Chapter 8:

A Thing About Feelings

Jace was immediately dismissed for the night. He wouldn't be working as he was, and in his condition, he was in no position to refuse. It took Kiera simply flaring her aura, and Liana's stern look to get him to obey. He wasn't unreasonable. He knew he should be resting.

With their help, he made it back to his place and put immediately to bed. A small, one bedroom apartment that Balek "rented" out to him. In truth, Balek never charged him. Jace had insisted on doing something for it, so he told him to work for him at Radiance

The pay he gave him was always the full amount, even though he told Jace he "took rent from it". If Jace knew otherwise, he'd never accept the money. Balek could only leave it in his daughter's hands now, though as she returned, he couldn't help but eye her up.

"Kiera not with you?" Balek asked as he prepared the bar for the night.

"No," Liana shook her head, "She's watching him right now. Making sure he gets his rest."

"You're not there?" Balek saw his daughter flinch at his question, seeing the pain and uncertainty on her face.

Liana shook her head, putting on a brave face, but Balek knew there was more going on.

"Still not going to tell him?" Balek sighed as he glanced over at her, "You know...we heard your emphasis earlier."

"...He's family," Liana stated, crossing her arms over the bar and resting her head upon them, "I don't...I don't want to ruin that. Maybe one day, Dad, but for now this is fine."

"Is it?" He eyed her as he continued to work, "One day he may find someone...you know that's a possibility, right?"

"Yeah, I know," She smiled softly, a gentle love in her eyes, "I hope he finds someone good...he works too hard. He'll burn himself out."

"Liana..." Balek didn't miss the fact she didn't include herself in being that someone.

"It's fine, Dad," Liana gave him a reassuring smile, "I'll do what I can, but it's not like I can be jealous, right? After all, I have Kiera. I still don't know how she just...accepts me."

"I suppose that's true...I'm just wanting the best for you," Balek tossed his towel over his shoulder and leaned on the bar towards her, "Still, I don't want to tell you what to do...you're like your mother. You'll do what you want regardless. Remind you of someone else?"

"Ha...Jace," Liana sighed, eyeing her father with a knowing, thankful look, "Stubborn fool...but I suppose I'm the same. Except, I'm not trying to kill myself."

"Is that really fair?" Balek playfully chided, "You know why he does it."

"Doesn't make it any less true," Liana mumbled, sighing, "But I guess he isn't exactly trying to..."

Placing a hand on his daughter's head, he tousled her hair as he smiled warmly. She playfully fought against it with a smile of her own on her face.

"No, he isn't," Balek released her as he turned back to work, "Just take it easy...he's dense, but perhaps something got through to him finally."

Nodding, Liana smiled and stayed with her father while he prepared for the evening. After a while, she finally got the courage to head back to Kiera and Jace. Her heart was in turmoil. Something she hoped to talk over with Kiera. She had always been so amazing to her that she never felt she deserved it. Liana knew she could talk to Kiera, but it was always anxiety inducing.

-----

Kiera sat and listened to Liana's woes. She loved her with every single fiber of her being. Being together with her for several years now. She was her first and only love, and through her came to care for Jace just as well as anyone else around him. "If only that oaf realized it..." Kiera sighed as she saw the pain in Liana's eyes.

The only reason she never harmed Jace is that he wasn't a horrible person. He cared for those around him but went about it all the wrong way. Taking on everything himself. She gave him a hard time because it was the only way she knew how to properly express herself to him. To say she didn't feel anything about Liana's feelings towards him would be incorrect.

She was furious. The way she held it in instead of allowing her to express herself made her angry. Liana should be happy. That was what Kiera thought and felt on the matter. If she was not happy, then Kiera was not happy.

"Sweetie," Kiera sighed, smiling gently, "You either need to tell him, or let it go. I don't like seeing you in such pain..."

Reaching a hand up to Liana's cheek, she pressed herself into her palm. It melted her heart how adorable Liana was. She held a crush on her for years before ever meeting her. Watched from a distance. Admired and cherished. Some may consider her a stalker, obsessed. That was fine.

What mattered was if Liana accepted her, and she did. She never loved anyone harder than she did Liana. It tore at her heart that this tore Liana up so much. To think Kiera could ever hate her or leave her because of her own feelings.

"I just...don't want to lose you," Liana told her, holding her hand to her face, "You must think this is ridiculous..."

"Heh, no," Kiera shook her head, "Only that you think I'd ever love you less. I've known of your feelings for a long time. It changes nothing."

"But-" Liana began, only for Kiera's thumb to silence her as it moved over her lips.

"But nothing," Kiera sighed, pulling her into a warm hug, "Relax yourself. Relationships aren't always cut and dry...they can be messy and confusing. What matters is we figure it out."

Liana relaxed against her; hands braced against her chest.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you..." Liana whispered, pressing herself against Kiera, "But...I'm happy to have you in my life. I don't know if I'd be able to do this without you."

"Nonsense," Kiera laughed, "You know exactly how strong you are. You'd be just fine."

Liana smiled, because she knew she was right.

"Doesn't mean I can't compliment you," Liana looked up at her with a warm smile, "So, take the damn compliment."

Liana playfully slammed her fist softly against her chest, Kiera smiled and nodded.

"Alright, sweetie. Thank you," Pulling Liana into her, their lips locked in an affectionate kiss before resting against each other.

Jace was a subject that had them both worried. Liana for her feelings, and Kiera for Liana's feelings. Both of them for Jace's wellbeing and mental health. They saw the decline he was in, and it wasn't over. He had a lot to work through, but they would be there even if he was stubborn about it. After all, they could be more stubborn.

-----

Jace curled up in his room, depressed and self-loathing. "It's all my fault..." He bemoaned his lot in life and the choices he made. He caused more trouble for his mother than he ever helped. "She doesn't deserve a son like me..."

Holding the blankets tight, he looked at one of the few pictures he had of her. Shortly before she entered into the coma, she pulled him in close for a picture. Her smiling face was bright, and her golden hair was still long and flowing. Her beautiful sky-blue eyes shone like stars.

She looked so lively, even in the hospital garb they had on her. Even as the black veins of Mana Degeneration twisted upon her fair skin. A reminder of Jace's failure. Of the fault he had to play for her disease. He knew that they told him he wasn't responsible. That it was his father's mana stimming that was the real cause.

Yet, if he had not lashed out like he had. If he had been more careful then perhaps the fallout would not have hit her. Perhaps...He clutched the blankets tighter, reaching for the photo with a tender hand, only to recoil before touching it. Even the image of his mother he felt unworthy of feeling.

Even his own feelings he felt unworthy of. He felt like he should be able to lean on the goodwill of those around him, like Liana and Balek, even Kiera. Yet, how could he do that when he caused so many problems? Another mouth to feed, another body to clothe and house.

His father always said he was a curse, a burden. Perhaps he was right. His mother intervened for him that day. His father beat her because of him. On top of that, he caused his mother's illness by lashing out, and now he burdens others with the decisions he's made. Even though they say it's their choice, they wouldn't have to make that choice if he didn't do what he does. Yet, no one else was responsible for his actions, and so it was his responsibility to do what had to be done.

What was the point of it though if all he did was cause problems? However, if he didn't then who would care for his mother? It wasn't anyone else's problem. He wouldn't make it anyone else's problem. He couldn't, it was his fault.

These were all the things going through his head as he curled up in his room. Locked away from the world as those who cared for him sat outside, waiting and worrying. He felt guilty for even that. Wasting their time while he moped about.

He kept recalling to the previous night when Liana held him in her arms. The words she said brought him to his knees. He felt the pain and confusion all rush forth. The guilt and responsibility. He felt that in that moment he truly could feel the way he felt, but ever since he felt like it wasn't fair. Not to her.

She had always been there for him, and he always made her worried. Made her cry. How was it she kept being okay? Balek and Kiera as well. Even Gerard didn't seem upset with him, only saddened. Was it really okay? To lean on them?

It felt like he was just dragging them down. That he couldn't lift himself up, and if he used them as support to lift him up, that he'd only push them down. He didn't know how long he stayed in his room for, nor how long it had been since he last ate or drank. Was the bathroom even an option? It was the only time he ever got up.

Slowly dragging his feet across the floor as he found himself unable to think of anything else. Who would visit his mother? Who would pay for her bills? He'd have to work twice as hard. He was sure they'd increase the fees after his outburst. Was this what would finally break him?

-----

Jace had yet to come out of his room for a week. His door was locked, and no one could get in. Liana's worry was increasing as she knew he had nothing to eat. Magic could only sustain someone for so long. Kiera knew that well, being an Ascended herself.

Every time they came to check on him, nothing had changed. Dust was beginning to build, even as Liana did her best to upkeep the place. Balek knew it was only a matter of time before she acted. There was only so much you could do by waiting around.

Except, Balek was wrong. She waited, patiently. Every day she'd go and check on him. Knock on his door, ask if he was alright. No response. Every single day.

"Liana..." Balek called to her in concern, "Are you sure this is alright?"

Liana was currently dusting several shelves, her hair put back in a bun. Kiera supporting her by cleaning the other side of the apartment. Both looked towards him as he spoke.

"Father..." Liana settled back on her heels after reaching up to dust the top shelf, taking a break as she looked out of the window over Westview, the district they lived in, "His door is locked, do you want me to break it down?"

"I mean..." Balek shrugged, feeling a bit sheepish, "Yeah, I guess?"

Shaking her head, she leaned against the windowsill.

"I could do that," She stated, her gaze off in the distance, "But that would get me nowhere...get all of us nowhere. Including Jace."

Balek thought he understood both her and Jace, after all he raised Liana since a baby, and Jace since he was very little. At least, he helped. Him and Nadine. Sometimes, he missed her in these moments. She had always been his guide when he didn't understand something, or missed the mark, but he supposed that now it fell to Liana.

"We've pushed at him," Liana said softly, "He broke down in front of us...a weakness that will only make him feel worse. He feels like he has to be strong."

"But he doesn't," Balek furrowed his brow, confused and frustrated.

"Right, I know that," Liana turned towards her father, "You know that. Even he knows that, but he feels like he has to. I doubt he even knows he's been locked in there for a week..."

"You definitely know a lot about him, sweetie," Kiera smiled fondly as she walked up next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"Of course I do," Liana defended, standing proudly, "That stubborn fool...I know more about him than he probably knows himself."

"So...shouldn't you be there for him then?" Balek asked to which Kiera seemed to agree.

"It is the perfect opportunity..." Kiera encouraged her.

Breaking free from Kiera's hold, she turned a frown towards the both of them.

"No, to both of you," Placing her hands on her hips she was quite upset at the suggestion, "He's vulnerable...I won't take advantage of that. If..."

Lowering her voice, she continued, for she didn't want him to hear her.

"If I am to confess, or tell him my feelings..." She glanced towards his bedroom door fondly, yet with pain in her eyes, "I won't do it when he's like this. I'll be there for him as family should. More than that...no. And I don't want to hear either of you suggest it again."

She turned a cold glare towards the both of them. For Balek, he knew better than to argue with that look. For Kiera, she knew as well, but it was a look she absolutely loved about Liana as it sent a pleasurable shiver along her spine.

"Very well, sweetie," Kiera sighed, crossing her arms, "I trust you."

"As do I," Balek nodded, standing and moving towards the exit, "Let me know if he makes a move...alright?"

Agreeing, Liana said farewell to her father before returning to clean. She would make sure that his environment would be clean when he decided to leave. His room would also need cleaning once he allowed her inside. As if the very thought manifested it, she heard the sound of a *click* as the door to his room unlocked.

Exchanging a look with Kiera, Liana smiled that knowing smile. Kiera was in awe at her love's accuracy. How she simply knew. She never felt like she could love her any more than she did, but every time she was pleasantly surprised as she fell harder for her. Feelings were an interesting thing.

-----

Nikushimi

Depression is never easy, and Jace has held so much on his shoulders. It's good he has people who care around them. It's never easy to see those people though. So, remember. Even if you think you're alone, there will be people who care. Even if it doesn't seem like it. A good support group is imperative. It's terrifying, but you got this.

Sorry...didn't mean for this to be a psa. Lol, just wanting anyone who reads this dealing with depression...I get it. I struggle. You're loved and wanted, love your faces. I hope my stories can bring a smile to it. <3