Omae wo Otaku ni Shiteyarukara Ore wo Riajuu ni Shitekure!

Volume 10 Chapter 1

   

"Kashiwada-kun...I like you...as a member of the opposite sex..."

"I...like Naoki-kun. These feelings won’t be changed no matter what."

New Year’s Eve.

With the winter comic fest 3 days away, we had my part-time job’s year-end party at the same time. Being unable to go to the winter comic fest for various reasons, I attended the year end party at this part-time job. It was there that I was reunited with my first love from middle school, Oikawa Kizuna, and we returned home together. But~ I don’t feel that way about her anymore so much.

"Contact from: Koigasaki Momo"

"Contact from: Sakurai Azuki"

Seeing these messages on my phone’s screen, I was taken aback in surprise. And I quickly gave my farewell Oikawa and as I quickly walked, I pressed the call button to return their calls.

-Azuki-chan. The girl I couldn’t contact no matter how many calls I made or how many messages I sent. The night of Christmas Eve, some crazy things were said and she has sadly been keeping her distance from me since; she is my girlfriend. How tired of waiting was I for getting in contact with her. The sound of my heart beat grew stronger with each calling sound. It feels like my chest is getting crushed with unease. With this phone....what if she decisively gave out her final word...that we are to give our farewells to each other...thinking this, no matter how tired of waiting I am, no matter how much I want to speak with her, I don’t want to connect over the phone, is what comes to my thoughts.

"...H-hello..."

The next moment.

After the calling sound ended, I heard a voice I was used to, a terribly nostalgic, lovely voice.

"Na-Naoki...kun?"
Hadn’t heard that in a week, her voice. My heart beat even harder.

"...A-Azuki-chan...it’s been a while..."

Trying to keep my cool as much as possible, those are the words I let out.

"We finally...connected on the phone, huh..."

"...S-sorry...Naoki-kun, for...ignoring you all this time..."

She, in a weak voice that seemed like she was about to cry, apologized to me. I was wrapped up in a bit of anger, but upon hearing her voice, those feelings were blown away.

"I-it’s fine...since we can talk now..."

Surely she had some profound circumstances of her own.

"Naoki-kun...thank you."

"O-oh...ah...well..."

I was tripped up for words. There’s so many things I want to say, but nothing that seems fine to say came to me. There’s so much I want to say, but the thing I want most to convey to her is...my feeling that "I do not want to break up. Even now I like you, Azuki-chan."

I’ve got to say it...no matter what subjects I disregard, I must convey that to her.

"Naoki-kun...well, I have something important I wasn’t to talk to you about, but...not over the phone, I want to meet with you in person....This might be a bad time, but, right now, could we meet...? I’m close to your house, so I can go there..."

Something important to talk about. Hearing these words, I had a heart-piercing thought. Could it be, a conversation about breaking up...? A full-blown one...?

"I, I understand! Then, I, right now...will head to your place since I’m close!"

]"...Eh? I-it’s fine, that...it’s something I want to do selfishly, and getting to you from here is..."

"Going out like this late at night is dangerous, I’m saying! And I remember how to get to you from here, I’m coming right now!"

"Na-Naoki-kun...! Same as always...so kind."

Azuki-chan said in a gentle voice. Hearing such a voice...makes all these loving feelings overflow.

"Understood, then I’ll count on your word..."

With Azuki-chan satisfied at that, I will contact her again when I am almost to her house, and so I hung up here. I return the way I came, and once again to to board the train from the station. I had the feeling of wanting to reach her even just one second faster, but at the same time, I felt as though it would be OK if this train wouldn’t reach where she is for an eternity. It was with these two contradictory emotions that my heart rushed about. Azuki-chan was waiting at the nearest station to her house. She gazed at my face, and a smile that was a little lonely arose on her face.

"Long time...no see..."

The figure of my beloved girlfriend whom I haven’t seen in days. Though it is in these circumstances, the pure feeling of happiness from meeting her after so long ruled my heart. I want to touch her, oh what feelings overflow.

"I’m sorry, I’ve called you out here so late on New Year’s Eve..."

"Oh, no...it’s fine..."

That moment, I saw something sparkle and shine from her ring finger to my eyes. Azuki-chan...was wearing the ring I gave her on Christmas Eve.

...It wasn’t as though we broke up...maybe it was only I who was thinking that something like that had happened...?

"I can’t calm down around here so...let’s take a bit of a walk."

"Eh!? Ah, OK..."

At Azuki-chan’s proposal, we moved to a park near the station.

"I am sorry!"

Just as we reached the park, Azuki-chan, with a tremendous fervor, looked at my face and apologized.

"...Eh?"

I was suddenly terribly disturbed. Sorry, she says...does that mean that she wants to break up with me after all...?

"The night of Christmas Eve...I finally had a chance to go on a fun date with you, and you gave me this wonderful present that did not deserve, and it was supposed to be a happy day, yet...I went and did that, spoiling it...I am truly sorry!"

"Eh? A, ah...no.."

"That’s not all...after that, I continued to ignore so very many of your messages and calls one-sidedly...truly, though I am the worst, my apology isn’t enough to warrant your forgiveness..."

"N-no...it’s fine...you probably had your own circumstances, Azuki-chan, and since I understand that..."
My voice was shaky. Certainly, she did hurt me. But now, more important is what she is thinking now, why she did that, what she wants to talk about now...these are what are tremendously important. I want to hurry and hear about them. I didn’t come here today just to hear an apology.

"About today’s winter comic fest...you weren’t able to go because of me, right...so even though we promised to have everyone go and support Momo-chan...I said something selfish about going by myself and made you worry..."

"Eh...!? That’s not right..."

"...Eh?"

"No, ah...it’s a horribly pitiful story, but...I just didn’t have enough money to go to the winter comic fest..."

"I-is that...right...!"
Azuki-chan said, and after making a shocked face, she looked at her hand. Oh no, did she realize the reason I didn’t have enough money was because I had bought her that ring as a present...? Why did I come out and say that so bluntly, me?! I’m just making her worry about me for no reason again....After Azuki-chan looked at her finger she looked at me with a heartrending face and was about to say something, but I interceded her and spoke first.

"Well, more importantly...!"
It was also to change the subject, but more than that I wanted to cut straight to the point.

"Today, I’ve come here to know how you feel, Azuki-chan."
To my words, Azuki-chan looked at me with a surprised expression.

"Eh...?! Ah, well...umm..."

She was trying to say something, bu tit seemed as though she couldn’t get the words out. I lightly took a deep breath, resolved myself, and opened my mouth.

"I...even now, like you, A-Azuki-chan...I don’t want to break up with you...!"

"...!"

Those were the words that, no matter what else got disregarded, I wanted to convey to her today. Azuki-chan once more looked at my face with a surprised expression, and continued to fixedly stare at me. That face seemed fairly pained.

"Naoki...kun..."

In her eyes, tears started to gather. I waited for the next words to come out of her mouth. It felt as though my heart was about to burst. That moment felt like an eternity.

"This..."

The words next out of Azuki-chan’s mouth were fairly short. While she said these words, she pulled out of her bag and held before me a CD ROM inside a case.

"Eh...? This is...?"

"I-inside this...are my feelings, all in there...after hearing this, I want to again...hear your feelings, Naoki-kun."

"Eh..."
From Azuki-chan’s shaking hand, I took the CD ROM. Azuki-chan ‘s feelings are inside here...? What does this mean? Is it that she can’t say them here and now? She wants to hear what I have to say after listening to this...? I don’t know what’s in this, but I don’t think my feelings will change. I...like Azuki-chan. I do not want to break up with Azuki-chan. In an instant, my imagination runs wild in my head.

"I no longer like Naoki-kun, so I want to break up."

If such words were recorded onto this by Azuki-chan...no, wait, if that were the case, why would she say, "After hearing this, I want to again hear your feelings"? If it were that sort of thing, then why not say it here and now? But, it’s kindhearted Azuki-chan, so she might not want to hurt me standing right in front of her...

"Thanks for coming all this way....My business here is finished now..."

"Eh...ah, ah...umm..."

"Well then...ah...Naoki-kun, to a good New Year."

Azuki-chan said that to me with a sad smile and moved to leave the park.

"I-it’s late...I’ll walk you home..."

"Eh? Ah, it’s fine...you too, Naoki-kun, be careful on your way home.
It ended all too surprisingly quickly, the reunion between Azuki-chan and I. Perhaps it lasted about 5 minutes. On the train home, as I stared at the CD ROM she gave me, various thoughts made the rounds in my mind. As soon as possible, I want to get home and listen to what it says. I’m incredibly scared, but...despite that, I want to know her feelings. As I rode on the train, it crossed my mind that I had forgotten something.

Oh yeah...Koigasaki tried calling me too. My head was full of Azuki-chan, so sorry about this, but I had forgotten that she had called me. By the time I got off the train to head toward my house, the attention I had on the CD ROM grew smaller, and perhaps because it might be urgent, I figured I would call back Koigasaki. But, no matter how many times the calling noise rang out, it would go to the answering machine. Exactly what did she want? Today she should have been the salesgirl in Nikaidou-san’s circle at the winter comic fest. She called around 7, so the winter comic fest should have been long over by then. Does that mean she called because she thought it was strange I didn’t go tot he winter comic fest? Well, if it’s about something important, she’ll probably call again. Recently, it’s rare for her to contact me, so I’m interested in exactly what business she has with me.

"I’m home!"

"Oh, Naoki, it’s quite late. You’ll eat some New Year’s Eve soba, yeah?"
"Naoki! Linked Horizon’s turn in the Kouhaku (TL note: an annual contest between popular female and male singers on New Years Eve) is already over!? What were you doing until this time?!"
Ignoring the voices of my mom and little sister, I rushed into my room at full speed. I immediately turned on my computer, inserted the CD ROM, and put the earphones in my ears. Right after loading, a folder appeared on the screen. In that folder were 2 files. They were both audio files, and their titles were "1.mp3" and "2.mp3". Anyway, I click on "1.mp3".

What I heard through my earphones was not Azuki-chan’s voice. After some music were the words of someone.

"Alright, the time for Vocaloid Radio’s ‘Ereraji’ has come!"
Vocaloid radio...? Anyway, it’s a recorded song playing on the radio. The male MC is certainly a voice actor Azuki-chan likes. I continued listening through my bewilderment, and in the opened CD ROM case there was a label I noticed. It had "1.mp3 file->13 minutes 38 seconds" written on it. Is this Azuki-chan’s writing? Following the label, I slide the audio progress bar to the 13 minutes 30 seconds mark.

"Ahahaha, that’s right~. Ah, here we have another request. From Tokyo, her radio name is Momotaso-san, and she is a young lady in her first year of high school. Composed by Shinagawa P, sung by Hibikine Ruru, ‘I am your princess.’ Enjoy!"

..."I am you princes."...is? This song is the one Koigasaki played using Suzuki’s band. That song I got used to hearing, "I am your princess." started playing. Azuki-chan told me "All my feelings for you are in here" and gave me this CD ROM. So, I really thought she had recorded herself speaking in her own words. But,m in reality, what was recorded was a Vocaloid radio show. At this rate, just what was Azuki-chan’s intentions in giving me such an audio file, I really don’t get it.

"Well~what a lovely song~! I will read the message from Momotaso-san..

"Hello! I like Vocaloid music, and enjoy listening every week. I have a request for Shinagawa P’s ‘I am your princess.’ I sung this song on stage at my school’s culture festival. That time, the boy I liked int eh light music club played the guitar while I sang, and this made me very happy!’...Wow, that’s youth for you!"

...Eh? Sang the song at the culture festival? Liked a boy in the light music club...? Oy, wait a minute... isn’t this about Koigasaki?! The one who requested this was...Momotaso, was it? Could that be...Koigasaki!? Oh yeah, earlier they did say it was a young lady in her first year of high school...it’s all the same circumstances. The same age, and there’s no reason for this to be anyone else, so no matter how I think about it, this has got to be Koigasaki herself. That girl, when did she put in a request to the radio? And, a request on a Vocaloid show at that, she’s such a Vocaloid otaku. Gathering my focus again, I listen to the continuation of the radio broadcast.

"Um, there’s a continuation to her message.

‘But after the culture festival, I no longer like the boy from the light music club, but have an interest in my male friend who has supported my love up until now!...’"

...Eh?

To the radio MC’s lines, my mind went blank for a moment.

"’This person has always helped me in my attempts at love, and even when I was mean to him,k he was always thinking of helping me, he’s always so kind, and whenever I’m in trouble he always volunteers to help me; I have been about to fall for him so many times. But this person always likes someone else, and understanding that, I absolutely have not been able to let myself fall for him.’ Woah! What a painful love!?"

Just what exactly...is Koigasaki saying? Just who is she describing...?

"’In addition to that, there’s another reason I cannot like him in such a away. That is, my dearly beloved friend has liked him as well. I definitely don’t want to betray my friend, and I also had this feeling of wanting my friend and him to be happy together. They both love each other, and their interests match, so I think they would go well together. They have since started going out. They were, as expected, quite happy together, and I couldn’t let my emotions out. That time, I was able to confirm that I liked him. Now this song ‘I am your princess.’ just makes me think of him..’ Wow, that’s sad! This is too sad! This girl is just a high school-er but how much experience in love does she have!?"

I stopped the sound file right there and sat absentmindedly in front of my computer.

What was that, the story just now...? A story Koigasaki made up? No, everything...was exactly right. Her circumstances too...this can’t be...

I mean, didn’t she like Suzuki? She said our agreement was nullified because her relationship was going so well with him...

-Koigasaki liked...me...?

No longer able to think about anything anymore, I flopped onto the floor of my room. It’s not mind-blowing, but I simply cannot believe this.  

Suddenly the thought came into my head that there is another file. Oh yeah, there was another file. What exactly is in that? I hurriedly worked my way up and clicked on the other file, "2.mp3". Immediately, the file played.

"Naoki-kun...did you listen to file 1? I’ll  speak to you from here out as though you did, so if you opened this file first, please close it and listen to file 1 first."

Azuki-chan’s voice was recorded therein.

"I’m sorry for making you go in so many circles. What you listened to is a radio program with a voice actor I like as the MC, so every week I record the broadcast to listen to it. In speaking with Momo-chan, this radio program never came up, and I’ve never told her I like this voice actor, so I don’t think she knew I would be listening to this radio program. And no matter how you think about it, doesn’t it strike you that this ‘Momotaso’ on the radio is Momo-chan? When I listened to it, I was incredibly surprised."

So this also shocked Azuki-chan like it was a surprise attack...just like me now.

"I mean, until now, I had thought she liked Suzuki-kun. But, you know, if I think about it, there were many times when I thought Momo-chan might just like you. After all, you two got along so well and were so close, and by helping her with this boy she wasn’t good with getting to like her, I think that helped open her heart to you, Naoki-kun. I would think that if Momo-chan didn’t like Suzuki-kun, she’d surely like you, Naoki-kun, I think."

I just listened, dumbfounded, to Azuki-chan’s words.

"Thinking back, Momo-chan was always invested in your and my relationship. I had told her that I liked you, Naoki-kun. But the truth is...Momo-chan had also liked you, Naoki-kun. Despite her liking you, she tried to stifle her feelings for you for my sake, and that’s why she was always invested in our relationship..."

Koigasaki was invested in Azuki-chan and my relationship?...Now that she say it, there were many instances where that may have been the case., For my birthday party, she had been the one who planned it and the main one behind the preparations, yet she lied and said "Azuki-chan planned it." That may have certainly been to help Azuki-chan and my relationship...

"After listening to the broadcast, I confirmed it with Momo-chan. You heard it in the broadcast, but ‘Momotaso’ would be Momo-chan, right? Was that story true? Is what I asked her. And Momo-chan said, ‘I wanted them to read my request, so I mixed in the truth and some lies. The part about me falling in love with the one who supported and helped my love is a lie.’, but...at the time she seemed quite disturbed and shaken, and I don’t think that story was a lie. I think that Momo-chan really does, right now, like you, Naoki-kun. Since we started dating, there were so many times where I thought Momo-chan’s attitude was a little weird, thinking back. It would have been good had I realized sooner.."

"..."

"When I think of Momo-chan, who had stifled her own feelings to death and helped our relationship...I just cannot disregard her and choose to be happy myself. I think that, and Christmas Eve... I said those things to you. The truth is, for some inexplicable reason, I’ve caused such problems and caused so much pain concerning you, Naoki-kun."

"Azuki-chan was thinking about Koigasaki...’I want some space between us and want to be alone. We shouldn’t go together.’...is that why she said those words...?!"

If so, then that means it’s not like she had started to hate me...knowing the truth has made me purely glad, very much so.

"Knowing Momo-chan’s feelings, I was incredibly troubled. Thinking about Momo-chan, who pulled herself away from you for my sake, my feelings became unbearable. What have I been seeing this whole time, why did I not realize Momo-chan’s feelings, is what I would think. I can’t think only of my happiness and disregard Momo-chan, is what I thought....What should I do? I couldn’t come up with a good solution to that question, and no matter how many times you tried to contact me, I could not answer or respond. I didn’t know what I should say...I am truly sorry."

Unbeknownst to me, Azuki-chan has been suffering this whole time...

"But in these few days, I was troubled, and I was thinking always...today, going to the winter comic fest alone despite promising to go there together with you, not having you next to me, I thought, what am I doing? I thought of giving up on you, Naoki-kun, and separating from you, but I really just could not do that...I really do...like you, Naoki-kun. These feelings won’t be changed no matter what..."

Azuki-chan’s voice sounded like she had been moved to tears. Azuki-chan’s "like" resounded in my chest strongly.

"So...this time, at least once more, I will confess to you....To be honest, I’m scared of knowing how you feel now...so to prepare myself, it may take a bit of time but...could you wait a little? By that time I want you to be prepared to respond...now that you know Momo-chan’s feelings...I at least want to hear how you feel, please."

"...!!"
Azuki-chan’s audio file ended there.

"..."

My mind went totally blank. Azuki-chan’s feelings, which I had always wanted to know but couldn’t help not knowing, I finally am able to know. It wasn’t that Azuki-chan had come to dislike me. It’s the opposite...she said she likes me even now. I was super, super happy. Without a thought in my mind, it was enough to bring me to tears. But...what was more surprising than that...what was now ruling over my heart...

"Ko-Koigasaki..."

"likes me...?"

I recall the words of her message she sent in to have read one at a time. She likes me...is that how she’s been feeling this whole time?

"Always so kind, and whenever I was in trouble he’d always volunteer to help me"...what does that even mean?
"I’ve almost fallen for him so many times, but I absolutely have not been able to let myself fall for him"...?

Koigasaki...did you really, truly send in this message? Are those...your true feelings?

We’ve always had an abrasive relationship...always saying stuff like gross, otaku, lame, right...?

"Now when I hear this song, ‘I am your princess.’ I just think of him."

That was also in the letter she sent in. I quickly go to listen to it on Nico Nico Douga, and click on the video page form my marked as favorite section. I click on the button to play, and the PV starts. I’ve heard this song so many times, but I’ve never consciously listened to the lyrics, so I don’t recall at all what kind of song it is. Now, I want to confirm what sort of lyrics it has. The prelude ends, and soon the song begins.

"When will you notice as the mean words reach their target

Almost the exact opposite of my ideal type

Sure, you’re a great guy but you are outside of my romantic feelings

So you are just my male friend is how it is supposed to be

"Since when has it been like this?

Seeing you get along with nay other girl  Why does that make my chest hurt?

I want to have all of your kindness and your smiling face to myself

I’ll surely do something to make that happen

"Have you finally realized? You are my prince

And there is only one person I always want by my side

I want to be a princess for only you

Won’t you please grant my selfish wish?"

"..."

I am pretty much in a daze.

"I just think about him."

Koigasaki said that when she listens to this song, she thinks of me. She thinks of me while listening to this song?

"It...can’t be...?"

I feel something hot welling up deep in my chest. I can’t stop this pounding in my chest.

Suddenly, the sound of my cell phone vibrating rings throughout my room, surprising me. Looking at the screen surprised me even more.

"Contact from: Koigasaki Momo"

Without thinking, I almost dropped my phone to the floor.

What timing...no, earlier I tried calling her back , but she didn’t answer, so she’s just calling me again is all it is...

Flustered, I try to delay and motion to answer the phone. But, now, with my head in such a terrible mess, if I answer the phone, will I be able to talk with Koigasaki normally?

...No, it’s pointless. No matter how I think about it, hiding my current condition and speaking to Koigasaki normally or with any such convenient act is impossible. After so many times the phone’s vibrations rang out, it finally stopped.

-What do I do? Do I call her after waiting a little bit? No, certainly after a little time, the mess my head is in will settle down a bit, but, even so, will I be able to talk with Koigasaki as if...nothing happened? But I am interested in why she called me....While I was thinking about such things, being able to do nothing, I got a message.

...Sender, Koigasaki.

"Why don’t you answer after I called you twice?! Today, you didn’t come to the winter comic fest and I thought it was strange; then I heard from Azuki-chan about your circumstances, now, and...it w0ould be bad if at this rate you broke up with Azuki-chan, you hear?!"

Koigasaki...

Yeah, it’s hard to believe that she likes me. Oh yeah, at times like these she always supports Azuki-chan and my relationship like this...

But, she...in her heart of hearts...

Unsure as to how to respond to her message, I crouched without thinking in front of my phone.

...This is bad. At this rate, just staring in front of me, this confusion I have will go mad. If I stay cooped up in here, I won’t even be able to stand. I muster up my energy and fly out of my room.

"Naoki? The Kouhaku will end soon?"

"...Ah, Naoki, you mean to go out at this time?!"
"Where are you going? To the New Year’s Shrine visit with your girlfriend?"
Seeing my flustered figure, my father, Akari, and mom, around the table, were flabbergasted. I unconsciously put on my coat and had prepared to go outside.

But...exactly where was I going, even I do not know. Anyhow, I just couldn’t stay still like I was doing.

"Ju-just going for a bit of a...walk!"

"...Huh?"

"Wa-Na-Naoki!?"

Is he crazy? As I ignored my family who tried to stop me with such an attitude, I rushed outside. And that is how I went to walk outside aimlessly.

My head kept going back to0 the situation with Koigasaki, even up to now. When I got rejected by Hasegawa, with what type of feelings did she hug me tight and comfort me? Next time we met, the one to act like nothing happened and speak up was....just maybe, if she tried her hardest, it wasn’t such an unreasonable desire?

When she said to me, "To you, all I am is someone you are bound together to by a pact, no?" I...

answered "You’re an important friend."

That time, up until then, she had asked me severe and harsh questions, but then she suddenly stopped...

"I see."
With such a short answer, there were accompanying it dumbfounded pupils which had lost their luster. I can still vividly remember the expression Koigasaki made that day. At that time, just what kind of emotion did she have? I should have thought about it more seriously. "It" being why did she so desperately, while angry, ask what she was to me?

Because I answered in such a way, without my noticing...that relationship that I had had with Koigasaki ended. After all, when I think back to it, it’s been ever since that day. -Koigasaki started to avoid me.

Could it be that she...already, by that time, was thinking of me? If so...exactly how much did my words hurt her? When I think back to her expression that day, even now, my chest hurts horribly. If my answer had been different, our relationship could have been much different than it is now. But, no matter how much I regret it, I cannot turn back time.

Realizing this, I cry as I run.

"Koigasaki..."

I whisper this name in a small voice. I want to call out her name. I want to meet her as soon as I can. I want to hear her voice.

However...

What do I do after I meet with her? What can I now do? I, now...it’s not like I’ve broken up with Azuki-chan. I still...live Azuki-chan. And, Azuki-chan, too, told me she likes me. So, she said she would confess to me again.  

Azuki-chan’s smile. Her embarrassed face. Her bitter, crying face on Christmas Eve. I can see these flash before my eyes like they happened yesterday. Thinking back, all these loving feelings com flooding forth. I don’t want to make Azuki-chan sad anymore. Isn’t that what I thought? Those feelings have not changed even now.

Anyway, I ran. To where I couldn’t think of anything. If I would stop even for a moment, I would have to stop and crush the flood of thoughts flowing into my head. So, I would not permit myself to stop.

"Haa...haa...haa..."

...How far did I run? My tears had been dried by the wind. When I had realized where I was, it was a place I was not used to seeing. In terms of the train’s route, isn’t this about the 4th or 5th station in terms of distance that I’ve run? I was pretty fatigued from running without stopping, so I leaned against a nearby telephone pole.

"Haa, zee, haa..."

Even breathing became difficult, and I should have brought enough money to buy some water...as I regretted, I could hear a bell ring out from somewhere.

...It’s the temple bell (TL note: this is referring to the temple bell with rings 108 times on New Year’s Eve). I see, now, we’re moving past the year...

While I ran about recklessly, nothing was resolved. I didn’t answer anything. But, now, I didn’t know running was a method of clearing up that hazy feeling I had inside.