X783 (July 25)

There were a lot of things I missed from my past life, the internet, coca-cola, movies, and chatting with the very few friends I had made online, although I think the last would fall under the internet category.

And one of the things I missed the most was also one that I had a kind of love-hate relationship with.

Love because it had been one of the few things that kept me entertained and slightly enthusiastic even on really bad days in my previous life.

And hate because it had given me some wrong notions that could have harmed me a little in this new life of mine.

I was talking, of course, about fictional stories, including anime, manga, books, novels, comics, movies of different kinds, and even fanfics, so in general I could say that anything that would help me cope with both the monotony and the fucked up situations that I had to live.

But to understand this I think I should be a little more specific, it was thanks to these things that I achieved many of the things I could do now in terms of combat skills, such as the multiple kinds of swords I could create, going through relaxation methods, to some unconventional hand-to-hand moves to add to my arsenal.

But I think it would be fair to say that that was as far as the benefits went because every idea I had was followed up with research, consultation with people more knowledgeable on the subject than I am, and more practice than any training arc has any right to last.

Because the plain truth was that, although I'm ashamed to admit it, I expected to be at least a little overpowered in this world, either in terms of raw power, being able to wipe my enemies with a single hit, or with a skill far-fetched enough that all attacks thrown at me were reflected at my opponent.

But the sad reality came, kicked me in the butt, and put me on the ground before taking a photo for the memory, all this in the way that Jack the ripper had been playing with me.

The only two reasons why I was still alive were clear, the first one was that he didn't take me seriously until it was too late, and the second one was thanks to the awakening of my Sacred Gear, because if the assassin had gone to 100% of his capacities, the "fight" would have ended before the first twelve seconds had elapsed.

And if I had not awakened my first ability then the most that would have remained of me would be little less than a parody of a human body now turned into a burned stain on the floor.

Now, one would think that after that reality check he had learned my lesson, I mean, it had everything to do so, right?

My exhaustive physical training had been easily surpassed and only served as entertainment for a sadist until his own ego bit him in the ass, my "tactics" to snatch victory did not take into account the use that the assassin could put to the artifact he had even when I noticed it, and finally, my "will and determination" finally collapsed when a bomb almost exploded in my face.

The set of those things should have served as a wake-up call, making it clear to me that I wasn't a protagonist with the plot armor on his side, right?

Well, if you think that, you are completely wrong.

Being the immature idiot that I was, I took all these signs in the most opposite way possible.

After all, who besides a protagonist could have gotten out of such a situation?

Who else besides a protagonist would have been saved by the awakening of his ability at the last second?

That was what I thought at the time, embarrassing, don't you think?

The preconceived notions after reading so many of those scenarios with strong and brave protagonists, willing to fight to the bitter end, had rotted my brain to the point that I tried to emulate them even after that fight.

It was lucky that the training following that, both my uncle's and my own, put this nonsense out of my head.

Because, what would a protagonist do during his training? Well, obviously train hard and in the best of cases, beat his mentor in the first or second meeting, while, in the worst, after a time neither very long nor very short, he would surpass whoever was training him.

But in my case, if we were talking about pure hand-to-hand combat, my uncle was still better than me, and it wasn't like I was bad, in the opinion of my uncle, Bobby, and even Capricorn, I was an incredibly skilled fighter.

But even when my greatest talent was in hand-to-hand combat, my uncle showed me what it meant to be a true combat genius, even if I used Touki, he would make up for everything by using magic reinforcement.

And although in those conditions I was superior in terms of strength and speed, my uncle closed the gap without much effort thanks to his masterful mastery of martial arts, because apparently he had not only mastered the fighting style of the rune guard, but also he integrated different types of styles from other teachers he had before fully joining law enforcement.

Taking this into account and his sense of justice which dictated that he should do the right thing whenever possible, at this point, he seemed more of a shonen protagonist than me.

The whole training was a harsh but necessary awakening for me.

But I also couldn't put aside my own training, let's talk a bit about Blade blacksmith, now, one would think that the ability to create swords with whatever effect one wanted was an incredible ability that could make me invincible, right?

Well, if you think that, you were wrong once again, my little padawan.

The ability to give effects to my weapons had quite pronounced limits, let's take for example one of my favorite creations, the shadow daggers, the only reason I was able to create them was that several years ago I met a shadow wizard who passed around Grayson's shop looking for a special kind of magical cloth.

After introducing himself as a magician, I talked a little with him, and since he would stay for a week until his new magical suit was ready, I was able to hire him to show me his magic.

And even after experiencing first-hand the effects of his magic, the way he did it, and the details told by himself, it took me 3 months of testing to create my first shadow dagger.

My point with this was that contrary to what I expected, my powers weren't as convenient as they seemed.

And this extended to all my other abilities, like my swordplay, which was my second strongest point, behind only my hand-to-hand combat ability.

But, in terms of training the worst was definitely the one I did in hopes of awakening Touki, you know those protagonists who train their bodies until they are inadvertently fucking strong physically which gives them an unexpected advantage over enemies who specialize in other things?

Well, that was not my case, don't get me wrong, I was not a weakling, I was quite strong, if I were back on earth, surely I could take the place of the strongest person in history, but in a world where there were people who could literally throw lightning bolts, wind blades or rocks with the hardness of steel and the size of a truck at you at considerable speed, my basic strength might not be as impressive.

And that wasn't even counting wizards who fought directly with their fists, because I'd read reports of wizards who could tear down castle walls with just their fists, or with attacks powerful enough to deal damage equivalent to that of a small natural disaster.

So if I wanted to travel the world my only way out was to awaken my touki to have a chance against people like that if I was unlucky enough to run into them and they were antagonistic for some reason.

It could be said that throughout my life I had trained my body, and if my blessing was added to this scenario, everything seemed to indicate that obtaining touki would not be very difficult.

Once again, I had been wrong, and oh boy, how had I done it.

Ever since the training with my uncle began, I pushed myself more and more, until I reached the point where each day ended on the brink of fainting, recovering with the help of my divine protection so that my body could give it its all the next day.

And yet there came a point where the physical improvements started to dwindle, my strength barely increased, my speed barely increased anymore, and that frustrated me, frustrated me to the point where I forced my body so stupidly that, in words from the doctor, I almost got a permanent muscle injury that would reduce my abilities even more.

And while I'm sure deep down I knew it, all of this was… revealing.

That's why I was still afraid of senjutsu, because I knew that if I made a mistake, nothing would protect me or could save me, there would be no conveniences or miracles, because I wasn't a protagonist, the little I had advanced had been thanks to caution and the networks of security that I had built.

I wasn't the most mature person in the world, I never was, and I didn't pretend to be either, I was only 16 years old before I died, but even so, I tried to be the most reasonable I could, even if I took into account my fanciful situation, but the truth was that I still I was immature in many ways, so all these experiences along with my inability to save Miss Layla dealt a heavy blow to my reincarnated protagonist fantasy.

So I tried to improve, I tried to take things more calmly, but at the end of it all, although it is possible to improve aspects of oneself, a person will never be able to change the nature of their very being, what gives someone their identity and what it makes them who they are.

Even though my fantasies and delusions had diminished enormously, the fantastic settings, situations taken from magical stories, and fights that defied all logic continued to lead me to be that child who dreamed of having incredible adventures and epic fights.

And I learned to accept that it wasn't wrong, after all, that was also part of my new life and my new self, and if I didn't accept myself, then who would?

Second Side Story, a little introspection of Jean, in my humble opinion, when you create a protagonist, you should give him enough means to be likable and empathize with him, along with enough mistakes or flaws to show that he is not perfect and that it probably never will be, because it's the journey, the story that the character goes through that shapes them to be who they are at the end of the story, and I'm doing my best to apply that to Jean.

I hope to do it well in the rest of the story, anyway, see you in the next chapter, Ciao.