Ch: 278 I Fought The Law

Lunchtime went quietly, even the kids were contemplative and calm, that should have been a tip off. The slow soft chime of fourth bell was still ringing, as Gary and Shai brought the little ones upstairs for naptime. She flopped down among the little ones and held her arms open for him to join, but he shook his head sadly. “I gotta go lay out in the sun for a while…”

 

When he ambled downstairs, heading for the garden a few minutes later, sir Tony was standing in the foyer; dressed in his full official uniform of shining steel plate mail, emblazoned with Order’s balanced scale.

“Gary… I have an official summons for you… again.” He murmured softly. “You are called to the court of Order in the temple district, to answer for what you have done.”

 

“What exactly have I done, Tony?” He yawned at the big knight.

 

“I’m not really sure… but the cults of War and Order are both demanding that you answer to them for… ‘your crimes’.” He mumbled, standing at attention and looking very uncomfortable.

 

“What crime?” He pressed the silvery giant statue in his doorway. “I can’t be charged with secret crimes… that’s against the laws of Order and man…” He prodded the giant gently.

 

“I’m only following orders, Gary…” He mumbled, in deep embarrassment.

 

“Not a morally defensible argument, Tony. What happens if I refuse to show?” He demanded, while his friend’s helmet kept gazing longingly at the slippers in their cubbies, under the benches that lined the foyer.

 

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” He asked softly.

 

“Friends need no invitation, Tony…” He said just as softly. “Minions of the gods and their cults do, though.”

 

Poor Tony was halfway seated and reaching for a huge pair of blue bunny slippers… when that second part landed like a punch in his guts.

“Gary… I have to obey my god…” He mumbled dejectedly, as he stood back up.

 

“You never answered. What happens if I tell Order and War to suck my dick?” His flippant tone and casual blasphemies failed to lighten the mood.

 

“I’m not sure, nothing good I’d imagine.” He answered glumly.

 

“When’s this tea party scheduled?” The musician demanded.

 

“The day after tomorrow at second bell… in front of the temple of Order.” The giant muttered. “If you don’t show up voluntarily, they will probably send me to arrest you…” He answered glumly. “I’d much rather avoid that.”

 

“How awkward for you… socially.” Gary muttered sourly.

“But that’s not really what I was asking.”

 

“I don’t know… I’m not even sure such a summons is truly legal…” He mumbled unhappily. “You may bring a single advocate… all others will have to watch from the courtyard.”

 

“So you want me to face the gathered cults and clergy to answer for some ‘secret crimes’ on a highly questionable summons, without even knowing what I’m charged with…” He asked, seeming strangely calm.

 

“I’m afraid so.”

 

“I’ll be there, big T… but you just remember this conversation when it goes down… and that I am an unwilling participant in this farce.” Gary answered with a smile of radiant joy that failed entirely to ease the giant knight’s growing indigestion and anxiety.

 

“You don’t know it will be a ‘farce’, Gary…” Tony grumbled.

 

“Yes, I do.” He replied cheerfully. “Now go tell your clerics that they’ll get what they want…”

 

“Gary… this is a serious matter… I think.” He grumbled as he departed. “You should take it seriously.”

 

“I will, buddy, I will.” He promised; it was a pretty unconvincing lie. 

“Can’t catch a break in this town… What should I wear to my trial… something appropriately sensible…” Gary mumbled to himself while heading down into the workshop.

#

 

Shai woke up to the bad news, delivered by Otho, who came in search of the mad boy, only to be stymied by a locked workshop door.

“Sir Tony expressed some concerns… He suggested that I proactively offer to serve as his advocate.” Otho murmured. “Tony fears that Gary will do something… reckless or ill advised.”

 

“That do seem likely.” She sighed, while getting the kids dressed.

 

His locked workshop door surrendered to her touch without resistance… she found him putting the finishing touches on a very elegant suit of clothing. His tailor’s dummy was dressed in unrelieved black, from the shiny shoes to the snug, fitted pants and a jacket of matte black worm leather and matching cap.

“Lad…” Shai spoke very softly to her poor ragged fool. He looked exhausted and truly unwell. “Ye should hae woken me when Tony came callin’. ‘Tis a weighty matter an must needs be handled delicately.”

 

“Love… You don’t want anything to do with this.” He answered with a grim smile. “Otho was sniffing around earlier, did he send you to talk me down?”

 

“He offers tae be yer advocate in this… an ye should accept.” She sighed, wrapping her arms around him from behind while he was trying to clear his worktable of the scraps and remnants scattered around. Silky, bright green, red and yellow fragments all got swept together with the matte black leather strips and off cuts of black linen cloth.

 

“No. I already have an advocate.” He answered calmly. “Now I have to go forge another gods damned Contract, with someone else’s trouble, once more breathing down my neck.”

He kissed her firmly and slipped out of her arms, heading upstairs without further comment.

 

She stalked after him, exuding an aura of dissatisfaction and general crankyness. “I’ll be meeting this ‘Ipet’ character, ere ye sign articles, lad. I am firm in that.”

 

“You know I have nothing to hide from you…” He mumbled while flopping into bed, as his clothes vanished in a swirl of misty, shadowy nothing.

#

 

The pair of them landed in the standing stones, near the dryad forest, with Ward sitting on the vine covered, empty coffin in the center, waiting for them.

 

“We never really spoke much… Shai.” Ward mumbled shyly, having trouble meeting her gaze. “I’m still getting a lot of emotional backwash from Gary, especially when you are around.” He sighed. “I get a big dose of what he feels when he looks at, hears, smells or even thinks about you.”

 

She blushed, when both boys took the same awkward stance to try and hide their matching trouser tents.

“I’m having a similar problem… Ward.” Gary said gently. “You’ve been busy…” 

 

“Ohh, yeah…” He sighed blissfully. “You know, some chick named Jennah just invented lingerie here? You should check her out… Err… check out her… stuff…” He stammered, as things got bulgier in their pants.

 

“Dude…” Gary gasped. “Chill, my body can barely walk!”

 

“Sorry…” He muttered. “Ipet wanted me there when you… you know…” Ward turned bright red and stuttered, when he remembered Shai was there. “I mean… it’s not your real body… and she’s a goddess… so it’s not really…”

 

“I’m Contracting with her, Ward. Nobody’s getting laid.” Gary said gently.

 

“Uhh…” He stammered, turning some interesting colors.

 

When three mortals arrived on her little stretch of the nile, Ipet was mostly submerged in the slow flowing waters, just her nostrils, ears and eyes above the surface. She surged onto shore, hurling a dark, muddy wave ashore in her excitement. 

“Gary! You’ve come to seal our Contract?” She purred in a low, watery rumble. “Ward was a delight, I should have begun taking mortal Contracts millenia ago!” 

She strode up to him eagerly, gleaming wetly in nothing but her jewelry. “And you brought another…” She leaned over and took a deep sniff of the red haired giantess, scowling at her. 

“Oh! It’s sweet Shai, beloved of my beloved!” She cooed with even more glee and anticipation. “Have you come to assist in sealing his Contract? I’ve never considered the possibility of…” She licked her sweet red cupids bow lips and smiled with pure shining anticipation. “Once Gary is inside me and Ward is inside him from behind…”

 

“Hold on Ipet…” Gary said much more firmly. “Nobody’s getting…” The hippo headed beauty slipped into his arms while he was talking, nestling herself close and beginning to untie his shirt.

“I usually just hug… but a handshake is enough… please stop before Shai murders me.” He grumbled as he gently extracted her hands from his clothing. 

 

“Ohhh…” Ward and Ipet both gasped at the revelation that ‘intimate contact’ was unnecessary.

 

“I was Contracted to Marduk, Ward… Did you think I fucked him?” Gary asked very, very patiently. “I think you need to understand some things… before you… wait… Ipet said you Contracted Joy last night…”

 

“Yeah…” He sighed breathily, through a dreamy smile… Ward got lost in wonderful memories for a little while.

 

“When all ye have is a hammer...” Shai replied wittily.

#

 

They came downstairs a little before dinner, while Becky was showing Wilf how to knead dough. “Firmly and gently… then fold it over with a quick flip and press again, just like that!” The burly toddler had a wad of dough half his own size on the coffee table, wrestling it manfully into shape with a smile on his chubby cheeks.

 

“I’m baking!” He cheered. “This bread’s for tomorrow… you gotta wait.” He murmured happily, through a liberal dusting of flour.

Amy dashed over and climbed Shai with a giggle. “Ipet really likes uncle Ward… Did you make friends with her too, Papa?”

 

“Yes, baby… I did.” He mumbled with a rising blush on his cheeks. “But I’m sure she likes Ward better.”

Rio was over at the table tearing up lettuce for a salad while Otho peeled carrots. Otho the Beloved of Joy, Not Otho the dog… He was napping on the rug by the fire, under Tallum’s feet.

 

“Gary, my boy… I’ve come to offer my services as your advocate for the upcoming…” Gary shook his head with a smile. 

 

“I have that all handled. You concentrate on keeping me and Liam from being sold as slaves… Priorities.” He answered with a smile. “Whatever your clerical peers want from me is less important than that.”

 

“If the full clerical council votes in favor of censuring you, they could have you fostered to a noble house or even indentured early…” He mumbled. “It’s happened in other duchy's. Such a finding in the local court would have  dubious legality and would no doubt be overturned on appeal to the council of dukes and clergy… Such an appeal usually takes a decade or more.”

 

“So I can still lose everything, even if everybody knows it’s bullshit?” He asked with a smile. “That’s familiar territory, my home turf, as it were.”

 

“You can’t simply ‘Gary’ your way out of this trouble.” Otho warned.

 

“What trouble? What crime am I accused of?” He demanded.

 

“Does it matter if a guilty verdict, whether wrong or right, will effectively end your activities for at least a decade?” He asked. “The charge is blasphemy against War. The details remain under seal by that cult, under a long forgotten law dredged up for the purpose by Order, no doubt.”

 

“Witnesses?” He asked calmly. “Do they have any? Can I call them?”

 

“That also remains occult, by sacred law… a suspiciously convenient law I was previously unaware of.” He muttered darkly.

“They are aware that your Contract with Secret has been severed by that deity… this leaves you vulnerable, as essentially, you are now a defrocked priest.”

 

“Even though the pantheon arranged the whole boondoggle without my knowledge or consent… They threw a rowdy party in my house. A party I was specifically banned from, now I’m on the hook cause War, Order and Craft got their feelings hurt?” He asked with a smile.

 

“Yes, my son… as unfair as it seems, those are the facts… Why are you still smiling?” Otho frowned and scrubbed his hands through his close cropped silver hair. “Gary… Joy has been extraordinarily… present in my mind, since last night… did you do something?”

 

“Me?” He asked with wide eyed innocence writ large across his face. “I have no problems with Joy at all. You could say she’s…” His smile grew wider, for some reason. That expression on Gary’s bland and generally unremarkable face, made Otho’s blood run cold, while his link with Joy warmed significantly in his breast. 

“She’s a member of the family, now.”

#

 

Bedtime came early by the river side, as stress, exhaustion and Gary’s inscrutable refusal to explain his plans wore on the little household. Though Gary spent most of the day alternately in the workshop, engaged in ‘Secret Stuff’, or sprawled naked on the lawn, soaking up the sunshine and meditating… or maybe he was asleep.

 

“No Ducky.” He said firmly and just a little ungently. “I understand that they forced you to ditch me, but you complied. You know how that made me feel, cause you watched from the inside…”

 

“But Gary… They forced me to… I can’t refuse the entire pantheon… Even Beast insisted, with Joy backing him up.” He whispered.
“If you accept me back, I can give you a Contract that might even help assimilate Ward back into you…”

 

“That ship has sailed.” He snapped. “Maybe he wants a Contract with you… Ward is his own man now and I’m not his boss.” He giggled madly and smiled at the tiny god. “Too bad I explained the Contract process to him already… He might have taught you a few new things to try with ‘Ponna. A little tushie play never hurt anybody…”

 

“Gary, Marduk is trying to express his feelings to you. Please respect the vulnerability he is showing you...” Thirp scolded gently.

 

“He abandoned me… without a word… I know that’s my damage acting up and these feelings of abandonment and loss are mine to deal with…” He shook his head at both deities. 

 

“But… I…” Marduk whispered, tears welling in his eyes.

 

“I can’t trust you again, not like before. Gary shook his head again, in flat refusal. “My kids, Shai and Becky are the only reason you can still get in here… and that I need your ass to stay around for my projects.”

 

He stood to leave the circle of standing stones with a deep and sorrowful sigh, while the spider goddess and her weeping friend watched him walk into the dryads’ forest and vanish.

“I love you both… or this wouldn’t hurt so damn much.” He called as he disappeared into the foliage.

#

 

“Mmm?” Ward mumbled in curiosity, as he extracted himself from a pile of very comfy looking ladies.

 

“Sorry to interrupt, bro… but we need to talk.” VelvetRope Notgary said softly. “You don’t need to get up… I’m as much a part of you as I am Gary.” He sighed. “That’s why I’m here.”

 

“Should we give you some privacy?” Fig cooed from somewhere in the cuddleparty. “Or would you rather dive in… we can make room…”

 

“Fig!” Ward scolded her with a giggle. Several sighs drifted up as he wriggled free and conjured clothes around himself. “What can I do for… me? We? Us?” He asked, looking a little confused at the end. “This shit is complicated!”

 

“We need you to get Gary Contracted with Secret again.” He said flatly.

 

“No can do. I like the little guy and would Contract him in a second… now that I know we don’t have to…” He smiled awkwardly. 

“Gary is super hurt, really deep inside. Not just by what Ducky did… it goes way deeper. Marduk’s betrayal rang a very old and dusty bell, now that noise is waking up a lot of things that he’d put to sleep inside himself.”

 

“We feel them stirring, deep down… That’s why we need your help. He has to mend this with Marduk soon, or we’ll start drawing more cards from the deck… The Tower is waking up… the Devil is stirring again and I haven't been able to locate a trace of Death.”

 

“Not my problem.” Ward answered coldly. “He did this and he needs to make it right with Gary himself.” The startlingly handsome, chiseled features of Ward became stony and cold suddenly. “He’s coming to see me… Get lost. I’ll tell him what you asked of me… I won’t lie or hide anything from him for you guys.” He snapped. “Tell Ducky to come see me himself, unless he’s scared.”

 

“Hey, bro… Velvet just left…” Ward said softly, when Gary stepped out of the whispering trees. He sat down on a rock and sighed with exhaustion. “You’ve been doing this for a year? I’m worn out already…”

 

Gary smiled at his sleepy looking doppelganger and sat down on a conjured lawn chair. “I only have one woman who is allowed in my pants…” He answered smugly.

 

“Yeah, well, your loss, bro. Fig showed me this thing with my left thumb and right pinkie… You gotta get a little bit tied up in knots to make it work, but hoooo!” 

Ward’s smile grew even more radiantly handsome, when Crabapple climbed into his lap and made herself comfortable. Her slender, deep brown body and long, radiant white hair, restrained by a plait of flowering twigs draped over the smiling man like a shimmering  blanket of snow as they cuddled together.

“Marduk is desperate to get back inside. He sent Velvet to try and get me to put some pressure on you.” 

 

“Hmph…” Crabby sniffed unhappily. “I’ve been watching this one from a distance since Plumeria first discovered him…” 

 

“Plumeria ‘discovered’ me?” He asked with amusement.

 

“Mm, yes, she found you wandering in the woods and took you under her boughs… She is so generous to mortals.” Crabby sighed.

 

“Ok… we’ll circle back to that when ‘Meria is around…” Gary chuckled happily.

 

“You didn’t think I’d tell my sisters the whole embarrassing truth… did you?” Plumeria asked, while she climbed into Gary’s lap and made herself chastely comfortable… Crabapple seemed to be doing something under her coverlet of hair… Ward’s face, all that was visible of him, remained placid and calm.

 

“Ok… could you two stop please… I don’t wanna be a buzzkill, but that’s really distracting.” Gary mumbled.

 

“Come on Crabbie… get your face and hands out where we can see them…” A moment later she complied, her grinning face resting on his shoulder, with those bright red eyes watching Ward’s face eagerly.

 

“Anything for you, baby…” She purred.

 

“Mm, mmm… feet where we can see them too, lover.” Ward giggled. She pouted and mumbled, before sticking her tongue out at Gary. She took a moment settling herself more or less on Ward’s lap, with her hair once more restrained.  

 

“Speaking alone with you in the dryads’ forest was a stupid idea…” Gary mumbled apologetically around his warm, comfy armfull of tree woman. 

“I’m in some trouble and I need your help bro… I need to do some Shady shit.”

#

 

Marduk… we need to talk.” Ward said calmly, when he caught up with Eponna and her beau on the wildflower plains. “Gary is off the table…” He answered, before Ducky could ask. “We have to figure that out later. For right now, I want a Contract with you, but not just any one.” He said firmly to the stunned deity. 

“I want Secret.”

 

“Ohh… ohh, my!” Thirp whispered from a shadowy bush nearby. She turned to scuttle for the house and alert whomever she could find there, until Ward called out to her.

 

“You too Thirp. We have a date too… as soon as I hug it out with Ducky.” He smiled at her warmly, very warmly indeed.

 

“Ward… I know you’ve taken a few… Contracts recently… I’m not sure you fully understand the serious nature of what you’re doing…” Marduk began, blushing a golden hue across his cheeks.

 

“Keep your divine banana in its hammock, Ducky…” Ward said with a wink. “Gary hipped me to the recipe.” He giggled and turned back to Thirp, while crushing Marduk in a hug and kissing the top of his curly blonde head.

 

“You’re gonna be the sweet, fluffy whipped cream on this sundae, lady Thirp… I can’t wait for the cherry on top.”

 

“Ohh… Oh my!” Thirp whispered, with a smile of her own slowly spreading across her face.

 

He held Marduk close for a while, as the tiny deity slowly melted into his embrace, sobbing pitifully. “…I abandoned him without even thinking what that might do to his soul… I’m a terrible god and an awful friend!” He bawled and sobbed into Ward’s boner pill t-shirt, leaving it a soggy mess.

 

“Gary understands, buddy. He just needs time to heal a little before he can forgive you. He knows you didn’t have a choice, but he’s hurting right now.” He patted the sobbing godling and handed him bodily over to Eponna, who took him to her bosom and strolled off with the heartbroken god.

 

“I need a minute, Thirp… I have some feels bubbling up and…” He shrugged unhappily. “Everything looks like a nail…” He looked down at his trouser front and sighed.

“All I have is a damn hammer.”

 

“Human sexuality is complex and deeply entangled with emotions that should not be involved at all. Nervous tension and any strong emotion can trigger a ‘boner’ in Gary… Often with no detectable sexual stimuli at all.” She sighed. “We’ve been studying it in depth and have made some rather startling discoveries…”

 

“Asexyspidernerdsays what?” He asked with a smile, as he approached her.

 

“What?” She asked, as he took one of her four hands in a gentle grip.

 

“Exactly…” He whispered.

 

“Ward… are you suggesting…” She murmured, as he stepped closer and draped an arm over her furry white shoulders.

 

“Hey… we can just hug… no pressure… Well, maybe a little pressure.” He whispered in her soft, furry, very feminine, human ear.

 

“Oh, My!” She cooed, wrapping all four arms around him. “Is it true… what the dryads have been whispering  in their leaves?”

 

“I dunno… I’ve been too busy rustling their leaves to listen in.” He sighed, as she began to spin her threads around him. “Be gentle, You’re my first… I don’t wanna say monster girl…” He whispered as her silk enveloped him.

 

“Oh, I like that… I’m your first monster girl, hmm?” Her fangs tickled his throat as she wriggled closer to him in their little bower of silk. “Dangerous and forbidden, how delightfully kinky!” She struck, piercing the vein at his throat with her fangs and flooding him with her silvery venom in a long, lingering kiss.

 

“Ohh Wow!” 

The cry that rose from that silk draped bower startled a number of sleepy dryads from their slumber, until the whispering leaves told them a story that brought smiles to their varied and beautiful faces.

#

 

Marduk and Eponna were lingering in Gary’s bath, soaking and cuddling together while Ducky still wept from time to time.

“You have a bond with Becky and Shai, now with Ward… Why weep so, for a mortal who cares not for your gifts?” She murmured softly. “We are eternal, we should not become so attached to the ephemerals, no matter how interesting and odd.”

 

“You don’t understand… he’s the one who pulled me out of the void… I was lost for so long, just like him… Alone and… Abandoned.” He sank down into her lap, bubbling just below the surface for a while, only his blonde curls visible.

 

“Is that why you surrendered Secrets to Thirp and that new boy? Guilt?” She asked softly. “Secret is no longer in your portfolio at all… Don’t diminish yourself, just for some mortal…”

 

“Fuck Secrets!” Ducky grumbled. “I always hated keeping Secrets and so does Gary… Ward is just a big horny chuni, he’s welcome to it.” 

 

“Ohh, my poor Ducky… He’s hurt you so badly… should I curse him for you? Just a little?” She offered. “I can hex him to always step in fresh horseapples, wherever my children cross his path.”

 

“He wears sandals a lot…” Marduk sniffled. “Will they always be fresh?”

 

“Yes, my lover… always warm and fresh, like my passion for you.” She sighed in equine delight, as her love smiled… golden and radiant like the dawn.

#