Rose woke up ”How long was I out?“ she asked John, John had glanced at her ”Quite a while, oh and uh, Quartz and Ashley are waiting outside.“ Rose gave a slight nod to John before getting up.
As Rose walked out the door Quartz and Ashley both looked towards her as they both yelled ”Good morning, Rose!“ Rose had waved ”Good morning guys.“
Rose walked to Ashley, Who was cooking ”Damn, girl, what you cooking?“ Ashley looked up with a slight smile.
”Why, steak of course!“ Rose looked at the steaks ”Fuck yeah! My favorite!“
John walked out the room ”Y'all have no idea how long that took.“ Rose glared at him as she laughed, ”Come on, John! It wasn't that bad, was it?“
John looked towards Rose ”Well yes, Rose, it was that bad.“
Quartz looked up at them ”Hey Rose! Where's my hug?“ Rose looked to Quartz before walking to him and giving him a slight hug.
”My apologies, Quartz, I forgot.“ Quartz had reluctantly hugged Rose back. ”It's fine, rose! Hell, I forget a lot as well, sooo.“
Rose laughed a bit before letting go as John looked around, ”So! What y'all wanna do today?“ Ashley looked to him. ”Hmm... I don't know.“
Quartz was silent, probably trying to think of something. Rose looked towards Ashley, ”Well obviously eating is the go to right now, no?“
John looked to her, ”You're absolutely right.“
”Well there almost ready just a few more minutes!“
For clarity in writing you do need to use the basics, like use of commas and full points. Try and put each individual’s dialogue in separate paragraphs, so the reader is clear who is speaking, and the same with other characters’ reactions to dialogue on a line on their own. For example the open paragraph: § Rose woke up. "How long was I out?" she asked John. § John [delete superfluous "had"] glanced at her, "Quite a while, oh and uh, Quartz and Ashley are waiting outside." § Rose gave a slight nod to John before getting up. [the second paragraph should be 2 paragraphs with a comma between "morning" and "guys"] [paragraph 3 "who" not "Who" and Ashley’s physical reaction and response should be on a separate paragraph] [paragraph 5 "John walked out of the room" to continue his conversation from a distance or did he walk "into" the room?] [last para on page "there" should be "they’re"] [General comment: you are the writer trying to describe a scene to us of 4 people, the reader has only your written words from which to visualise the scene, the more questions the reader doesn’t get answers to, the less interested the reader will be in engaging with these characters. My immediate questions are: Who are these people? Are they flat/apartment mates? Is Rose in her/their bedroom or flaked out in a study/lounge/sunroom/vestibule? Are Rose and John in a relationship? Are Ashley & Quartz guests/her friends/his friends/sharing residents? Why did John say they were waiting when Ashley was cooking steak for breakfast/lunch/dinner? Was Rose "out" and in bed outside normal sleeping hours because she fainted through illness or sex? Why did Rose and Quartz cuddle in greeting while Rose and Ashley didn’t? What took John so long, was he putting the bins out, waking up Rose, or referring to Ashley cooking the steaks too slowly for his hunger pains? Simple references in early paragraphs like touches, strokes, forehead kiss, would hint at relationships, other references could give subtle clues as to what this scene is about and encourage me to turn the next page. Sorry to be blunt but I thought this was sloppy writing and I will not be turning the page. Writing out of boredom is one thing, but starting a story that will be read needs a little more concentrated effort. Do let me know though if you have decided to concentrate on painting the picture for the reader to become engaged, because I would like to know where these characters are from and where they are going.]
Ah I see. I will attempt to do better.
Dude MC doesn't have to have s*x to be tired.
kys.
I decided to do this out of boredom haha, so don't expect much.