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“That is where my memory cuts out, I'm afraid,” Mallea said to her audience. “I suppose the answers I received once I got there weren’t worth remembering. The next thing I can recall is starting to work for the Drazah’s as Drim and Phon’s maid.”

“I can elaborate a bit,” Phon added. “I overheard the report they gave to my mother. Apparently, once they raided the place, everyone inside was already dead. They found Mallea over that Keeper guy’s corpse. He was long dead but she was saying ‘again’ over and over as she stabbed him repeatedly.” Mallea just shrugged as they all stared at her with wide eyes.

“That’s quite the story,” Kada declared, “And why do you seem as interested as the rest of us, Drim?” She turned to ask the boy who had moved over to their bench during the story and had been listening eagerly.

“Oh, I never knew about any of this.” Drim answered. “I just always assumed Mallea was a strangely overprotective and talented maid.”

“So let me see if I’ve got this right,” Xard requested. “You can reproduce any action you see perfectly, but it comes at the cost of limited brain space, which you slowly gain more of over time. Then that’s why you seem to have only learned the first letter of our names.”

“Correct Xehk, that’s basically the gist of it,” Mallea confirmed. “I do not memorize anything I don’t deem necessary and instantly dump information that is no longer useful in order to free up space.”

“Did… did she just admit our name’s weren’t important…?” Kada stammered.

Ignoring another of Kada’s complaints, Phon interjected, “You could basically say she’s a Fiend before Fiends existed, minus the body modifications we get. Also, isn’t your backstory a bit too similar to mine? Well whatever, not that this hasn’t been fun, but I’m heading to bed.”

“Ah right, Young Master, I would love to get to work right away,” Mallea said to Drim. “Unfortunately, I lost my old maid uniform over the years. I considered picking one up before I came here, but I thought it would be best for you to pick it out for me. Would you mind accompanying me to town?”

Phon stopped in her tracks and yelled, “No no no! None of that! We won’t be having Drim helping you pick out clothes, and a maid uniform is off limits. We don’t need that sort of fantasy popping up in impressionable young minds.” Phon walked over to Mallea, grabbed her by her braid, and started dragging her in the direction of town. “I’ll help you pick out something more appropriate. There should be a shop with work clothes still open.”

Mallea did not put up a fight while being carted off, but did comment, “Is Kimmy not in a swimsuit?” before they were out of earshot.

The two of them returned about half an hour later, with Mallea in full new attire. It was an outfit a butler would wear: a black jacket and pants, and a gray vest with a white undershirt, black dress shoes and tie, with white gloves. The jacket was open and pinned at the sides of her hips to keep it in place. Her braid had been undone, and was now in a low-ponytail that was draped over one of her shoulders. “It is a pleasure to serve you,” Mallea said as she gave a bow, beaming with elegance and sophistication.

“I uhh… feel kind of conflicted and confused,” Drim mumbled upon seeing this.

“I understand what you mean, I’m starting to question a few things myself,” Xard concurred.

“I’m cool with it!” Kada gave an approving thumbs up.

“Hmm, this outfit is not as convenient as my maid one would be,” Mallea said with a bit of disapproval. “It will be much harder to hide all my weapons… but I’ll figure it out.”

“Ugh, those were not the reactions I was hoping for, but I give up,” Phon let out a long sigh. “I’m too tired for this. Especially since I just had to get a crash course in remembering how much I hate spending time with that insufferable woman. Did you know that when we were just children, Mallea would throw knives at me and claim that she couldn’t help it? She would blame it on her ‘programming’.”

A flash of silver whizzed past Phon’s head before she could finish speaking, and several strands of white hair fluttered towards the ground. “Oh my, would you look at that, it seems it’s acting up again,” Mallea sarcastically tried to play it off. “I would have hoped the effects of the dastardly, terrible, unspeakable, torturous brainwashing would have worn off by now. I am so terribly sorry, please forgive me. Though it is nice to know I can still access my throwing knives in a flash even in this confining outfit.”

“Mallea, don’t attack Phon… unless she deserves it,” Drim spouted, like a disinterested parent attempting to scold his children.

“As you wish, Young Master,” Mallea said with another bow.

“What do you mean when I deserve it?!” Phon stamped her foot. “Oh forget it, I’m heading to bed.” She then marched off to her tent in a huff.

Curse training was canceled for the night due to Mallea’s sudden appearance. Drim just sat quietly as Kard and Xada bombarded her with questions. Eventually, both of them headed off to bed too. Drim walked over to Mallea and said, “It’s getting late and I imagine you’re pretty tired from your trip. I’d offer you my spot in the tent but I imagine you don’t want to sleep in such close quarters to Phon. Your best bet would probably be Xard’s tent. Trust me, he wouldn’t do anything weird. Oh, or we could give you some money to stay at a hotel in town.”

“You don’t need to worry about me so much, Young Master, and I could say the same thing. Shouldn’t you be heading to bed yourself?” Mallea asked gently, like a worried mother.

“Ahh, I need to stay up in case the CP decides to drop bombs on us,” Drim explained. “And can we stop with the whole ‘young master’ thing? Please just call me Drim.”

“As you wish young-- Drim,” Mallea caught herself. “Please allow me to stand guard in your place. I have mastered the Owam tribe’s blinking-sleep technique where I sleep for just a moment every time I blink. I can go up to a week and a half before needing a proper night’s rest.”

“Wow, that’s impressive,” Drim admired her for a moment. “I spent some time with the Owam tribe, but I never could get that one down. When did you visit? It’d be crazy if we just missed each other.”

“Oh no, I'm sorry, I just saw it in a video once,” Mallea explained. “Drim, I’m assuming you and your friends have been staying in tents since you moved here. I know you’ve been through a lot, but as your guardian, I can’t say I approve of your living conditions. Would you like me to build you a house? It wouldn’t take long.”

“Wow, that’s quite the generous offer,” Drim said, a little surprised, but seemed to be getting used to bizarre statements such as these. “I’m afraid we’ll have to refuse, for now at least. We’re still waiting on some pieces to get into place before we break ground. If we were to build something permanent now, we’d run the risk of the CP destroying it. I think I will take you up on your other offer, though, and head to bed. Thank you Mallea, I’m really glad you’re back.” Drim hugged her with those last words, then started heading to his tent.

“Would it be alright if I built a shed at least in an out of the way location then?” Mallea asked before Drim could get inside. “I plan on purchasing several tools for my work and currently have no other place to store them.”

“That’s a good idea, if you don’t mind I mean,” Drim gave his approval. “It would be nice to have somewhere dry to store things we don’t use every day. So make it big enough for a fair amount of stuff if that’s not too much work.”

“I’ll have it ready by morning, and I’ll do my best to keep it quiet,” Mallea assured him. “Enjoy your rest young-- Drim… I’ll get that right soon, I promise.”

The next morning was a peaceful one. It was definitely unusual to have all four Fiends up for breakfast at the same time. Nothing seemed off until Kada questioned, “So where’d Mallea run off too? Did she already ditch you guys for a better job offer.”

“Oh wait, the whole thing with Mallea actually happened?” Phon panicked. “I was hoping it was just a nightmare.”

“I know this might be a dumb question, and I’m seriously beginning to wonder if I’m still asleep, but have we always had a deluxe cottage?” Xard pointed off into the distance with his spoon.

They all turned their heads, and once they got a good glimpse, Drim spoke up. “Ahh, I think this might be my fault.” The four of them immediately abandoned their meals and headed over to the new structure. They found Mallea around one of the sides, rapidly applying liquid to the wall. “May we ask what you’re doing Mallea?” Drim questioned her.

“Treating the walls,” Mallea answered as she continued to work, somehow not managing to splash a single drop.

“No, I mean, I told you not to build us a house,” Drim clarified.

“What house? This is clearly a shed,” Mallea disagreed.

“This ‘shed’ is fancier than most luxury houses… It would probably go for millions on the market,” Kada commented. The shed in question was truly a spectacle to behold. It looked like something a rich person would retire to on a private island, clearly crafted by a master artisan.

“So… you built all of this… in one night?” Xard blurted in disbelief.

Mallea appeared to have finished her task and began to clean up. “Yes, it’s a bit of a rush job I’m afraid. I could have done a lot more if I had more time. The inside is completely furnished, but I wasn’t able to get the electricity or plumbing set up yet. If you follow me, I’ll give you the tour.”

The gang followed Mallea inside. Immediately, there was a small entryway where she asked them to leave their shoes. To the right was a kitchen that Phon dashed into with sparkles in her eyes. “Oh gosh, a real stove,” she gushed. “I can finally get back to cooking like a normal person. You’ve finally done something right, Mallea.”

“Y’know, this kitchen is a lot smaller than I expected, given how big the outside is,” Kada mentioned. Also included in the kitchen was an oven, a small fridge, a sink, and dishwasher. There were also several cabinets and drawers. It was all economically placed to fully utilize the small floor space, but there was still enough room to move around comfortably.

“Who cares?!” Phon yelled, “There are eight burners… eight! Oh, and so many settings and presets. You can really get some high heat on these. Models like this weren’t supposed to hit the market for three or more years, and would be super expensive. Where did you get one Mallea?”

“I’m afraid I was not allowed to leave the premises to procure ready made appliances last night, so I had to make them by hand,” Mallea explained.

“Wait, you made it by hand?!” Xard questioned again in disbelief. “In a single night... along with building an entire house?”

“Shed,” Mallea corrected once more. “But yes, all of the furnishings and appliances were made by me, with the exception of a toilet in one of the two bathrooms. I took the shell of a toilet that appeared to be made using a bomb and converted it into a working one. You don’t need to worry about the supplies I used for this project. I kept a list of all the materials I used and have already ordered replacements for all of them using my own funds.” Drim tried to berate her about that but she quickly shouted “Moving on!” and continued the tour.

“This is my room,” Mallea showed them. It was quite the small modest bedroom, comparable to their ones back in constead. It only had a bed, a nightstand with a lamp, and several exact copies of the butler suit she was wearing were hung on a rack. “I modified the suit we bought last night to better handle my needs, then made several duplicates for it when it gets dirty.”

Next was a room for Kada and Xard, or Karma and Xing as she called them, to share. There were two large hammocks, divided by a nightstand, with a dresser for both of them near the entrance. “I apologize, but unfortunately I didn’t have enough materials to make proper bedding for everyone. I hope you understand, but I can assure you that these are quite comfortable. If one of you finds it unsatisfactory, I would welcome a trade of one of them for my own bed.” Neither of them seemed to have any complaints in the matter since it would be vastly preferable to the ground they had been sleeping on so far.

All of their jaws dropped when Mallea opened the door to Drim’s room. It was at least four or five times larger than the last bedroom. There was a walk-in closet, private bathroom, a desk, a full entertainment center with a large television, and at the center of it, a king-sized bed that would make any potential words used to describe it seem like an insult. The sheets were silky, the pillows were plump and fluffed, and it looked like all your sorrows would melt away the moment you laid down in it.

There was quite possibly not another bed in the world that would match its measure, even one belonging to the richest king. “Welp, that explains where all the materials went,” Kada said, still in shock. They immediately closed the door and all walked away with dazed looks on their faces, the splendor too much to process all at once.

The last room was Phon’s, but the door to it was quite off compared to the rest of them. It looked rotten, as if it had been dug up from a landfill, and there was a warning sign plastered to it, stating that it was condemned. “When I was working at an architecture firm, I was taught that every building should have a unique room centered around a motif,” Mallea revealed when questioned. “The motif I went with for this one was, ‘Unwelcome guest, leave immediately.’”

Mallea opened the door for them, but it was stiff and hard to move, creaking the whole way on its somehow rusty hinges. The inside looked straight out of a horror movie. The walls were stained, with paint peeling. The floor looked ready to give way at any moment, and squeaked incessantly as Mallea walked on it. There were bits of trash all over, and a hole in the wall that looked like it belonged to a large rodent.

The only light source, which currently wasn’t working, was a single lightbulb dangling from the ceiling via its cord. Instead of a proper bed, there was instead a bed of nails, all of which appeared to be slightly rusted. “I’ve heard that some cultures swear by these and their ability to alleviate stress,” Mallea proclaimed. “And after spending just one outing with her, I believe Phon is desperately in need of it. I hope you enjoy your room, I spent the most time on it out of any of them. You’d be surprised how long it took to tune the floorboards to get just the right level of squeak.”

Phon seemed too astonished to be upset, and the tour continued without incident. Mallea showed off the main bathroom, the small common area, and lastly, the large storage room that took up more than half of the available space of the building. Inside it currently was just a small selection of bombs and a workbench. “See, I told you, it’s a shed,” Mallea affirmed once more. “I stored the bombs that were dropped last night in here, and will move the rest of Karol’s later. Please let me know if there is a certain way you would like me to organize them.”

As they put on their shoes, preparing to start their activities for the day, Mallea addressed them. “I will have the electricity on early this morning, so I will prepare you all a nice lunch. Oh, and one more thing, I found this creature digging through the trash, shall I dispose of it for you?” Mallea was holding up Pox by the scruff of his neck.

“Oh uhh, he’s something like a pet, I guess,” Drim assured her. “He only eats garbage, so try to save any for him please.”

“Very well,” Mallea set Pox down onto the floor. “I shall treat him with the respect that a pet of the young master deserves.”

“Oh, be sure to collect any of his poop,” Phon insisted. “He’s been wandering off to do his business lately, and I’ve been having a hard time finding it, so my reserves are low. It’s all mine, though, understand?! You can’t have any!” After that outburst that would surely leave Mallea confused, the group headed out. As the day went on, they returned for their meals and seemed to enjoy them greatly. Phon even joined in on curse training for once since she was back to being on a normal sleep cycle.

At night, Mallea retired first, but insisted that if anyone needed her, to wake her without hesitation. She also said that she would get up when everyone else went to bed to keep watch. Kada and Xard headed off after they showered, but both agreed that the hotsprings was better, and that they’d need to find a way to pump in the water to a big bath once they got their real house. That just left Drim and Phon, both of whom seemed to be stalling. “I get why I’m hesitating to go to bed, but why are you?” Phon asked him.

“Uhh, well that bed is too grandiose, I feel like it would be wasted on me,” Drim answered. “I also kind of think that if I get in it, I’ll never be able to get out. Wanna trade? Or at the very least you could join me, there’s more than enough room.”

“You’re seriously so weirded out by it that you’d prefer a bed of nails? It might be time to consider some therapy, Drim,” Phon joked. “But I’ll decline on both counts. Honestly, I’m kind of intrigued by the challenge and won’t be bested by that wench.”

“Alright then, I guess I’ll suck it up and get to bed,” Drim said as he yawned. “And I’m probably wasting my breath here, but do try to get along with Mallea.”

“Yeah sure-” Phon half-heartedly agreed as Drim headed off to his room. “-Sure as zjik that will never happen.” Phon finished once Drim closed the door. She could see Mallea leave her own room as Phon struggled to close her door, having likely used the intense groaning from the door as an alarm. It really was insane how much detail Mallea had put into making her room look haunted, but Phon had stayed in worse places and had overcome all those fears.

In the morning, everyone gathered around for breakfast except for Drim. “Y’know that bed of nails wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” Phon stated. “It’s not something I’d want to use every night, but I definitely feel like some tension is gone.” Drim still never showed up even after they were all finished, so they all assumed he still wasn’t used to the new sleeping schedule and went about their day. Come lunch, he was still not awake, which was unusual, but not unheard of. At dinner, Kada finally spoke out about the issue and declared that she was going to go wake him.

Minutes passed, but there was no sign of Kada or Drim, so Phon and Xard went to check on them. “Hey Kada, what are you doing?!” Phon bellowed when they found her passed out on Drim’s bed next to him. Phon started climbing in the bed to push her off, but immediately collapsed face first into one of the pillows and began snoring. Xard looked at his three companions, all essentially comatose, and shrugged, diving into an open spot in the bed and immediately passed out.

Fiends For Hire Internal Dialogue 1

Eleen: Drim, you should let me speak to Mallea.

Drim: Why? Is there something specific you want to say to her?

Eleen: I want to tell her that she’s fired!

Drim: Why on Rathe would you do that?

Eleen: It’s my right as her employer! She’s given me plenty of reasons. She hasn’t shown up for work in twelve years, and it’s due to her negligence that you killed me!

Drim: …

Eleen: Also, it would be hilarious to have it come from your body. She’d probably start bawling immediately and maybe even go into shock!

Drim: …

Eleen: You’re being unusually quiet about this. Normally, this is when you’d tell me to shut up or have a witty remark.

Drim: Oh, I was just thinking that I can see where Phon gets it from.

Eleen: ...

 

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