Ch: 28 A Sticky End

In a quiet seaside inn at sunset, a man floated naked in an outdoor bath, listening to a small, beautiful woman chew him out. This was Gary’s new normal.

“You must think before you act, out here in the wider world things do not work as they do in Wheatford. Things sometimes are less orderly in other domains.” She said, punctuating  her statement with a sharp glance.

 

“Shai told me about the game of insult, I guess it was part of her clan’s lore and it seemed appropriate.” Gary shrugged. “He had bad intentions from the start, I could taste it when he was in my pool. Not a good time.” 

 

Tawny sighed deeply, her golden shoulders deflating a little. “The baron of Port Fallon lost his son and only heir two years ago in a monster hunt. He was apparently eaten entirely.” She had a sour look on her lips. 

 

“Brennan Fallon is a cousin, and the new heir. He would compare unfavorably with whatever is left of poor Edmund Fallon now.” She sighed again.

 

“Brennan is easily insulted and will hold petty grudges for private slights, as most spoiled children will. If you were to humiliate him in front of common troopers, that would earn you a dangerous and unpredictable enemy.”

 

“Oh yeah we did that in spades, we were really nice about it too, that should really steam his dumplings.” He said with a grin. “He's a tremendous asshole… I don’t think he’s baron material.” 

“Sadly we do not get to make that judgment.” Tawny furrowed her golden brows thoughtfully. “What is done cannot be undone. We Shall see where this leads.”

 

She poked him out into the middle of the pool, setting him adrift again. “The others are out dealing with a trapdoor and a walking tree you should rest.”

 

“I wanted to see the tree… I wonder what kind of lumber it will give… walking tree walking bass? Maybe…” He said, drifting into nowhere on wings of sleepy vibes.

 

#

 

The walking tree, according to: ‘Wheatford and Environs, Wildlife: a Guide and Manual’, was a stick insect gone monster. 

 

They were not aggressive or quick, just armored and huge. So huge they would climb a tree to ‘stick it out’ and topple it, then climb another tree. Rinse and repeat, it could knock down a whole forest and block the roads just bumbling around. 

 

In reality:

 

“Gods damn this thing!” Liam shouted as the semi humanoid assemblage of random logs and twigs carried his struggling, armored form up to its mouth and popped him in. 

 

“Liam!” Dannyl screamed, hurling himself forward with his whip spinning in tight vicious arcs, scattering bark and sapwood all around.

 

The beast stood the height of a good sized tree, thirty feet at least. Its pebbly brown bark was thick and tough. While the corded ‘muscles’ of vines and springy saplings within were resilient as well. 

 

Plum canker giants were the most problematic of all walking sticks, they had a tendency to be feisty. Tallum’s club bashed against the mighty being with little effect. In return it struck him with a kick that appeared slow, until it punted him a half dozen yards. 

 

While the vast leg was ponderously swinging by, having spent much of its force on Tallum, Dannyl leapt. He scurried up the limb like a squirrel, his whip flogging the beast as he ran. “Cover Ivy, I’m going in!” He called before darting up the thing’s torso in hopping bounds.

 

#

 

It was on the ground, standing on five of its legs and swatting at the pests with the free appendage. It lurched about, swinging one colossal limb after another at the fast moving creatures harassing it. From its great round ball of a head, a low moaning sound crooned, as though haunted by some dread spirit. 

 

It had neither legs nor arms really, just undifferentiated limbs with grasping hooks and appendages. It swept the area with those woody talons in swaying arcs. Grabbing up the tiny creatures when it could and stuffing them in its maw. 

 

It had eaten two so far!

 

It was not certain if that was an accomplishment or not, being a wooden headed fruit tree canker. Bug and bacteria, mixed with fruit tree does not add up to much brain power, even when infested with a fragmentary soul from an outside dimension. 

 

The one climbing it was a nuisance though, it knew that. It swatted fiercely at its own torso, sending bark and sticks flying.

 

#

 

Tallum was back up, pounding at the legs it was standing on with his club. Dannyl leapt and scampered, flogging away when he could to keep it distracted and furious.  “Keep it up buddy! I’m going inside!”  He shouted before leaping the creature’s neck and climbing past its jagged, immobile jaw.

 

“Great!” the giant grumbled, whacking the tree trunk legs one after another. “Feels like harvest time in the nut orchards.” He complained, while sticks and bark showered down.

 

#

 

Dannyl tumbled down the tube of smooth, slick, green sapwood that was the creature’s throat, landing in a sticky pool of gunk with Shai and Liam.  

 

“Took long enough.” Liam grumbled. Clapping the small man on the shoulder with a squishy splat. Gooey slop oozed and squelched around their knees. It clung and slowly began to harden into what would eventually become amber.

 

“It wouldn’t take me, I had to climb in, stupid thing…” He griped, struggling for a little more room in the slowly undulating tangle of humans and sap.

 

“Aye, tis a stupid thing an we did need three tries tae get it tae eat the right one o us, nae could we even manage that. Let us finish this ere we be trapped in amber.” Shai said, eyeing the slowly congealing mass clinging to them.

 

The walls of the space were formed of innumerable roots, vines, branches and saplings all squeezed together into a basket slowly filling with sticky sap. Once fully entombed in amber and solidified, they would be unceremoniously crapped out onto the forest floor. 

 

The group had found a number of animals and insects lying around in just that way. Most notably the small trapdoor they had been searching for. It was now in Ivy’s bag and should fetch a fine price in Port Ellis.

 

Liam nodded to his kin and slipped the point of his spear into the network of green and springy ‘muscles’ that formed the creature’s stomach. With a heave and some help from Shai’s mighty back, they parted enough of the squirming, ropy tendrils to get Dannyl’s whip looped around a mass of them.

 

As each one parted with a wet sound and a spray of sap, the creature began to tremble. 

With room to move as the cage loosened, Shai began slashing tendrils with her swords. Flicking her blades briskly in the enclosed space, she expanded their territory inside the thing.

 

Liam’s spear began to take a toll, its enchanted edges slipping into and through the monster’s delightfully scented guts. With short careful sweeps, he was clearing space almost as quickly as Shai.

 

Dannyl, little Dannyl, was this creature’s nemesis, his chain whip sawed and slashed through its insides, leaving sap and goo coating everything around. He burrowed through it like a parasitic beetle, destroying its ‘organs’ and ‘tissues’ with frightful joy.

Outside, Tallum struck and moved, pounding one leg after another making the thing dance as it moaned in rhythm to his beat. “Gary would have loved this one! It sings when you hit it!” He shouted, while Ivy glared at him from her ritual circle of salt and honey.

 

Ivy began a slow and careful dance, assuming strange postures while making obscure motions with her hands. She sang out in a liquid tongue with her head thrown back in savage joy and howled.

 

Somewhere deep in the creature, a wet sloshing sound came. A deep swirling rumble shook its form, as a geyser of sap erupted from its midsection, tumbling the three companions to the earth in a sticky, wet, and now gritty pile.

 

The tacky trio landed on Tallum in a wave of clinging ick, engulfing him in their tangle. They rolled to a stop in a laughing mess of limbs, mud and forest detritus

 

Around them, the creature’s limbs tumbled down, disjointed and collapsing as the magic animating them fled. Its colossal head rolled to a stop near Ivy, baleful lights flickering in the near exhausted sockets. 

 

“Sorry guy, wrong place, wrong time.” She said, smashing the desiccated, lumpy thing with her staff.

 

Like the paper and paste monsters stuffed with candy and toys from the feast of light, it split and burst leaving a large amber colored stone behind. 

“Ooo! Treasure! Save that goop! I brought buckets.” She cried, scooping the stone up with a whoop.

 

“What did you do to it?” Liam asked Ivy, when his mouth was finally clear of tangy, sweet sap.

 

“It's a ritual the maple syrup clans use up north, makes the sap liquid so it runs fast.” She grinned and laughed, mostly because she was clean. “There were a ton of warnings in the instructions about how easy it is to kill the tree with it…”  

Annie led the horses over the hill when the thing finally finished falling into a pile of logs and branches. Becky, proudly astride Winslow, called out. “Lets get those logs loaded up, I want to get in the bath!” The girl not covered with sweet, sticky tree goo said to her ‘friends’.

 

#

 

Fortunately Tonk, the draft horse, had worked the lumber trade before and helped Annie guide the fumbling humans. “The poor things would be so lost without my guidance.” He told Estrella, the plowmare. 

 

“Tonk, humans have fingers, fingers are helpful, we train our humans and treat them well so that they can aid us.” Annie gently corrected her. 

 

“Just look at Zeb, do you think he could have gotten that tick out of his ear alone?” She asked, pointing her muzzle at Zeb the semi retired warhorse, currently getting a post removal ear rub from Liam.

 

“Hmmph” Socks snorted from nearby. “Humans come and go, they're like apples, you never know if it’s a sweet one till you bite it, then it’s too late.” She snorted with distaste. “My last human was full of worms.”

 

“Socks! That’s not nice! Everyone gets worms sometimes!” Sweet Peony whickered in her ladylike tones. “We shouldn't shame humans for that.”

 

“It’s a metaphor Peony, he didn't actually have worms, I was drawing a similarity to rotten humans and rotten… Oh, never mind.” 

 

Peony had found a patch of wild oats in a sheltered nook and was busy enjoying a surprise late winter treat.

 

“There is lumber to haul yet Peoney, don’t fill up.” Annie whickered softly.

 

#

Trade boat Esperanza was moving well, with three feet of freeboard and a nice nor’west breeze filling her small lateen sail. Falco was having a fine morning, playing his favorite leap the bowsprit game. 

 

“O! Signal ashore!” Dante called, hoisting the green flag of trade and changing course. They dropped sail and Falco took up the bowline, easing them to a spit of land suitable for her shallow draught.

 

When the plank hit shore, the signaling band was already clustered at the waterside, in defiance of custom and good manners. “Greetings warriors…” Esperanza called to the muddy and bedraggled group. “You wish trade?” She asked, her feet on the lever that would drop the plank into the water. 

 

They had saddles and horse gear, but no horses. Even more suspicious, they looked hungry. “Where is my lord’s baggage train?” She asked the tall blond leader.

 

“We have no baggage, we wish passage to Port Fallon, for which you will be rewarded handsomely.” The leader said.

 

“Esperanza is a trade boat, we do not take passengers, not chartered for that. We do trade though, this one has hot bread from Esperanza’s oven, tea and coffee! Spices from …”

 

“How much?” He asked. “How much to take us to Port Fallon?” At this point Fallon was through with the whole affair and just wanted to go home and be done.

 

“Esperanza is a trade boat we are not chartered for passengers” She repeated, her voice becoming formal and cool.

 

“You stinking dockside whore, I am Brennan Fallon, heir to the baronial seat of Port Fall…” With a thump the inviting smile and gangplank both disappeared from view. 

 

A sharp whistle sounded and Falco began towing the vessel out to deep water. “Up sail! Our apologies bandit, Esperanza will not be boarded today!”

#

 

“Two nights Levin, two nights sleeping under bushes and drinking river water. You owe us each two nights sleeping hard and walking far Levin. Think about how you will repay that debt.” Fallon said as they began walking south down the Coast Road.

 

Levin staggered, pulling a travois loaded with as much of the group’s gear as he could manage, plus a bit extra. Gods damned kid was still grinning though.

#

With Bandits skulking, Esperanza cut a wider course by day, hauling closer to the coast as the sun began to fall. The sky lit with hues of orange red and gold, shining against the blue as it shaded to deepest indigo. They kept on, following winds blew fair, as sunset became full dark and Falco took the helm. 

 

As the stars came out and the moon rose, Esperanza danced over the waves, at one with her ship, familiar and herself. 

 

Esperanza held the tiller with her eyes closed, as Falco guided her semi-somnolent form. Deep in the second watch, as they began to tire, he scented a familiar magic in the water. 

 

The pair knew the taste of runoff from human habitations, that was best avoided. Someday she would get her hands on one of those aroma bands that were showing up on the market.

 

When she heard the rumors at first, she was interested, now the rumors were confirmed and she wanted one like nobody knew. First, she would need to even see one. Damned Adventurers were so stingy.

Upriver towns like Wheatford had advanced sewage systems, making for clean swimming, but poor trade since towns were more scattered.

Seaside towns tended to have a less scrupulous attitude, trusting the waters to carry their filth away.

 

Aquatic familiars were rare, even by the Shallow sea. Anyone who had one, knew the perils of coming too near human cities and towns. Uncounted gallons and tons of ‘effluent,’ ‘waste’ and ‘shite’ drifted in horrifying currents of sickening flavors.

 

This overflow, sweet and pure, tasting of untamed and unknown seas of chaos was familiar and welcoming.

 

“Dante, rig for shore running, we have found a friendly port! Falco will lead us in.” The trade captain licked her lips hungrily. She would taste at least a nibble of that treat ‘ere Esperanza took to the shallow sea again. 

 

She could negotiate that at least, only a man on his deathbed could resist her full charms. “If this one is fortunate, that mad boy will be only a starter.”

Out in the darkness under an overcast sky, a tiny spark appeared, bright green and steady. Soon they heard music, strange and low, thumping and skipping about in ways that made toes tap against their owner’s will. A voice came drifting over the water, strangely loud, yet intimate and familiar.

Sittin’ in the mornin’ sun…

I’ll be sittin’ when the evenin’ comes

 

Watching the ships roll in…

There by the waterside, tall and peak roofed. Billowing with steam and lit by softly glowing windows and artfully placed lamps, was that familiar inn. 

 

Reaching out a short way into the water, a dock also lit with paper lanterns looked inviting on a cold night. Sitting in a comfy, plush chair at the end of the pier, holding his strange guitar and waiting for them was Gary. He was swaddled in blankets against the chill and watched over by Otho and Annie.

 

“Welcome, the others are asleep but we will find you room where it’s warm.” He almost whispered as his instrument disappeared. “Otho and Annie said you were coming our way, welcome again.”

 

Esperanza’s crew waited for her command to begin tying up… technically. But that was good enough on a cold and breezy night. “A dock now, will there be a chandler’s and a shipwright?” She asked, popping an eyebrow and a hip at him.

 

“Perhaps, I did just receive a consignment of fine lumber. I haven’t even tickled it yet.” He said, still terribly quiet. 

 

“Dante said you were unwell… something you ate?” She asked, winking at his sassy talk of tickles.

 

“There was a vigorous debate on that matter. I wonder who won…” He whispered as the horse bit the back of his chair and dragged it all the way to the bath, toppling furniture and boy in without ceremony. 

 

Esperanza leapt the rail, whisked over and peered in, the boy was floating nude. There was no sign of furniture or blankets. Falco however, was swimming placid circles around the boy, pushing him too and fro like a pool toy.

 

She flinched in horror and disappointment at the sight of him. “This one would not have you bestir yourself in that state…”

 

“In this state? The only thing I can bestir is nightmares.” He grinned foolishly, somehow that made it even more horrifying. 

 

“If I were to claw my way up from a not too fresh grave hungry for human flesh you would absolutely be on the menu.” He said with a cheeky grin and a wink.

 

“You are more bold now, have events changed your perspective on… things?” She asked, her brows lifting with mingled interest and concern. 

 

“I feel safe flirting right now my dear. If you get handsy, my insides and outsides will get all jumbled up again and Shai will butcher you.” He winked again. “I’m a broken toy. I stay on the shelf.”

 

She frowned, sulking pretilly.“You disappoint me again Gary, will this one forgive your affront?”

 

“She will if she wants a chance at Shai’s arrears… Wait, don’t tell her I said that, no fair, I’m still really low on blood.” He whined softly. “Seriously, I need to pass out. Otho and Annie will get you settled in. Sorry, feel free to use the bath, just pretend I’m not here.” With that, he was as good as dead.

 

“Her boy is sly… to go so far just to escape my clutches.” She sighed as her kin and crew padded up to join her in silently watching the morbidly floating spectacle.

 

“Reminds me, need more canvas and thread for mending sails.” Yuzef said.

 

“And we are low on fresh meat, it’s getting a little off color… kinda like near his navel.” Marc whispered. “This one don’t like the look of it, not really hungry for meat right now anyway.”

“Now, now boys.” Esperanza called softly. “We have fished worse out of the waters… We just won’t be doing the rites for this one… with good fortune.” She led her menfolk inside, behind the huge, happy dog.

 

#

Becky skipped downstairs, expecting to be the first one up as usual. 

 

She stumbled when Esperanza looked up from a sofa by the fire, with Otho sprawled across her lap, enjoying an ear rub as she read.

 

“The boy let us in, we are tied up at the dock. My crew is asleep in the common room.” She said quietly. “Thank you for your hospitality mistress Becky. When will…” She licked her lips in sensual anticipation. “...our hostess awaken?”

 

“Shai will be up later, wait we have a dock?”  She said, eyeing the familiar book in Esperanza’s lap. “whatcha readin?” She asked too casually, forgetting her prior question.

 

“An Affair of Monsters? This one has not read it before, are you in the trade? Esperanza has some small selection of… literature aboard.” She said, sounding shifty.

 

“Books?” Something croaked softly from the bath. His voice seemed to slip up on them as they spoke by the unburning fire that smelled so delightful.

 

“You have books?” It came again, prompting Becky and Esperanza to head outside where Gary drifted, eyes open and staring hungrily at the stars. 

 

“If you were trying to seduce me you missed the boat last time. See what I did there?” His grin was back, crazy and lopsided, like before he ‘Caught The Pimp Hand’. 

“I’m a bibliophile baby…”

 

“Is that your kink… this one assumed it was tentacles.” The trader let slip a wicked smile while tapping the small book to her chin thoughtfully.

 

“I’m into abstinence, that really gets me going. I’m not doing it so hard right now…” He said, smiling with that mad gleam in his eye. “This is like, the least sexy anyone could look while naked, I feel like a wild man.” 

 

He held up one trembling finger from the water to forestall her. “Not enough blood, anything I say cannot be used against me.”

 

“This one has no plans to take you to court, though she will press her suit in… other venues.” She smiled and licked those plump, red lips again. “There is another defendant in this case. She must mount her own defense.”

Becky watched from back in the kitchen, with morbid fascination as those two idiots tried to out weird each other. Pancakes though… that was something that made sense. Becky tuned them out and kept working, trying to reclaim her favorite part of the morning.

 

Annie poked her head in through the kitchen window and snuffled her braids in greeting “Yes, tell Falco I have something for him.” Beck giggled, while shoving a carrot in the offending muzzle.

The two flirting by the pool stopped to watch the girl smooch and coo at a horse so very much larger than herself. 

 

“Do I smell sourdough pancakes?” He whispered, almost daring to hope.

 

“If that is what I am smelling… yes?” Esperanza said quietly. “It is… a distinctive aroma.” Her face suggested deep reservations at the tangy and yeasty pong wafting on the air.

 

“Shai had me get some starter from a baker in Port Fallon, we couldn't figure out what baking powder and baking soda are…” Becky called out to them, frowning slightly in disappointment. “You spent your life eating this stuff and have no idea what’s in it? Weirdo.”

 

“Well you are just going to have to teach me then, thankless brat.” He grumbled, his wheezing chuckle nearly sent him to the bottom of the pool before Falco intervened.

 

Gary staggered up the pool steps, conjuring clothes as he went, including an odd, padded wooden breastplate that squeezed him about the tummy. 

 

“Gotta keep the entrails from becoming the extrails, this is my patented Giblet Retainer. Everyone is going to be wearing them next year.” He said to Esperanza with a grin and nearly his whole voice. Leaning on a bronze handled stick, he slipped into a sofa by the fire in the common room.

 

“How does it stay so warm in here with that open doorway…” Esperanza wondered quietly as she settled back into her place by the fire.

 

“Same way no bugs get in in the summer, I want it this way and it just happens.” He shrugged carefully in his odd garment. “A friend in the clergy thinks it has to do with madness and the moon…”

 

“Ohh, really?” She asked, setting her book in her lap. “In this one’s tribe, the moon touched are considered lucky.” She said quietly, leaning in closer. “Kissing one so anointed is said to provide blessings of good fortune…”

 

Becky coughed roughly, settling in beside him with coffee and a tray. She set the coffee service down on thin air with a confident smile at Esperanza. 

 

The woman flinched slightly expecting a crash, only to notice a low table that had certainly not been there a moment ago. 

 

“Shai will be up soon, we wouldn't want things to get weird now would we?” She asked sweetly as a faint tinkle of bells sounded on the stairs.

 

“An the shallow sea nae vast enough, ye must fish in this pond too?” Shai eased down the stairs with her natural grace, but now spiced with a hint of swagger and challenge. She swayed over, sitting on the arm of the sofa to better loom over the scene. 

 

“If you leave your toys in this condition…” The merchant said playfully, breaking the tense mood. “You cannot complain if someone else comes along to play with them.” 

 

Her smile got even  wider and more scandalous. “If This one should steal a kiss, you may always steal it back from her…”

 

“I can’t with you guys…” Becky said, before fleeing for the kitchen and her now active and bubbling batter. The scent swiftly changed from weirdly funky, to a tangy, toasty whiff of heaven when the batter hit the griddle.

 

“Ohhh man… smells like sunday morning…” Gary drifted off in a haze of memory and hunger, leaving the women staring at each other in amusement.

 

“Gary be far from his home, tis mine and Becky’s project tae find some small comforts fer the poor waif.” She confided over the head of the befuddled boy.

 

“This one understands that, though never has this scent crossed our path. He must be from afar indeed.” The trader said smoothly, coaxing more information with deft hands. “What town is he from?”

 

“Sumatt beyond the Shallow sea by the ocean side, or so he do say.” She said smoothly. “Dinnae probe too deeply, lest ye learn those things best left unsaid.” 

 

Esperanza smiled slow and canny, leaning closer. “This one would learn of new routes opened for travel, new places and things to trade, has he such for us?” Her gaze was direct and frank, one tradeswoman to another. “Fun is fun, but trade is our calling, Esperanza must seek new waters and ports.”

 

Shai shook her head sadly. “T’was only pure chance that brought him, nae passage back kin be made. Ask him when he wakes an mayhap ye will learn more than ye wish tae.” 

Shai’s smile became a mirror of hers. “As for goods… that kin be done while he sleeps. We hae summat fer trade an all.”

 

Gary woke up on the sofa alone, under a blanket and feeling better than he had in a while. 

 

Stiff and sore from napping while strapped into his washboard abs, he lurched to his feet with a soft grunt and shambled to a table. 

 

Shai and Esperanza had ledgers and an abacus out among their plates, that was no way to enjoy pancakes. He settled in by Tallum and started forking his way into a mound of steaming sourdough.

 

“What’s this syrup? It’s fruity?” He asked Becky, who was across from him and wielding her fork aggressively. 

 

“Plum canker giant sap, Ivy boiled some down… I’m gonna stick with honey.” She dipped a finger in the small pot of sticky liquid and tasted it again. “Yeah, no offense, but that is weird, Annie and the other horses love it though.”

 

He smacked his lips a few times, trying to dislodge the sticky stuff. “Grape cough syrup is not a winner, pass me that honey Becks.” 

 

“The Alchemists guild is gonna love that stuff Gary, just you watch.” Ivy smiled smugly. “Muktar asked for some sap before we left. He was hoping for a little pail full, we got buckets and buckets of it. We are going to do pretty well on this trip.” She said with a wide smile.

 

“Walking tree sap? Sweet Shai did not mention that to this one… is that also for trade?” Esperanza piped up from her intense negotiations. 

 

“I think I hear them playing my song.” Ivy said greedily, as she gathered her plate and mug. “We might be able to spare a little, it’s rare to get it in quantities, and the purity…” She began, feeling the trade winds blowing her way.

 

“Tell Shai I have a couple things on the workbench too Ivy, that ring you wanted and a couple for sale. Finished them last night while you guys were sleeping.” Gary said as he started to migrate tables. “I have a few more trinkets stashed away too.”

 

“The one for taste and smell? You finished that?” She asked excitedly, eyeing Otho as he licked ‘parts’ of himself by the fire.

 

“That got a little in the weeds, I went with an illusion rather than a stink ring. If you feed a trickle of mana to the ring it will cut off those perceptions from your link. That was the tricky part.” He said, getting more animated and nerdy by the moment. 

 

“The runes needed to fit inside the band to get access to your nervous system.” He enthused. “That meant I had to compensate for the internal curvature and the radius of…” 

 

Ivy was already vanishing through the workshop door and down the stairs with an excited squee. 

 

She came back upstairs holding a few small boxes and a brace of simple flutes while admiring a thin silver band on her finger. 

 

“...takes the spiritual mana from your pool and uses it to confound that part of the link between your minds.” He finished as she returned, not even having noticed her departure.

 

“How long will it be good for?” She asked, pretending she had been listening all along. “I couldn’t get a mana charge reading.” She seemed disappointed by that.

“Umm… I just covered that, till the band wears out and the runes fail. Maybe ten years or so of constant use.” He looked to Otho, still enjoying his personal care time with great satisfaction. 

 

“Yeah, ten years, maybe less. For you, a lifetime guarantee just cause you are in the band.” He glared at her with one mad eye and grumbled. “That means if you or Tallum try and start an independent project… back to flavor town.”

 

“Maybe I will take this one apart and learn your secrets?” She said with a smile while Otho had a tender moment with himself down by the fire.

 

“You won’t, because if you can’t replicate my work you will be back to enjoying all that Otho has to offer.” He grinned evilly. 

“Remember our first outing? He ate that trapdoor… spring is coming.” He crooned at her, savoring the look on her face as she remembered that taste.

 

“Baby spiders bumbling out to build their first traps… what are the odds Otho finds another one and snarfs it down?” His smile was positively nasty now, filled with glee and delight. 

 

Tallum just sat there and let that slide. Gary was getting sick of the big guy’s attitude.

 

“Do me a favor and ask Shai if we got the payoff for the rings I sent Mikkel last month.” He asked Ivy while she toyed with her new ring. “I kinda forgot with all the activity.” 

 

Ivy kissed him and Tallum on the tops of their heads and skipped away with a smile, oblivious to Gary’s abuse and Otho’s continuing self care. Gary glared at Tallum when she was gone. 

“Dude, what’s your deal? You let me razz Ivy like that and didn’t bust my chops?” He nudged the big man with a toe under the table. “You guys ok?”

 

“Ivy is fine, I will be too, once you two are ok. I’m so sorry, my mistake almost cost both of you…” Gary lurched forward, awkwardly swatting at him with weak flailing hands.

 

Gary sank back down into his chair with an undignified; “Oof! That was exhausting.” and wheezed feebly. “You didn’t get me hurt, I did. You guys all said I was not ready, I chose to mix it up. I had a shield to jam in there, you were just gonna get gutted.”

 

He eyed Tallum. “You say you got me hurt, I say no, we are even. If you want to make an issue of it we can have a whole awkward thing.” He grinned foolishly. “But I gotta say, if I had it to do all over again, you would be wearing the gut squeezer.”

 

“Say what you want, I know I let you and Shai down…” He began, when a sudden blow to the back of the head sent him face first into his plate.

 

As he pulled himself out of his pancakes and honey, through sticky and smeared eyes he saw Gary, half standing and nearly falling. 

 

He held an enormous sandal of rope and leather, apparently the thing that struck him from behind. 

 

“What was that Gary?!” He griped, dripping butter and honey off his nose. “A giant sandal? Are you mad…? What am I even asking?”

 

Gary looked hurt and confused, shrinking back a little under the gaze of the entire room. 

 

“What? You guys don’t have ‘La Chancla*’? I thought that was universal…” Even Shai was looking worried.

 

“La Chancla’ is a tradition of my people…” He began, before realizing it was far too late. “We use it to end disputes, cancel debts and forgive those who have wronged us. Don’t judge me!” He said, waving his ridiculously huge sandal around.

 

“I have honey up my nose Gary and that does not explain why you have a giant sandal or why you hit me with it.” The big man complained, wiping at his well buttered face.

“Once you face my chancla, all debts are canceled. We are even now, no more sulking, and have Otho lick that stuff off your face.”  Gary said calmly. “Can’t take you anywhere without you making a mess big guy.”

 

Slippers flew from all corners of the room, pelting Gary in a storm of hurled footwear and laughter.