Trigger Warning: This chapter consists mentionings of SA and slavery. Viewer's discretions is advised. 

It’s the blinding lights that shakes Feno awake when morning comes. He must be hungover considering his vision is still spiraling. Cradling his head, he sits up to four very mortified comrades who has buried their faces into their knees. Each tucked in a corner like they don’t want to make eye contact. Beside him, the jar of wine has been completely emptied, toppled over to the ground next to the ceramic tea cups. One of them, accidentally shattered through the night. When he’s finally catches up what’s transpired. He too, begins burying his face like it’s a trauma he wishes to erase.

As if the squadron’s first impression on him wasn’t degrading enough. This just added to it.

There’s an awkward silence looming in the air that isn’t being addressed, until very abashedly, Lanara says,

‘We shall never speak about this.’ and emphasizes,

‘Ever.’ to which everyone immediately nodded in agreement. They’ve stayed like that for a while, but the tension eventually drives them out of the room to clean themselves up in their respective chambers. It’s after a shower and a quick change of clothes that they again rendezvoused in the dining hall downstairs. In a huge open area with bamboo dividers and red wood tables and chairs, mostly unoccupied except for the early rising patrons who’s already here to eat their drowsiness away. The presence of them seems to attract prying eyes and rumoring,

‘Were they the ones making the huge ruckus in the middle of the night?’ a young local woman whispers to another, ‘outlanders sure are wild,’ the other one giggles softly in response,

‘They were really into spanking, and I heard something involving animals too.’ the first lady gasps, ‘that’s just depraved. I wonder if it’s condoned in their region. Should we report them?’

That certainly wasn’t what happened. Well, somewhat, at least. But hearing that just makes them tense up even more, freckles looks about to retort before Lanara stops her with a small,

‘Let's not draw even more attention to ourselves.’ going around the corner behind the bamboo dividers, they seat themselves down on a circular table,

‘But they’re completely misunderstanding.’ freckles defends slipping neatly into the stool, whilst bowl cut beside her is questioning,

‘Well, the spanking I understood, but animals? What the heck were the four of you up to?’ with a disgusted scowl on his face only to have freckles completely ignore him. Ah, she’s still holding a grudge. That’s rather petty.

But Feno covers, with an awkward laugh,

‘We were just sharing embarrassing past memories, that’s all. It’s nothing, really.’ which seemingly worsens bowl cut’s skepticism. He’s deciding not to pry, probably assumed the worst because the waitress’s here with a little notepad asking if they were ready to order. She recommends rice porridge for the hangovers, and steamed pork buns are a popular breakfast choice. So that’s what they ended up getting.

Bowl cut is the only one energetic enough to converse through the meal, he’s recounting what happened with the hooker last night in too much uncomfortable details which made freckles scorn at him even further,

‘Nobody needs to know how you fuck, Anthony, especially not during breakfast.’ it just seems to worsen their already throbbing headaches. Despite baldy’s constantly reminding him,

‘Inner peace, Anthony, inner peace.’ but it isn't like bowl cut needed positive reinforcements because the dude’s so garrulous he’s able to entertain himself.

After breakfast, they finally departed the town on a rented wagon. The old horseman told them, he’s only willing to take them as far as the bamboo forest. The rest of the journey they’ll have to traverse by foot. No one’s willing to go to YunChuan anymore. Apparently, the place’s been avoided like a plague by their local guilds. Members who were sent in never returned. It’s gotten bad to the point where even the neighboring towns had to be evacuated for their own safety. The whole place is desecrated like it’s possessed by a malicious spirit. Now rumors are spreading that it’s haunted.

Lanara attempts asking if there were any speculations of who’s responsible. Whatever’s causing those disappearances must wield Magia if guild members were getting killed. To which, the horseman merely shrugs, they never experienced anything like this.

‘What about rebellion guilds? Do you think it might be them?’ Lanara suggests, but the horseman replies, if it was, then they must have some obscenely powerful members. Rebellion guilds hardly act in such an overt manner. Because if they did, it’ll only be a matter of time before they’re taken down for putting such a huge dartboard on themselves.

At that, Lilith briefly glances away to ask Rufus beside her,

“Rebellion guilds?”

“Those are the guilds that do not comply with the rules of the Elite Ten.” he explains, stroking his beard.

“So, they’re the bad guys?”

“In essence, yes.” she doesn’t get it so she pries, “just because they don’t follow the rules? What are those rules?”

“No harboring criminals, no abusing Magia on commoners, no trafficking illegal products, no trafficking people, no practicing forbidden Magia, no committing genocides, no invading territories, it would be too tedious for this old man to name all of them.” Rufus recites,

“But rebellion guilds are guilds who have broken one, or many of these rules and have refused to face the consequences. As such, they are removed from the official whitelist of the Guild’s union.”

“How come the Elite Ten don’t just wipe them out then?”

“There are far too many and difficult to identify. Rebellion guilds are cunning with their methods of operations. For example, most rebellion guilds won’t use their own guild members for trafficking, but regular thugs and commoner gangs. That makes them extremely difficult to trace.”

Pondering a little, Lilith thinks she gets it, recalling the bandits she’s chased in the forest awhile back,

“So, it’s like those minor bounty missions Killian gets for me most of the time! Like, retrieving the Crystalline and capturing the thugs!” she declares,

“Does that mean, those people are backed by rebellion guilds?” before realizing that she probably shouldn’t have said it. Killian warned her, it's against the law for none adventurers to complete guild quests. But Rufus simply laughs,

“Ah, you certainly are overachieving.” before answering,

“They probably are. But those that you encounter, are likely to be misled commoners looking to make a quick coin. They are the lowest ranking associates of rebellion guilds. In most cases, they do not know who exactly they are serving and who their actions are benefitting.” hearing that makes her a little anxious.

Won’t that mean, she’s killed regular people? Maybe that’s why it’s against the law in the first place. But they did try to hurt her. She’s just retaliating. They’re the bad guys for trafficking Crystalline. Deciding that she shouldn’t harp on this subject anymore, Lilith brings her attention back to the clip.

She’s completely skipped through a few scenes.

It’s midday now, they’re winding down a hill. Surrounded by little colorful ponds of blue, green and purple flowing from one tier to another. The bamboo forest’s pulling up ahead. At this point, freckles has fallen asleep on Lanara’s lap. Lanara’s playing with her hair, twirling it between her fingers and searching far into the distance musing of something with a serious face. Lilith almost thinks, she looks rather worried.

Feno picks up on it, asking her,

‘Is something wrong?’ as they get closer and closer to their destination. Beside him, baldy’s dozing off, nodding his head and repeatedly leaning towards Feno. But the difference in size just makes it look like he’s going to flatten him, so Feno kept pushing him away.

It instead draws bowl cut’s attention; he’s beside freckles, chewing on a piece of wheat plant he’s snapped mid journey and whining,

‘I’m bored out of my mind...’

‘I’m not really asking about you.’ Feno deadpans, to which, bowl cut simply redirects his gaze to study Lanara. She’s completely zoned out. So, he stretches a finger to poke her back into consciousness. It jerks her a little, his gesture completely startled her, straightening her gaze, she blinks at them,

‘Yes?’

‘You’ve been spacing out.’ Feno addresses.

She’s taking a few moments, before she mutters,

‘I think...’ she gives a quick glance towards the horseman, before leaning forward to softly say,

‘I smell blood in the air.’ at that, bowl cut cranes his neck, inhaling deeply,

‘Really? I don’t smell anything.’ Feno mimics the gesture,

‘Neither do I.’ then he flicks his pupils to the horseman who’s stringing them forward,

‘You think it’s from him?’ looking at his brown tunic, fluttering against the wind.

‘No. That’s not it.’ Lanara corrects skeptically,

‘it’s really faint but I think it’s coming from the direction of the forest.’ then she tilts her head, scratching at her cheek and doubts herself,

‘Or maybe I am imagining it.’ the road ends here. They’re pulling over. Lurching to a stop before the horseman turns around and notifies them, this is far as he would go. It shakes freckles right awake, darting around with, wha- huh? Before she realizes that they’re here so she lazily gets up with a big yawning stretch. With that, Feno too, proceeds to wake Baldy. Before they depart, the old horseman again, calls out to them, it seems he’s heard their former conversation, despite Lanara’s best effort to keep her voice soft,

‘It won’t be surprising if you smelled blood. I reckon, everyone who's ever tried to go to YunChuan’s probably dead now.’ he warns with a concerned expression on his face,

‘Are you sure you lot want to head there?’ and offers, ‘if you change your mind now, I can still ferry you back to ShuiYang for the same price.’ but they declined thanking him for the ride instead.

With that, the horseman sets off into the distance, and they continue onwards. Into the single dirt path meandering inside.

The sun’s still hanging bright above them, and the leaves are too sparse to block the light. Instead, it just dots on the forest ground with little yellow specks. They follow the trail for an hour or two, before it disappears. Completely buried beneath the soil, so instead, they rely on a compass that bowl cut pulls from a little hanging pouch by his waist.

At this point, their hangovers seem to have to finally dissipated, so they’ve began to small talk to fill up the silence. It was mostly about what they intend to do after this mission. Baldy’s excited to take a break and finally spend some time with his family. He hasn’t taken a single day off for the past three years. Whereas freckles misses her brother. She hopes he’s doing fine. They’ve been gone for a while now and she wonders if her parents are taking care of him properly. Bowl cut calls them lame, and said, what better way is there to celebrate the completion of an S+ mission than booze and women. They’ve got to throw a party and brag about it to the rest of their squadron. That way, no one can call him lazy anymore. Feno retorts that no one would call him lazy, if he weren’t lazy to begin with. Bowl cut mocks him, not everyone’s enough of a maniac to go on mission after mission with Lanara.

She’s been awfully quiet this whole time, leading them forward. Glancing around and darting her head up into the tall branches before shifting to the ground to stare at green shoots beneath their feet. Feno tries to include her,

‘What do you plan to do after this, Lanara?’ she isn’t answering upon being called. So, he tries again,

‘Lanara?’ to finally capture her attention, she tilts over her shoulders with a startled,

‘Huh?’ and a soft, ‘oh. Sorry, what was it you’re saying?’

‘What’s gotten into you today? You’re so out of it.’ but again, she seems reluctant to answer. Gingerly rubbing into the back of her neck, so baldy too, adds,

‘What’s the matter, Captain?’ perhaps it’s the pressure of the four of them staring at her and waiting for the reply that she finally reveals, very ominously,

‘I don’t know... I’m just getting a bad feeling about this.’

Not reading the atmosphere, bowl cut teases,

‘What? So even the captain gets cold feet about an S+ mission huh.’ before freckles elbow jabs him on the side,

‘Shush! You know it’s a sensitive topic! That’s how our previous Lieutenant died!’ does freckles not realize bringing it up just makes it worse? But Feno’s just as dense,

‘Wait, really? What happened, should I be concerned?’ Lanara doesn’t seem to have heard it. She’s spacing out again, leading them forward and paranoidly flickering her eyes about as though she anticipates a tiger to unwarrantedly attack them from behind the bushes.

‘Captain Lanara hasn’t told you?’ freckles mocks,

‘Guess you’re just a Lieutenant in title then.’ before she gestures him closer and starts spilling,

‘Well. It’s a long time ago so I don’t really know the grueling details either because I wasn’t in the guild yet.’ she lowers her voice, careful so Lanara doesn’t hear her,

‘But I’ve heard of it from the older members, our previous Lieutenant was rather similar to you actually, a try hard that spends way too much time with Lanara.’ before she leans in to whisper in his ear,

‘Some of them believed that their relationship was more than just colleagues.’ waving bowl cut off that’s questioning when did they get so close, she straightens again,

‘Back then, we were actually division five, trying to promote to division four, Lanara took an S+ class mission with him and three others. It was just to stalk and capture a high-profile Rebellion guild member from Thanatos Rot. It didn’t seem that difficult at first, just one guy and all, but apparently, it went horridly wrong. The target lured them right into a trap, they got surrounded by his guild members, and in the end, the Lieutenant sacrificed himself, so Lanara could escape. She was the only one that returned alive.’

‘So that’s why she hasn’t selected a Lieutenant for more than a decade?’

‘Yeah, she felt like it was because of her incompetence that they died, she resented herself for running away. So, she couldn’t bring herself to assign someone else to that role.’ Freckles shrugs,

‘We also got demoted to division six afterwards. That’s why it’s a custom to drink during an S+ rank mission, because you’ll never know if it’s going be your last.’ and changes the topic,

‘Honestly, if I were you, I’ll just give up. That’s a tough act to follow, Lanara will never fall for a lame virgin like you.’ she begins gossiping, ‘I heard the previous Lieutenant was crazy hot too, and he’s got a massive horse cock.’

Feno raises a brow at her, ‘how would you even know that? You’ve never seen the guy.’

‘The older members told me. They called him big brother in the baths.’

Gingerly, Feno pinches the skin of his inner arm, admitting,

‘Truthfully, I don’t really want Lanara in that way.’ that surprises her,

‘Bullshit. I’ve seen how you look at her, it’s blatantly obvious to everyone else. Do you know what we call you behind your back? The daydreaming idiot. The entire squadron knows you’re crushing hard on her. And we also took bets if you’d succeed.’

‘That’s awfully nosy!’ but she laughs him off, ‘by the way, I’ve betted against you.’

‘How encouraging.’ Feno deadpans sarcastically, before he sighs,

‘I do like her... I’ve liked her for a while now. But, honestly, I’m contented with the way things are. Just being close to her, I think,’ he laughs sheepishly, ‘I’m already plenty happy enough.’

That shocks freckles,

‘What? Are you even a guy? What happened to your hormones?’ she’s said that so loudly that baldy and bowl cut, walking in front of them has turned around to inspect the commotion. She simply just clicks her tongue and shoos at them as if she’s telling them to mind their own business.

‘I don’t think my hormones are of your concern.’ but she looks at him like he’s horridly dumb,

‘I mean, you like her, don’t you? If you like someone, won’t you wanna fuck them? Won’t you wanna claim them as your own?’

‘Yeah, sure I think about it sometimes,’ he admits with a coltish chuckle, ‘but, ultimately, she’s not an object that you buy off the shelves. I can’t force her to accept my one-sided feelings.’

‘Then what if someone snatches Captain Lanara away, are you just going to sit there and accept being cucked? She’s awfully popular you know. I heard even the third admiral’s holding a candle for her.’

‘I’ll probably wallow in my own sorrow if that happens.’ he says jokingly, ‘I’ve actually given that some thoughts before.’ before addressing the topic sincerely,

‘I can’t control what Lanara wants to do, the only thing I can control, are my own feelings. And since I decided, I don’t want to stop liking her, what else can I do but to wish her happiness if that is so her choice?’ then he reluctantly admits,

‘Although, I think I’ll probably be extremely salty about it if that does happen,’ pinching the insides of his elbows,

‘But... In the end. I guess, if you truly love someone, you would just want them to be happy, won’t you? Even if that happiness isn’t by your side. The same way, I selfishly decided to cling onto Lanara, because being with her makes me happy. She too, has the right to choose who she wishes to be with, because being with that person, makes her happy.’

Freckles is staring at him,

‘You really are a daydreaming idiot.’ her eyes are slightly glossy as if she’s tearing up, very softly, she mutters,

‘But that’s the most romantic thing I’ve heard anyone say.’ before slapping twice on his back, ‘for a cow humping virgin, you’re actually more mature than I thought.’

He clicks his tongue at her, ‘would you quit calling me that?’

‘So, you prefer being called dick slapped maiden then or pink bloomers boy?’ he flicks her forehead,

‘How about just by my name? Lieutenant Feno would sound pretty nice too.’ that gesture makes her gape her mouth a little, blinking twice, she blankly says,

‘I think that just made my heart go ba-dum.’ to which, he immediately deadpans,

‘No thanks. I don’t want your fickle heart.’ she scowls at him,

‘It’s not fickle! I’m just a hopeless romantic.’

‘Hah! With half the things that goes on in your mind? I reckon romance’s the last thing on it-’ but he’s interrupted by bowl cut. Interjecting between them and throwing an arm over each of their shoulders,

‘You two have been gossiping a lot, let me in on the conversation too. Michail won’t shut up about his family, and Captain Lanara’s zoned out the entire time. I’m about to fall asleep here.’ he’s left them in front, baldy hasn’t even notice. He’s in his own little world, sharing recollections of his siblings and how they were so adorable when they were young. Whereas now, they’re too rebellious to listen to him. Lanara’s beside him, she’s getting increasingly more paranoid the deeper into the forest they go. The sun’s beginning to descend, now the twilight’s seeping through, dying everything in vermillion. Very ominously, Lanara slows down to a complete halt. She turns around,

‘Have you guys noticed something very strange is going on?’ there’s a deeply concerned expression on her face,

‘We’ve been walking for a while now, but I haven’t heard a single chirp of a bird, a single rustle of animal footsteps. It’s completely still, there’s not a breath of life in this place...’

‘Maybe, it’s just not a populated forest?’ Feno suggests, but Lanara retorts,

‘Even so, there would still be ants, bugs, but so far, the only insects I’ve noticed, are maggots. And the air here,’ she pauses, turning her nose into the sky, ‘it reeks of blood and decay, the further we go. Whatever’s awaiting us, is extremely malignant, and I can’t help but to feel uneasy.’

Freckles shivers,

‘Captain, it’s too early for horror stories!’ clinging onto bowl cut’s arm, ‘we should at least start a camp fire!’ her words make him reach into the tiny pouch to pull out a bucket despite it looks way too big to be able to fit in there,

‘Well, the sun is about to set. How about we stop here for the day?’ he gestures to the pile of rocks, there’s a stream running down it, flowing from the tall mountain cliffs, seeping into the ground,

‘We could collect that to boil some potatoes.’ baldy agrees,

‘I’ll go gather some logs then.’ he wanders towards the bamboo trees, staring at it and giving it a shake, like he’s wondering if these would be combustible. Bowl cut beckons Feno over after he’s set the bucket beneath the dripping water, pulling out more items from his pouch as though a magician’s trick. It’s a rolled-up tent, he piles five of them atop Feno’s arms, asking him to help him set them up whilst freckles peels the potatoes.

They’re in the midst of getting things ready when Lanara skeptically mutters,

‘Hey...’ to draw their attention. She’s still awkwardly standing in the middle of them, staring up at the skies, it isn’t dark enough for the stars to peek, instead, it’s just in a shade of purple blue. Rubbing the back of her nape, Lanara suggests hesitantly,

‘How about, we call this mission quits?’ a cold wind sweeps past, they gape at her, as if they’ve misheard her, but when they realized they hadn’t, bowl cut immediately snaps,

‘You’re kidding right? We’re at ninety percent completion rate, as if I’ll let someone else take this mission to one up us!’ swishing his finger, a tiny flame flickers on the tip of his nail, he brings it to the little pile of bamboo cuttings Baldy’s made to ignite the camp fire. Illuminating them with warm orange light. Beside him, freckles is dropping the potatoes into the bucket of water they’ve collected, plopping it on top.

‘Hm...’ she’s raising an eyebrow at Lanara, ‘could it be that, Captain, are you still traumatized by the last S+ mission you took?’ before she sits herself down and tries,

‘I’m sure the same history won’t repeat itself. I mean, the mission detail is to just investigate the disappearances, right? We just need to find out who done it. We don’t really need to defeat them. If anything goes wrong, we can run away.’ then she pinches her forearm,

‘That and... um... I’m really quite strapped for coin right now. You see, if we don’t complete this mission, I won’t be able to pay for my brother’s treatment fees.’

Baldy agrees, settling down beside her after the last tent has been put up,

‘It would be rather inconvenient for me too. My family’s relying on me for the next few months of food. The climate hasn’t been kind to us farmers lately. There’s barely harvest.’ hearing that makes Lanara waver,

‘Oh...’ there’s a murkiness beneath her eyes. Guilt. Hesitation.

Freckles adds,

‘But, if the Captain really thinks this isn’t a good idea anymore, we’ll listen to yo-’ Lanara cuts her off,

‘No. I’m sorry...’ she apologizes, darting her eyes around the forest floor, like she’s trying to justify the irrational fear that’s engulfing her. And when she can’t, she puts on a forced smile,

‘I was just testing your resolves!’ trying to fake cheeriness, ‘it was all a joke.’ she cagily laughs, ‘a tasteless joke!’ she repeats, more as if she’s trying to convince herself than anyone else. It makes freckles tilt her head at her,

‘Are you okay?’

Sitting down by the flames, Lanara tries changing the topic,

‘I think I was probably just hangry.’

Is she putting on a false front because she’s the captain? Feno isn’t asking, instead, he settles down beside her and observes her throughout dinner. She isn’t eating much for the appetite she claims she had. Completely spaced out again as she is, Lanara’s staring into the darkness where the wind rustles the silver basked leaves. And when she’s called for, she simply responds with a ‘hmm?’ and a noncommittal ‘yes, of course.’ despite the question isn’t even yes or no.

Whatever is bothering her, isn’t something she wants to talk about, not right now. It’s after a few more campfire songs and ghost stories that they finally decided to turn in for the night, returning to their respective tents.

Feno’s shuffling in the sleeping bag, blinking at the army green tarp held up by wooden sticks. He couldn’t sleep. Tossing around restlessly to the sound of crackling flames outside and the snores of baldy that begins rattling about fifteen minutes later.

Lanara’s right about something, this forest is deathly quiet aside from the constant howl of northern wind. Neither a single chirp of a cricket, nor a hoot of an owl can be heard. It’s almost eerie, maybe that’s why the footsteps crunched so loudly. Someone’s left, and they’re going further and further, behind the tree lines. Curious, Feno exits his tent. The fire has significantly dimmed, leaving only sparkling red embers amongst the charcoal.

He traces the source of the noise, brushing stray leaves from his face, until he reaches a clearing by the cliff. It’s Lanara.

She’s seated at the very edge of it, dangling her legs off the steep downwards drop and chasing the sea of green, growing sparser and sparser until she reaches the village they’re heading towards in the distance. Illuminated only by the moonlight, catching like pearls in her hair that the wind gently sweeps by. She’s so engrossed in her thoughts that she hasn’t even noticed him, so Feno calls out to her,

‘What’s wrong? You’re acting out of character the whole day.’ she watches him settle down beside her. Very difficultly, she breaks eye contact again as if she’s trying to sort out a myriad of dilemmas and uncertainties in her mind until she realizes that it isn’t working so she simply admits quietly,

‘I suppose, I’m afraid.’

Feno’s waiting for her to elaborate, a moment passes, two moments until he figures that she isn’t following up so he pries,

‘Afraid of what’s awaiting ahead of us?’ and trying to tactfully structure his words, ‘or what’s haunting you from the past?’

She looks at him for a little, deciphering his connotations before she realizes with a bitter scoff,

‘I guess, Clara’s told you huh.’

‘Should she not have told me?’

‘It’s inevitable that you’ll find out one day.’ she says folding herself into her knees like she’s finding safety from an onslaught of nightmares,

‘But, you know, that isn’t the entire truth...’ she mutters softly but she cuts it here. So Feno, pushes a little more,

‘Which part? Thanatos Rot? The trap? Or the previous Lieutenant?’ that agitates her with a subtle, arg - ‘That girl’s sure got a loose tongue.’ then she defeatedly sighs,

‘The part about me.’ again, she’s staring far into the distance, now she’s chasing beyond the horizons, to where mountains look like tiny little ant hills to hide the stars, very reluctantly, she says,

‘I’m not the good person I try to make myself out to be.’

Feno tries to lighten the mood,

‘I already know that. You’re pushy, violent, a little sadistic sometimes, extremely dense, doesn’t know how to read the atmosphere-’ he gets cut off, Lanara furrows her brows at him,

‘That wasn’t an invitation to list out all my flaws!’

‘I can list out your strengths too.’ but she simply shoots him a look that says, spare me. Instead, she replies,

‘We weren’t lured into a trap...’ it’s something extremely difficult for her to admit,

‘I ran straight into it. I killed them.’

‘You’re putting too much blame on yourself-’ but she cuts him off again,

‘I killed them. Literally.’ her voice is cold.

That startles him back a bit, tensing his shoulders as if he isn’t certain he’s heard what he thinks he heard, so Lanara reiterates,

‘There was this thick white fog surrounding the town. The front gates were wide open. At a glance, anyone could tell, it was a trap. Thanatos Rot was inviting us in and I took it. I forced my men to march in with me.’ she recounts the story,

‘I was conceited. I wanted glory, recognition, influence, anything, anything to get me higher, make me stronger. I didn’t care for my comrade’s lives. As long as we succeed the mission, it didn’t matter to me, if I had to sacrifice my squadron.’ she laughs bitterly,

‘But I was foolish, too foolish to have underestimated our enemies. They didn’t need to fight us; they’ve let us fight ourselves.’ waving her hand depicting,

‘The fog made me see my own comrades as the enemies.’ very quietly, ‘that’s how I slaughtered them.’ she confesses,

‘And by the time I came to my senses, I saw them, lying in a puddle of blood that I spilled with my very two hands.’ fracturing, she inhales a stuttering breath like she’s shielding herself from her own words,

‘But my Lieutenant, my sweet... sweet Lieutenant, he wasn’t dead. I could still remember his face, mutilated as he was, he foolishly smiled at me. Telling me, he’s glad I’m back.’ there’s an incredibly tormented look on her face as she continues the next dreadful sentence,

‘I could’ve still helped him. He was still alive, if I tried to save him, he would’ve lived.’ it turns to ice,

‘But I hadn’t. I was afraid of losing my title, my status, everything that I’ve worked so hard for, to the massive blunder. I was afraid of the consequences if word of this gets out. I watched the hope in his eyes, turn to dust as I drew my fist.’ she pops her lips,

‘And just like that. I murdered him. I got away with it. Spun a perfect story that made myself the victim and them the heroes.’ she scoffs,

‘It still haunts me in my dreams. Every night, I get reminded. I am the monster. I betrayed the very people that trusted me to keep them safe. All for my selfish reasons.’ sighing, she finally answers his question,

‘So, you’re right. I am afraid of both what’s ahead of us, and what’s haunting me in the past. And now that I’m actually here, my own gut feelings are being frazzled. I can’t help but to be reminded, how similar everything is. And I can’t help, but to feel terrified.’ she’s deeply disturbed,

‘What if... What if, the same thing happens again.’ Lanara turns to face him,

‘That’s why, I’m not who they say I am, and I’m not what I try to be. My kindness is merely a masquerade of my own guilt. I thought, if I’m nice to everyone, I can repent. If I helped others, I can be forgiven.’ she breathes a shuddering laugh, mocking herself,

‘I’m disgusting, really.’ but Feno doesn’t reply to that. Instead, he slouches over, kicking his legs off the cliff, reminiscing,

‘You probably won’t remember me, but we’ve met before, a long time ago.’ Lanara looks questioningly at him,

‘You are referring to, at the trials of your adventurer’s exams?’ he shakes his head,

‘No, even before that, centuries, when I was just a kid and you were a little more than a teenager.’ she doesn’t remember so he reminds,

‘It was in Kellenhelm, you took a mission there.’ she ponders for a few moments, before it rings a bell,

‘Wait. You mean, the slave trafficking syndicate. If I recall correctly, the rebellion guild behind it was Orion Lancel.’ he nods,

‘I was one of those slaves.’ brushing his fringe aside to reveal his scar,

‘It was immediately after the war with Beelzebub. Everyone was poor, starving and dying of famine. A complete chaos. My family tried to keep us alive by stealing from anyone they could steal from. Beggers, neighbors, former friends. But I was the only one out of my siblings that hadn’t known how to wield Magia then. I couldn’t run away fast enough, I couldn’t hold myself in a fight. Just an additional mouth to feed with nothing to provide.’ it’s almost strange he’s it narrating so casually,

‘So, it was my own parents, that sold me. They told me, to be good, they told me that was the only way I could help the family out. That was all I was worth to them, two whole meals of grain.’ leaning backwards against his palms, gazing into the stars that’re far too bright for a story so glum,

‘It was a nightmare from then on. I was just a little kid, so I wasn’t very useful for anything else other than a fleshlight and a punching bag. They beat me up when they felt like it, raped me when they felt like it, passed me around like a sack of potatoes. But the entire time, I’ve never once tried to run away. I tried to be good, just like my parents had told me. I thought, if I behaved, they could have a better life. My siblings won’t go hungry anymore.’ hearing this, Lanara looks like she’s about to cry, slapping her hand over her mouth, so Feno quickly tries,

‘You know,’ with an awkward laugh as if he’s trying to make her feel better by lightening the mood, ‘I wasn’t kidding when I said I was skilled with my tongue.’ but that just makes it worst, she snaps at him,

‘This isn’t something to joke about!’ her lips are trembling. But she holds back with a committal gaze waiting for him to continue,

‘Even then...’ his voice is wavering for the next part,

‘I was too naïve. I later found out; my older brother has gotten into an altercation with one of the guild members. Apparently, he’s tried to save me after he realized what my parents truly did. Orion Lancel’s killed him instead.’ he pauses, like the weight is finally catching up to him,

‘But that wasn’t enough for them. They had to teach me a lesson too. They brought me before the rest of my family. My parents, and my older sister. Shackled to crucifixes. Pressed me down before them, and started a sadistic game. They begin whipping me, and every time I screamed, they’ll gorge a chunk out of one of my family member’s flesh.’ crushing him, he’s dropping his gaze at this part,

‘At first, I really tried my best not to scream, but I couldn’t stop myself. Yet each time I did, my family cursed me. Told me I was the bane of their existence. I still remember the hatred in their eyes, wishing that I was never born. Eventually, I broke.’ he reaches for his heart, giving a hollow chuckle,

‘Something felt incredibly satisfying about watching them suffer. To watch them bleed. I wasn’t screaming because it hurts anymore. I was screaming because, I wanted them to hurt. I wanted them to feel the same pain I’ve felt. Until their voices, gets fainter and fainter, weaker and weaker that my ears could no longer hear.’ staring at the deep green bamboo forest beneath him, he continues,

‘Yet, that momentarily vengeance left me completely empty afterwards. I no longer have a false narrative to live for. No longer have wool to pull over my eyes to brace the nightmare. I’ve wished, every single day that they’ll beat me up so badly, I’m able to die too.’ he scoffs, as if it’s something funny,

‘But I never did die. I’m perpetually trapped, wandering in a dark tunnel without end.’ meeting her eyes again,

‘And that’s when one day, you came bursting in.’ he smiles at the memory,

‘I remembered the confident smirk you wore when you fought, the utter brutality in your punches. The complete dominance you had over them, drenched in blood as you were. I couldn’t help but to think, you’re beautiful as a radiant beam of light.’ Lanara’s blushing, averting his gaze awkwardly as though it’s embarrassing and she’ll rather not remember, she’s not used to getting flattered like this.

‘You did something, I have never even dared dream of.’ he continues regardless,

‘You saved me.’ before he adds sheepishly, ‘I suppose, afterwards, I trained really hard so I could become an adventurer too in order to meet you again one day and thank you.’ playing with his fingers, he addresses her former statement,

‘That’s why... I don’t think you are disgusting. Even if you’re the most atrocious, evil being in the world. Even if you are Dal’gore. It’s you who’s pulled me out of that hellhole. You’re the reason why I am who I am. You’re the reason why I’m alive. And sometimes I think, do I even deserve to feel so stupidly happy-’ she’s pushed her hands against his lips to stop him from finishing the sentence, averting her eyes, Lanara’s getting incredibly flustered when she mutters,

‘If you praise me any further, you’re going to give me a god complex.’

Feno laughs, pulling her fingers away,

‘Should I go back to listing your flaws then, I still have a gigantic list to go off on.’ he flops onto the grass, spreading his arms out, he recites to change the topic,

‘You don’t clean up after yourself. Your office looks like a hoarder’s paradise. Your mission ploys fail eighty percent of the time. For someone that’s centuries of years old, you don’t even know how to peel an apple-’ and she stops him again, leaning over with an elbow,

‘I think I like it better when you’re telling me about how head over heels you are for me.’

‘Who said anything about that!’ he scowls.

‘Wait, so you aren’t in love with me?’ Lanara tilts her head at him, she’s getting really close, so close, in fact her fringe, falling from the sides of her face is grazing his cheeks. Gentle, like the cold caress of starlight haloing in her hair. There’s a hopeful look in her eyes as she anticipates for a response. But Feno merely sits up again,

‘If this is one of those situations where you’re pitying me. Don’t. I’m over it.’ pushing her aside with a finger between her brows,

‘Because I’m completely misunderstanding your intentions right now.’ she doesn’t get it,

‘Misunderstanding me?’ so she simply looks at him, like an intrigued cat upon a bird perched on a fountain, her tail’s swishing a little,

‘How?’

‘I guess...’ he drops his face into his knees, rubbing the back of his nape. He doesn’t exactly know how to put it either. Before he lets out a defeated sigh, and with the most deadpanned expression, he admits, ‘I thought you were seducing me.’

There’s no hesitation in how quickly she replies, ‘I was.’ that he’s still dumbstruck by it, ‘Eh?’

Instead, she retreats,

‘I’m the person that’s misunderstood you, probably.’ pillowing her hands beneath her head, she flops on the grass with an audible sigh,

‘I thought, for sure, you were into me!’ it almost sounds like a complain. He's lifting an eyebrow at her,

‘Do you want me to be into you?

‘Yeah. I liked it.’ she replies with a shameless smile akin a kid who’s just won by throwing a tantrum,

‘I like the attention you gave me. I like spending time with you. It’s rather selfish of me actually, but, when I’m with you, you’re always able to make me feel less like a monster, you always knew the right words to cheer me up. I don’t hate the me, that’s next to you. That’s why, I like being with you, and I always want to be with you. And I want you to feel the same way about me too.’ she giggles innocently,

‘When you told me, how much I actually meant to you, I thought to myself, this is a confession, right? It has to be one!’ and playfully pouts,

‘But it looks like, I was simply being conceited-’ she’s cut off midsentence. Feno’s backed her into the grass. Pressing his lips on her, it’s a timid sort of kiss. One that’s laced with uncertainty, hesitation. Like a touch on a hot stove, so brief, he pulls away immediately and averts his gaze,

‘Be into you, in this way, you mean?’ he’s unable to look at her.

She’s a little stunned by his actions, as if she hasn’t expected him to be so initiative, before she realizes in a singing hum,

‘Not exactly.’ her voice sounds sly. Snaking hand to the back of his head,

‘I was actually thinking of something along the lines of this,’ she’s whispering with a manipulative smirk. Pushing him closer, breathing against him, her replies have must’ve rattled him so she doesn’t even need to coax his mouth open. Instead, she slips her tongue through his confusion. As if she’s telling him, this is what she meant. Something more, something passionate, something that’s beyond admiration and friendship, when she lifts on her back to press deeper. Persuading him to return the gesture. It finally clicks in his mind, batting his eyes shut and he does.