Hmmmmmm distinguished elders and heaven defying young masters make this seem much more interesting. I have assumed a cross legged pose as I float in my own personal sphere of darkness and boredom reflecting on all the ways I’ve discovered to not get absolutely no reaction from my metaphysical surroundings. Screaming, biteing, pinching, megalomania, hyperventilating, the kama sutra, hymns, and elaborate touchdown celebrations have got me exactly nowhere. I take some more deep not breaths and let my imagined musculature relax. I have tried multiple different ways to break this trance but have failed utterly. I don’t know how long I've been in this state and I truly can’t guess. Zero outside stimuli and the uncertainty of any time perception weirdness that will come from being this deep in meditation are placing me slightly on edge. I have things to do and a life to live outside of this prison of my own making. A life that could be endangered by unfriendly mutated local wildlife at any time. A family that needed a strong leading figure to keep them on course and out of the weeds that are never ending circular familial arguments. I need to get out of here and LEARN something.
The rudeness of something was startling after all that nothing.
A light pulsed from my center and expanded out through my skin. The light seemed to pour as a liquid into invisible tubes and race away into the distance before meeting other tubes and creating a glowing nexus. My very own personal big bang, expanding into a never ending horizon. I found myself holding my metaphysical breath and admiring the beauty. Subjective hours dulled by the oppressive nothingness leaves me bare before this beauty spectacle. If the optic cortex of my brain could have an orgasm it just did.
As quickly as the spectacle came, it faded away. The light drained away as vapor into the infinite abyss. In its place is still nothing, but with a hint of something. I can feel the hints of something tugging at my soul, whispering gently of something that was so close to being something. How wonderfully helpful.
My mouth closes with what I'm sure would have been an audible snap in a reality that had air for sound to travel through. Seems like I have stumbled into a rather useful hint there. LEARNING. KNOWLEDGE. My CONCEPT. Hindsight is 21 pilots or something. I decide my next course of action is to meditate on what knowledge is.
A yank pulls on my soul, with the speed of a 4 year old holding the leash of a doberman in heat, my perception is stretched till I feel noodle thin. My point is hovering above an empty node that feels light years away. The node has uncountable other strings connecting to it. As quickly as I am suck too it, I rebound back into my floating Mind puppet. Trippy dude. Sooooooooo, that is what knowledge is? I think I might have an inkling of a pittance of a sliver of an idea of what's going on here.
As all great discoveries this requires more dedicated and exacting research. Let us meditate on what is truly better, Ass? Or titties? Yes lets focus.
Hmm interesting, Who is the best spice girl? Hmmmm yes yes. Can you cook minute rice faster than a minute? Hmmmmm yes, Hypothesis confirmed.
Each important rumination is followed by an invisible force pulling me along an invisible path of nodes and lines to hover over a dark node. Each pull is a different distance, direction, and speed. Each node I stop over has a different size, shape, and number of connections. I am in a web of possible knowledge.
As soon as I start thinking of each node as potential knowledge I can tell it is right. There is the slightest vibration of the space around me. It hums in agreement. I guess I am kind of humming at myself? I mean I am 97% sure this place is inside of me, metaphorically if not physically. Now the ten thousand dollar question is, How am I supposed to do get these bits of knowledge? I think about it for approximately 10 seconds before I am pulled to a node almost directly in front of me. It feels like it is almost in arms reach of me. No other nodes in between me and it. I reach out with my arm and wave it in between me and where I now know a node resides. The faintest resistance as I move my hand lets me know of a quarter sized line reaching from me to the node. Progress, sweet, sweet progress.
My continued focus is apparently not the answer. I have meditated on the question for what feels like an appropriately long time for something to happen, yet I remain disappointed. New angle, let me start from the beginning of these shenanigans. When I first discovered this constellation of knowledge something rushed out from my body and filled these lines with golden energy. Now what is inside me that I could push out to fill these. Well two options come to mind. Either bleed into it like a hemophiliac shanked with a straw or the essentia mumbo jumbo I absorbed from mister green and chitinous. Truthfully speaking there is a third option but I am a good christian boy so it doesn't bear thinking about. Essentia must be the answer here, advice from the bear in the tutorial is now starting to make sense. If this doesn't work I really will have to try plan C. I return to my square breathing and focus on the motes that I imagine must have been stored in my head as that is where I absorbed them. My focus seems to invert and I can envision the inside of my ghostly body in my mind's eye. I am now officially inception levels of brain fuckery deep into this meditation. I see a few multi-colored motes of essentia floating around in my skull. It doesn't feel like enough though. Further exploration reveals the chaos of a dust cloud, swirling particles waltz like celestial bodies in a miniature nebula, an intimate cosmos born from earthly remnants…. Or some such poet drivel to describe a cloud of pretty glitter that is slowly moving around in my center yet diffused lightly throughout my body. I really must keep my artistic genius in check at times like this. No need to overwhelm myself with the beauty of my own words when I already have enough mental problems to work through.
I need to coral this chaos into the tube and towards the node. Houston we have direction. I naturally try to sync the movements of the particles to my breathing. They compress slightly as I exhale, expanding on the inhale. My mind feels a light burden as I use mental pushes to move the cloud towards my right hand. There is a slight pressure, light a finger pressing into the center of my forehead, I forge ahead anyway. The essentia flows and breaths with me. Slow, steady progress. My mental view narrows, single minded and intractable. I move the dust without letting it slip through my mental hands.
Many respiratory cycles later, the resistance changes and the line in front of me blazes to life.
