Em
As Leo led me out of the backroom he spoke in a quick and chaotic manner as though speaking another language. I followed him into the lobby before I finally ran out of patience and let go of his hand. I pulled myself free and separated from him, getting a confused look in the process. His boss was smiling at me but visibly upset. I hadn’t heard all of their arguments but I could make out the main highlights. Of course, he was going to be in trouble because of me showing up and him letting me into a closed restaurant.
I shook my head a little thinking how it looked even worse when she walked in on us almost… I needed to explain what was- wasn’t happening.
I went up to the older girl, probably in her mid thirties and held out my hand awkwardly, trying to introduce myself. “I’m Em. Leo’s my friend and I just wanted to say… Please understand, Leo was helping me. My apartment was broken into… They…” I choked up a little thinking of the scene I left behind, the doctored pictures of Esme and I. Frustrated emotions that’d been held back by my drama with Leo suddenly rushing to the forefront. “They stole things, and vandalized the place. I don’t really know anyone besides Leo… I didn’t know where else to go and…” My voice died off as I felt a night's worth of fear and exhaustion threatening to overwhelm me. Feelings I’d been dancing around for far longer than just tonight were boiling to the surface like a bubbling cauldron. I mumbled that Leo was just helping me, practically begging for her not to punish him when he was just being a good friend.
I started to run out of words, stumbling into ‘uhmms’ and ‘errs’ but before I could embarrass myself any further I was surprised when she suddenly wrapped her arms around me.“You don’t have to worry about it hun. I’m not happy that he didn’t reach out but…” She hesitated for a second before just whispering to me. “I get it. You have to take care of yourself. You can’t handle everything yourself.”
I surprised myself as my body moved without me even thinking about it and returned the hug, tears falling that I hadn’t even realized were there until I heard the quiet crying leaking out.
We stood there for a while before I saw Leo tapping on her shoulder and whispering something in her ear, the jingling of car keys just softly registering. She hesitated for a moment before finally nodding and separating from me. To my surprise I found myself reaching out just a little for her hand.
“It’s ok. Leo is going to help you get set up with a place to rest, and get cleaned up.” She quickly pulled out a sharpie and wrote a phone number down on my hand along with the name, ‘Rina’ “If you need anything, even just someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to call me OK? You're not alone.”
I thanked her quietly and let Leo lead me out of the shop. At some point I realized as we walked to his car that he was talking to me about random things. I couldn’t help but wonder how bad I looked for them to be going to this point.
“So yea… a friend of mine is going to come in and work for me, for a couple of days. It's probably excessive I mean… we only just went out last night it's weird to think that you’d even want to be around a guy you barely know for that- I mean I know we just had that moment but sti-” I stopped him by just gently laying on his arm in the car until he stopped talking.
“Thanks Leo…” I mumbled softly.
He breathed in and out slowly as we just leaned on each other in his car, I found myself fighting to keep my eyes open as he gently rested his hand on mine and I stopped resisting just trusting in my friend and let myself drift away only for a moment.
When I opened my eyes we were in a parking lot next to a series of river lofts a bit east of the downtown region not too far from where we’d gone on our date in fact. Feeling my head clear up significantly I struggled to deal with a torrent of emotions on how I’d acted. First from showing up at four in the morning to Leo’s work and then the idea that I broke down in tears before both him and a stranger I only scarcely recognized. I mumbled in addition, “ and we almost kissed…” I felt myself pale, feeling embarrassment and shame at how I’d acted. Even so there was this light feeling in my chest, relief from letting go for the first time in years.
“When was the last time I even cried like that?” I thought it might’ve been Esme’s funeral but I didn’t go. Maybe the night of the tournament then? After I burnt it all the ground… I couldn’t be sure though, what little I remembered from then is sketchy at best. At a certain point I think I had to shut it all down. “If I let myself actually feel-”
I stopped that line of thought, shutting my eyes tight and taking a deep breath looking around slowly. I had to resist jumping out of my seat when I realized I was laying against Leo, who’d apparently fallen asleep still holding my hand. His bangs had fallen in front of his eyes at some point and I couldn’t help but smile at how silly he looked when they moved in the air as he breathed in and out.
I let my eyes rest as I leaned against him and thought of all that’d happened
“I guess you're not that bad…” I whispered softly letting myself lean against him again, I thought about all that's happened and remembered my phone was dead. I wanted to go back to sleep but knew that I should keep it charged. Work doesn’t reach out often but when they do it's usually because something terrible happened.
I shivered in irrational fear as I thought of the doxxing. “I’ve been with them for years, they stuck with me through the last attack, they will this time. There isn’t anything to worry about. I won’t let my life be controlled by these bastards.”
I couldn’t help but be amused that Leo had a wireless charging dock pre-installed in his car. “Gadget-dork. I’m never gonna let that one go.” Of course, my home is much worse but he doesn't need to know that just yet.
The phone only took a few minutes to charge enough to turn on when I felt my heart sink.
“Missed calls and texts. Emails from work.” I muttered sitting up-right in my chair, panic began setting in as I fearfully checked the calls and texts first.
The texts and a call were from James, about a leak. Pictures. Video.
Then the calls were all from my boss.
And my boss's boss, who actually bothered to leave a voicemail, I went ahead and played it forgetting to turn down the volume in my stunned stupor.
“Dear Ms. Callet
We understand this is a difficult time for you. We were all saddened by the death of Ms. Jeanne. It was a traumatizing loss for the entire community. Nonetheless, we can’t allow our brand to share associations with things of that nature. That aside, we do value you and the diversity of perspective your identity has provided. We will offer you any help you need and I will personally be happy to give you a recommendation should you wish to work with another journal. On a personal note, I can only say that being mindful about not recording these things would make it all easier. If you want to stay with us I’d be happy to discuss with you alone ways you can make this better.”
“Em…” Leo had woken up to the voicemail and was just staring at me with a sad expression. I started to sit up separating myself from his warm touch but he moved his arm around me gently holding me there. “You don’t have to look at that…” He spoke softly offering his hand to take my phone away from me but I shook my head and whispered.
“Yea… I do.”
Leo frowned but lowered his hand, and I in turn leaned into his body more as I cautiously, fearfully, pulled up the pictures and video that James had sent me.
The content that was so bad I was fired for it.
The pictures were mostly more of the same shit that was strewn outside my apartment but I recognized some as real.
Esme and me together in bed in a hotel in downtown Chicago. The same hotel we’d often stay at when we were in town for con’s and tournaments.
“They hacked our webcam… How? Wh-y” My voice cracked as I felt something precious inside of me die a little more. All I had left of Esme were our memories together. The time we spent with just the two of us was being scraped away from me little by little.
Leo mumbled to me but I couldn’t hear him, I was too lost staring at one particular picture of Esme and I. It wasn’t a lewd one or even one that would cause any controversy if you ignored how close we were. But it was one that ached to see it torn apart by this. A picture from when we first kissed, seconds before when I was stumbling over words and trying to seem suave before this girl who was a thousand times cooler than me. The last moment in my life when I felt a hundred percent confident that I knew what I needed to do.
Leo fell silent and simply wrapped his arms around me in a hug. I started to want to fight but as I saw my phone drop down to 0% and go to black I felt as though my life with Esme was gone at last.
The last bit of our privacy.
The last bit of our lives together.
The last bit of our love.
Without being conscious of it I started hugging Leo back like I was terrified if he’d let go I’d fall into a pit I couldn’t get out of. With the tightening of the hug I also felt my crying turning into bawling into a painful silence with my throat dry and mouth tasting only bitter salt. I was tempted to close my eyes again to fall asleep. It was only the last little bit of my core, that bite of pride that I doubted I’d ever be able to get rid of that kept me awake. Unable to tolerate falling apart in his arms again.
We sat like that in silence for quite awhile, people walking past the parked car occasionally stealing glances at the two of us. Probably whispering their own stories of drama at our seemingly intimate seating. A part of me couldn’t help but wish that was the case, as it was I just felt ridiculous. Trying to be happy or at least act it, but breaking down all over again when I saw a stupid text.
“Pull yourself together Em! You’ve gone through this before, it was much worse then. You have friends. You have people still standing alongside you wanting to help. Stop crying and start moving.” I closed my eyes at my own chastising, starting to take a deep breath and move when all of a sudden a deep growl emitted from Leo’s stomach.
I peaked a glance at Leo’s face to see him stumbling trying to speak but quickly turning a bright red stuck in silence.
He was clearly trying to ignore it but I wasn’t able to and fell into a sad fit of giggles. “I guess that’s the cue that we should get moving.”
“Sorry…” He apologized dejectedly.
I laughed a bit more honestly, squeezing his hand a little to let him know that I didn’t mind. He calmed down and pointed up to the lofts, “How about we continue this over some pizza then?”
“Keep up like that and I’ll end up proposing.” I teased him with a smile, laughing at his bashful attitude. He quickly ended up blushing and flustered again, at least until he realized I was just messing with him.
“I’m starting to be scared of how well you might get along with August.” I raised an eyebrow wondering how that could be. “Sounds like someone fun at least, maybe the roommate? Though I wouldn’t mind a little privacy with Leo before I have to deal with anyone else.” I hopped out of the car and started walking towards the loft, turning around to face him as I walked backwards.
He hastily locked the car and jogged up to meet me. “Hey, I was just- urg… Yea know-”
I raised an eyebrow at him as he fumbled over his words struggling to find the right way to ask what he wanted to. As we approached the lobby door he swore, apparently deciding to set discretion aside. “Is this ‘James’ guy someone you're dating?”
I froze and shivered at the thought, “No… Ew. No. James is a friend… like a little brother? He’s family but certainly nothing more than that. How did you even learn about him anyways?”
He unlocked the lobby door and led me over to the elevator as he spoke once again starting with some verbal fumbling before committing to a story, it was as though the closer we got to his home the less overconfident and more awkwardly honest he became. “When you were napping your phone kept going off like crazy. I was trying just to find it so I could mute it and let you sleep… When I found it the ringing had already stopped but I saw that you had a bunch of messages from him. I should have just woken you up and told you about them but… You looked so exhausted and… I couldn’t do that. I’m sorry for invading your privacy Em.”
We stepped into the elevator together as I closed my eyes and thought about what he said. After a couple of seconds I just shrugged. “It’s not that big of a deal Leo, honestly after everything that happened the idea that you looked at my phone while it was ringing and chose to let my sleep rather than wake me up… it just doesn’t matter.”
He nodded at me but I wondered if he really understood what I was saying. “My most intimate moments were just released online like I’m some kind of pop star. You’ve already seen me at my most vulnerable when I showed up at your work like a crazy person at four in the morning. Why would I care at all that you looked at my phone?”
We exited the elevator in silence walking down a short hallway to apartment 1408. We aren’t on the 14th floor, the building doesn’t even have one, so I couldn’t help but to see the numbering as a bit odd.
“This looks like a pretty fancy place, are you secretly a millionaire or something?” I asked laughing, attempting in my own way, to lighten the atmosphere.
Leo laughed back, smiling bright enough to make my heart skip a beat, “If I was I definitely wouldn’t be slinging caffeine at Rina’s place. My roommate and I split the bills but they work from home so they pay a bigger bit. It was a bit awkward to get used to at first but August is the only family I have so... “ His expression darkened for a moment but I squeezed his hand and threw a tease at him to distract him.
“So you took me to meet your family after only one date? Aren’t you a brave man?”
He froze in place with his hand on the door handle and the key still in the lock as the reality of my statement seemed to strike him like lightning.
After a moment more of frozen hesitation I leaned in to grab his hand to let him know that I’m only joking around but before I had a chance the door handle started turning on it’s own and opened up from the inside.
Seeing the door open, Leo let go of the handle and let out a deep sigh, making me think that I should have taken it more seriously when he referred to his roommate, August, as his family. It was truly a sigh that only the youngest sibling can express. One holding in years of jokes, ribs, and teasing at his expense for no reason than being the youngest sibling.
“Em, this is August, my sister.” He pointed at his sister standing there
August was taller than Leo at about 6’ 3’’ she was wearing a loose fitting green and gold jersey for the Milwaukee Bucks that had the number 34 on it, torn up skinny jeans, and big bunny slippers. Her hair was buzz cut which made her bright green eyes shine. Just on looks alone she gave the clear appearance of ‘Energetic and Eccentric’ strangely enough I felt she also looked a bit familiar but I couldn’t place exactly how. Completing the outfit atop her head was a fuzzy hairband with two big bunny ears.
“Leo! What’s up with the girl?” She questioned him a bit dramatically but there didn’t seem to be any anger or heat to her tone, just an amused curiosity.
“Aug… do you ever look at your phone? I texted you awhile ago to tell you I was helping out Em.” Leo spoke with an exhausted sigh as August just shrugged and came up to me offering me her hand.
“I was working, not like I expected you to have anything important to say.” I tried to put together the bits and pieces of subtext between them to figure out the atmosphere but I couldn’t help being distracted by wobbling bunny ears that seemed to move on their own.
“Cute…” I whispered quietly.
Leo looked at me as though he wanted to say something before just sighing and stepping past his sister and inviting me in with a wave of his hand. “Ignore her, you’ll only give yourself a headache thinking about it too much.”
I laughed and shook my head catching back up with them as I stepped into the small two bedroom apartment. I heard Leo and August having a bit of a heated whispering back and forth but I didn’t think too much about it. It seemed a lot like a kind of ‘how did things come to this?’ more than anything else. After all, if Leo talked about me to August then probably the last thing they spoke of was the bad date.
Quickly enough they seemed to have reached some kind of conclusion when they came back over with Leo shaking off the awkward air they’d created with a simple smile. “Sorry, about that Em.” He shook his head and shrugged, “To be totally honest I didn’t think August was gonna be here before us cause they didn’t reply to my phone so I meant to give you a chance to relax before having to deal with troublesome things.”
I tried to just shrug it off as not troublesome at all, it’s their home after all, but before I got a chance, August jumped in glaring slightly at Leo. “Hey don’t go shoving the blame off on me, it's tournament season. ‘Course I’m gonna be at home practicing!” With that Leo tried to rebut once again but August stepped in between us offering me her hand, “What my little brother meant to say is ‘Welcome to our home, please be understanding that my super amazing awesome sister is running on two hours of sleep and enough caffeine to kill and resurrect a fully grown elephant.’”
I shook her hand suddenly letting out a genuine heartfelt laugh at the siblings' antics. I tried to stop mid-way and explain myself but for some reason when I saw their confusion I just laughed even harder. The stress and awkwardness of the night seemed to slip aside. After a couple of minutes, maybe understanding what I was struggling to explain Leo started laughing as well.
August for her part looked at us both like we’d lost our mind before the sounds of gunfire and yelling spilled out from the adjoining living room making them spin on their feet and run back apologizing hastily with a shout.
“I’m on a time crunch you bitches so try and keep up!” She shouted into the mic as the muffled voices of annoyance and belief bounced back.
“That is gonna be a whole thing” He gestured to the living room before turning away from it. “Want some of that pizza now?” Leo pulled my attention back to him as he led me away from August and into the kitchen.
He quickly walked to the fridge and grabbed some cold pizza and a pitcher of iced coffee. “It’s nothing spectacular but it is food and caffeine.”
I started to respond as I reflexively set my phone down on the table when I froze as it glowed back on, charging automatically off of some sensor in the table. As it loaded up and I knew there were an absurd amount of messages left for me there I felt the happiness that had begun to form dissipate.
“Right. This is who I am. Trying to be something more is a lie.” I chastised myself in my mind as Leo set the food down on the table and seemed to pick up on my quickly soured mood.
“I’m guessing it’s not the pizza…” He tried to make a joke but I couldn’t laugh at it.
It finished booting up and flickered through it’s security screen, sensing I was nearby off of my scanning chip, there were actually less messages that I was expecting though the many that had been sent before were still there. After a moment the phone buzzed with a video and a text following it from James.
I, almost unconsciously, reached out to grab the phone when Leo slid a plate with a slice of hastily reheated philly cheesesteak pizza on it. Next to it was a cup of ice-coffee, already splashed with cream and sugar judging by its color. “I know its not really my place Em but… if he’s really your friend I’m sure he would want you to take care of yourself. Not look at whatever kind of shit is in that video.”
I paused reaching for the phone, something in my gut knew he was right. There is a point to informing me about this kind of stuff, especially when my safety is at risk but… does it really make sense to keep telling me about it. About all the awful fucking details… I started to slide the phone away when it buzzed with another message. “I can’t stand how they're hurting the memory of Esme like this. I know it’s hard but I just want you to stay informed. That’s what friends are for.”
“Right. That’s what friends are for…” I shook my head free of Leo’s comments when I reached for the phone anyways, swiping through the screens to see what video was last sent. Leo looked like he wanted to stop me but instead just stood there with a pained expression as the video played aloud.
It wasn’t a particularly long video, and this time rather than being more leaked images of Esme and I it was a confessional from some bellhop named Arthur Dent who worked at Millistays, a play on the name of the Restaurant at the End of the Universe. He took ownership on the leaks and claims he photographed and recorded Esme and I when we would stay there. He kept the collection for himself but decided to leak them when he saw I was writing gaming articles. He claims that I caused Esme’s murder and this is payback for my getting away from it.
It’s all bullshit.
It’s an obvious fake name.
The video itself seems to probably be a deepfake.
But we did stay there. I vaguely remember the manager firing a bellhop one time who tried to sneak into our private suite.
That’s enough… that’s all it will take to reignite things again. Just enough truth to make people who already want to believe look the other way at the inconvenient truths.
I looked down at Jame’s messages, sent after the video.
“This is being circulated by a couple of news sites. Most are including messages that they can’t verify the contents yet but they're showing it anyways. Including your job… Come home and let's deal with this together Emily.”
After seeing that Leo finally seemed to snap back to reality. Grabbing the phone and sliding it down the table and out of my easy reach. I wanted to yell at him but instead I just felt… stupid? Damaged? Like nothing much at all?
Of course it was just going to be more shit. Of course James is going to ignore my chosen name and use my old one. Of course my own job, the place i’d worked for years now, would go and spread lies about me for coverage.
Of course. Of course. Of course.
“I don’t want to say I told you but…” Leo started talking, his tone was a little lighthearted maybe trying to summon up some levity but all I could hear was the underlying criticism.
“Please don’t say anything more.” I begged him, keeping my head down low, looking only at the reflection of my phone in the glass of my untouched ice-coffee.
He shook his head pacing back and forth for a moment before finally deciding to keep talking. “Look I know he’s your friend or whatever but this isn’t heal-”.
Before he could say anymore August seemed to appear out of midair and stop him, practically dragging him out of the room. “Oh now that that’s over it looks like the only food we have left is the pizza from the other day but I’m really not feeling that. Leo go and get some more from Jimmy’s.”
He looked back and forth between us with an angry expression on his face before finally swearing and turning around heading out the door but not before slamming it for good measure.
After he was gone I saw August take a deep breath and let it out slowly before turning and calmly walking over to me, “Please, just this time, let his attitude go.”
I wanted to tell her off. To push them both away and curse myself for ever thinking any of this was a good idea. At the same time though, I could still feel the honest laughter from earlier in my chest… How long has it been since I laughed? Before Leo how long ago was it that I even smiled?
My phone buzzed again, I took a peak at the message on it. It was a small one from Leo just saying. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t think he deserves it… not as simple as that and not when he isn’t the one here apologizing but… fine. I just can’t understand why he thought acting like that was OK. We went on a date but we aren’t a couple like that… we barely know each other.” I shook my head in confusion more than anything else. The more I spoke of it the less sense it seemed to make.
August smiled and took a bite of the pizza Leo had left untouched from his own plate along with an equally untouched coffee. She moved the plate so she was sitting beside me and with a soft smile she spoke. “I can’t explain all his actions… Honestly there are some days I can’t even begin to understand why he says or does the things he has but in this case at least I can probably explain it easily enough.”
My stomach growling I halfheartedly took a bite of the reheated pizza he had left out for me and a drink of the ice-coffee as I listened to August tell me about ‘her adopted little brother.’
They seemed to taste even better the more I listened.
