I don’t know how long I have been sleeping.

 

Even if I said I was sleeping, it wasn’t like any sleep I had ever experienced in my life before.

 

I was somewhat asleep and awake at the same time, as I was still able to hear the voice around me.

 

I was just unable to open my eyelids and get up from the bed.

 

The only thing I knew was that a lot of people were coming to see me.

 

I recognized some of them by their voices, but for the rest, I had no idea.

 

The most recognizable voices were from my parents.

 

They were crying while spouting a bunch of nonsensical things I didn’t understand.

 

My dad’s cry was the loudest, while my mom’s was the longest.

 

Did I do something that made them like this?

 

Was I a failure of a daughter?

 

I’m sorry, mom, dad…

 

I cannot open my eyes...

 

I cannot say anything…

 

I cannot respond to you….

 

I’m just… sleeping.

 

So tightly I cannot do anything…

 

◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

 

The next one would be from Kyouko.

 

She sobbed the hardest.

 

I know she was with me before I went to sleep.

 

Maybe that’s why she cried like that…

 

Sorry, Kyouko…

 

I cannot touch you…

 

I just… can’t…

 

Sorry for being a bad friend…

 

I’m sorry… I cannot cry…

 

I’m sorry…

 

For being a burden to you all…

 

◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

 

I have also been dreaming.

 

A dream where I was floating on the surface of a vast and open sea.

 

The sea was deep, as it was so dark.

 

And no matter what I did, I just couldn’t move.

 

Gradually, I grew accustomed to the depth of the sea.

 

And then, I began to drown.

 

But strangely enough, I was able to breathe properly.

 

Not even a single time where I choke on sea water or suffocated in need of oxygen.

 

It was a new experience for me and I know, I gotta wake up soon.

 

When I tried to open my eyes, numerics and a single word appeared from nowhere.

 

230 Days.

 

230 Days.

 

230 Da-

 

It kept repeating the same thing over and over.

 

Countlessly.

 

Endlessly.

 

As if I was trapped inside an infinity loop of a broken cassette…

 

For an eternity.

 

I began to feel irritated.

 

But as immovable as my body was, I couldn’t do anything.

 

Helplessly…

 

I want to scream…

 

I want to shout…

 

To the point where my vocal cord tears apart…

 

I don’t care…

 

I just want to scream.

 

And just like that, I feel my body jolting.

 

I feel I must let that thing out of my body.

 

The thing that made me like this…

 

The thing that made me this miserable…

 

And then, I regained my senses I thought I had lost a long time ago…

 

◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

 

Monday, November 18, 2019. 7.37 a.m.

 

“Cough! Cough! Cough! Bleeergh!”

 

I coughed so hard as I spat out the thing that was stuck between my throat and esophagus. When the thing was already in my mouth, I shoved my fingers and took it. I then opened my eyes to look at the thing that disturbed me from my slumber.

 

The thing was golden brown colored and seemed to be made of metal alloy or something. The rusty taste quickly spread on my palate buds and I squinted my eyes as a result. Immediately, I also spotted a group of people clad in white pulling out cables and pipes from something like a machine about 3 meters in front of me.

 

"Who are you? Where is this?"

 

I quickly expressed what I was thinking and blurted out the questions loudly. I felt somewhat happy that I could talk once again. One of them, the young woman with a white nurse hat on her head, turned her head and stared at me blankly. She even gaped her mouth open and closed so wide a plane could enter it… No, I was joking. It was just so wide. That’s all.

 

“D-Doctor, she’s awake!"

 

Frantically, she strongly tapped the old man’s shoulder a few times who was wearing a white coat and thick glasses. “I wish I was that strong.”, I thought. The old man then also turned his head and stared at me. But unlike the young woman, he was much calmer and quickly ordered the other women who also started to stare at me. “Is there something wrong with my face?”, I could only think of that when being stared at so intensely.

 

"This… This is a miracle! Go tell her parents, quick!”

 

Two of the women hurriedly rushed to the door, and once I saw it, I came to an understanding of what kind of place I was at.

 

“Hospital…”

 

Softly, I murmured to myself and began to glance around with my blurry sight.

 

“Hmm…”

 

At first, nothing was different. The bay I was staying in seemed like a normal room, quite a normal hospital room with 4 glass windows arranged symmetrically on the walls to my right. I then turned my head to look at the old man and the remaining women who started to approach me with dubious looks on their faces.

 

“Miss Kirishima, can you see me?”

 

Strangely, the old man who should be the doctor asked me a question that I didn’t quite understand. To be honest, my sight was still hazy and somewhat blue. I didn’t know if it was a normal condition for a person who just woke up from her sleep but I didn’t have the courage to tell him the truth.

 

“Clearly, doc.”

 

I lied. I lied to him, I lied to myself. With an answer that I began to regret uttering, I rubbed my eyes a few times. And then…

 

“Huh…?”

 

Truly, it was shocking. The scenery was unbelievably… normal. I could still see colors, things, and to my surprise, my hazy sight completely disappeared. Everything was normal, until I spotted something that seemed enticing to my eyes.

 

“Doc, why do you have birthday candles on your head?”

 

Yes, that was what I saw. In my sight, the doctor who was standing in front of me was wearing numerical birthday candles that revealed, perhaps, his age, 56.

 

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

 

His face was full of bewilderment as he took out a medical flashlight from his coat’s pocket. He then pointed it to my left eye to check on something. Once he was done, he heaved a heavy sigh and tapped my shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry, Miss Kirishima. Your left eye is damaged beyond repair.”

 

What the heck is this guy saying?, I thought. I was in disbelief after hearing his statement since I could still see and perceive things so damn clearly. Why would he lie to me like that?

 

“Are you joking, doc? I can see everything. Look!”

 

I closed my right eye, leaving only my left eye open. And there, I began to see something I shouldn’t have been able to.

 

My sight was somewhat darkish blue, similar to the time I hadn’t rubbed my eyes before. It was as if seeing through blue tinted sunglasses but everything was so clear. I then glanced at the doctor and the numerical birthday candles on his head began to change their forms. They vibrated immensely and from the cute candles they changed into grim-looking, black, and ominous numerics, while still indicating the same number from before, 56.

 

“W-What is this…?”

 

The panic began to get the better of me, as I frantically opened my right eye as well. But the scenery that was reflected in my eyes only began to worsen. The colors came back yet the grim-looking numbers were still on his head, vibrating and oozing black smoke-like haze.

 

“Miss Kirishima! What happened!?”

 

The doctor tried to extend his hand, and deep down inside I knew he was only concerned about me panicking all of sudden, but I brushed off his hand.

 

“No! Don’t touch me!”

 

Gradually, my vision grew duller and greenish, while the strength in my body began to disappear. My eyelids were so hard to be kept open as my consciousness began to fade. Slowly, I passed out.

 

“Miss Kirishima? Miss Kirishima!”

 

Vaguely, I heard the doctor calling for my name, but I couldn’t respond to it. Everything went black, again, after that.

 

◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

 

The place I was seeing was something like a beach with black water washed on the shore from time to time. It was unbelievably dark, yet I could still clearly see everything around me clearly. I crouched and pinched the ground I was standing at, and it was definitely sand. After that, I stood up and asked myself a question.

 

“Where is this?”

 

I turned my head around to check if there was anything I could recognize, but all I could see was just the beach no matter where I looked. I stared up and the sky was full of bluish auroras waving gently.

 

“Beautiful…”

 

Unconsciously, I spouted. Not long after, I heard a clashing sound of waves against something hard and I turned my head to that direction. In the distance, I saw a rock protruding from the water surface.

 

“Huh?”

 

There, I spotted a young girl with strikingly identical appearance to me, standing still on the rock while staring at me intensely. It was as if looking into the mirror. But the girl was somewhat scary, as her bluish pupils glowed in the dark, menacingly.

 

“Aa… Aaahh…”

 

I was scared to death to see her and fell on my butt as a result. I crawled backwards several times. Then, the girl grinned and in the blink of an eye, she was already in front of me, bending her body over, showing off a truly terrifying look on her face.

 

“Why do you fear yourself, me?”

 

With a single sentence, the girl dealt a huge amount of damage to my heart, rendering me speechless while gaping my mouth widely. I wasn’t able to give any response to her question and she stared directly into my eyes and questioned, again.

 

“Why are you so afraid of yourself, me? Is my appearance that awful for you, me?”

 

“N-No… Don’t come closer!”

 

I tried to push her away but my hands went through her body. It was like pushing a hologram of myself and I couldn’t feel the contact at all. I crawled backwards again, and this time, a bunch of times, in hope to get away from her. She then heaved a heavy sigh and crossed her arms.

 

“Seriously, why are you so afraid of yourself, me?”

 

“W-What are you talking about!? I don’t understand!”

 

Cluelessly, I raised my voice. In fact, I understood what she meant, but at that time, I didn’t have the courage to admit it.

 

“If you don’t want to listen or answer my question, how do we communicate, me?”

 

“Why are you calling yourself ‘me’!? There’s no way you’re me!”

 

Pathetic, I know. I was just that scared at the beginning. The girl, once again, heaved a heavy sigh and uttered.

 

“I’m you. You’re me. That’s all. Nothing will change and has always been like that.”