"For how long has she?.."
"Quater of an hour, give or take."
Hernandez quietly informed his partner detective Roberts, a blue-eyed giant with a very brutal look, aggressively pointed beard and British accent while peering at the screen as if trying to find something he had missed. A whisper prompted helpfully,
"It's students, partner."
Roberts was a bright man, but he had manners of a port worker with a long record and an ill sense of humor he used to deal with stress. Hernandez tiredly massaged his eyes.
Click, click. Emilia Branson opened another file on a computer borrowed together with a room from the security of Forline University and started to watch it with her fingers crossed under the chin. Silently. Calmly, without ever changing the expression of unyielding determination.
"God bless modern smartphones with high-resolution cameras," Roberts muttered, his eyes also following the footage. Hernandez made a signature 'you cannot shut up, really?' face and glared back at him.
All clips provided different angles on the same scene. The earliest was featuring a woman, professor Lauster as university's stuff identified her, and words:
"...fucking kidding me!"
Here was when first phones would turn at and some others would start from a big white teenager with long hair and a skull-like piercing in his left ear.
"Interesting." That was professor Lauster.
"Who are these 'we'..."
A weak voice. Not every smartphone registered it and only this one turned onto a small girl just two desks away from its owner. The girl, Alice Branson, looked confused and a bit annoyed, but scared she was not.
"She looks out of her place there, isn't she?"
Emilia, the girl's mother, murmured to no one in particular. Two detectives nodded automatically. Alice had narrow eyes and an overall slightly Asian face, unlike her mother sitting right before them. Must be from the other side of the family. She was younger than the other students. Much shorter than any. Like a schooler attending an adults' meeting... as if any of them where adults.
“If you don’t understand, be patient. I will clarify soon," the video meantime continued showing as Lauster calmed down the students. Unfortunately, she never clarified enough.
It went on and on. Until – puff! – with a clap sound, seven students and professor Lauster disappeared, leaving behind their clothes with all and every item they had on them. Emilia clicked on 'stop' a second later and pointed at the lost things on the floor.
"How much did you identify?"
'Khm', Roberts cleared the throat before answering,
"Well, most of it is inorganic. Clothing, as we can see, including underwear. Piercing, combs and so on, a few dental fillings, one artificial tooth and what out team pre-identified as a titanium bone plate with a few bone fragments. I called the parents," he flinched, but today required from even him to talk patiently with a non-suspect type of civilians. "One of the kidnapped, ehm... Robert Macek broke his leg a year ago. Had a difficult operation, got an implant from a donor and a metal patch."
"She knew something."
"Chief?.." Roberts hadn't worked directly under Emilia back then, so he didn't get to call her Sarg.
"Alice."
The clerk-like woman tapped the screen thoughtfully and continued,
"I know of your running nonsense, abduction by aliens. When Alice was eleven, Bob... her father got really worried about the possibility of her being kidnapped. He always was overprotective... but, there were a few loud cases that year and his family line is sufficiently rich. I humored him. Alice wanted to be a cop back then, too...
I and she decided on a few code phrases. First, 'leaving something', say school or cafe means she is not in immediate danger. Mentioning Max, our dog, in any capacity meant something is up and she cannot talk about it. 'Will be fine' is when she has a problem that doesn't require assistance, only time. Simple, short codes for places, descriptions, you got the idea."
Click, click.
"Of course, over the years she lost interest in this little game, but some habits had already formed. She remembered. And when to use them if not..."
Emilia paused a clip from one of the phones.
"Now."
"This is what most witnesses referred to as either supernatural phenomena or supernatural powers," Hernandez mentioned.
"Excluding god punishment and the act of the devil," added Roberts. Both focused on the screen.
Alice was on it, shot from the side. Her face suddenly showed a mix of surprise, anger, panic or similar feelings. Literally two seconds later, her image split apart. They collectively had taken some time, but computer magic of stop, slow and go back had helped them to get ahold of this. One Alice on the footage was moving forward in time, and one backward until they merged together and disappeared in a few frames.
"She sent a message."
"Yes. Just a few words, but definitely longer than 'I m k' which came through. Her phone fell down and broke, right?"
"Unfortunately. Bad luck in everything. Our lab has it as a first priority, but their hands were full even before we got here. But why would you..."
"I know my daughter, Fredo. Parents tend to overpraise their children, and God knows Bob is worse than many at that. But Alice went through hell and she knows what is important down there.
She sent two messages to me, and the second one is meaningful."
Changes to make - I am numbering them because I will also give you extra information about some subjects ^_^
1
Piercing, combs and so on, a few dent fillings
"Piercings, combs and such, as well as a few dental fillings,"
2
and what out team pre-identified as a titanium bone plate with a few bone pieces.
"and what our team identified as a titanium medical plate with what appears to be a few bone fragments."
(Medical devices will always have manufacturing information engraved onto them in case of emergencies or part failures and the information about where and how they were built needs to be investigated)
3
but today required from even him to talk patiently with none-suspect civilians.
none-suspect - Should be changed to "non-suspect" or "innocent"
4
"One of the kidnapped, ehm... Robert Macek broke his leg a year ago. Had a difficult operation, got an implant from a donor and a metal patch."
- should read as "One of the kidnapped, ehm... a male, Robert Macek, broke his leg a year ago. The surgical doctor noted it was difficult operation along with the attachment of a titanium stability plate."
By mentioning bone pieces or bone fragments, you are giving the reader the idea that the leg break was not a clean one, meaning multiple breaks or a complete shattering. This shattering would indeed require plating or a cylinder to replace the bone pieces that cannot be reattached from natural healing. I have left out the section about an implant from a donor as you had it with this leg issue and donors are only used for organ replacement such as kidneys, liver, heart, and so on. There is no organ donor needed for skeletal areas.
5
"Chief?.." Roberts hadn't worked directly under Emilia back then, so he didn't get to call her Serg.
Serg changed to "Sarg"
6
"I know of your running nonsense, abduction by aliens. When Alice was eleven, Bob... her father got really worried about the possibility of her being kidnapped. He always was overprotective... but, there were a few loud cases that year and his family line is sufficiently rich. I humored him. Alice wanted to be a cop back then, too...
I and she decided on a few code phrases. First, 'leaving something', say school or cafe means she is not in immediate danger. Mentioning Max, our dog, in any capacity meant something is up and she cannot talk about it. 'Will be fine' is when she has a problem that doesn't require assistance, only time. Simple, short codes for places, descriptions, you got the idea."
I had to reread this section to figure out who was talking. The first sentence makes no sense and it sounds as if one of the 2 investigators who are not Alice's mother are talking. I am pretty sure you are just trying to get readers to understand that in her past, Alice had to learn how to code things to her parents so they would know that things were not ordinary and so it is fine to leave that first line out.
7
Out lab has it as a first priority
Out to Our
8
"I know my daughter, Fredo. Parents tend to overpraise their children, and God knows Bob is worse than many at that. But Alice went through hell and she knows what is important down in one.
I have no idea what "down in one" is supposed to mean..... please explain it in a different way or remove it entirely.
9
She sent two messages to me, and the second one is meaningful."
This sentence is a plot problem. In a previous chapter, as Alice was disappearing, you have shown the readers how difficult it was for her to get a message to her mother. There was barely enough time to send it let alone a second message. In this chapter you wrote this
"She sent a message."
"Yes. Just a few words, but definitely longer than 'I m k' which came through. Her phone fell down and broke, right?"
The second message conflicts with the story which has already said " a message" meaning one message.
Now, from what I can think of, there is a possibility of 2 different messages though they should say the same thing. If the split Alice sent the messages at the exact same time before she merged back then yes, her mother could have received 2 messages but they would have said the same thing as Alice wouldn't have been able to change what the second her was typing nor have you described any sort of weird alter personality that thought to send something else. The other issue is that only 1 message was talked about and the phone was broken so how would the mother have known of it to begin with let alone knowing what was in it.
This is why I think that sentence conflicts with the plot, though it was probably only there as a method of a cliff hanger or something. But for me, it still seems rather.... meh not so good?
The surgical doctor noted it was difficult operation along with the attachment of a titanium stability plate.
The idea of the character to speak roughly and you make it very official : )
There is no organ donor needed for skeletal areas.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bone_grafting
Note Allografts.
I have no idea what "down in one" is supposed to mean..... please explain it in a different way or remove it entirely.
It should have been 'down there' but got lost during the editing phase or something.
This sentence is a plot problem.
When I first started to write my novel, it was one message indeed. Two months ago I changed it to two, then changed to one again, and it's hard to keep sight of such a mess. I will attend to it thoroughly a bit later. Thanks.