Elgan was alone. Ever since he was born, he had been by himself. That was the truth he came to accept with the passing of time.
Even though all those faces around him would react rashly to such cold, inconsiderate words, that was how he felt deep inside. He had tried many times to do something about it, sports, martial arts, meditation, hanging out, studying his ass off. Yet in the end, it was all fruitless, It didn't matter how much love he received, how much care they showed, or how hard they worked to make him happy. None of that mattered, because it wasn't something they could fix, it wasn't their fault at all.
There was an abyss deep inside him, a voice coiling around his thoughts every now and then, a snake pulsing with slow-burning death. Usually, Elgan could turn around, close his eyes and ignore its sharp words, however, it was a matter of time before he lost the battle of resistance. When it was dark outside, when the lights were turned off, when the doors closed and the windows shut, silence took over, and from its depths that voice would bestow judgment. Just like the demons of smoke, it would attack where it hurt, wherever his weaknesses gathered. It knew who he was, it knew his successes and also his failures, his ups and downs, his sins and virtues, it knew it all.
The cries of war resonated. For as long as he could remember, Elgan had been at war with something inside him.
...
Lethargic thoughts emerge from the floor of unconsciousness, a few sensations slip through his skin, a warm feeling bathes his body, it feels as if he was floating on a soft mattress.
'It's over.'
Elgan couldn't remember exactly what was over, but he knew whatever I had been trying to accomplish was out of reach now. The memory laid in a corner, still intact, though its grotesque tentacles made an unwelcome effort to extend over his mind, remembering the lonely ego of his past failures. The last instances of consciousness, dying crushed like a mundane cockroach, shouting his lungs out as the meatball of boiling flesh devoured his physical body. Liquifing his bones and merging with him into a homogeneous mass of bloody filth.
Those last thoughts come in a tide, ending in retreat as the reaper descends upon the earth. Another soul to gather.
"I don't- whant togghShh-"
Elgan couldn't even finish that last sentence before he met his fate. Then everything blacked out until he emerged in this place, in the realm that existed past the veil of a fake reality. Somewhere far away from pain, suffering, misery, and terror. Somewhere far beyond that hell, and yet close to it too. It was a strange place, the soul could faintly describe it as being a step between worlds. Somehow...
Elgan inspected his aura. Not hidden behind a cacoon of flesh anymore, his consciousness manifested as a half-transparent, ethereal being. His lungs didn't inhale, his heart didn't beat, they didn't need to.
'Ahh... So that's it.'
The best words to describe what he had become. An outsider, Elgan was a spectator stuck between both realms. In the immobile darkness of hell below, the stared heavens above, his burning legs felt soaked in the liquid that was the darkness, floating on its surface without sinking. Then, ripples. Elgan could feel the surface of the black sea trembling, bubbles arose as the dense waters split. What would emerge, the struggler's soul wondered... Another soul? Had someone else died?.. Or, perhaps was it God?
No.
The soul's brilliant, shining eyes flickered as he stared down at its feet. The flame of its head now burning in obstinate, rage and disgust.
"Of all people..."
Without lips or mouth, his words resounded in the emptiness. Elgan didn't need anything spectacular, he didn't need to wake up in a dreamland where his wishes were fulfilled, he didn't need to reach heaven. Honestly, he wouldn't even care if he was to sleep for eternity... None of that mattered to him that much, he just wished to rest, remain alone, and think about what his life had been. That's it, Elgan wanted peace and quiet.
Yet, of all the people that could have been here to receive him.
Cold and inert, roots extended from the depths of the dark sea, surfacing a single crimson-colored rose.
...
"Why is it you."
A dead man.
Just like the dead carcasses he had met along his short journey, the man's eyes were hollow. His skin was as thin as paper, consumed in acid, his bloodied skull had cracked at the back, with pinkish brain matter spewing all over the waters, together with its flattened and mangled limbs. Elgan couldn't bring himself to gaze at that miserable sight any longer. The world had placed all of its wrath on that man. All the odds had been stacked against him, and now here he was, resting before its soul, dead.
Still not defeated.
"Why is it you again."
A palpable, wide grin remained drawn over what remained of his face. Like if it had been all a game, like if he had achieved anything at all. The man had unexpectedly died smiling, and who would have guessed, even though he had lived through all that bullshit, Elgan managed to smile at the very end.
'What am I saying... You were always that way. Only smiling when everything is stacked against you, only trying when it was too late.'
Not willing to be witness to the dead anymore, the soul began walking away from that corpse, glowing ripples extended through the sea as he advanced.
'Obsessed to make everything far more complicated, with succeeding in impossible ways, with being special.'
The green ember slightly turned its head, its flames turned sharp yet delicate.
'You knew it, you were never special. And yet, you tried your best...'
Elgan tried to be harsh on that man, however, in the end, nothing harsh could make its way out. He simply continued advancing under the stars, never turning around.
'You have seen enough, tried far too many times to beat the impossible.'
...
Keep walking.
How many times did he say that to himself? Elgan had walked for a very long time, without a compass, with only one direction. The burning conviction that there was something else waiting for him in that plane of existence eventually extinguished. The only resonance was the ripples of his steps, embraced by the dark sea, running away from their master to draw a line in the infinite horizon.
...
| Plop |
Falling water, rushing, evil liquid. The foreign sound made a contrast and shook his mind awake. Like a lighthouse in the depth of mist, a multi-colored brilliance radiated in the same direction he searched.
'Maybe there was- afterall-'
...
Once the radiance died out though, there were no surprises. Elgan was back at the start. It had always been the same, it was him, the corpse, and Elgan. He had taken the form of a spirit, similar to Elgan's, yet radically different. His body resembled an ember, with thin shining limbs, and deep torch-like eyes.
| Plop |
Without even acknowledging Elgan's foreign presence, his hands dived inside the black sea, carrying it like a precious treasure, then pouring it over the dead youth.
| Plop |
...
'What are you even trying to accomplish?'
Repulsive, weak, pitiful. Elgan couldn't help but feel disgusted at that scene. Like splashing water over a grounded fish in the hopes of making it swim again. A childish dream. The aptitude to achieve the utterly impossible.
Though, this time he didn't have the strength to say it out loud.
| Plop |
The water overflowed the body's broken ribs, eroding bloody red flesh on its way. Only a faint rainbowish glow was left behind, then died down.
...
A small move in the flesh, fibers, and tendons shaking, then dying again. The soul's hand tried reaching for his arms in an attempt to stop his movements, whatever futile attempts he performed, they were all useless. Elgan's limbs clipped through his body, unable to achieve anything.
...
["We'll get up again."]
Without sparing the lonely soul a glance, his arms moved on their own. Elgan's fire diminished, giving up, he kneeled down and stared at the scene.
'It's over...'
The kid's soul tried to convince himself, repeating the same words again and again. Why? 2 Why do you keep trying so bad?
For hours, the lonely soul stared as he achieved the impossible with its own hands. Droplet by droplet, the dead were brought back to life.
...
["The barrier between possible and impossible. We'll break it."]
Those words echoed inside the man's skull for a long time.
'How?'
Elgan dared ask to the eternal silence, the only audience was his unconscious body. Of course, it doesn't answer. Now that he thought it through, Elgan didn't know when exactly he had vanished. The only thing that remained of his existence was that complete body. The reaper would have to wait some more time... The gluttonous ocean of hell convulses, and the barrier of reality breaks as soul and body are shallowed back into those black waters.
Everything went dark for a second, but not silent. Only that noise again. That dreadful, rhythmic drum that accompanied all calamities to befall on earth. The master of dreams.
I hated that noise.
| Bump |
| Bump Bump |
| Bump Bump |
| Bump Bump |
Back.
"AGH!!-gsh"
Elgan winces in pain like a rat, the sea surrounding him rises in temperature, becoming increasingly uncomfortable, then unbearable. The bursting bubbles of boiling goo reach his ears together with the dancing sound of flames. The struggler bathes in pain as he fights for air, a defiant, joyous smile on his half-burnt face.
"Crazy fuck..."
The black sky above was covered in a veil of fumes from the unending combustion hunting the city. A subtle smell of meat and blood lingered in the stagnant atmosphere. Elgan finds himself deep inside a hole dug deep under the asphalt, spanning several dozens of meters under the surface.
There is no time to wonder why though.
'I must move as soon as possible.'
The kid's shaky legs stood up with a bit of effort. His hands grasp the almost vertical surface before him and start climbing.
Managing to make his way out of the crater, Elgan's eyes start adapting to the blazing inferno that surrounds him, the tall columns and solemn entrance of the town hall a couple of yards before him enabled the survivor to pierce under the layer of flames. He found himself in one of the central avenues of the city, just under the shadow of the colossus.
'So it's here.'
This street was somewhat of a familiar place. It brought memories, it was just a couple of months back, before his last senior year came to an end, that he walked up and down this road on his way to high school. It had only been months, yet those memories had become so foggy in mere hours, days that it almost seemed like a far-away dream. Drenched in scraps from the slowly collapsing buildings above, cut and eroded by crawling titans, to then be set ablaze. Lost forever.
Those colors that painted the street's plentiful shops were drained away by fire, green trees were reduced to ashes, and buildings were covered in a layer of dust and smoke. Still, through it all Elgan remained in the same place. Standing in that street, watching the world run, evolve, and grow far, far away... Elgan steps ahead, the buildings on the periphery of vision blur out as he advances through the sides of the pavement, Elgan's hands follow beside him, sliding across the concrete walls. The rumbling in the distance resonates, closing in with each passing second.
Seen, not seen?
| Bang |
'Keep walking.'
He sidesteps to enter a building, the door had been burst open long ago, allowing him to infiltrate without making sound, making sure to contain his breathing as he hides in the shadows. The bursting and bending of streetlights, collapsing of walls, and cracking of bones, all in an improvised unison as the watchful titan approaches. It's multiple sets of eyes looking straight in his direction, Elgan's own heart seems to stop beating each time one of its extremities makes contact with the ground. His body is still scared, but I'm not anymore. The grotesque lifeform eclipses the scorching fire of destruction, the rancid smell of iron and flesh radiating from its body enters his nostrils. Flashbacks from his last encounter with the titans resurface, the smile, the horror.
'Have I really been seen? This easy?'
Grinning from ear to ear, claw ready to transform his hiding into a tomb.
'Shit.'
Elgan prepares to climb upwards, even if he can only buy a few more moments to think of a plan, refusing to believe in his defeat any longe-
...
A cyan shooting star lights the horizon, few metallic, human steps can be heard, they are not Elgan's.
| Got yo-! |
The monster's words cut abruptly. The tearing pressure on the walls recedes, forcing the ceiling to partially crumble above him. A fist-sized rock impacts his head, and vision becomes bloodied and blurry, but Elgan wants to see. Trying to avoid producing sounds more than ever, the youth gazes at the monster, a huffing column of steam rises in the place the creature's body used to be. Its dismembered, crustacean-like limbs are unattached to a body, that thing died in an instant.
As the vapor recedes Elgan is able to see that which remains in its stead. A purple, star-shaped gem hovers in the air, shining radiance bathes the surroundings, erasing all shadows.
In the blink of an eye, the crystalline object levitates and disappears from sight, leaving a thin trail of luminescence behind. The star returns to its master's call, through the helmet of purple scar, a shadow observes from above. Unseen.
...
Only after noticing he was not in instant danger did his's knees bend, crawling back up like a zombie, Elgan's body leans forwards. Not clouded by the stream of blood bathing the right side of his face, remembering the lyrics of that distant song of the time spent as a child on those streets. Walking through the avenues, talking with classmates, discussing meaningless and childish stuff, smiling without expecting anything. Elgan followed that young kid and conquered the little footsteps he left behind.
Elgan's legs cracked with each step. His muffled grunts tried in vain to contain the pain.
Back home. He was coming back home.
