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Chapter 26– High Revelations.
"Hehe, Feleeecciiaa... Fel-eeee-shaaaaaa. What a cat-like name. It is like you were born to be a cat burglar. What's the word- ah, yes, premeditated." Ben gestures his floppy arms about as he continues to melt into the sofa. This guy is high as fuck, and he is off his head. That dopey grin on his face is definitely weird, and I have not seen such a carefree look on his face since I met him.
"No, it's not. Premeditated is you yourself pulling something off with a plan in mind. It is planned. Now, never mind that. Why the hell are you here getting high? You were supposed to be resting." Seriously, I left him this morning in bed, and he said he would be resting. But I come back, and he is in the living room smoking weed which he obviously went out to procure, and for some reason, I get the feeling he didn't pay for it and probably hunted down some criminal.
"But it is premeditated. It was planned. You were meant to be the Black Cat, and I was supposed to be Spider-Man. Except, I am not. I wasn't supposed to exist, and like a butterfly, I have flapped my wings and changed everything. Like a stone thrown into the pond, ripples have ensued, and everything has changed." What the hell is Ben on about? This weed is really bringing the existential crisis in him out. I mean, I know he is a clone, but this is some very deep stuff. I didn't know he was thinking about his existence and stuff. I should stop him, and I don't want to hear any more of this.
"Ben, what nonsense are you on about? It would help if you were resting. You have been injured, so you should rest and recover." I go back to the topic I am more comfortable with, not wanting to talk about such deep-seated issues with him. I move over closer to him to try and snag the thing from his mouth, but he just tilts his head and dodges, not even stopping in his puffing and profound conjecture.
"Exactly, I was injured. It has been done, and so I should recover. What is done is done. The stone has been thrown. The metaphorical butterfly has flapped its wings. It is too late to take it back. It is done. So why not go further? Why not do a cannonball into the lake or flap a dragon's wings? Balls to the wall." He is very much on another level than me. He is in a different dimension right now and on about some higher knowledge and existence crap, like cause and causality.
"Haah. Whatever, clearly, he is out of it." I sigh, speaking to myself since clearly this guy is not going to actually respond. But, seriously, I don't know what to do with this guy. One minute he is on the edge of death from fighting as a hero, and then the next, he is kicking back and doing some weed. Not to mention, my feelings when it comes to him, which are very contradictory and that I still don't understand much, are confusing me even further.
"Yes, I am." Ben has a moment of clarity and shoots finger guns at me, clicking his tongue at me as well and giving me a wink. And then he reaches down to his side and picks up something, and then shows it to me so I can see exactly what it is.
"Want some? It really takes the edge off. Come, come, relax and enjoy yourself with me. Put your own balls to the wall."
...Seriously.
"Fuuuuck! This is so unfair. I can't do anything. Stop using your powers!" I chuck the controller to the side, leaving it to get lost in one of the couch's crevices, like so many other things I have lost. But, like, seriously, how the hell is he so good at this.
"Hey, it doesn't work like that. I can't just turn it off. Plus, my powers don't in any way affect my Mario Kart skills. You just suck." Ben replies, reaching beside him and picking up his can of Coca-Cola, practically draining it in its entirety with a series of slurps and gulps before lobbing it into the small pile in the corner and opening another from the crate beside him.
"Whatever. Give that here!" Acting quickly, using the energy I ramped up in my anger from losing to him, I snatch the spliff from his mouth and promptly sink back into the sofa. I place the spliff in my mouth and take in some more of the blissful substance, inhaling the liquid calm that has really settled all the frustrations in my being. The slight taste of Cola on it, from him drinking the stuff while still keeping it in his mouth, adds a bit of flavour to it.
"Hey, hey. You know I have more than enough to get your own one going. So why do you keep snagging mine?" I ignore him and don't deign to give him a response as I feel my body relax, slipping into that high once more. Though I am a bit out of it, I do still have my senses and some rationality. The reason I am sharing his is so that we both don't keep hogging it and spiralling, completely getting shattered.
That is what he was doing when I got here, continually puffing the stuff and staying loopy. No wonder he was going on about such crazy, higher lever ascendances things like fate and destiny. It was apparent this was his first time doing anything like this, and that is why I joined him, so I could help him space it out and do it properly. Plus, I did kind of need a breather and to have a reset, calm down and forget about everything.
"Hey, now that I think of it, didn't you want to tell me something about Fisk yesterday? Yeah? Yeah, I vaguely remember you saying you have news." And there he goes, harshing my buzz and bringing up the thing I was trying to forget. Damn it, why does he have to be so on the ball, even half out of his mind.
"Uh, yeah. I do have some news, but we can talk about that later. Why don't we play some more Mario Kart or maybe even some Breath of The Wild?" I try and move back onto something else, not wanting to think or talk about that right now, not knowing how I want to handle it. Actually, I would much rather continuously lose and be blasted by red shells than talk about this right now.
"No, come on. I am interested now. Come on, tell me. Did the fat bastard slip over one of his old fat folds or something, or... what has he told you to do now?" His lazy face suddenly sharpens, and he is pinning me with a severe stare. Under it, I can't help but talk, knowing that he isn't going to back down, but that doesn't mean I will tell him everything. I will just placate him for now.
"Uh, yeah, he has been riding me hard lately." I say, trying to explain it away as Fisk has been asking me to do constant hard work all the time. Though I may have been a bit quick to answer and spat out something that doesn't correctly represent what I was trying to say.
"What..? He- HE DID FUCKING WHAT!?" Suddenly, that lazy, curious look on Ben's face stalls and then morphs into a rictus of anger. With that, I realise that there has been a kink in communication, and there has been an apparent misunderstanding, one which I very much would like to resolve because that thought disgusts me more than anything else in the world. I would rather die than... that.
"Ah, I- I mean, he has been asking a lot of me lately, and he has given me one final job, but it is hard. It's going to take a lot of preparation and time, but after that, I will be finished, hopefully." So I explain, dissuading him of that sickening notion. And I still don't tell him the truth, that Fisk has released me after I got him that weird artefact and that I no longer work for him. I don't know why I am lying, but I know if I tell him the truth, then he will go. And I don't want that.
"If you ever have any problems, any like that, any, tell me... I'll kill them" The look in his eyes, he was serious. I don't know if it is the weed or something else, but right at this moment, he is completely willing to go through his words and murder whoever is harassing me. I find myself lost for words, unable to say anything in response. I- I don't get it, he is supposed to be a clone of Spider-Man, and I know he has split off from that since meeting me and having this rogue lifestyle for the last few months, but he was still Spider-Man.
The same Spider-Man that would look at crime with a hard stare and adamantly refuse to let even the little things go, even when it might help. If it was a crime, he wouldn't allow it to occur. And yet, Ben, who has the same principles even if they have skewed a little over the last few months, in saying in all seriousness that he would kill someone for me... Is this love?
I know, killing someone isn't really something that represents love. It isn't normal. But we aren't normal. He is a clone of a superhero that is trying to be different by being a criminal and denying that he is a hero even though he is one, whether he wants it or not. I am a messed up kleptomaniac thief full of anger because I was denied my revenge, and I am just going through life trying to fill this void in me with as much wealth as possible.
We are both messed up people, doing messed up things and living our messed up lives. But maybe, just maybe, we could be messed up together. What we have had these last few months, it has been the best time of my messed up life, even with Fisk breathing down my neck. I want it to last forever, I want him to stay with me forever, and I want us both to be living our best messed-up lives together. My feelings finally culminate, either from the substance in my system or the realisation I just had, and I act by lunging towards him, motioning to put my lips on his.
"W-Woah, Felecia! Hold your horses!" He says, leaning back from me and evading my affection, rejecting it. I freeze, my lips still puckered and my eyes widening as he looks at me, stopping me. Shit, why the fuck did I do that. I am so fucked up. Why did I do that? Why am I lying to him? He just wants this to be over and wants to leave and get away from it all. Fuck! Fuck! Fu-
"I want to as well, Felecia." He says, stopping my rapid spiralling and the eventual anger that was working its way through my body. I know myself well enough and I know that when I want something, and I am denied it, I will get angry, and if I can't have it, then I will hate it. I could already feel myself losing it, taking his refusal as betrayal, and I was ready to claw his eyes out. I am really messed up. Thankfully he spoke up before I could really fuck it all up. Still, I look at him in confusion, questioning why did he stop me if he wanted to as well.
"I do, Felecia. Trust me on that. But I don't want to do anything when we are both high. It wouldn't feel right... Plus, I am going to leave after Fisk is dealt with, get away from it all and live away from all this bullshit." He says, relieving one of my concerns and lightening my heart, which at the same time piling on a new issue. One that could be solved relatively easily.
"I- I'll come with you. I have a few different identities myself, I can use any of them, and I will come with you. We can get away from all this and live a normal life. I- I have a bunch of money saved away. We can go together and live a good life," I spurt out, unable to stop myself from keeping it in after my synapses fired and the idea combusted into existence in my mind. I want him, and with a way to get him, I can't help myself. I know I just said it without thinking much, but if it works, then I will do it.
"...Felecia. I don't know if it is the drugs or what, but you should really think about this before you act." He says, not accepting my solution, and while my automatic response would have been to get angry, this is not something I want to risk losing. He is not rejecting me or my idea. He is just unsure of it right now and thinks I am only making it because of the drugs. Which I am not... probably.
"B-But, I have-" I try to say something, anything to refute his suggestion that this is only being said because of the weed. It is not. The weed is just allowing me to see more clearly and see through all the crap in my life to what I really want. All the stupid shit, all the problems and all the reasons that now seem so ridiculous have evaporated, and all that is left is my wants. And I want what I have had these past few months with Ben. I don't want it to end. But when I try to express that, Ben stops me and continues to talk.
"Listen, we haven't even gotten you out from Fisk's fat claws yet, so there is no point thinking about this. After that is dealt with, we can revisit this and decide on... anyway, what is this last mission? Maybe I can help you out with it." Oh... I did say that, didn't I? But that isn't true. Fisk has already released me from my service. The only reason I lied was because I knew that Ben would leave if he knew Fisk was dealt with, but now that Fisk is no longer a problem, I can just tell him that, and we can leave as soon as possible. Then, after living that dreary life for a while, he will discover that it isn't what he really wants, and we will go back to our nights of thrills.
"Ben, I-" I stop myself, quickly reevaluating the situation and just what telling him the truth would mean. Ben was ready to leave with no documents or identity when in a panic, I tried to deflect Fisk's anger at him when he first visited us. The only reason that he stayed was because I gave him the documents I had already prepared for him, which would make his life a lot easier, and he didn't feel right leaving my mother at risk and me.
Since then, our relationship has been repaired and has even gone further, and I would like to think he has forgiven me for that mistake. But, as the saying goes, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. If I were to reveal the fact that I just lied to him to get him to stay here and continue to risk his life fighting against Fisk under false pretences, especially after nearly dying. There is no way he would be so happy to just get up and go along with me to a different city, not after I have betrayed his trust and lied to him and kept him fighting a fight he didn't need or want to fight.
"Uh, yeah. That. I, ah, I have one last job, and then- then I am done. It will take place after a whole lot of preparation, so I don't know when I will get it done. And, uh, it's better if I deal with it alone. You just focus on recovering, it is a one-man job anyway." I say, telling him another lie. But this lie isn't for me or even for him. It is for us. It is a white lie so we can continue unfettered and move on together, not failing because of a stupid insignificant lie.
I will just wait a week or two, making sure that Ben is staying inside recovering and if he does go out, make sure to stay up to date on his activities and stop him if he is planning to take on something too big. And then, I will just tell him it is done, Fisk has let me go, and it is no longer a problem, and then we can leave together. This way, I can take the time leading up to it to properly build up our relationship without the aid of weed.
"Alright, well, if you need help, then just say so. But how do you know Fisk will just let you go? Sure, he says that now, but he can just threaten your mother again and have you under his thumb again?" He brings up a good point that I haven't had time to think of because I was initially just planning on going about my life as usual. I knew there was nothing I could do about it, so I would have just gone about my life and tried to get something to hold over Fisk's head, to leave me alone. But now, that doesn't matter.
"Don't worry; once it is done, it is done. And then we will just disappear, and Fisk will never find me again. There is no point holding my mother hostage and endangering her when he can't even find me to threaten me with it. It would be a waste of time for him, so he would just leave her alone, and we would be away from here." And then, when Ben realises how boring that mundane life is, we can return here, under new identities, for me at least, and with new alter egos. I like being a black cat, but I can just have a new costume and a different name, maybe Catwoman.
"Hm, seems like you have it all figured out... well, let's forget about all that and relax, play some Breath of The Wilds. Do you remember where we left it off? Also, give me that!" I am startled when Peter suddenly lunges at me and swipes the spliff from my mouth, quickly sicking back onto the sofa and relaxing into it, though he stops when he gets a good look at his pilfered item.
"What the hell? This was practically brand new, and you just puffed it all for the last few minutes? Damn, you hit it hard. Well, let me get the next one started. This will make number eleven?" He says, surprising me. I had no idea I was even puffing on that, completely forgetting about it and automatically smoking it. Plus, I have just kept smoking all this time, Ben ending and starting new spliffs, so I didn't keep count.
Eleven? Is that normal? I know I have never done that much, so I don't know if it is normal, but I really don't think it is. I think... that maybe I should start cutting back because now that I think about it, I am feeling a little too out of it, more than I want to be, going further than that sweet zone. But I guess Ben's super spider physiology lets him go above and beyond in resisting things like substances and toxins, which is why he has had no problem continually smoking this crap.
"Now, let's start this again. Though, I don't know if I will be able to do any puzzles all high like this, haha!" Seeing Ben just ignore everything and start up the new game while smoking some more weed, I decided to just go with the flow.
"I will go and get more cookies and ice cream. You want anything?" I ask, getting up from the couch and starting to trudge towards the kitchen, glancing back to see if Ben wants anything. The smile he graces me with fills my heart, and as he shakes his head gently no, I smile back.
I really hope this isn't just the weed making me feel like this. Because I really like how I am feeling right now, how I feel for Ben, and I don't want it to disappear tomorrow when I get all this stuff out of my system. Reaching the kitchen, I get my cookies and cream, but I spot some Ben and Jerry's in the fridge, cookie dough, Ben's favourite. So I grab it as well as some spoons and make my way back, handing it over to Ben, who is on the start menu.
"Oh, thanks, kitten." He says, grabbing it with a smile, nonchalantly calling me like that. I sit down silently, watching as he starts to play, all the while contemplating his new name for me... I really hope all of this isn't because of the drugs.
Shit, shit, shit.
I sit in my bed, still hidden under the covers and regretting all the things I did yesterday while under the influence. I woke up hours ago with a little bit of a headache, and then I remembered everything. So I have been hiding in my room ever since, staying in my bed and rethinking all the dumb decisions I made yesterday and all the stupid things I said.
Shit, I regret it all. Well, I don't regret it, but I wish I didn't tell him. I meant it all, well, most of it. I don't know if I can actually leave with him and leave this all behind, though. Damn, and what the hell will Ben think? Will he remember and think it is actually a good plan and actually... reciprocate? Or will he not even remember. Or worse, remember and just pretend it never happened? Shit, I can't bring myself to leave my room and see how he is going to handle this.
Deciding I can't stay in bed anymore, I sit up and grab my phone from my bedside table. I might as well peruse the internet and play some games while I am here. Though the first thing I do is check my notifications, seeing if there are any alerts for art exhibits of museum artefacts as well as any events or galas for the big wigs in town. I have these alerts so I can case them and pick targets to rob since all these guys are always showing off and waving their solid gold dicks around, not caring who sees them. So, hm, what's this?
[Ms. Hardy
I realise there may have been some hard feelings due to the nature of our arrangement, even if it has finished now. I am a man that appreciates talent and capability, but more than that, results. You have shown all three.
I do not wish to burn any bridges, and to that effect, I want to make amends for my less-than-friendly way of getting your cooperation. It should be arriving soon, and I hope this will allow us to cooperate more in the future should the need arise, obviously with proper compensation.]
Obviously, this is from Fisk. Surprisingly he wants to make amends. It is a random number, and I don't bother trying to call it back or trace it since it has obviously been disposed of by now. Still, I wonder what he could have sent me that he thinks will make up for the fucked up way he got my abilities. And- shit, I just realised he is sending me something, and if it comes through and he mentions the end of our work, and Ben sees it, then he will know that I lied.
I quickly jump out of bed and frantically run, throwing open the door and running to the front door, trying to get there to get it before Ben sees it, and- He is there. I slow down, coming to a stop just in front of Ben, who looks to have just been about to leave the apartment in his normal clothes, so he isn't up to any super business. I stare at him, and Ben stares back, and there is just silence. Until he opens his mouth.
"...They delivered something for you. I left it on the table for you. I am just going out to get some coffee, don't worry, nothing strenuous. So, see you later, I guess... kitten." Before I can respond, he swings open the door and quickly leaves, slamming the door shut behind him. I find myself stunned, and I don't know how to respond or come to terms with the nice weird feeling inside me.
However, I quickly remember that he said he left something for me on the table, so I table that for now and speedily rush back over to it, breathing a sigh of relief when I notice it is still sealed. Quickly wanting to read it and then get rid of it, I rip it open and start to read, and... what the fuck?
...I thought- but, right here, in New York?
This changes everything.
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