Em
“God Damn Emily! I thought your boyfriend would last at least this long. You don’t got another murderous friend hiding around here do you? Fuck that would be embarrassing wouldn’t it? Managed to miss another one of us hiding out in your shadow for years cause you can’t be bothered to look at those of us just out of your sight.” James ranted and cackled as I pulled out a chair across from him. A simple metal thing that scraped loudly as I dragged it back, without looking him in the eyes.
James looked less like a human now and more like an animal. I guess it’s almost been a full year since I last saw him at the hotel. His beard was grown out, knotted and clumped from weeks of no care. Judging by the stench he let off it was clear he wasn’t washing or taking care of himself at all.
I could see it in his eyes now though, that line of careful thought. That sociopathic vein I overlooked for so long. “Pathetic.” I gave him a simple judgment with just one word as he flinched back like he’d been slapped.
Looking away from him I turned to the only other person in the room with us. “Agent, could you please pull out the confession documents so that he can sign them.” Agent Lemmings, looked back and forth between us with cautious glances as James went quiet and slid up to the table. She pulled out the documents as I’d requested though and set a pen on top of them.
“Did you see the note I left for you? For Hide0us_Replica?” James asked with bated breaths pulling closer to me in such a way that the cuffs on the ground pulled against his skin.
Bored with his act though I just shook my head and smiled softly. “How could I ever do that? Hide0us_Replica is dead, you killed her James.”
“You're a goddamn liar! I revered them! I would never do anything to hurt them! You’re just a fucking slut who opens her legs for anyone who smiles at you! You never deserved to be their host!” He raged against the cuffs as a pair of giant guards came into the room and pulled him back into the chair, followed by a suspicious looking man in a cheap suit a size too small carrying a big briefcase and a manilla folder.
The man instantly began shouting at Agent Lemmings as he stepped into the room walking up to her, but notably avoiding getting too close. “What are you doing interrogating my client without notifying me first?!”
Who smiled calmly before explaining the situation with a quiet monotone voice.“I’m afraid you are misunderstanding, Mr. Hutz, you asked for his former friend to speak with him and they were willing. They were just uncomfortable with being alone with a mur- sorry, alleged murderer so I’m here to watch over them. Your client became violent so he was simply being restrained. This is not an interrogation.”
He glared angrily at the both of us before leaning over and whispering into James’s ear.
I saw James grimace furiously and I thought he was about to get rid of this strange man before he took a deep breath and nodded.
“My client won’t be signing this deal or any deal. He’s a respected member of society and innocent of all crimes.”
“He bashed Esme’s brains in because he was worried I’d quit.” I retorted the lawyers' claims fighting losing my temper with steady concentrated breaths.
“That’s for a court to decide.” Hutz spat back with a mocking smile.
I closed my eyes before huffing. “You know what, you're probably right. James can’t even win a match against me in the virtual world, how on Earth could he possibly keep a lie up like this for years.”
I saw Hutz tighten his grip on Jame’s shoulder for a moment as he waved for the guards to uncuff him but it was already too late at that point.
“Who do you think you are?! You're nobody. I bashed her brains in with a smile on my face! Did you know she thought you were still gonna come and get her. I saw it in her eyes, she was pleading for you to help her!” I choked back my anger and swallowed it as I exchanged a glance with Lemmings, making sure that she was watching this.
“And the hotel? I suppose you want to claim you planned that to? How could you know how much we were gonna drink, or what we were gonna do after the fact?”
James started to answer but Hutz tightened his grip and spoke over him. “Come on Mr. Paige we need to go. Now.”
I just shook my head at his attempt. “Your way to slow, Mr. Hutz. You should have pulled him out of the room the second he saw James in here without you.”
“Of course I knew what you were going to do! I spent years, actual years, planning everything out. Like I was ever going to leave anything to chance. I knew you would be depressed and as lonely as possible after hours of watching Esme’s streams, especially ones where she talked about you. After that all I had to do was stoke the fire that was already there, you had so much alcohol in you by the end of the night it’s amazing you were moving at all. If you hadn’t broken at that point I would have just kept picking away at your resolve. Yours and your fucking boyfriends! I won! I. Won! SAY IT!” He pulled at the chains as hard as he could but it was meaningless. With that done Lemmings waved at the guards and they grabbed him, lifting him completely off the ground and pulling him back away to wherever they were keeping him.
I saw Hutz say something looking at Lemmings before walking off towards James.
I just sat there in the chair quietly.
Lemmings was saying something but I couldn’t hear it. Her hand was resting on my shoulder but it didn’t matter.
My blood was roaring. My heart was pounding.
“Is this good enough? Is that really it?” I prayed for Esme to help me. To give me some direction, but nothing happened.
There wasn’t a pillar of light.
No ghost kisses to comfort me or whispered thanks.
Just the aching in my chest.
Roaring in my ears.
And the pounding of my heart.
At some point I smelt Natalies familiar perfume as someone wrapped me in their arms and walked me out of the interrogation room.
We moved for a little while before ending up in a small office stacked with piles of papers and a couple of plastic chairs. The room smelled like stale coffee and too sweet fake cigarettes.
“I wonder if Leo’s cafe is open now? Maybe I can ask him to pick up a Pentagram for me.”
Natalie murmured something to me but I couldn’t hear it.
“Esme never liked coffee. She said the caffeine hurt her stomach but I think she just didn’t like having to remember drink orders. She always liked it if I just ordered for her. Was that a lie though? I guess… I guess I can’t-” My voice choked up as tears started to stream down.
“No. No. No. I’m fine. I was supposed to have… I dealt with all this. It’s not supposed to hurt this much…” I swore to the room as someone wrapped me in their arms.
“Seeing him thrown in jail. It was supposed to end this. I just… I just want to be able to move on. Why does this still hurt so much?”
We ended up slumping to the ground at some point, as I found myself in much the same position as I had earlier with Leo but there was a different kind of comfort instead. We were like that for a while just leaning on each other as I felt myself come back to reality a bit more as someone passed me a cup of black coffee that made me cringe as I tried to drink it.
“This tastes terrible.” I grumbled as I went ahead and took another drink of it anyways.
“Yea. They say the real reason hospitals and police stations serve coffee like this is because the bitterness keeps you in the moment. It forces you to stay here and now.” Natalie explained with a soft voice as she tightened her arm around me pulling me so I was hugging her side. Part of me disliked the closeness but I didn’t pull away despite it.
“I’m sorry.” I softly apologized for my breakdown. Looking down at the ground to hide my shame.
“Stop that.” Natalie chastised me and pulled my face over to look her in the eyes.
“Nobody is expecting you to just be ‘Ok’. Haven’t we gone through enough together to understand that it’s never that easy? Tell me what happened, please.”
I sighed and leaned my head against hers before quietly explaining it, how I went in after waiting for what felt like forever and how he taunted me but I kept it together. I stayed in control but as he was dragged away something felt like it was missing despite everything.
“I thought all I had to do was get to the end of this. If I could just see him punished. Thrown into jail and forgotten about. That would be enough right? He confessed, so why… why does it still feel like nothing is different?”
Natalie leaned her head against mine, her long hair falling into my eyes and blocking my vision just a little covering the world and making our space seem just a little more private. “You don’t feel full because he stole something from you Em… someone you’ll never be able to get back.You miss your girlfriend, you miss your friendship, you miss the world he stole from you. You're grieving. Anybody would. You probably handled the situation better than a vast majority of the world could have but no matter how strong you are… some things you just don’t get back.”
I tried to ignore the tears as I murmured out, “What do I do then?”
Natalie held my hand in hers and looked me in the eyes, “The same thing you have been doing hun. You work on making yourself good again, building up a new life one piece after another and you learn to live with the memory of Esme pulling you forward instead of her ghost pulling you back. From what you’ve told me about her, isn’t that what she would want you to do?”
I forced myself to find the strength to nod as I leaned back against the wall and shut my eyes, just listening to our mutual quiet breathing until exhaustion finally overtook me.
