Later that morning, I call Benny, apologize profusely, and thank him for taking care of me.
He makes my heart flutter furiously when he tells me, “Lil’ bird, I’ll always watch out for you.”
God, I wish he was here so I could kiss him. How did I get so lucky to meet someone like him?
That Friday, after the game, Benny and I get into our very first fight, and boy is it a doozy. One of the team members flirts with me during the game, and instead of rebuffing him like I normally would with other boys, I smile and playfully flirt back.
Look, I know the guy quite well, and he flirts with all the girls. He doesn’t really mean anything by it. It’s kind of a game with him, and all of us girls know it. Regardless, it isn’t as if I would have allowed it to go any further than flirting.
Ben, well, he didn’t see it that way, and it blew up into us all-out screaming at each other. He finally storms off to his truck, leaving me in tears.
Saturday, Mom and Dad come home from their honeymoon to find me holed up in my room, alternating between crying and being furious. Apparently, Megan told Mom what happened because she comes up to my room, taps on my door, and comes in to sit down beside me on the bed.
“Sweetie, do you want to tell me your version of what happened?”
I explain to her about Noah and how he is. Then go on to say that it meant nothing.
Suffice it to say, she wasn’t of the same opinion. “Jackie, playful or not, you can’t flirt with other boys. I can’t blame him for being angry.”
“But, neither he nor I meant anything by it!”
“Whether either you did or didn’t isn’t the issue. Okay, tell me this, how would you feel if you saw Ben flirting with another girl? Be honest.”
I consider it for a moment, but I already know. I hang my head and quietly murmur, “I’d tear him a new one.”
“Exactly. Why do you think he’d react any differently?”
“I… don’t know? But, he should know that I’d never cheat on him.”
“Sweetie, Ben likes you, a lot. You’re a beautiful and very popular young lady, so I imagine he always has this little worry in the back of his mind that you might be looking for someone else who you’d rather be with than him.”
“I would never, ever do that to Benny. He’s…. Special to me,” I state forcefully.
“I know that, and I’m sure Ben probably believes that as well, but he knows how much competition there is for popular and beautiful girls. Relationships aren’t easy, and we shouldn’t have to reassure our partners that we care about them, but we do. It’s really easy to break someone’s trust as well.
“That said, you owe Ben a sincere apology. Hopefully, he will accept it, and you two can move on.”
“If not?”
“You already know.”
“Mom, I don’t want to lose Benny over something this idiotic.”
“Then, all you can do is sincerely apologize and make sure that he knows it will never happen again.” I sigh and nod. “Good. Now, your sister told me that you haven’t eaten since yesterday, so come on, let’s get some food in you, and then you can call Ben.”
After I eat, I head back to my room and grab my phone. Benny doesn’t answer when I call, so I call his house phone, and Sarah picks up.
Needless to say, I have to run back through the whole situation with her, and she pretty much tells me the same thing that Mom did. Then, she tells me to hold on and she’ll go get Ben.
A minute later, although it seems like it takes much longer, he picks up, “Hello?”
“Benny, just listen to me before you say or do anything,” I blurt out. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t hang up on me either, so I continue, “I’m genuinely sorry. I wasn’t thinking, and I darn sure didn’t mean to hurt you. Believe me, I’d never intentionally hurt you, but I did, and I’m so sorry. Benny, you mean the world to me. I don’t want us to break up over something like this.
“Noah, he’s the guy I was talking to last night, is a big flirt. It’s just how he is, he plays around that way, and we all play along. Nothing would ever come of it, for any of us girls, but especially me. I never even considered that it would upset you. I’m more sorry about that than I can tell you. Please, Ben. Forgive me. I promise you that I’ll never do anything like that again.”
Both of us are quiet for a few minutes. Finally, he says, “You’re right, you hurt me. Badly. Even knowing how much my ex screwed with me, you flirted with another guy right in front of me. Whether either of you meant anything by it or not isn’t the point.”
“I know it isn’t, I’d be angry too if you flirted with someone else.”
He sighs, and finally, a few seconds later, he says, “Lil’ bird, if you ever do something like this again, I promise you, I’ll bend you over my knee and spank you.”
I giggle since I know he’d never lay a hand on me, but also because it implies that he’s forgiven me.
“Benny, please, come to see me. Right now, don’t wait until this evening.”
“Okay, see you in about an hour.”
We end the call, and I smile as I place my phone on the nightstand. Then I get up and go to my closet to pick out a sexy little outfit to wear for him. Let’s just say that I have a lot to make up to him, and we spend the evening in my room making out.
It isn’t long before the end of the semester, and another dance comes up, which means shopping for another dress. I chose a slinky little silver off-the-shoulder number with a split up my right leg that almost reaches my hip. Thankfully, Mom allows me to get it. Ben’s smile when he sees me in it is something to behold and makes me glad that I decided to be a bit bold when I chose it.
Being close to the end of the semester also means that spring break is quickly approaching. Ben and Cary talked to our parents to ask if they could take us on a weekend trip to the beach. It takes us using puppy eyes, promises to be good girls, and more than a little wheedling, but they finally allow us to go with the promise that we will have separate rooms.
By the way, the weekend is fabulous and a lot of fun. We did get two rooms as promised, but Cary and Megan stay in one, and Ben and I stay in the other. Nothing happens, and he never even tries to take things further than I’m comfortable with, which is nothing more than cuddling and kissing. I assume since Megan never tells me that she had sex that Cary is limited to much the same thing.
There are a couple of reasons for that. First, I’m not ready to have sex yet. Second, I’m not on birth control, and condoms can break, so I definitely need to be before we have sex. I may want children, but I’m far too young to be a mother. I mean, yes, I can have children, but I’m nowhere near mature enough to properly raise a child. Anyway, imagine the uproar that would happen if I suddenly announced, ‘Oh, by the way, I’m pregnant.’ Nuh-uh. No way. Not happening. I’d like to be able to leave the house before I’m 18, thank you very much.
After our weekend trip, we return to our schedule of yoga and ballet, but Mom and Dad tell us that going to the gym is being replaced with Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
Apparently, while we were gone for the weekend, another girl was raped in a town close to us. Mom and Dad had a long conversation about both that and us. Admittedly, we are pretty girls, Megan even more so than I am. That said, I’m tiny, and Megan isn’t much bigger, even if we are in good shape. Our parents want us to have some way of at least trying to defend ourselves, other than hoping that we can kick an attacker in the nuts and run away, so Dad brought up what he took when he was young, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
He tells us that many women learn it because not only is it a style that teaches attack, but also defense, even from the ground. Knowing that, I can understand why they want us to take it. So, on Monday and Thursday evenings we will be going to a local dojo. Who knows? We’re both rather active, so we might find it fun.
Spring break is over all too soon, and we have to return to school. Though we are happy to see our friends again, it also means that we don’t get to see our boyfriends as much. There isn’t much to say about school, other than to say it’s school. What I can truthfully tell you is that this is the first year I’ve enjoyed school since I was 9.
I doubt I really need to explain why, but just in case. It’s because, for the first time in, like, forever, I’m comfortable with myself, I’m popular, I have friends, and no one bullies me. Not that anyone would dare to even try to bully me. My friends and probably 99% of the football team would be all over them like white on rice. The only thing that would make it better would be if Ben lived here and went to school with me.
Nevertheless, I’ve been thinking about the future. Specifically, Ben’s and my future as a couple. He’s almost 2 years older than me, and that’s a bit worrisome. No, not the age gap. It’s the fact that he is going to graduate high school next year. What’s going to happen then? He wants to go to Florida State University to become an engineer, and I support him in his goal.
However, it’s half the state away from here. What will that mean for us? Will he break up with me? Drive down to see me on the weekends? My understanding is that long-distance relationships are hard, and more often than not, they end pretty quickly because of the strain. I don’t want that, but what am I to do? I am not going to ask him not to follow his dreams or even ask him to wait for me to attend college. So, the question is: Can our relationship survive him doing so? As I said, it’s a worry, and one I can’t simply disregard either.
We care about each other, that’s much is obvious, and I want us to stay together. There are several reasons that I do, but my main reason would probably be that good men like him are hard to find. I got lucky when we met, and I don’t want to play the round-robin dating game hoping to find another one like him.
Well, for right now, we have over a year until then, so the best I can hope for is that he’s as serious about me as I am about him.
Enough on that subject for the moment.
My busy life continues along with much the same routine: school, cheerleading, ballet, yoga, self-defense classes, and dates with Ben every weekend. At least it does until one evening in the middle of the semester when we go down to dinner. Mom and Dad are sitting there smiling happily, and she says, “Girls, I have some news.” We sit down and give her our attention. “I’m pregnant.”
Immediately, we squeal happily, leap out of our seats to hug and kiss both of them, then tell them, “Congratulations!”
We’re extremely happy about it if you can’t tell. We chatter away excitedly, asking how far along she is and if they know what sex the baby is. She tells us that she’s about six weeks along and that’s too early to know whether it’s a boy or girl. As you can guess, dinner is a mix of good food, smiles, and happy chatter.
Just when I think that my life can’t get any better, something like this happens. I can’t wait to be a big sister!
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How old was she again? I hope there's not many complications, but surely Jackie will be a great big sister as well.