Ch: 33 Murder, She Wrestled

Exuberant, energetic outbursts and convalescence from trauma don’t mix well. Gary had to recover from his premature celebration and suffer an exam and a scolding from Tawny. That set his progress back at least as far as his exertions had.

 

Shai smiled blissfully throughout the sharp words and uncharacteristically brusque exam from Tawny. 

Of course it was not Shai’s insides that were being palpated, poked and prodded… any more… this morning, maybe later. 

 

“We shall see what the evening holds in store…” She muttered with a strange smile on her face. “Ye be nae the only one wi healing skills.”

 

“What was that Shai? I feel you are not taking this seriously, Liam, Khan and I met and decided, until you two are both fit, we stay right here.” Tawny snapped firmly. 

 

Shai seemed stricken. “Nae, we canna, we must move inland on the uplands road. We be expected back soon.”

 

“A message has been sent to interested parties, Otho will see to it that we do not spark undue worry. Now it is your job to stop undoing my needlework.” She huffed and snorted in a very undignified way. “You don’t treat Jennah’s work like this, perhaps if I embroider a label on your…”

 

“Message received, we will take it easy.” Gary promised, Tawny’s signature was probably really elaborate, that would be a lot of stitching.

 

Shai complained about ‘striking whilst the iron be hot’ and several similar homilies before surrendering to Tawny’s will.

 

“Come boy, I shall coddle thee mercilessly, I have summat o new recipes fer ye tae try.” Shai said, dragging him off toward the kitchen.

“Oh good, I’m so hungry.” He said thankfully.

 

“Aye? Perhaps food kin be had as well. Becky, be that poultice hot?” The kitchen’s vent was working overtime fighting the stench roiling from Beckys small kettle. 

 

“What is that?” Gary asked, fumbling for his stink ring on instinct. “Oh, the ring does nothing!” He choked. “So pungent!”

 

“Pine tar, mustard seeds and greens, shredded horseradish, castor and cod liver oils and onion skins.” Becky announced proudly, from behind a cloth face cover. “This stuff packs a punch, don’t get it in your eyes or in your mouth, it’s spicy.”

 

“It dinnae go in eyes or mouth.” Shai said menacingly. “First we feed ye, exercise ye, then tis fer the ointment.”

 

“Ointment?” He asked, while last night’s pool crone antics replayed in his mind. “Where exactly were you planning on putting this witch's brew mistress Shai?” He asked archly.

 

“I shall be putting it nowheres boy, fer I dinnae lose the drawing o the straws.” She grinned, slow and just a little mean. “Becky did lose, thus she had the making o it, I did win, thus tis my prize.”

 

That made no sense, but those biscuits did, sawmill gravy just like grandpa’s hit the table. He never used wallowbear sausage though… So ravenous that his hands trembled, Gary reached for those golden brown and flaky darlings only to have them slide just out of reach.

 

Shai stole his coffee from the right, while Esperanza moved in from the left, pinning him in place.

 

“Nae coffee for thee boy, ye eat, get yer exercise, then the treatment and back tae sleep. Tis nice by the seaside, but I would have ye fit again.”

 

“You mentioned ‘the treatment’, that sounds menacing.” He began.

 

“Aye, it do at that. Eat fool, ye will nae get stronger by flappin yer mouth.” The biscuits and pot of sausage gravy fled his grasp, slipping away like his hopes for a quiet life.

 

Oatmeal porridge with raisins, more rusty nail water… that was grim. He caught a friendly pair of eyes across the table. “Becky, coffee… please. Slip it under the table… I’m begging you.” She shook her head so hard her beads clattered while grinning and giggling. That child was pure evil. 

 

While the others shoveled down biscuits and gravy… his porridge was actually kinda nice, but still. The no coffee thing was brutal. Shai and Esperanza all but fed him and poured the rusty water down his gullet. 

 

Shai walked him down the beach with Annie tagging along… and kept walking him. Tiny wavelets hissed against the coarse sandy beach while the breeze played among the pines. Pink and orange sunlight split the morning as dawn broke officially. Misty shapes among the trees resolved into shrubs and bushes, mostly bare in deep winter. 

 

A small herd of deer bolted for the deep woods as they strolled along the strand. Annie chuffed in amusement at their high tailed, bounding flight. 

 

The humans walked in silence, save for Shai’s jingling bells and the rasp of sand under feet and hooves. 

 

Finally Gary slumped onto a boulder with a  sigh. “Are we going somewhere?” He gasped, faltering and swaying, while eyeing the cozy looking village by the sea just ahead. Thin wisps of smoke drifted from the chimneys and he could hear the sounds of children at play not far off.

 

“Nae, we walk thee in the sand til ye kinnae walk more, then Annie hauls ye back home. An we reach Tingly village ye may get summat frae the bakery there.” She said with a smile. “Tis a simple game, though ye lost it by a quarter mile, mayhap taemorrow.” 

 

“Or, Annie could carry me the rest of the way and I will bribe her lavishly. I bet that bakery has sugarcubes…”

 

They rode bareback together, with laughter and a basket of sticky pastries making the balancing act difficult. 

“Nae, wait till we be home, Annie dinnae want honey an crumbs in her mane ye brute.” She scolded, enjoying the warmth coming from the big dumb animal, Annie was warm too.

 

Back at ‘the inn’ Gary nearly fell off trying to dismount, but he would have struggled were he fit. Shai let him unwind with a sticky bun and some weak tea until a heavy knock rattled the door.

 

The old woman was not large, or intimidating by the light of day, just a sturdy vigorous grandmother in her mid or late seventies. Her thinning, iron gray hair tucked into a neat bun, she greeted Shai with a quick hug. 

 

Like a muscular librarian, she wore simple clothing and no jewelry. “How be yer n’ Tallum’s backs? Set ti an even keel?” She asked with an accent straight out of upper new england, by way of cabot cove.

 

“”Aye we be much improved.” Shai said, returning the hug with interest. “Mistress Sonja is here ta give yer ‘treatment’ boy.” Shai said with a terrible smile as the old smith woman from the night before swept into the room. “Becky, be that ointment still warm?”

 

“It should be perfect.” Becky called, from as far away as she could get. “I’ll be in the stable… that stuff stinks.”

 

“Ahh is true, she smells bad, stings worse i’ ye git it in yer eyes er yer tenders. Is no wind so foul she don blow fair in some sail, tis a matter eh choosing where ye set yer course.” She cackled while Shai and Esperanza steered him towards the grotto. “That be a tempest in a kettle, kin blow ye on te the rocks ir she might blow ye clear o a stormy shoal.” 

 

At the door to the mossy cavern the girls stopped and began peeling him out of his clothes. “Hey! We talked about this ladies…” 

 

Esperanza grabbed his ear and tugged it fiercely. “Silence, letcher. This is medical and none would willingly get that on their clothing. Inside mooncalf, you try sweet Shai’s patience!” She hustled him through the door and followed with Shai and Sonja soon after. “This one thinks he might do well with an earring or two.” Esperanza said to the room at large.

 

They hung the small black kettle, tightly sealed near the flow of hot water bouncing off the rocks. A massage table stood nearby, summoned by Shai no doubt, that failed to inspire confidence.

 

“I did win the drawing o the straws lover, so tis my prize tae watch, Esperanza be here at mine invitation, since she be kin.” Shai’s wink and grin were just mean. “Sonja, she be a master masseuse, trained in the art o healing. She shall work her skills on thee for good an all.”

 

The old woman was nude now, advancing on him like a force of nature. 

Her hands cast terrible shadows against the cave walls, in the flickering torchlight, bearing portents of dread and… 

 

“Shai, cut it out with the special effects, I’ll tell Thirp to stop letting you watch spooky movies…” She managed to giggle and sigh at the same time from her comfortable seat by the door. The two young women were hugged up on a sofa just outside the spray zone and ready to enjoy the show.

 

“Ok mistress Sonja… I guess this is happening.” Gary said, laying face down on the table. 

 

“Hmph.” Esperanza chuffed. “This one was promised an entertainment, surely I could see his backside at almost any time.”

 

“Oh, ye have not seen full Gary yet, bide a while.” Shai said with a chuckle.

 

“Frankly my dear everyone has seen all of me by now, I gave up on…” He was face down, speaking through a hole in the padded table and sounding calm. 

 

Sonja strolled over, limbered up quickly and drove a bony elbow into his lower back near his tailbone. “…AHHyYYEEEE!” He wailed. 

 

Soon he was twisted and bent into positions that made the younger women turn away in pained embarrassment. All the while, a chorus of grunts, groans, yelps and piteous cries for mercy rose and fell, unheeded by the nightmare granny wrestler.

 

It got better from there, the boney old woman administered a savage therapeutic mauling that left him a trembling wreck, before the hot, sticky ointment made an appearance.

 

When it was all over, Sonja was washing her hands in the waterfall, staring in wonder as the sticky, reeking mess evaporated from her skin. “Och! were I had this, I could use that ointment often!” She cackled. “Until tomorrow journeyman Shai!”

 

Gary was propped up in the corner, coated with slowly congealing goo and under orders to leave it on for a solid half hour. At least the girls stayed to chat with him, even if he did have to stay across the chamber from them and stink alone.

 

“Ugh, there’s moss stuck in it now…” He complained. “I hope this was entertaining, I’m gonna be watching for a chance to set mistress Sonja on you two.”

 

“Sonja be retired, tis a special favor since we did host the townsfolk.” She smiled serenely. “Tonight they guest wi us as well boy, ye must rest and be a good host. Go, wash now tis time.”

 

“I don’t recall deciding to open an inn, Shai.” He griped while scrubbing the stuff off. “So sticky!” He scrubbed at a patch of stubborn gunk in a sensitive locale. “Did you get bored? I don’t mind having people over but that’s a bit much don’t you think?”

 

The girls let him prattle on while they enjoyed the show. “This one simply cannot thank you enough Shai, sweet sister. He looks like a giant newborn with a man’s head.”

 

“Aye, Sonja says he will be red only fer some few hours. Then shall he be pale as milk…” She sighed wistfully. “He hae only just gained a mite o color. I could nae get him out o his clothes in daylight til winter was almost come. He shall look a fright til springtime!”

 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence Shai…” He said as he turned around. 

 

Both women gaped and giggled, running their eyes up and down his angry pink skin. From the neck down he had been peeled and scalded down to bare new flesh, inflamed and angry looking. 

 

Every hair, freckle and mole below his neck was gone, there was just puffy red skin and the complex tracery of purple and red scars, still only just healed.

 

“It does look bigger without the hair.” Esperanza remarked. “You have done well, sweet Shai. though his poor tummy…”

 

“Fie I dinnae fancy me man looking like a wee bairn below.” Her eyebrows began to rise and fall like coppery hammers, striking a happy tune. “Though, without tickling hair…”

 

Gary flushed even redder and turned his back. He halted the water for a moment and conjured a robe over himself, before stalking out in silence.

 

As the door to the grotto slammed closed behind him, Shai remarked wryly. “We may hae gone tae far there. He be sensitive over scars an such.” 

With a soft rumble the waterfall resumed, deluging the two women in hot steaming mineral water. The gushing spray engulfed even formerly dry areas, in an obvious display of pique.

 

“We shall make amends this evening, did ye notice he stalked out in a proper rage standing tall? Tis worth the price.” Shai said, as her clothing became tattered and dissolved. “I did like that skirt.”

 

“This one has a stash of fine cloth and notions, we shall share sweet Shai. Do you sew? This one never learned the art.” The curvaceous trader said, strolling out into the bathing area with Shai clasped close.

 

“Nae, Gary plies a fair needle, though tis unlikely he shall be amenable.” She clasped the shorter woman in return and set about summoning robes for them, since the pegs were strangely empty.

 

The garments settled on their shoulders with a subtle weight that steadily grew. Sometimes the robes conjured at home were light and airy, other times, warm and cozy. 

 

These were heavy, stiff and scratchy, there was even a tag sewn into each at the collar, made of some semi rigid material. It scratched and prickled, resisting any attempt at banishment. 

 

Instead of the usual spring green, they were a drab off clay color, like oatmeal dried in the sun. Heavy, so very heavy, each one must have contained two entire sheep’s worth of coarse wool. 

 

“What does this mean Shai?” Esperanza asked, scratching at the garment wildly.

 

“Me boy has learnt a new trick, and he do be cross wi us, we have stepped in it right an true. Come sister, upstairs we dress and make amends!”

 

When the pair came back down stairs their spirits and dress had vastly improved, Esperanza borrowed some clothes from Ivy, as the closest in size. She had to top her ensemble with one of Gary’s shirts, since she threatened to come tumbling out of anything the girls owned.

 

“So where is the boy?” Esperanza asked, seeing no sign of him.  

 

“He went off in the woods alone, Luna and Annie are following him discreetly.” Khan said, a small frown rumpling his mustache. “He won’t wander far. Sometimes a man needs to take a ramble. See some things, think things over.”

 

“Male piffle and nonsense.” Luna announced from the stable door. “I lost the fool as soon as he stepped out into the shadows. Sneaky git. Otho is having a sniff with Annie”

 

“Papa Harlan did have some such habit. He did make much o ‘Thinking and contemplating me crafts’ though did usually involve a pail o cider an a fishing pole.” Shai sighed and headed out into the winter woods. “Come Esperanza, we seek him out.”

 

They tracked him down a few hundred yards away, seated on a boulder overlooking a small wetland, playing his flute for the waterfowl. Annie was browsing in the grass, while Otho lounged at his side. 

 

He fell silent as they approached. “Close enough ladies. Shai, sit on that log please, Esperanza, that boulder if you would.” They followed his directions with amused smiles and sat, spacing themselves each several yards apart.

 

“Excellent.” He sighed and addressed Esperanza. “Thirp, a friend of ours you haven’t met yet, he clued me in last night. My aura and my Fractured Soul gift erode the inhibitions and resistances of those I’m in close contact with. That’s why my other gifts work like they do, I kinda pull you into my vibe.” He shifted uncomfortably on his stone.

 

“So this whole mess is kinda like my fault too. I figured out how to switch it off now, so by tomorrow morning, things should be more stable.” 

 

His tone became less conciliatory as he turned to include them both. “Now, care to tell me why evil Angela Lansbury put me in the ol’ stepover toe hold? I wasn’t expecting to fight for my life against Granzilla this morning.”

 

Esperanza’s confused glance at Shai said it all.

“Aye, when he do be angry, an unsure why, he makes less sense than normal.” Shai said to Esperanza. “He asks why Sonja did grip and wrench him so.”

 

“And peel me raw, the cold is really killing me here.” He said, huddling closer to the dog. 

 

“Aye, it did take some work, she did fix up me an Tallum wi naught but a few quick tugs. She did see us in the village, stiff an sore, frae cutting hay fer the horses. She did set us right an I told her o yer plight… Her hands be mighty and skilled as ye hae seen.” 

 

Shai said smugly “Now ye stand an walk straight. The ointment were tae minimize scars, ye will nae have too much left o them, an ye heal fully. What remains be thine, and I shall love them fer the saving o me brother.”

 

Shai stood to approach, but he held out a palm to stop her. “That’s the other side, Esperanza is like me, our shared… thing, draws Esperanza to me and me to her. But you and I are all tangled up, so she is drawn to you too. Esperanza gives off a vibe like mine, so that tickles the parts of me infesting you. They tickle you, that tickles me…”

 

“That is a lot of tickling…” Esperanza said huskily from her stone seat. 

 

“He be making sense woman, this be rarer than ye know.” Shai scolded.

 

“Yeah, thanks Shai, so when it’s just two of us together, it’s ok, when we all get together things get… frisky.” He sat up straight and tall, stretched and smiled his old, mad crooked grin for the first time in a while.

 

“Since I dragged you lovely ladies out into the cold, let’s take a moment to plan our revenge.” He said grinning even wider.

 

“Revenge for what?” Esperanza looked to Shai, who shrugged. 

 

“Several people in the house owe me my due, you among them Esperanza. I have a full crowd of strangers coming in again this evening as well?” He directed his question at Shai, who nodded with grim satisfaction.

 

“Aye, we did buy more wine and beer frae Esperanza, should be a full house. The folk did say they would ‘potluck’ a meal, we expect strange things.”

 

“potluck? That’s random.” He said, looking bemused.

  

“Boy, half o the things your people ate over yonder were fried an dipped in summat called ranch, dinnae pretend tae refined tastes now.” She grumbled and kicked a patch of dirty snow. “What hae ye in mind fer the events?” She asked, seeming disappointed by his reaction. 

 

“I’m sure it will be delightful, why don’t you pick the set list for the ‘event’ and have fun with them.” Gary said, half rising to go to her in defiance of his own arrangements.

 

Esperanza was watching them bounce back and forth with growing apprehension. “Events? This one confesses a certain discomfort at such talk.” She said, while they continued on, as though she had not spoken.

 

“We have the villagers, they do owe thee naught, The Monkees? Those were fine fun, fer the little ones too.” 

 

The two chattered nonsense between themselves the whole way back to the inn. They took pains to be welcoming, including her often, though confusingly.

 

“How do you feel about simple percussion? Maracas? Tambourine? Bodhran?” Gary asked.

 

“Ye hae nae even asked does she play aught boy. Hae ye skill wi an instrument?” Shai interrupted. The conversation was made more difficult by the two massive familiars, working hard to keep all three separate on the short walk home.

 

At the door, Gary gave each woman a saucy little bow and slipped off for his grotto. “I need a nap if we are having company. Shai please help everyone get ready before our guests arrive”