face.

“I’ll keep these safe then.” Mum announced in a tone I recognised as being her no messing voice.

“Awww, come on Willow, just give them back.” Irene whined like a child. “Alright, I haven’t given up, I need them to keep me sane.” She relented far too quickly as mum held the cigarettes back where Irene couldn’t reach as she tried to snatch them. “Shit, Willow, you’re just as hard as mum was when we were kids. I am an adult now.”

“You still act like a child though.” Irene looked angry and tossed her head which reminded her that she had a headache. She tossed the medication back and slugged down the juice and turned to Jessica.

“Is your daddies drink ready honey?” She asked sweetly. “I thought I’d take it to him in bed.”

“That’s a good idea.” dad said, glaring at mum and making room for Irene to get past while guiding me towards the table with a hand on my shoulder. I knew I wasn’t going to get away any time soon, I could tell he was getting Irene out of the way so that he could talk to us. Jess handed her mum the cup and Irene tottered away with it as dad pushed me gently but firmly into one of the dining chairs. My heart was racing like mad, he had to know what I’d done to Summer last night and was going to lecture us all about it.

 

 Dad waited, listening as Irene went upstairs before he started talking.

“They both got pretty pissed last night so it might be a good idea to try and keep the noise down if you’re stuck here today. If it’s still raining tomorrow, I’ll get Willow to take you all into town for the day ok?” He asked, looking at each of us in turn for agreement. “While things are a little quiet, I think we all know that Jamie and Irene have got a few problems that we’re trying to help them with. I know it’s hard on you two especially” he added looking at the twins “but if we keep them here for a while, I’m hoping they will use up their drink and we can try and dry them out a bit then we can perhaps have some conversations about their other problems…” He looked at mum quite pointedly meaning about Irenes’ smoking and looked as though he was going to continue but we heard Jamie bellowing something then there was a thump sound as though someone hit the floor which was followed by a crashing that we all knew was Jamies drink hitting the wall in the bedroom.

“I think you guys better head to the games room for a bit and keep out their way, sounds like it’s going to be a rough day.” Mum suggested as she rose from her seat. I noticed the twins exchange a look but I wasn’t sure enough of them to know what they were saying to each other.

“Move, people, now!” Dad encouraged us, clapping for our attention like a schoolteacher. We all rose reluctantly and were herded towards the basement.

 

The boiler room was only dimly lit and had all the cleaning equipment stacked to one side of the huge white, gas guzzling, central heating boiler which was accompanied by an enormous hot water tank that, although jacketed, still had warnings posted on it to be careful as it might be hot. Beyond we found another room that must have been the size of the entire ground floor of the farmhouse.

 

Amelia threw herself into one of the couches and put her bare feet on the edge of the coffee table between the two, her girly pyjama shorts pulling tight. Skye opened the doors on the big cupboard in the corner at the far end of the room, it was haphazardly stuffed with jigsaw puzzles, board games and worn, haggard looking books while Summer and Jessica investigated the snooker table, searching all the pockets for balls.

“Do people really read these on holiday?” Skye broke the silence in the room.

“Read what?” Amelia demanded, absently scraping at the chipped varnish on her toenail.

“Cheep romance novels, they’ve got weird names.”

“Mum probably would, why are they weird?”

“Dunno, just stuff like “Chic for the Sheikh” and “The billionaire’s baby” They are just strange.”

“Probably just for people with nothing else to do.” Jessica announced, carefully arranging the balls neatly in the triangle.

“You mean like us.” Amelia sighed. “Why can’t we go upstairs and get our stuff at least?” She complained.

 “We could play this.” Skye said hopefully as she pulled monopoly out of the cupboard. The rest of us groaned.

“Is that like the one game everyone has?” Amelia demanded, twisting round to see what Skye was holding, making her vest top rise and show off her belly, I was glad for both twins that the house wasn’t cold but I couldn’t help thinking they would be more comfortable if they had bothered to dress before they came downstairs. Neither of them seemed bothered by the fact that they were only half dressed in front of me.

“There are cards.” Skye offered a little less enthusiastically. The twins looked at each other.

“Poker” They grinned excitedly.

“Wonder if there are any chips?” Jessica added as she crossed the room to start looking in the cupboard for herself. Amelia scrambled over the back of the couch to help her look even as she was talking.

“If there aren’t any chips, I know a way to play so we don’t need them.”

“How come? Even online Daddy always uses chips.” Jessica asked.

“Don’t let daddy hear or he’ll kill him but Mandies brother taught us all about strip poker when we were at her sleep over.”

“Bitch, you never told me about that before, wait, strip poker? Like taking your clothes off instead of betting?” Jessica looked a bit intrigued and a bit horrified at the same time. As Amelia grinned widely and nodded.

 

I didn’t hear the next part of their conversation as Summer prodded me with a snooker cue, I hadn’t seen her approaching me.

“Play pool with me.” She demanded in a tone I couldn’t interpret as she thrust the cue towards me. I looked at her in panic for a long moment, how could she possibly not hate me after what I did to her? Was she trying to set me up for something?

“Not now Summer.” I must have said it a little harsher than I intended she looked a little as though I’d bitten her but then she just shrugged and turned towards the table starting to set up shots for herself to take.

 

“Hey, talking of forfeits.” Skye’s voice was suddenly loud breaking into my thoughts “Summer still owes us a forfeit from yesterday.” Everyone looked at Skye and then looked at Summer who froze in place for a moment before she pretended she hadn’t heard and with a sharp snap of the cue, took the shot she’d been lining up.

“Come on, we were all just pissin’ around weren’t we?” I asked turning back to Skye. “She doesn’t really have to do it.”

“Yeah, you would let her off. Everyone always lets her off because she’s the youngest.” Skye snapped back huffily. “You think she should do it don’t you?” She asked the two beside her.

“Ummm.” Amelia made a non-committal sounds, suggesting she didn’t really want to be dragged into a fight but Jessica forged ahead.

“Why are you so dead set on it?”

“She gets away with everything just for being the youngest. Why shouldn’t she have to embarrass herself once or twice?”

“What? You think because you’re two years older than me that you’re so much better than me? You just think that I should do as you say? Or are you lesbian and get off on seeing your lil sister do sexy things?” Summer snapped, turning to face our sister and I could see the signs in her face that she was ready to argue.

“Girls, we’ve got to keep it down, remember?” I grumbled in the hopes that I could forestall the argument and prevent any parents getting involved.

 “Of course, you’d take her side. You always do.” Skye spat the words at me

“Ummm,” Amelia interjected again, a worried look on her face, I also noticed that she had crept closer to her sister and they were now holding hands as if seeking security from each other.

“I’m not in the mood for it today Skye. If you don’t drop it, I’ll tan your hide myself, you are being a cow.” Skye looked at me in horror for a moment before she replied with a last flare of defiance.

“You wouldn’t dare.” She said a little uncertainly. “You always take her side anyway…” She broke off as I darted forward, caught her wrist and in the same motion bent her over the back of the couch and flipped her dress up revealing her plan pink panties. Without waiting I landed a hearty smack on her butt with my other hand, it was a bit harder than I really intended and where her panties ended, I could see my handprint on her skin. Skye yelped and Amelia laughed a little nervously as I landed another wallop on my sisters arse. Before letting her go.

“I told you, todays not the day for it.” I grumbled at her, somewhat surprised at myself but still feeling a riot of emotions that I wasn’t certain how to deal with. I glared at Amelia as she smirked at Skye who was slowly getting up while holding her smarting butt. “You two should go get dressed.”

“Yessir” Amelia snapped off a sloppy salute and dragged Jessica towards the door as quickly as she could. Skye’s cheeks were pinker than I’d seen them in years, but I didn’t really think about it, I knew I’d just thoroughly embarrassed her infront of everyone. She bit her bottom lip slightly as though she were trying to stop it from quivering and there was some kind of emotion in her eyes that I didn’t understand as she glowered at me.

“I’m going to tell mum.” She sniffed.

“Mum’s got other things to worry about today, so you better not bother her. I’m going to get my guitar, while I’m gone, you two better make up or I’ll tan both your hides ok?” Skye looked sullen but murmured an “ok” so I glared at Summer until she nodded.

 

Leaving the two there I left the room and grabbing my shoes on the way, darted into the safety of my own room. Seeing the pouch of weed dad had given me, I wanted to go and have a calming spliff but the memory of mum having a go at her sister about smoking haunted me. I wondered if mum even knew that dad had given me the stuff, I’d seen her smoke it before but I’d never seen her smoke it regularly. Sitting on the edge of the bed I picked up my guitar and started picking at the strings, letting my thoughts wash away on a tide of music.

 

I guess I must have gotten too carried away with the music because dad knocked on the door and poked his head in to ask me to play a bit quieter.

“That brings back a few memories.” He smiled looking at the guitar, I could tell that he wanted to join me and have a go, it had been his guitar before he bought a new one some years ago, most of the stickers and graffiti meant things to him though I had added a few.

“You wanna play something?” I offered, looking up at him.

“You have no idea how much I want to, I can’t really though. Gotta try and keep those two from each other.” He sighed and started to leave. “Oh, Skye said something about you hitting her?” He popped back and added. “Anything I should worry about?”

“She was bitching about Summer again and wouldn’t stop so I smacked her butt.” I tried to be nonchalant about it but wondered if I’d be in trouble.

“I understand, try not to resort to violence like Jamie does though ok? And try to keep a bit quieter, Jamie recons his head is splitting and I don’t trust him not to get angry again.” Was the only comment he gave as he disappeared round the door.

 

Summer was in the kitchen when I got there to see what was for lunch and she told me that mum said to sort our own food out and keep out the way. I could still hear Jamie bellowing about how Irene had purposefully tried to burn him with tea that morning and Irene shrilling about how she never wanted to hurt him and how sorry she was that the drink was too hot.

“Shall I make yours for you?” Summer asked sweetly, standing close to me and stroking my arm slightly with her fingertips.

“I can manage.” I grumbled roughly pushing her away so I could grab a packet of crisps and a chocolate bar from the cupboard.

“What’s wrong Ken? You’ve been funny all morning.” She asked. “Did I do something wrong?” She looked at me with her big eyes, putting her hand on my arm in the same way mum did when she was worried about something. I felt even worse about myself.

“I’m fine.” I snapped, shrugging her off and walking out the door as quick as I could, nearly colliding with Amelia as she and Jessica entered the kitchen.

Jamie was in the doorway of the sitting room and glowered at me as I pushed past the twins, heading for my room.

“Hey, little shit, you better not be rude to my girls. You the one making that fucking row earlier?” He bellowed at me, he seemed to have lost all pretence of volume control or politeness. “Goes right through my fucking head, you keep quiet you hear me?” He yelled after me as I ran up the stairs, plainly ignoring him. From the top of the stairs I could hear him yelling at the twins and then yelling at Irene to shut up before he found her and gave her something to whine about. I couldn’t take it anymore so I didn’t hesitate, in my room, I jammed my shoes on, slung the guitar over my back, grabbed the pouch and let myself out onto the balcony. With a leap I was on the gravel path and heading for somewhere quiet as the rain began to pelt down again.

 

I hurried up to the hay loft I’d found the first day we arrived, water already dripping from my guitar and hair. Moving some of the bales around I made myself comfortable, pulled the bucket to where I could reach it and with shaking fingers rolled myself a spliff which took a few tries to light because of the rain I’d gotten on it. Leaning back, I inhaled deeply and felt the smoke curling into my lungs, calming my nerves and making my worries seem insignificant. Pretty soon I was lost in a hazy world of music and feeling good.

 

I don’t know how long I was there playing music to myself and smoking weed but I remember that I was disturbed once by the sound of a heavy machine outside, which panicked me in case the farmer came in and caught me smoking in his hay loft but no one came in and after a while the sounds went away again so I returned to playing my guitar.

 

The next time I was disturbed, I heard voices, the door was opened, and the voices were accompanied by people clattering up the stairs. I panicked and leapt to my feet trying to juggle my guitar, the smoke I was just rolling, the pouch and the lighter as I tried to simultaneously duck behind the bales of hay and wave away the smoke that was hanging in the air.

“Found him!” Skye yelled happily over her shoulder as though we’d been playing hide and seek. The girls all clattered into the loft as I slowly emerged from behind the bale I’d been trying, unsuccessfully, to hide behind.

“Were you looking for me?” I asked trying to sound normal and nonchalant.

“Why have you been hiding here?” Summer asked while Jess waved at the smoke that hung in the loft and commented how they would probably all get cancer.

“What makes you think I’ve been hiding?” I asked, still trying to sound normal before it occurred to me that I’d have normally been grumpier about them disturbing me.
“What’s wrong with wanting some time to myself?” I added gruffly.

“Ok, what’s up? You’ve been avoiding us all day and you only ever hide away needing “time to yourself” when you’re pissed off or unhappy about something. So which is it?” Skye smirked at me in the annoying way she had when she thought she knew everything.

“Neither. I just wanted to play my guitar.” I replied a little haughtily knowing that she was right but not wanting to admit it.

“And the smoke?” Summer chipped in. “You know, dad won’t give you more if you smoke it all before we go home.”

“Jeez, maybe I just wanted a wank? You ever thought maybe I’d need some time alone for that?” Jessica looked shocked I’d say it, Amelia murmured that it didn’t matter, they’d all already seen what I was packing. Skye snorted a laugh and Summer quirked an eyebrow at me.

“Was that what you were doing?” Skye asked, calling my bluff. I tried to look embarrassed and mumbled that I might have been.

“Well I guess that would be why your jeans are on the floor then.” She quipped sarcastically, drawing everyone’s attention to the fact that I was still wearing them.

“Maybe I’d already finished and was just relaxing afterwards.” I attempted to defend myself.

“Nope try again, you’ve been weird all day.” Skye parried.

“You were really strange with me before breakfast too.” Summer added.

“What did you expect after last night?” I blurted out before I thought about it. Summers eyes went big and she made an “oh” as though understanding suddenly hit her. “I’m no better than that twat next door now.” I added.

“Um?” Jessica questioned, voicing the others confusion. Summer sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Way to shout about everything bro.” She huffed in mock exasperation before continuing to explain. “I gave him a blow job last night. They boy next door taught me that guys like that so I thought it was something nice I could do for him after he stuck up for me, I wasn’t going to tell everyone though.”

“Ewwww, he’s your brother and you put his thing in your mouth?” Jessica freaked out.

“It’s just a bit of fun and like I said, guys like it when you do stuff like that though he did return the favour and that was even better.” She smiled wistfully at the memory.

“Making me no better than Jimmy” I blurted again. “I took advantage of you.” My self-control was now broken, and I flopped onto one of the bales, my guitar slipping to the floor as I hung my head.

“You’re nothing like Jimmy.” Summer said forcefully as she came closer to me and put her arms around me.