Leo

I opened my eyes to an unfamiliar ceiling and an unfamiliar feeling. With a soft breath I blow the dark blonde hair out of my face as my eyes look down and see the small form of a beautiful naked female body in my arms. 

 

“What is going on?” I desperately scramble back unhooking from her body as fast as I cool and quite literally tumbling out of the bed. I’m in a room I only vaguely recognize as being a hotel, scattered all around me are bottles of alcohol. 

 

“Cold. Naked. I need to get out of here right now! What if she wakes up and finds out-” My mind was suddenly overcome with stories of trans men and women being murdered when their hookup sees who they are. I felt panic screaming through my entire body, I could barely think and all I could put together was that I needed to escape. This must be some kind of prank, someone drugged me at work, put something in a drink trying to out me.

 

I scrambled to put on my clothes before storming out of the room, slamming the door behind me. Bolting down the hallway I was still buttoning my shirt and pants as I limped looking for some kind of elevator.

 

I find it around a corner and as I jump in I thank the gods that no one else is here. 

 

I try to piece together what’s happened but the entire previous day is gone.  

 

“Did I recognize the girl?” I tried to think of the people from work but most of them were guys, there was Rina but she’d sooner knock me out with a punch than hook up with me.

 

“I’d also just never hook up with someone and definitely not at a hotel!” I felt my body start to shiver as a cold bitter kind of fear overwhelmed me.

 

“Was this…” I whispered it into the world but couldn’t voice what I feared.

 

Rape. I was raped. Someone lured me here, made me drink with them, then when I was to drunk to consider otherwise, we had sex.

 

I need to confront them! “I need to go up there and say something!” I made the choice. Stating the words out to the universe but when I tried to move to press the button… Nothing.

 

I couldn’t help it. 

 

My body wouldn’t even listen to me to stop shaking let alone actually move to go back there.

 

“Just get out of here!” I ordered myself, and that was one thing I could agree to. The second the elevator dinged and the doors started to open I was sprinting out of there. Someone tried to say something to me, I felt them reach out to touch my arm but I swerved out of the reach, refusing to stop and just picked up speed instead. 

 

I wasn’t sure how long I ran. 

 

When I left the sun was still high in its perch glaring down at me, I didn’t stop until it was looking back from the western edge of the sky. 

 

When I finally did stop I practically collapsed into an alleyway behind some store. I wasn’t still for more than a few seconds before I was overcome with the urge to empty my stomach. At some point the vomit became dry coughs and I fell over onto my side, tears sliding down as I sobbed out at my weakness, at the world, at everything.

 

I started to shut my eyes and let it all fade away when I felt someone grab a hold of me and lift me up. I tried to fight back but they wrapped me in some kind of towel and just held me still talking to me in a calm and quiet voice, that struck me with a care I yearned for deep inside. 

 

“August?” I whispered.

 

My sister hugged me tighter as she told me I was going to be ok. I thought I was going to be fine again but when I opened my eyes and saw her sitting there with me I finally broke down in her arms apologizing and begging her to not leave me. I couldn’t even explain why I was saying what I was to either her or me but in the moment my thoughts refused to act as my own. 

 

I just needed my sister.

 

And she was there for me.

 

We must have stayed like that, me crying into her arms and her holding me for a few hours at least when she finally lifted me up, carrying me as though I weighed nothing before gently setting me in her car.

 

When she got back into the car we started driving. I didn’t ask where we were going and she didn’t say, though I assumed home. 

 

“Phone. Check the phone.” I mindlessly reached into my back pocket and pulled out my phone. I could remember muting it but couldn’t figure out why. “Was it not random? Was I on a date?” I checked my phone and I saw over ninety missed calls and texts as well as numerous miscellaneous notifications, more than a few from my “Find-My-Phone” app. I guessed that was how August found me.

 

Seeing several dozen of the missed calls being from Rina alone I found myself typing out an apology. “I must have missed work.” I thought before feeling a kind of dark, laughter at the absurdity of worrying about work amidst all that was happening. 

 

I looked over and saw August giving me a concerned look and I forced myself to go quiet. August was whispering something but I couldn’t make out what. I hit send on the text before my phone rang not a second later. 

 

It rang several more times before I realized I had to answer it.

 

“Uhmm… Hello?” I put the phone on speaker, talking at it half-heartedly. My throat still burned from the bile and the will to form words was barely prevalent. 

 

“Leo? My god where have you been?! I was scared half to death.” I recognized Rina’s voice but didn't’ see why she was so worried.

 

“I’ve been here and there. What’s the big deal-” I started to say but August snatched the phone out of my grasp.

 

“Hey, Rina. It’s August hun. Yea… No, I got him with me, he's not going anywhere. The video? What do you mean? Oh… Yea we’ll meet you there…” Without saying goodbye August hung up the phone with one practiced motion and threw it into the back seat with a lot more force than I was expecting. 

 

We drove in silence for a while longer before August pulled the car over and turned it off. I recognized where we were but it was still several blocks to the apartment. “Hey Leo… you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want, but…” I felt my heart race and something stick in my throat. August reached over and grabbed ahold of my hands and held them there. “When you do want to talk… you know-” Her voice choked up and we pressed our heads against each other sitting there in silence.

 

After a few minutes I finally spoke, between August’s genuine efforts, the sudden shift in mood, and my own returning memories I felt myself able to string together enough thoughts to put things in place.

 

“I don’t really remember much of anything from yesterday. I know I was at a hotel with someone. We… We had sex.” It was awkward to say as much in front of my sister but we were adults and now wasn’t the time for bashfulness. “I… I don’t think-” August closed her eyes and for the first time in my life I saw a look there that genuinely terrified me. It was only for a second but It left a chill in the pit of my stomach. “Anyways when I woke up I was in bed with this girl I didn’t recognize… I just ran away-” I swore. “I’m such a coward…” I whispered the last sentence just barely loud enough to be heard, my shame disgusting me.

 

I couldn’t help but feel a worry in August’s silence when I looked up and saw her with tears in her eyes. “Please Leo… Please don’t ever call yourself that again.” They squeezed my hands as tight as they could as though trying to imprint their emotions into my very skin. “What happened to you… It’s not your fault. Don’t ever blame yourself for that! Promise me! You were taking care of yourself… There’s no shame in that.” 

 

I nodded, but she made me say it aloud. “I promise, Aug.”

 

I murmured my desperate hope as August turned the car back on and I gripped her hands a bit tighter. “Please don’t leave me.”

 

She replied with her own promise. “Never.”

 

We had already driven into the apartment parking lot and moved to park when I noticed the squad car parked outside and the door leading up the stairs to our apartment was taped off. I could sense the heightened anxiety coming off of August, as we got out of the car, I reached back and grabbed my phone, relieved to see it wasn’t cracked despite being thrown around. August was distracted with the squad car as I jogged to catch up to her, before I had a second to ask anything though I saw Rina waving at us.

 

I was still scared and worried but seeing another friendly face I felt my will coming back.

 

I faked a smile and poked at August’s side trying to bring about her a brighter mood saying “It’ll be alright, we’ll figure things out.”

 

August looked at me with a frown before very obviously forcing herself to smile. “You don’t have to try so hard for my sake.” I wanted to say before shaking my head, realizing I was doing the same thing, and looked down at my phone. 

 

Out of habit I opened up Twitter and scrolled over to the trending page before feeling my heart drop out beneath me. “No. No. No…” I started murmuring uncontrollably. My regained sanity seemed to bubble out of me like a balloon with a leak.

 

From the top trending to the sixth were all different versions of “Hide0us_Replica: Tran’s Sex Tape”

 

“I was with Em…” I felt my memories coming back from the previous night, just the highlights but it was enough to figure out what happened. What he did to us. I saw Rina rush over to us but I couldn’t stop talking. August had picked up my phone before swearing loudly. I saw her start to throw it before swearing again and putting it in her pocket I could see she was thinking the same as us. “What if Em needs us? They went through the same thing, worse even, but they're alone.” 

 

“James had us to a toast. He was so nice… We just kept drinking… It was some disgusting bitter thing that felt like drinking battery acid but I wanted to impress Em so I just kept drinking. At some point we had started making out. He did something with his phone and said he needed to step out…”

 

I felt Rina hug me from behind, apologizing to me for not being there sooner as though it would matter.

 

Finally one of the cops had come over to us. The landlord was with him. They stepped away but I saw August's body language tighten up before darkening. After a minute of standing alone she came back over. I could see tears streaming down her face but she kept walking over to us despite it.

 

“Please no more…” I begged her. She whispered her apology before kneeling down beside me and wrapping me in her arms. Telling me directly and bluntly what the cop told her.

 

“Leo… two hours ago Em attempted suicide and was brought to the hospital.” I tried to grasp at straws. If it was just an attempt then maybe… “Though the medics were able to get there before Em passed on… She’s brain dead. Comatose.” I felt a sob leak out at some point as whatever will was left in me vanished, August kept talking probably for both of our sakes. Needing to get the words out now before the universe hit us even harder once more. “They contacted us because… Em wrote a message… It was a text meant for you, it seems she wasn’t able to send it in time before… going to sleep. August showed me the copy of the message the police showed her.”

 

“Leo… I’m gonna go away now. Forever. 

 

I’m gonna see Esme again. Tell her how much she means to me… Tell her about this cute guy I met. How he’s shy but funny. Understanding but stubborn. How he deserves so much better than me. How I loved him but never got the chance to tell him.

 

I think she’ll understand, I know you will. Goodnight.”