Ch: 58 Digging in the Dirt
Gilbert Angor, journeyman Adventurer and head of Flintspire’s tiny Adventure guild, woke wrapped in clean, white sheets so crisp they could leave a paper cut. The simple wool blanket smelled of herbs and spices, along with something resinous and woody. Whatever the mattress he floated on was made from, it cuddled him like a lover.
The room was dim, lit by a colorful paper lantern overhead. On a stand by the bed a loaf of bread and a jug of water sat under a white napkin, beside a generous pot of butter whipped with honey.
His armor and gear rested on a wooden stand by the door, looking clean and fresh enough for a parade. On a peg by the bed, hung a comfy robe, with a pair of slippers on the floor nearby.
They were, ironically, silly groundworm shoes, made of the soft, sleek fur the beasts were known for. Jolly, embroidered teeth in a goofy smiling mouth ran around the opening, suggesting that the pudgy, plush vermin were eating the wearer’s feet.
Taking a cue from his comfortable surroundings, he dressed in the robe and slippers, wincing at his sore ribs and back. Almost as soon as the robe went around his shoulders, a soft knock came at the door.
“Enter…” He groaned, short of breath, he assumed from catching a man sized chunk of offal to the chest.
A tiny girl came scampering in, a child of three or four, though she smiled and carried herself with utter confidence.
“I’m Amy… follow me to meet my family!” She grabbed him by the hand and skipped to the door humming sweetly and singing “...born ta’ raise hell…”.
In the hallway a burly toddler stood, smiling serenely while a large, white bug crawled on his shoulder. “Wilf!” He said happily, taking Gilbert’s other hand.
“His name’s Wilford, Gary and Shai get booty bothered when we call him Wilf.” She sang happily, as they led him down a short hall into an inn’s common room.
The entire Flintspire party seemed to be scattered around, looking very comfortable, in green flannel robes and furry worm slippers.
Two men were in uniform and armed, sitting by the front door. Priest Hamm of Order and his second Angus, were on duty, after a fashion. They lounged with bowls of stew and a basket of biscuits between them, apparently having a fine time.
They stood as he appeared, throwing a pair of casual salutes. “All is well brother. Go meet our hosts first.” Hamm said in his rich mellow tenor. Angus nodded silently and resumed his assault on a huge bowl of groundworm stew.
“Come on, everyone is happy.” Amy chirped from his side, tugging gently at his hand. She led him to the corner opposite the fireplace, where three musicians played on a low stage, making gentle music.
A beautiful young red haired boy sat on a stool, playing some elaborate foreign music on a guitar, accompanied by a tall, brown haired man with a flute who seemed too dull for words.
Behind an extravagant pianoforte, sat the most stunning young woman he had seen in all his long years. Her golden hair and golden skin suggested a name… and the small white veil of lace at her brow confirmed it.
He sketched a humble bow suitable for the leader of a war party captured in action. “My apologies acolyte Belen, we were… less helpful than we anticipated. Was anyone injured in our… attack?” He asked, tasting the humiliation that had been boiling in the back of his throat since he woke.
She paused her music and smiled. Somehow his gagging, bilous shame eased, as a feeling of absolute welcome spread through the room. “All is well, a few bumps and bruises have been mended, you received the worst injury.”
“How long was I unconscious?” He asked as the tiny children settled him in a comfy sofa by the fire.
“Only a few hours, you had a few broken ribs and an injury to your back.” Somehow her smile became ever so slightly warmer. “Our smiths had to do a bit of hammering or whatever they do, to set your armor right.” Amy giggled at that.
“A party was sent to break your camp and haul your baggage here, they should return any minute.” She waved to a tall red haired woman in the kitchen.
With a sinuous grace that belied her large frame, the woman danced through the room bearing a tray in one hand, a pitcher and a fist full of mugs in the other.
She set a huge loaf and a bowl of stew down on a table that was almost certainly not there a moment before and smiled winningly.
“Welcome tae our home, I be Shai, yer hostess, an that lout hiding behind ye be Gary Ward, yer host.” She said sweetly. “An he does nae come tae greet his guest he shall be master o the stables, should Annie be willing tae shelter his worthless hide.” Her sing song, happy tone clashed with the iron hard set of her jaw and flashing eyes.
Gilbert followed her gaze behind him and saw… no one of interest, just the dullard with the flute.
“Gary Ward, you stifle that glamor now, ere I raise mine own home an leave thee tae thine own devices!” She barked at the dimwit as though he were… with a subtle easing of some faint breeze he never felt, the young man came into focus.
#
“Journeyman Gilbert, how nice to see you up and around!” Gary chirped, trying too hard and making it weird. “I’m Gary, this is Shai, you met Tawny,” He blathered on, frantically smiling at his woman. “that’s Dannyl on the acoustic, Liam is our leader, he will be right back. Hey! Tallum, come meet journeyman Gilbert…”
The old man was looking woozy from Gary’s rapid fire stupid, so Shai stepped in. “Relax, eat, be our guest in this home, there is nae fer ye tae worry over till the morrow. Gary hae much butchery tae do then.”
The young rascal deflated as she said that, with a cruel smile on her scarlet lips.
“That is gonna take days babe…” He complained, while her smile got wider. He turned back to his guest, sighing in disappointment. “We will be heading into Flintspire once we have tidied up a little. One of our friends has decided she likes it here.”
For some reason he nodded to a potted plant near the stage, a tiny magnolia tree with a single bloom, so large and perfect it seemed uncanny.
“Our city owes you a debt for this, my apologies, but I must ask…” Gilbert shifted uncomfortably and grinned like a curious child. “How ever did you trick that walking stick into battling the worm?”
The young man smiled awkwardly. “We asked her to, she kindly agreed… There's more to the story, but it’s complicated. I can ask if she will meet with you if you want.”
Gilbert blinked a few times and looked to Tawny. “Is he well? Has he been struck in the head?” She smiled and shook her golden head, while tinkling away on the keys.
Amy cheerfully flopped down on the sofa beside the old man and giggled. “Sol says she can come out for a while and say hi, she really misses talking to humans.” She bounced on the cushions a few times in excitement and leaned close to tell a secret in the old man’s ear.
“I haven’t seen her person shape before!” The tiny girl whispered to everyone within ten yards.
When Gilbert opened his eyes and his ears stopped ringing, the toddling boy was placing something white in among the leaves of the potted plant with a smile of satisfaction on his chubby face.
In a blink, the potted tree was gone, replaced by a diminutive woman of mature beauty, wrapped in a garment of leaves and petals.
“Greetings mortals, I am Solange, dryad of these hills, we remember you, even if you have forgotten the old ways.” She graced the room with an elegant bow and a smile that drew every eye.
“Be at ease and remember us again, for we are diminished without you.” Amy rose with a squeak of joy and ran to hug her, the tiny child dashed up and wrapped her arms around nothing at all.
“Don’t cry child.” Solange soothed from where she had been standing, when Amy tumbled to the floor through her illusory form. “This body is a glamor, an illusion, I can’t take physical form until my tree grows a little more.”
She pretended to help the child to her feet, coaxing her along with silly faces and heaving grunts, as though Amy were a great burden to be lifted.
Wilford giggled from a child sized table near the tree, where he was eating a biscuit slathered with butter and honey.
Once Amy was seated, Solange turned to the small group near the stage. “I have watched humans and others pass by for many centuries, waiting for visitors.” She sighed with breezy satisfaction.
“It never occurred… to introduce myself unbidden… we are creatures of habit and tradition. Though perhaps it is a time for new traditions.” She swept another bow across the room and smiled once more.
“I must rest now, after a trying day. I hope some few of you may pause to visit, if you see me in the woods on your travels. Good evening mortals.” The tiny beauty stood stock still for a moment, then blew away in a flurry of leaves and petals on an eldritch breeze.
“I really need to work on my transformations… that was sweet!” Gary whispered in awe as he sat down beside Gilbert with a sigh.
“I’ll show you how to introduce yourself properly to her people in the morning, there is an art to it.” He said with a wink. “They love a snack with a nice presentation and a bit of ceremony.”
Khan, Luna and Liam came bustling in, along with a trio of city guard, still in uniform and armed. Shai made the introductions, allowing Gary to slip away and join the kids and their pet stick insect at the childrens table.
“We broke your camp and carted your gear back, it’s all laid out in the garden. Please ask your people to collect their personal effects.” Liam said with a graceful salute.
“I would like to apologize for the misunderstanding this afternoon, we had no idea your party was so near or we would have coordinated with you.”
Gilbert grumbled under his breath and sat up straight to address the upstart. “I guess you are Mikkel’s crew of whippersnappers, I should have expected some sort of trick from that old goat’s greenies, where is he?”
“Back in Wheatford, complaining about missing the action; if he were here he would be complaining about the weather.” Khan snarked from a chair nearby. “I’m In charge of these loons.”
His grin widened even more. “I’m guildmaster of Wheatford’s Adventure guild as of dawn next firstday, Mikkel retires at the end of this month. He plans to spend the rest of his days on his great project.”
“Nudie statues?” Gilbert asked, palm to his face in the prescribed manner, when discussing Mikkel’s ‘art’. No one bothered to answer his question.
They spent a quiet evening, meeting new friends and gossiping, while Gary and Becky entertained the little ones.
Order priest Hamm kept trying to corner one or another of them alone, while Gary took particular joy in confounding the poor fellow.
Every opportunity that arose was accompanied by a distraction or misdirection of some kind. He followed Becky into the garden, only to see her stroll down a hallway from the corner of his eye. In the hallway, he heard her voice in the common room.
Gary seemed to vanish and reappear like a ghost, sometimes in mid conversation. He would fade from view subtly, as Hamm slipped into the discussion, only to breeze by, playing some instrument or another. The fool would toss Hamm a saucy wink more often than not, as he passed.
When Hamm tried to follow Becky into the privy, Gary drew the line. The priest turned the corner into the lavatories and bumped into the elusive man, Hamm bounced back as though he had struck a wall.
“Hamm, priest of Order is it?” The boy asked calmly, using his greater height to advantage. “My sister, the high priestess, will not be meeting with you.” His voice was coolly neutral, polite, if not friendly.
“We have issues with your cult and god, until those are resolved please understand, we cannot discuss matters with you.”
Hamm blustered, offended by such casual treatment from an Adventurer. “Orphans do not dictate terms to clergy, young man. I am instructed by my god to inquire wha-...” Gary turned the priest about, gripping his shoulders gently.
“Be welcome in our home, but don’t push us on this.” He released Hamm into the common room like a pet that had wandered out of bounds. “If I have to tell you again you will be sleeping in the cold.”
He immediately shifted into a cheerful grin and began whistling along with the musicians in the corner. “That’s a jig, get ready for some dancing.” He almost giggled between bars.
Moments later, a red haired tornado in green skirts swept him away, pulling the young Order priest by the hand until the dance floor swallowed him whole.
#
At Dawn, both parties were in the vale, carving and skinning the enormous corpse. Several of the Flintspire troop had billhooks that were ideal for the job. After hours working in the cold gray morning, it began to drizzle, bringing the butchery to an end.
“What happens now?” An exhausted, muddy and bloody Gary asked, looking down on the titanic carcass lying in the mud and rain.
“We send barges with workmen from Wheatford and Flintspire to cut it up and send it down river. Whatever we can preserve we keep, the rest…” Khan shrugged. “That is for the Town councils and the duke to decide. At least it’s winter, imagine the stench in high summer.”
“The stench is enough right now. Bathtime?” Gary threw the idea out offhandedly, as he strolled in through the garden gate. There were no arguments against it. Within minutes the big pool was full of Flintspire volunteers, cheerfully splashing in the hot water.
The officers and clergy strolled into the private bath without hesitation. Their assumption of privilege carried them past the minor ward on the arbor.
“Welcome honored clergy, captain Gilbert, second Angus.” Gary said, sounding rather more authentic than he felt.
When the five men and three women were in the pool among the Bathers, Gilbert spoke up. “How exactly did you manage to end the beast so dramatically? Did you feed it some alchemical explosive?” The others leaned in with interest, watching Khan for any hint or clue.
“I have no idea, Luna and I used all we had and just pissed it off. What did you do to it Gary?”
All eyes found their slippery host, lurking in billowing steam near the waterfall sliding farther into the steam clouds, trying to escape.
“Thanks Khan, you suck. I didn’t do anything to it, the jerk ate Solange’s giant mecha after an awesome kaiju battle… he brought it on himself.” Gary sank down until only his eyes showed above water and stayed there, disconcerting a few guests after a while.
“What Gary means is, the monster grew too large after escaping with a piece of Solange. She could not kill it outright, but all the trees that had already been uprooted…” Becky shrugged.
“We simply stuffed the construct full of magical rubbish. Enchanted sawdust, toxic magical berries, hallucinogenic mushrooms. We had a lot of trash.”
“So how did it die? What made it burst like that?” Khan insisted. “These threats are uncommon, but they are always a danger, share this trick.”
“No trick. The greedy turd ate like… twelve tons of enchanted wood, that is a lot to swallow, even for chonky boi outside. All I did was keep feeding Solange and her enchantments more magic while he was digesting.” Gary kicked back and floated with Shai. “T’was gluttony slew the beast… fatal indigestion. All mouth, no brain, I kinda feel bad for him, now that I think about it.”
“Sol found your solution poetic.” Becky said from her favorite corner, near the night blooming jasmine. “I find it messy. Just who do you think is going to eat all this groundworm anyway? The freezer is full.”
“Thats a different problem, I only agreed to solve one. If you guys want that big bastard gone, make an offer.”He grinned avariciously. “Disposal is a tough racket, I can make it… go away, if his grace makes a few of my problems… go away.”
For some reason the boy slipped into a guttural accent, with lots of shoulder shrugging innuendos about making ‘problems’, ‘go away’.
“Fuggeddaboudit..” He said, in confident nonsense.
Khan sighed and shook his head sadly. “Mikkel is still guild head, he can make an offer for you. Who can say what his grace will decide.”
Tawny laughed evilly from her spot beside Liam, under the flowering ginger. “His grace is reluctant to negotiate with Gary for some reason master Khan.” Her dark, golden chuckle came again. “Perhaps you will have better luck on this issue.”
“You guys act like I don’t make any sense… I give up on your politics. Tawny, Khan, you guys figure it out. If his nibs want’s my services, he can pay… and I don’t want money. A rich slave is still a slave.”
The officers and clergy shifted awkwardly at that. “Ohh! You guys don’t like the ‘S’ word?” His eyebrows came alive, dancing madly. “Sssssslaaaavery? Makes you uncomfortable?” He drew the offending word out like Shai drew wire from a steel bar, slowly and with great care.
“Human bondage is unlawful. There is no slavery in human lands.” Hamm said with finality.
“Well, priest Hamm of Order, that is the crux of my argument with your god, we can’t discuss that here, as I mentioned. I will say, I am glad to hear that slavery is outlawed… I might even find you convincing if you said it without fidgeting like that.” The mad grin on his face made a few clergy shudder. Violet, priestess of Healer, smiled and winked while the minions of Order and Craft squirmed.
He shifted his gaze to Tawny and Khan. “I’ll get rid of that for him if he’ll play ball. Hell, I’ll settle for just playing fair.”
Tawny nodded and smiled. “That I can guarantee. He will ‘play fair’ or I will step in, my parents are running out of heirs.”
“Good enough for me. Sentients and gentle beings, this inn closes at second bell tomorrow.” He smiled at his woman. “Checkout time will be half past first. His grace the duke will be paying for your accommodations and meals. Too bad we didn’t set up the mini bar system. Shai, you have my permission to bargain hard.”
“Fie on yer permission, I will bill his grace fair an true. Tis nae fault of mine, that this be the finest inn around.” Her smug grin left Tawny looking slightly nervous.
#
Dawn came so clear and cold, the air seemed to crackle in Gary’s lungs as he breathed it in. Flintspire’s contingent was marching away in fine form, a few purchases from his stocks livened the journey. He was still not allowed to trade for coin, so Gary made do with trinkets and oddities.
A grizzled veteran named Baumer traded a single large, pearl earring for an acoustic guitar and three sets of strings. Violet of Healer offered a small silver nugget, strung on a cord, for a harp, a recorder and two ukuleles. Most Adventurers picked up things like that over their careers.
By checkout time the mad musician had a good sized basket of random goodies, from unusual pebbles and feathers, to uncut gems.
“Yer trade skills need work boy of mine, tis much of that simply trinkets.” Shai complained, as she pawed through his receipts.
I don’t know, love… that’s a full ounce of fine silver, an uncut emerald, an opal, three garnets, an amber bead with a spore wasp trapped inside, two feathers that I swear are from a griffon. The rest, we’ll see.”
He grinned and tossed a small, plump bag on his palm. “I have a bag of seeds to go through, Angus’ daughter has a squirrel familiar that collects unusual seeds and nuts. She hides them in his pack and the pockets of his traveling gear.”
When their new friends were out of sight, Gary dismissed the house. They walked together down into the carnage at the foot of the slope, leaving Levin, Otho and the kids with Solage and her potted tree on top of the bluff.
Together he and Shai resummoned the house, right in among the remains of the beast, subsuming its noisome, nearly frozen carcass into nothingness, as the structure appeared in its place. He stretched himself to the limit, encompassing the vale in his influence, drawing on Shai as well, to expand even farther.
“Ooo! I’m a little done now.” He gasped, sitting down on a bench that appeared just in time. Between them they managed to take in most of the wreckage from the battle between giants.
“Yer control be shaky at the edges… tis good work though. T’would have been a vile and festering bog of disease ere summer.” Shai plopped down beside him, looking equally drained.
Once the children were settled back in, it was the work of less than an hour to finish the cleanup, tossing stray gobbets and hunks of worm into the pool to vanish. Otho was invaluable in finding the last pieces, scattered among the trees.
“Any stray bit could regenerate into a fresh patch of groundworm. Be sure we get it all or we might be back out here stomping out more little ones.” Khan said, while searching a thicket of alder saplings for stray meat.
Otho was having trouble walking and staying awake by the time the job was done. He waddled inside and spent the rest of the morning napping by the fire and farting.
#
“That’s it? You just put your house here and the corpse vanishes? Why the elaborate demands if that was all it took?” Tawny fumed in the bath, while the others were trying to forget the meaty scavenger hunt.
“You guys put a lien on my ass, I think any sharp dealing I do is justified.” He lounged back, letting the hot water carry him away. “Remember, it doesn’t matter how hard I had to work to do the job. Results matter. How much time, effort and coin would it have cost him to get rid of that?”
“That be the difference between hiring laborers an hiring professionals. Ye do pay fer the skills, tricks, talents an tools of an artisan, nae their time an sweat.” Shai’s smile of satisfaction found echoes in the faces of the other crafty Bathers.
#
Gary and Liam tamped the soil down gently around the slender trunk of Solange’s tree, while Amy and Wilford said goodbye to their new friend.
Rich dark earth covered the vale, neatly encapsulated in a ring of mature trees and protected from wind and weather by the hillside as well. The brook ran clear and cold in its rocky bed, kicking up a lively chatter over the stones. A number of other trees and plants dotted the expanse of ground where the worm track ended.
A pond, ringed with river stones and surrounded by plantings of bamboo and ginger led to a pleasant meadow, or what would be in the spring. Curated trees and shrubs dotted the fertile dell, promising a lovely spot to camp in the future.
When Liam and Sol looked over their work, man and spirit bug nodded happily, while Wilford turned somersaults in the dirt, laughing joyously.
“He approves too. We will be by again in a couple days Solange, see you then.” Gary ran after the tumbling boy, with Amy on his shoulders giggling.
“Wilford, if you get all dirty Shai’s gonna be mad!”
Their new friend waved from the branches of her sapling as the group rode and trotted down the road, music scattering in their wake.
Once they were out of view she climbed down and stepped behind a nearby boulder. A tiny door of brass bound oak, led to a small cavern excavated just for her by that darling corpse.
“Ahh, perhaps a dead druid has uses as well…” She sighed, climbing into a tiny four poster bed, with crisp linen sheets. A red squirrel rested beside a fireplace holding a river stone, enchanted to give appealing warmth and light. “We will be the envy of all our sisters, Plumeria and I…” She whispered before falling into slumber.
She didn’t even stir when a party of armored riders thundered past a little while later.
