My wild panting panic was helpfully interrupted by my dear sister.
“You look like you’ve seen something of note dear brother”
My sister drawls the words while looking on with concern. She hooks me under my arms and attempts to lift me up, a maneuver unhelped by both our height and size difference. My body is not at its most cooperative at the moment and our uncoordinated dance to get me standing gives me a moment to process what I had seen outside.
“Yeah we might be fucked”
My words drew the attention of the rest of my family that is left in the living room, that seemed to be everyone besides Clayton who I assumed went down the stairs to the lowest trilevel in the middle of our odd floor plan to check the freezers and pantry. Everyone looked on with some level of concern.
“The is a hug fuc-”
My explanation was interrupted by a bladed forearm crashing through the front door Jack Torrance style. Splinters of wood flies and the door shudders but holds. Everyone is frozen for an infinite moment as the rest of the family try and puzzle out this sudden attack before Calder decides to kick us into gear.
“To Arms!”
What in the renaissance fair LARPing neckbeard cousin fucking was that? Who says ‘to arms’ in the year of our lord 2023? Despite the misplaced exclamation, Me and my mother clearly got the message. The fun-sized woman went full animal house and knocked over the coffee table and stomped a leg to create an improvised club for herself, go you mom. The only thing resembling a weapon close to me was the antique coat rack that sat by the door looking exactly like every coat rack I had ever seen in a cartoon or movie, tripod legs and hooked arms and all. Calder had everyone beat in this impromptu arms race as he made a detour into the kitchen, which was basically just the other half of the living room due to the open concept of the house, to grab a large non-scratch frying pan off the stove that had been used for cooking ground beef last night. As we armed ourselves I noticed the rest of the family finally moving to arm themselves but I had to turn my back on them as a second yellow limb crashed through the door, thoroughly splintering the top half.
I would never brand myself a coward, but being confronted with that emotionless stare on that triangular head had my palms sweating and choking down moms spaghetti from last night. My first monster in this new world and I was ready to vomit on my sweater already. I pulled the coat rack back over my shoulder and swung with perfect form and world shaking force. Sadly reality disagreed with my self-assessment of my prowess, antique wood knocked into chitin with moderate force. Wood cracked and chitin endured. The outcome of my strike was the Orantes withdrawing from the door and a new notification that popped into the lower part of my vision.
[Requirements For Skill Acquisition Met]
[Skill Acquired: Staves]
[Staves: Improves use staves and related weapons. 2% increase to weapon speed of all staves per level. 2% increase of blunt force exerted by staves per level ]
[Initial Skill level of Staves: 1]
Well these skills seem handy. It was most likely my imagination but the long hunk of wood felt slightly better in my hands. My reflection of my new capabilities and any further thought of the implication of these skills was lost as splinters of the door rained down around me. Mr. Bug had apparently not been scared off by my new skills. The mantis blurred through the door with the speed of an Olympic sprinter on crack. It wasn't a blur, it was fast but I could still perceive it easily, that did not make it possible to react in time. A claw descended. Now it was a blur.
A blur that slammed into the back of a frying pan and then connected with my left shoulder knocking me ot the ground.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
My scream was manly and heroic. Though the ungenerous may have said it was slightly the high pitched and mewling to be either.
“Get out of my house!”
Calder stood over my bruised body, eye to eye with the mantis and not giving an inch in the staring contest, which is impressive when your opponent has compound eyes and no eyelids. He had imposed his frying pan between me and the mantis at the last second, something is suspect is luck more than anything based on how fast the mantis is moving. The body of the bug skitters backwards as table leg swings though where the head used to be and thuds into the floor next to my head. My mothers hot glare bores into the insect as a waffle maker comes sailing into the entryway over my shoulder at the center of mass on the mantis. It skitters the the left avoiding it easily though I feel it probably wouldn't have done much to the creature in the first place.
“Fucking bugs!”
Victoria’s shout sums up my feelings too. I climb to my feet as quickly as I can as Calder and my mother spread to either side of me. I hold the coat rack in two hands near the middle as close to a staff as I can make it. The entryway to the house is wide but with a six foot tall bug and three grown adults swinging weapons around it was getting crowded. We all fall into a moment of stillness as the bug tilts it head to the side and we all size each other up.
“Rahhhhhhh!!”
Calder’s war cry breaks the silence and the temporary stalemate. The wide man lumbers ahead the few feet as the mantis moves jerkily in a zig zag motion before thrusting both claws down towards his shoulders. One deflects off of his already dented frying pan but the other bites into his shoulder. It slides along the top and down onto his shoulder blade leaving behind a line of torn flesh. Calder continues to yell as he gets inside the reach of the mantis and attempts a bear hug. Even though the bug is giant sized, its body is still only as thick around as a telephone pole, making it look like a twig in Calder’s embrace. Me and my mother both lunge towards the monster, bumping into each other as we do. Coordination with this much adrenaline in your system is not easy. As we stumble to the side and regain our footing, Tactus comes flying through.
“Fucking Buggggggssss!”
And he brought the right tool for the job.
