Quickly I stood up.

That was a lie. I waddled, had to grab the edge of my bed just to barely stand up. I felt like a penguin!

Getting old sucks balls.

Grabbing my aching head, which blared like a b*tch, I  looked around the room as my vision began to clear.

I appear to be in some apartment complex, some sad, decrepit apartment complex. One so narrow, I could touch both walls with a stretch of my arms, I can already tell the rent ain’t worth it.

For a moment I would think this was my apartment complex. But it felt…I don’t know, depressing.

I can feel the sadness of a lonely man, probably divorced, radiating from this room.

I didn’t break in again, did I?

…Unlikely.

…Or maybe I did.

…Or maybe I didn’t.

Professionals have standards, I think.

After a quick ransack, I was left pretty damn disappointed. The only thing I found of value was a soggy Chubby Boy coupon and two pieces of a ten-dollar bill taped together. Well, that and an old photo of some family, but that was only worth sentimental value, wasn’t it?

As I crumbled the photo in disgruntled anger, I suddenly remembered.

Wasn’t I supposed to be dead?

…Ah, whatever.

I’m starving, I feel like I haven’t eaten in days. I have this coupon worth a free Delight Meal, I should go use it.

Opening the apartment door, I was greeted with the lovely smell of dead fish and feces, the natural smell of a big city.

-Clap. Clap. Clap.

Hmm? Did I get rounder?

I feel rounder, every step I take down the stairs makes my belly flop. I should probably lose some weight, probably, yeah, probably.

Walking around the unfamiliar street, I found a Chubby Boy Restaurant quicker than a Pokémon Trainer stepping into a pile of grass.

My stomach panged as I got closer and got a whiff of that iconic Chubby Boy smell. I have ten dollars; I think I’ll buy two M’ Chicken’s and a cup of soda along with that free Delight Meal.

“You bastard!”

As I was about get my order, a fist came flying my way. Instinctively I dodged, but my fat-ass was too slow to move.

Okay, I’ll definitely lose this weight, eventually.

Falling to floor with my cheek now swollen, I looked up to see which hothead was brave enough to mess with Gangster Mike.

It was a Chubby Boy’ employee, brilliant, f*cking brilliant.

“You were supposed to come over an hour ago!”