Omae Otaku

Volume 10

Chapter 6

"I-I’m sorry... For suddenly coming to your house like this."

"Really. Just what is the issue? An emergency?"

"Ah, well..."

"... Hey, what’s with that face!?"

It would be awkward if Koigasaki’s family found out I was talking with Koigasaki in front of their house, so we moved somewhere a little out of the way after she came outside. Koigasaki looked at my face lit by a street lamp and rose her voice.

Oh no, my tears had dried, but I still had the face from when I was bawling on the train...

"A-ah... It’s just..."

"It’s not something that’s ‘just’ a tad off though!? Your eyes look pretty swollen... We-were you crying...?"

She immediately found me out...

"Why...? Did something happen... With A-Azuki-chan?"

"! Ah, well..."

"After that... Did you properly talk things out with Azuki-chan?"

"Today, after school, I spoke with Azuki-chan..."

"Y-yes... And?"

"Azuki-chan and I broke up."

"-Huh?"

At my words, Koigasaki’s face turned pale.

"Eh, wh... What’s with that?! What did you say!?"

She grabbed my shoulders and strongly shook me.

"This can’t be right! I... Told you, didn’t I? That you definitely should not break up with Azuki-chan! I don’t know if she ever told you, but... Azuki-chan still loves you..."

"I-I know..."

"...Eh!? Then, why..."

"..."

I couldn’t say anything and looked down, averting my eyes from Koigasaki’s gaze... I have to say it. No matter what, today, I have to say it...

"Hey, Kashiwada!? Why are you suddenly not saying anything..."

"... Because I... like you..."

I didn’t have the courage to look Koigasaki in the eye. I don’t have Azuki-chan’s guts to convey to her my feelings straightforwardly like that. I’m truly pathetic. This is me currently giving my all.

"... Eh...?"

As Koigasaki seemed as though she didn’t understand what was going on, I repeated myself.

"Because I like you... I broke up with Azuki-chan. Koigasaki, I... Want you to go out with me."

"......"

For quite a long time, Koigasaki didn’t say anything. Opening my eyes to look at her, I could see she was staring at me flabbergasted.

"... N-no way..."

Eventually, Koigasaki whispered these words.

"... I-I mean... What about Azuki-chan? You... Liked Azuki-chan, didn’t you?!"

"... Ah... I liked her. I loved her. Those feelings were not lies. However, I... Like you more!"

Even I thought what I was saying was unreasonable. Koigasaki had an expression as though she couldn’t believe me and is looking at me silently.

"I... Don’t want you to be taken by anyone else. More than anyone... I want to be with you forever..."

Those were my current and honest feelings. I know that Koigasaki liked me... Furthermore, I know that she stifled her feelings to support Azuki-chan and me...

'Why does she care so dearly about my situation?' When I asked her this, she answered "I can’t leave you alone"...

More than anyone, I... Strongly love Koigasaki. I love her so much, even more than Azuki-chan...

You can’t turn back time, but if you could... Now, I want to convey this to her. To me, Koigasaki is not just an "important friend"-she’s much more than that.

Up to now, I would think that "Koigasaki likes Suzuki so..." and like that, bring myself to try to not like her, similar to Koigasaki.

Since long before, even while making our cooperative agreement... I didn’t want to her to go out with Suzuki deep in my heart. When the distance between her and Suzuki would close, my chest would hurt.

But, I pretended to not see my own feelings. It was a love that certainly would not come to fruition, so I had put a lid on the just-budding love I had. I acted as though I had no such feelings.

The truth is... I didn’t want Koigasaki to be taken by anyone else. As in, even by Suzuki. When this situation first started, I didn’t know who I liked the most and couldn’t recognize my true feelings.

In the meantime, I acted like everything was fine... I’m pathetic.

Timidly, I look at Koigasaki’s face. After Koigasaki looked at me, I looked down, and there was a long period of thoughtful silence.

Eventually, I slowly rise my head.

Her face... Why? It looked like she had a terribly pained expression.

"I’m sorry... I can’t go out with you..."

I for a moment did not process what she was saying, and I became unable to say anything back.

"I-I appreciate the gesture, but... I... Don’t like you in a romantic way. I can’t... See you as anything but a friend..."

Without looking me in the eye, Koigasaki declared such.

"..."

I went completely pale.

Koigasaki’s line played over so many times in my mind.

I can’t go out with you.

I don’t like you.

She, just now, clearly said this.

She brilliantly, resolutely rejected me in an instant. I took a big shock and at the same time was intensely confused. I mean... Then, what was with that radio recording?

"A-ah, well... Maybe, if Azuki-chan... Told you anything, then... That was, um, a misunderstanding..."

"... Eh?"

"Aah... S-sure, for a moment, I thought you... Could be a good catch, but that was just a simple trick of the mind... Anyway, the one I really do like is... As you know, Suzuki-kun. Back then and now... That hasn’t changed."

"..."

No words came to me. What... Is she saying...?

Somehow, it looks like I have had some terrible misconception. Koigasaki’s liking me was just a momentary trick of the imagination. The one she really does like is Suzuki, even now... That is how Koigasaki feels now. [1]

So, that was just a misunderstanding we had about that broadcast, and I got carried away with it... I was so stupid, I could laugh. I felt like I wanted to weep, but no tears came forth.

Koigasaki, looking uncomfortable, looks at me. Like she didn’t know what to say. It became painful to be there with Koigasaki that I wanted to be able to disappear from the scene. Right now, in front of her, I want to disappear.

"That’s how it is, so... I’m sorry."

"..."

Unable to look at Koigasaki, I looked down without saying anything. Like this, I felt like I wanted to run away but that would just be too uncouth.

"......"

If I don’t... say anything... This will be troubling for Koigasaki.

"... U-understood. I-I’m sorry for suddenly saying something so odd... Please forget about it."

After all my thinking... That’s what I could say. My voice was shaky, but I was able to say something. After that, I slowly began to move... I turn my back to Koigasaki.

"... Bye..."

I set off a footstep toward the station.

Furthermore, tears are not falling.

It’s over. Everything is...

I am ashamed from the bottom of my heart.

That confession... It would have been better if I never tried it.

"Ah, bye..."

I could hear Koigasaki’s voice from behind me.

"..."

Hearing her voice, my cheeks grow warm. This is farewell... Now with this, totally... Up to now, our relationship, at last... Is impossible.

In my head, flashbacks of memories of Koigasaki come.

"...Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaahhhhhh!"

"...!?"

Even I didn’t understand what was going on. From the pit of my stomach, such a scream came out. I turn around to face Koigasaki. Tears poured out as though there was no stopping them. I think I was making an incredibly pitiful face. Koigasaki was also terribly surprised at how I was acting and couldn’t say anything.

"I... am not going to give up so easily!" [2]

"...Eh...?"

A farewell to koigasaki? I won’t... Talk like that ever again! Finally, after I come to know how I feel. After I know who is the most important to me.

No. I definitely, definitely, definitely cannot let that happen! When Hasegawa rejected me... I didn’t feel like this. It was a huge shock, but... I didn’t feel like my heart was being ripped to shreds like this. It wasn’t an answer I just couldn’t accept. While sobbing I grabbed Koigasaki by the shoulders. [3]

"I... Like you...! That’s not just me misunderstanding that you like me!... It’s not something as simple as that!"

"... Ka-Kashiwada..."

"Since I realized how I feel... I can no longer think about anything aside from going out with you... That you would be taken by anyone else... I definitely cannot accept it!"

"..."

"More than anyone... I like you! If it’s not you then I can’t accept it!" [4]

Together with the tears, the cries from my heart... Poured out one after the other. Desperately, pathetically, and shamefully, I confessed my love.

"Ka-Kashiwada... It hurts, please let go..."

"...!"

At her saying that... I realized that I was holding Koigasaki’s shoulders with great force. In a hot haste, I let go. Koigasaki has had a rather troubled face and doesn’t move to look at me. I could tell her attitude was one of total rejection.

"... G-glad to hear it, but... My emotions are still the same, so..." [5]

Koigasaki looked down and told me this in a low voice.

Her words pierce my heart. I fall into despair.

No matter what I do... It’s no use, eh...

No matter what I thought... It was love only one way after all...

Koigasaki turned her back to me and ran away to her house. After being left behind, due to shock... I stood there stock still for a long time. I kept my voice low and continued to cry.

No matter how strongly I feel, no matter how large a voice I complain with, no matter how much I cry... The world is not ending. Her feelings... Are not meant for me. Such a clear thing, though understood by my mind, could not be understood by my heart.

In the course of a single day, I went through two painful rejections. [6]

Aah, it was like this... Now, the results of my fortune abruptly go through my head.

Eventually the tears stop and are dried by the cold wind. Now I just want to disappear and die.

That’s how I was thinking.

—————————————————————————————————————————-

[1]

(Arocks: No, you idiot. Read the flow.

You just told her that she was the reason you broke up with your girlfriend – A relationship you were VERY happy with.

Anyone in love would happily give up and want that to continue for the person they like. No matter how painful it is to them... Is secretly hoping for MC's hard fall)

(Yuki: HA! KARMA! HAHAHAHAHAHHAAH)

[2]

(Arocks: This is first time I found something even remotely acceptable about this MC.)

(Yuki: Nah. Not a shred of pity is coming from me. I’m enjoying his misfortune right now for abandoning Azuki-chan.)

(Arocks: That's something which should not be said, Yuki-chan. Is secretly the same.)

[3]

(Arocks: Congratulations, you just managed to make change the “Tortured to death” to “died in an accident”, within my Death Note for you.)

(Yuki: (」゜ロ゜)」 You have a Death Note???! O.M.G Senpai why did you not say it earlier? Quick! Make his death be interesting later on! He needs to regret in abandoning Azuki-chan!╰(✧∇✧╰))

[4]

(Arocks: Oi! What do you mean? You like Koigasaki more than any other girl you like, or that you like her more than any other guy who likes her?)

(Yuki: Senpai, there’s a lot of screws missing from his head so don’t even try to understand him anymore.)

[5]

(Arocks: ... Yuki! We have another candidate for best girl of the series!)

(Yuki: ╰(✧∇✧)╯ Oh boi, I need to snatch the trophy I gave to the FAKE normal girl and give it to the REAL normal girl of the book. Mwhahahah)

[6]

(Arocks: Welcome to this side of life, mate. Don’t worry, it gets worse.)

(Yuki: Singing "Hello darkness, my old friend~")