The scenery in front of me is that of a sunset. Here I am, sitting on a bench with a girl that I had no recollection of, yet she gave me the feeling of comfort and nostalgia. 

Though it might just be my feelings towards her. What we brought upon ourselves here is something dismal, ironically.

“I love you.” I blurted.

“I know,” She said. The monotone in her voice gave me a clear estimate of what she was going to say. “But it’s not going to work.”

That much I understand. What she just said to me is something that I can’t refute. It is a fact that we had no other choice but to accept. Yet, deep down, I can’t help but wonder. If things were different, could we end up being together? Perhaps so. But pondering about what-ifs won’t change reality, since all of it is merely conjecture. 

Trying to let all these feelings sink in, I closed my eyes.

 

****

 

Morning. I don’t know what time it was, but the sun had already shone through the window in my room. Knowing that I woke up late, I rushed towards the bathroom to take ablution and returned to my room to do morning prayer. 

After I finished my prayer I wondered for a while why I didn’t manage to get up earlier. My phone’s alarm didn’t ring, and nobody told me to wake up either. Today was supposedly my first day as a high school freshman.

I head to the dining room for breakfast with my family... or not. It seems that my parents have already gone to work.

“Do they have to go so early though...” I mumbled while chewing on the sandwich that was on the table.

Hm?

I looked at the clock and it showed 6.30 am. School starts at 7.00 am. Going by bus takes at least 30 minutes to arrive at school. If I go by motorcycle, it takes at least 15 minutes. 

Surely it means that I'm on a tight schedule, but I keep staring at the clock. Since the clock doesn’t have a second hand, I can't tell if the clock is working or not.

hm... okay, it moves. But is it accurate? I walked to my room on the second floor to get my phone while chewing on my toast. 

Wow, what a neat room. It must not be my room. But actually, it is! I, whose room was usually messy, now have a neat room! I was amazed by my own doing, but it was done because mom yelled at me yesterday. You’re a high schooler now, she said...

Anyways, my phone. I grabbed my phone from the side of my pillow and turned on the home screen to see the clock. 

Oh no, this is bad. I am on a tight schedule. Chewing the rest of the toast hastily, I rushed to the bathroom below to take ablution and return to my room to get changed to my white-white uniform. This color doesn’t seem like high school at all.

Right before going, I checked my phone one more time to see the time. 6.36 am. Too late for the bus. I guess I should ask the bike driver near the main road to take me to school. 

I walked a little bit fast to the bike drivers’ post. I don’t have to run. I believe I still have time before the gate closes. 

“Heeeey!” I waved at the bikers in the post.

“Sup. Need a ride?” One of the bikers, Mr. Atang, responded. He catches on so quickly. Talk about being sensible.

“Yeah. I’m going to school.”

“Aight, boy. Hop on” Mr. Atang turned his bike on and wore his helmet. 

“Oh, I'm attending a new school. Way further than before`` I told Mr. Atang as I took a helm from him.

“Oh? Tell me the way then.”

“Alright” 

 

****

 

As expected, the road is crowded in the morning. That being said, I already knew the estimated time since I calculated it when I visited the school for the entrance exam before the start of the new academic year. The way to school from my neighborhood is not so complicated that it only takes 17 minutes for Mr. Atang’s first time taking me here.

After paying Mr.Atang, I rushed toward the school gate. The school field, which was located in the middle of this U-shaped school, was crowded with students from every year, grouped by each class. It doesn’t take long for me to know where I should be since first-year students stick out so much from the rest of the students because they wear silly attributes. 

In Indonesia, it is a common thing for sophomores during the first three days known as the orientation period to wear silly attributes, as instructed by the seniors in the student council. It was already part of the culture. And among the first years, my look stands out the most.

Every freshman in the crowd wears silly attributes, as much as I can see, except me. I wear a plain white-white uniform. I knew that I would wear silly attributes one day, but how come I didn’t hear anything from the school? 

This is bad... I'm getting so conscious about my looks that I can only stay silent. It seems that some people here have already made friends and are talking while waiting until the start of the ceremony. As a result, I began darting my eyes around looking for another idiot who also didn’t wear any silly attributes. Wait, who’s the idiot here?

As I looked around, my eyes finally fixated around the middle row diagonal from me, where I saw what seemed to be a girl with long hair wearing a plain uniform.

Thank God I’m not the odd one out. I muttered in my head. 

It seems that the girl is having fun chatting with another beside her. I couldn’t see her face as she didn't face my side.

“The ceremony is about to begin. All students please return to their respective classes’ lines.” 

As the announcement was made, several students began to move around, returning to their supposed position. 

 

****

 

After the ceremony, which miraculously only lasted 30 minutes long, the freshmen were guided to the student hall on the right side of the building. Even with all the freshmen that amounted to 360 students admitted, the hall is still spacious enough for another batch of the same amount. 

The freshmen were already talking with each other as soon as they got their seats. They make friends that fast, huh? Maybe they were from the same middle school. Then again, I don’t know if there was anyone from my middle school.

“Why didn’t you wear attributes?” a boy on my left spoke to me.

“Huh? Oh, no one informed me anything about the attributes.” I replied to his sudden question.

“For real?”

“Yeah.  Why did you wear those?”

“I got a message from a senior last week.”

 

What’s the meaning of this? I get the feeling that I was left out deliberately.

I was about to say to him that I didn’t even get a message, but then the principal and his colleagues entered the hall. Every student ceased their chatter and the room was filled with silence.

They are here for the opening ceremony of orientation, after the ceremony. They sure love ceremonies.

“What's your name?” The boy asked me again.

This guy got some nerve talking in the middle of the ceremony. I had wanted to ignore him, but since the speech was boring anyway, maybe chatting wouldn’t be a bad idea. 

“Uril.”

As soon as I spoke my name, the lips on his round head turned into a grin. “Noah?”

“Haha, almost there. It's Peterpan.”

Yeah, the name’s Uril Peterpan. When I asked my parents why they named me after the singer's name plus the band’s name, they said they hoped for me to become as famous as them. But then they changed the band’s name.

“Wait, for real? Cool.” He widened his eyes, seemingly bemused by my name. 

“Thanks.”

“How about yours?” 

“Salman.”

“Oh. Nice to--” I caught a glance behind us, and saw a student council member standing there.

“Don’t chat.” He whispered to us with an intimidating glare.

The both of us went into silence and pretended to listen to the boring speech from the principal. When the upperclassman left, I glanced at Salman and saw him giggling. 

Well, good for you. Now they noticed I didn’t have any attributes. I thought to myself while drenched in a cold sweat.