For the two of you who may see this, I'm officially calling it quits with writing. A while back, before posting this story online I crashed and burned with my dreams of producing all the stories in my head. It was very obvious to me that my first story of many (this one) was unmarketable as a debut novel and my years of work on it was basically wasted. That was beyond devastating and my fault for having the idiot idea of making what I wanted and writing the story I liked rather than pay the piper and make genre trope filled crap until the Gods decreed I was worthy to have an original idea. Self publish? Maybe but I can't market for crap. I don't have that time either. So just put it up online for free for people to enjoy and hope people see it that way.
But I just can't do it anymore. I can't take the feeling of rejection from popping on after a year of posting and seeing no comments, no likes, etc. Any tiny bit of engagement feels like a tease. This dream's last death rattle just doesn't bring me joy, only depression at seeing my hope spasm with the CPR I tried to give it. Better just let it go.
I'm sorry Dhanur, Janurana, characters I haven't posted yet from later chapters like the head of the Gwomon. I'm sorry to Leta and Leopthf, to Ina, The Lady in Red, Xoi and Xoid, Vassar and Vaniva, and all the characters who will never leave my head and notes. You deserved someone better than the failure who couldn't even read enough to write proper prose.
I'm sorry to the couple of people who actually did enjoy this. You're the ones who make this hardest of all, like I'm being a selfish child who can't appreciate what he has. But there's nothing more soul crushing than an empty theater on opening day and it's even worse when only a couple people show up too because then your failure isn't personal, it's seen by a couple others.
I'm sure my wife will not like this post here, but I just can't do it anymore. For what it's worth, I don't even have an ending to this damn story yet... Real great job, buddy.
Hello.
I don't know if you will read this comment. I don't know if you will ever see it. I don't know if I'm qualified to write it since, as of this very moment, I haven't read a single chapter of this story. One day, I happened to see the title while looking at new releases and thought it was interesting so I saved it to a reading list. I also just happened to see the evocative title of this chapter and clicked on it out of interest.
I am, however, a writer. An author on Scribblehub, same as you. And I want to say...it's okay.
Everyone has passions. Despite that, people pursuing their passions is rare and even considered reckless. That's because it's hard. It's hard to take a thought and turn it into something people can see. It's hard putting a piece of yourself into the world to be judged. Having your work praised is a wonderful, addictive feeling. Having it criticized, or ignored, can be utterly heartbreaking. Especially when it's something you love.
The common response to seeing someone with a talent is to push them to share it. A natural instinct. People don't like when others hoard their treasures, after all. But, in my opinion, your talents and your passions exist foremost for yourself. I write because I enjoy it. For a long time, I never shared what I wrote. The first thing I shared online was ignored. Granted, it was pretty terrible, but it was my masterpiece at the time. I loved it and I was sad the rest of the world didn't. Seeing my views stay under 100 after dozens of chapters being posted and then looking at the trending novels with millions of views...oof.
There were many times when I wondered if there was any point. My posting lagged. I eventually took it down.
But that's not the end of this story.
I paused and tried to remember why I'd started writing in the first place. Dug through the boxes of paper and notebooks I never throw away and re-read some of my first stories (truly terrible stuff). I laughed remembering the corny plots and marveled that, while it didn't seem like it, I had grown. I may not to be the best writer or a super popular one, but I had gotten better. At least I wasn't going in reverse, haha.
I kept writing. Didn't post anything for a while, just wrote. For the love of writing. And that was enough. Anything else I accomplished besides putting words on paper (or in a word processor) was a bonus. I found peace in writing what I wanted to write for me.
After that, I tried posting another story. This time, I did a little research into a few tricks to help me get visibility. I still wanted my story to be popular, haha, but I got to a point where even if it wasn't, I was still happy with what I wrote.
You don't have to do that. Your value as a writer isn't determined by how many people like your work. If you love the story you've told, that's good enough. No, that's great. Better than me somedays, heh.
If you decide you never want to share a single word with anyone else, you're still a writer. You can and should be proud of the story you've created, even though that sounds a little demanding. If posting makes you unhappy, forget it. If trying to publish makes you unhappy, who needs it. Pursuing your passion is wonderful but the journey needs to be as wonderful as the conclusion you're reaching for, in my opinion.
However, if you're unhappy because you really want this but don't know what to do, that's different. And the only thing I can say is, ask for help. I don't know your circumstances. Maybe you feel there is no one you can ask. Maybe you don't want to ask. But writing is hard. Publishing is harder. If there is any way to take even a little of such a burden off your shoulders, there is no shame in taking it.
Marketing is time-consuming and tricky. I agree. I completely suck at it. So, I asked someone else for some tips. I also happen to suck at editing but my readers kindly leave edit suggestions. I talked to fellow authors who gave me advice about chapter lengths and posting schedules for the best chance of catching readers' attention. I wanted artwork for the story but can't draw for crap so I went to an artist (really expensive unless you have a good connect by the way. ugh).
The point is, it takes a village. And while there are some superhumans that can do it all on their own, most of us can't...and that's okay. There are groups, discord servers, and forums out there for people like you and me to find the support we need.
You could talk to me, if you want. About Scribblehub, about the story, or about nothing at all. I do plan to read the story and I love getting an author's perspective.
Alright, that's the end of this really long comment. If I'm prying, feel free to ignore this. It's just...your words are so relatable, I started typing before I could think about it. I mean every word though and wish you the best of luck on your journey as a writer because even though you've decided to take a little break, I don't believe it ends here.
Interestingly enough, I did the same thing you did. I added this to a reading list ages ago when looking at new stories and I never got around to reading it. However, I was looking through my list just now and opened this story because I was considering reading it when I noticed this chapter title.
Honestly, reading your comment helped me out a lot. I've been wanting to write stories for a while now and have had a couple of false starts already. However, after reading your comment, I've realized that my first stories will probably be pretty bad, so I probably shouldn't make such a big deal out of them. I think I'm just going to come up with a simple story with low stakes and complexity that I can write without worrying about it much and hopefully there will be a handful of people who enjoy it. If not, then no biggie. It will be good practice, and then next story I write will be all the better for it. My biggest problem at the moment will be coming up with a story idea that isn't too complex, I'll enjoy writing, and my proofreaders will enjoy reading.
On another note, I find it amusing that your comment is longer than the entire chapter. Granted, this isn't an actual chapter, but still.
Don't worry. I read every comment I get on every platform I post on, good and bad. ill-advised? Maybe. But I can't help it, lol.
Thank you so much for taking the time to type out this mini essay. It means a lot to see that. Your support is seriously appreciated. Your story sounds a lot like what I'm going through. I've recently realized some big cycles in my life and art so I need to see if they'll be broken or repeat or whatever. Perhaps other things will go well in my life and make those bad feelings of not being successful moot and I can just write for me. Who knows? We'll see. For now, I'm actually just gonna keep throwing up the chapters I have.
I may return to trying to find help for my writing later on. I was waist deep in that for a very long time before posting any of this, actually. Don't know if that helped but the old drafts make me laugh at how much they suck sooo guess they did! But, at the moment, I can't take much in the way of "here's what sucks" even if someone is trying to help, lol. Depending on how that cycle plays out, maybe I'll go back into those reddit forums, discord channels, and others that I was part of. Perhaps I'll learn more about those schedules you mention or write a whole other story or find an entirely different medium like screenplays.
I'd like to keep up my art. Maybe that desire will be enough to keep me going. It doesn't end here for me either, just like you. I don't know what, on God's green earth, will be the ending. But for now I'll just keep going and hope for the best.
Thank you again for the comment and the support. I may just take you up on that offer and chat. And I'll be sure to read your work as well. <3
@OrionandOpal
Well I enjoyed the story. But I can understand your frustration. You have to do you. Good Luck. Sorry I never posted in the past.
Thank you for reading anyways. <3 I've decided for at least the foreseeable future to keep posting. Tl:dr I've done a lot of mental sorting and we're gonna see if some cycles in my life get broken or repeated or whatever and until then I'm gonna throw up the writing I have.
I really appreciate your comment. Feel free to go and give the past chapters a like or comment for the almighty algorithm if you wanna kill a few minutes, lol.