19.2

…

 

…

 

…

 

With Evie’s departure, John was left to deal with the bundle of emotions that had reappeared in his heart. Emotions that he had buried over and over ever since his exile from A’vetheas.

 

Shame.

 

Guilt.

 

Fear.

 

They stuck to his mind like a cold gooey corrosive swamp threatening to swallow him whole as he struggled to stay afloat.

In many ways, he knew they lingered at the back of his mind wherever he went.

However, it was until he saw the Elder Dragon that killed Alwin Zinrelle was he was reminded acutely of what had cast a dark shadow over his heart for the longest time.

These emotions were the very reason that he had not bothered to step outside the house.

The Harvest Residence.

 

For what laid outside…

 

John shuddered as he stared outside through the open door Velerion and Ephinelyth left.

Wanting so desperately to close the entrance door that served as the bridge between him and the outside world, John trudged towards the open door.

With meticulous steps, he arrived at the very entrance of the house.

John paused, his eyes darted at the very floors around him.

The floors where Miros and Itzella’s decapitated heads once had been on.

His knees buckled, but with the adrenaline that was still in his veins, he caught the door knob in time to stop himself from tumbling onto the outside pavement.

 

Clack!

 

 

“!!!”

John in his haste, had closed the door shut, but instead of closing the door from within the house, he failed to notice that he was already on the outside, on the outside where the setting sun showered its rays on his sorrowful face.

He frantically moved his sweaty palms to unlock the door as to return to where he had been. All he wanted now was to escape the pain that would soon settle inside of…

 

...him.

 

It was too late.

 

Despite his greatest efforts to avoid it, his curious nature had gotten the better of him. In just a split second, his eyes gathered towards the very back of the house, where five tombstones had been erected.

 

Ba-dump.

 

He swallowed his spit as his hands gently departed from the door handle, his fingers twitching as his body compelled him to move towards what he saw.

No...I don’t need to see this… I don’t want to...

Despite his internal protests, his body did the opposite as it brought John closer to the tombstones at the very back of the house as the distinct sound of grass crushing echoed in his ears.

I-I… This…

He passed a beautiful pot of tomato plant in the garden, heart wrenching as the brilliant plant stood healthy with red ripe fruits dangled before his very eyes.

Cherry tomatoes.

This was the plant that Mera had informed that little Meli was growing in secret.

A bitter smile found its way to John’s lips as he shook his head weakly.

I should have came here earlier...

His legs finally stopped when he reached his destination.

Thud!

His knees buckled, crashing John before the five tombstones.

 

“A-ahahaha...”

 

A chuckle escaped his breath as moisture gathered at his dark irises, his head shook weakly as he stared at the grounds where the Harvests were buried.

“I… It’s been a while.”

He spoke to the graves of his family, treating himself as though a lifelong sinner who finally admitted to his crimes.

“How h-have...you all...b-been doing?” John cracked.

His voice was pathetic, his question was idiotic, but it was all he could manage.

 

…

 

“I…missed you…” he sniffled as he raised his head towards the sky, not wanting to let his tears to trickle down his cheeks. “A lot has happened...Mera, Meli, Miril, Itzella and…”

His arms slumped to his sides, his nose dripped with mucous, but he was far from stopping.

His head turned slightly towards the grave that was on the furthest left. Towards the man who was the backbone of the Harvest family.

“…Miros. I...can’t live up to any of your expectations. I am not even a student of the academy anymore. The Empire now hunts me, and when all of you needed me, the most I could not help. For all that, I am sorry.”

 

…

 

“I’m sorry for failing you all… I am not exactly the noble person all of you think of.”

 

…

 

“I am a coward, I am weak, I am arrogant, I am stupid, I am pathetic…”

 

John took a deep breath as he still looked up at the orange skies.

 

“I...am a demon. Someone who brings pain and destruction to everything he touches. And now—”

 

Rustle, rustle, rustle…

 

John immediately halted his monologue when he heard something move from beyond the trees surrounding the Harvest Residence.

 

“Who’s there!?” his voice though mournful but resolute.

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

“Lord Sarvod.”

A deep voice spoke behind him, jolting John upright.

“!!!”

John turned with his fists balled, much to his surprise, it was an elderly man who had very well trimmed hair.

“I apologize for startling you. My name is Zondrac, a close acquaintance of Lady Ephinelyth,” he spoke as he bowed deeply at John.

At the mere mention of Evie, John’s fists unfurled.

He doesn’t seem like he came from the bushes or the trees... Is there someone else—

“I am here in place of Lady Ephinelyth. She made sure for me to be by your side should anything inconvenient...delay her return.”

“Delay…”

Tough he had been speaking freely before the Harvests’ grave, now that Zondrac, who was in the flesh spoke to him, John found it difficult to get his words out.

His eyes gazed up into the skies once more.

The beautiful orange had now slowly altered and took on a reddish hue that slowly intensified in saturation, indicating the sun that was about to set in the west.

John nodded.

He did not mind if Ephinelyth returned to him late.

After all, she was an important person, a powerful being with superior power with heavy responsibilities.

 

Unlike he who had failed everyone that placed their trust in him.

 

He left Zondrac and headed towards the backdoor of the house in attempt to return to the world where he could numb his emotions like he always had.

 

The appearance of Zondrac meant nothing to him.

So what if the man whose family Evie left for came by to pay him a visit?

To John, whether he was by Evie’s side, whether if Zondrac was there to keep him company, there was nothing to soothe him of the eternal isolation that ate in his heart.

And if Evie could not return to him by dusk, it would not be the first time she broke her promises to him.

Frankly, he was too broken and too tired to care.

 

There was once a time he cared.

 

But after what happened to Aurelius, after what happened to A’vetheas, after what happened to him, John was sick of it all.

His life was a constant stream of misery. It was the same in his past, his present, and no doubt, his future.

John dragged his feet as he approached the back entrance, fully expecting to leave everything to the cruel hands of fate.

“Dear John,” Zondrac’s voice resounded loudly in his ears, halting John in his steps. “If you are reading this message from me, it means that this wolfkin friend of yours is no longer by your side.”

“What…?”

John turned to Zondrac, only to discover a book the size of the elderly man’s palm. Immediately, he was able to recognize the tattered and crease-filled book as one that Aurelius had carried around him from time to time.

 

“Where did you get that!?”

 

“First and foremost, I wish to convey to you how grateful I am to you for what you have done for me so far. From the day you aided me in Moxnet, to the countless times while we are a part of Team Rectiser, there is nothing short I could ask of from a fellow friend. Or if you would allow me, a fellow brother.”

 

“Where is Aurelius!?” John shouted, but was ignored by Zondrac. “Why do you have his book!!!?”

 

“I suppose reading this, you would be in a state of annoyance, anger, hatred, or even disgust that I deem you someone close to me. ‘We barely know each other’ is what I fully expect you to say.”

 

John’s hand moved to grab the book from Zondrac, but recoiled when he heard Aurelius’ message as he denied it, “No...I...that’s not… I was just trying to get you away from me…”

 

“Regardless of what you think, as of this message, I have parted from this world that I was never belonged to. I assure you, even with my pointless life, I will still have given it up for you.”

 

“No… Why…” John can only look at Zondrac with tear-filled eyes.

 

“You see John, unlike you, unlike everyone else in Team Rectiser or anyone else in this world, I am without a soul. I am sure you realize that at this point.”

 

“…”

 

“Due to me having no soul, my time in this world was already limited. By the academy’s estimation I would be dead long before I can reach my thirties, ha!”

 

Though Aurelius seem awfully cheerful in his message, John did not share the same sentiment.

 

“The people at Moxnet Academy allowed me to extend my life, but at the cost of my well being, of course. It was why I arrived in Dezarith Empire in the first place, to prolong my life. Supposedly, by the time we’ve first met, I would be bedridden. Still, luck prevailed and I was fortunate enough to meet you. All the ill effects of having no soul was undone because you were there to aid me.”

 

“That’s not true...you…” John was hesitant, even he dared not mouth the words that he knew were true.

 

“Certainly, with [Heal] you can help me extend my ever-dying body. Even then, without a soul, my body is simply a clump of meat that moves and acts. For the longest time, I thought that was the case. Where I would move and act according to what the world flung in my way. In some sense, I never had a say, or rather, I never acted on what I truly desired.”

 

“…”

 

“I am sure whatever emotions that go through your mind as of receiving this, you would understand my words, brother.”

 

John looked away from Zondrac in shame, having Aurelius call him his kin.

 

I am not worthy. After all I’ve said and done…

 

“Somehow, I knew that my fate would end from the chaos that the Empire has in store for us in this aptitude test. So, I have written this hoping that it would lessen the burn that you would carry on yourself after my death. After all, unlike you, I am not a stubborn ox who listens to no one but himself. I am just a silly mutt who is far too meddling for his own sake.”

 

John opened his mouth to retort, but quickly halted himself for the mere fact that Aurelius was no longer before him.

 

“Scoff at me if you wish, but if you would believe me, I understand the feeling of loss, not because of the people that you’ve lost, not because of the things that you have failed to achieve, rather, the emptiness that lurks in the depths of your heart.

“I, for one, do not believe in fate. I do not believe in prophecies, but after having met you on that hopeless night where my body was weakened beyond the treatment the Academy could provide. Despite my soulless existence, I was never doomed to die to it. In actuality, the monks had peered into the future that spoke of my death that accompanied the three treasures of mine, treasures that represented the existence of this soulless wolf.”

 

John lowered his head, heeding his friend’s last words in sincerity.

He too, was not a believer of fate, fortune, nor even the slightest at predetermined social standings, to him, the rules of the world could go to hell.

John knew what was right, and what was wrong.

Which was why he even approached Aurelius on their very first meeting in Moxnet, offering the wolfkin help without batting an eye.

 

“You know the very well what those treasures are, my Scimitars, the gloves I gifted you, and lastly, this journal of mine, all of which represent a part of me. Perhaps it was foolish of me to fill in the journal, perhaps I should not have given you the gloves, perhaps I should have never unsheathed my Scimitars. But to fill the journal, to give you the gloves and to use my scimitars, is what I, Aurelius Velupus chose to do. And even with the certainty of death, I will still gladly relive it all.”

 

Zondrac stopped, taking a moment of silence as though he already knew what happened to the owner of the journal that he was holding onto.

“Go on...what else is there…” John urged.

“Lord Sarvod, with due respect, this is the man that Lady Ephinelyth had buried there.”

Zondrac pointed towards a grave that had sprouted on the very opposite of the Harvests’ resting place at the back of the house.

“...”

John moved towards Aurelius’ grave with Zondrac following closely behind him. And sure enough, the tombstone on it was etched out with the name ‘Aurelius Lupus’ on it.

“Continue,” John spoke as he squatted down and placed a hand on the tombstone as though he would on Aurelius’ shoulders. Closing his eyes as a wave of relief found its way to his heart.

Seeing a proper burial done for Aurelius brought the torrent of emotions in his heart to a still, replacing it with a mellow tinge of bitterness.

 

“The short time I have spent with you and Team Rectiser, have been the most fulfilling! So my brother, please do not torment yourself over what has transpired, knowing what would have happened in Meastes, I would still gladly put myself in harms way, become a captive for the vampires that we have faced, even if it meant revisiting this same medical facility that I am in as of this moment.

 

“...”

 

“My inevitable death does scares me, and to be honest, I wish I could stay longer so that I would meet my sister once more. Even then, even then, my brother, in the end, it is up to me to decide what I would do with it. I was the one who chose to speak to you, I was the one who decided to pull you back to your feet as a repayment for what you have done for me prior. I was the one who put myself in harm’s way for you, just as you would to me. All without asking for repayment in kind. As much as I wish to see my sister, I too have to take care of you, John.”

 

John’s fingers on Aurelius’ tombstone tightened as the words entered his ears. Even as Zondrac’s voice entered his ear canals, he can very well picture the image of Aurelius speaking to him, in his mind.

 

“It is true, for you and I, that we are endlessly plagued by the suffering in our meaningless existence, always left to ponder the true purpose behind our journey. When in reality, life itself bears no meaning. Whether one is God or Demon, there lies no purpose behind for such occurrences of existence, for we, as the flawed beings we are, still have to live on.”

 

“...”

 

“Blame not yourself for your weakness, blame not the world for our fate, things happen simply because that is the way of being, prophecies are told because they are inevitable, history is deemed as such for they have occurred.”

 

…

 

“But to decide what to do with what is given to us, our life, our fate, our minds, our experience, what we do with our lives all depends on you and I. We, the individuals are in charge of our own fate. That is the true meaning of it all. For I know, I would not give away what I have experienced, what I have done, for the world, they are all precious to me, the joys, the laughter, even sadness and despair, for they make up this silly wolfkin.”

 

John bit his lip, body shaking, his breath shallow.

 

“So take heed, my brother, do not weep for my loss, rejoice for the fact that we have once met. And that this soulless one was able to live a life far more than he could ever ask for.”

 

Drip.

 

The moisture that gathered in John’s dark eyes became far too heavy and fell to the ground in heavy drops.

 

“For once, let me request something from you, John. Step past the shadows that bind you, take the pain and use it to propel you forward one last time, away from the lifetime prison that you have built for yourself and seek freedom from it.

“I am not asking you to forget the suffering you endured, I am not asking you to forsake your past, I am not belittling your losses. All I am saying is for you, to truly accept who you are, for my sake and yours.

“Demon or not, you are my brother, John Sarvod. I am sure those who loved you never cared for such trivial matters of what you are born as, nor will any of what you have done bother them the slightest. Live your life in the most fulfilling way possible, no matter what comes, be certain that at the end of it, it shall rival mine. For you are, the most honorable man I have come to known.”

 

Zondrac raised his head from the journal, closing it as he handed the journal to John whose legs had been weakened to where he leaned against Aurelius’ tomb for support.

 

“Signed, your brother, Aurelius Lupus.”

 

 

With Zondrac’s towering figure leaning by the walls of the Harvest Residence, John had sat in silence a long moment, he was unaware of how long he sat by Aurelius grave.

Inside his mind, Aurelius’ words replayed relentlessly inside his mind as he kept reading the page where Zondrac had read from Aurelius’ journal over, and over, and over again.

 

...

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

...

 

Finally, decided he had enough of the same message repeating in his mind, he closed the journal, placing it beside Aurelius tomb as though he was returning it to its owner, even for just a brief moment.

His eyes looked into the distance where the sun had disappeared from his view as the last of his tears dried from his cheeks.

 

The scene probed at him, bringing his thoughts to the girl who had been by his side this whole time he was dealing with Aurelius’ departure from this world.

 

“Ephinelyth…” her name escaped his lips as he watch the sun slowly distance itself away from him.

Only then did it occur to him that the dragon girl had left with her brother for the sake of a woman named Petunia and a girl named Mizzy, of which who are the family of—

“Zondrac.”

John raised his head he identified the elderly man who stood with a striking posture behind him.

“Yes?”

“Earlier Evie— Ephinelyth, went with her brother because he held your family hostage.”

“She informed me of such when she parted with you, I was in the Empire doing reconnaissance for her, it is only earlier did I finally finish—”

“Then why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be with her?” John interrupted Zondrac as the gears in his mind twisted and turned in rapid motions.

“My duties lie with her orders. I have full faith that she would finish what is needed to bring my wife and child back safely.”

 

“That was this morning.”

 

John protested, though he had nothing to gain nor position to speak about it, it was as though something had ignited in him after hearing the message from Aurelius.

 

“She said she would return as soon as she could, and before the skies turn dark at that!”

 

John spoke with great vigor as he jumped to his feet, fully facing the tall elderly man as he demanded an answer to Ephinelyth’s delayed return.

 

“I do not claim to understand your sorrows because I will never experience it, it is not my path, nor is it my fate, I was born without a purpose, without desire… Yet…”

 

Like Aurelius, she too knew of the thorn that was lodged in his heart, the endless wounds that he inflicted upon himself. The blames, the guilt, the emptiness that accompanied his existence.

If she had spoken these words without sharing her memories to him, John would have thought that Evie was just yet someone who tried to win him with her words.

 

“The more I try to understand you, the more I feel like I need to give myself to you, my empty self becomes full without even me knowing. The longer time passes, the less my meaningless existence stands to be the truth. I...do not understand it myself.”

 

But in the end…she did, as though she had bore herself bear in front of him, Ephinelyth had surrendered him all her emotions, her memories, her trust, her heart, back then, and now.

And John was sure had he not halted his actions for driving hatred in his heart by feigning to rape her, she would have allowed him to ravage her entire being to his satisfaction.

 

“With my ability to peer into countless minds, yet yours is the only one that I keep coming back to, the only one that I feel where I belong to.”

 

And John understood her.

He understood why she had likened him the very moment they encountered the other all those years ago.

She saw through his broken self.

Through his mess of emotions and logic.

Not once Ephinelyth had never once intended to deceive him.

Everything, she did, was out of her respect for him.

 

“From the day I have spoken to you, be it when we were children, be it when it was when you are who you are now, I am made acutely aware… Aware what you are to me.”

 

For all his flaws, in her eyes, John a was noble man.

Just like how the Harvests viewed him, like how Aurelius viewed him.

In her eyes, John was…

 

“My purpose. My eternity. My reason.”

 

Her words were one thing, but her actions showed him things far more than the dragon girl herself could express to him, of things that words and actions could not convey.

 

“My ambition.”

 

Feelings that went beyond the simple romance that came between man and woman. Feelings that John had long thought to be never relevant in his life after his exile from A’veatheas.

 

“My love.”

 

He was her everything.

 

 

 

And John had nothing.

 

 

 

He had no purpose, even the emotions that he once felt, all of it drowned away when Aurelius was murdered before his very eyes.

But now, something much stronger, something much different, gathered in the very fiber of his being.

Something that he thought he once lost returned to him, something unspeakable that compelled strength inside of him.

 

“Zondrac, do you have any idea where Ephinelyth and her brother went?”

 

The elderly man blinked blankly at John, unsure to make of the change of tone in John’s voice.

 

“Evie had given me her promise, and if she can’t fulfill it herself, I will be by her side by sundown. I need your help to do that.”

 

If John had nothing, it meant that he was free to choose what he did with his life.

 

If he was a demon, then so be it.

 

Whatever it was for John Sarvod, he will no longer enslaved by his self-inflicted suffering.

And for the very first step he would take to step out of his shell of misery, he intended honor Ephinelyth’s promise to him. Making it his priority.

Not because she loved him, not because he was indebted to her, not because he was tasked to do so, and most certainly not because it was what Aurelius expected of him to do.

 

Because this was his conviction.

 

“With power, comes the need for responsibility. With responsibility, brings the need for will to strengthen it. With will, comes the need for power to act.”

 

From this point onwards, this life of his, shall be of his own making.