Usual day at school. Teacher is blabbering away about something unimportant.

How boring, I can't even sleep.

My name is… Does it matter?

I'm 16 and I attend high school.

*Slam*

"Are you sleeping again!? I'm definitely telling the principal!"

Yeah-yeah, just leave me alone already.

It's almost the end of the year, who cares.

I'm going to a university anyway.

"And how are you going to pass your exams!?"

I have good grades…

I'm sure I'll manage.

Though calling me smart is wrong.

Cunning, maybe, but comparing me to real geniuses is like comparing a cat to a lion.

*Diiiiiiing*

My saving grace.

It's time to go home.

Ah… here it goes.

Crooked glances, quiet whispers and even mocking laughter, it's the same every time.

Yes, I'm someone you call an outcast, a shady guy sitting at the last desk in class.

When I hear other people talk about me, they use words like pessimistic, gloomy, downright depressed.

That is me.

Reason?

Mainly because I am terrible at socialising.

But who cares? I don't need new friends.

…Today I'm going home by myself, huh?

The streets are full and yet… they feel empty.

Do people intentionally avoid me?

Or am I the one who's the problem?

Living in society is so hard… Sometimes, I just want to-.

.

.

.

I live in a small apartment that's quite far away from school.

A bit annoying if you ask me.

"I'm home."

I say it as a habit.

No one could hear it, the house is empty.

"Ha~"

I do my usual routine and take the food to my room.

There is nothing to do today.

…I should just check if there is any work for tonight.

I open my rusty laptop and place my plate of noodles on the ground.

Password:

Asilevoli.

Let's see…

Hm?

Today's job seems easy.

I'll do some preparation just in case.

It was evening when I finished preparing.

Nobody checked on me today either…

I quietly sneak out through the window.

This is also one of the reasons I hate this apartment… I live on the third floor.

After I came to the location, I took out my phone and the jamming device.

The building seems old, this is supposed to be an office building, but it doesn’t look like one.

The briefing said there is only one guard today.

Should be easy.

Let’s see…

The front door is out of the question, and the roof doesn’t seem, to have an entry.

A window it is then.

Hours of hard work pay off at times like this.

I need to steal some files from a PC on the second floor.

Yeah, I’m a thief.

But it’s not like I’ve got a choice.

…

The jamming device is set. I have about 8 minutes.

Moving without making a sound might sound hard, but it’s the same as walking when you get the gist of it.

Room 34, desk on the left.

Found it.

No problems so far.

I turn it on… it’s pretty loud, damn it.

I should hurry.

No time to search for the right file, just download it all.

I have enough space on my phone, good.

Now, it’s time to leave.

No traces left behind, remember.

Turn the PC off, close the door, and go out, easy.

Today's job is indeed easy.

Now… I can-

I can hear footsteps.

Is someone coming?

I need to leave, the window is at the end of the corridor.

“Hey! What are you doing here!?”

Bad!

Why is he here?!

The window is in his direction.

I sprint forward.

“Shit! Don’t move!”

He clumsily tries to take something out.

Is that a gun!?

No time to think.

The window is right there.

“Aaah!”

*Click*

Fuck.

*Pshh*

I jerked my body, barely avoiding the shot…

Is that a stun gun?

Doesn’t matter, the window is right there.

I grab the jammer from the windowsill and jump out.

“Y-You! Wait!”

He didn’t jump after me.

Running away shouldn’t pose a problem.

Good.

It’s dark and I have a mask on, I shouldn’t get into any trouble… though I’ll definitely get a score deduction…

I should return home and find the right file.

.

.

.

How much trash can this guy have?

Huh?

Why is this name here?

Lee Wiley.

Why is this bastard here?

Wait… Maybe…

I need to look into those files.

.

.

There’s nothing…

I got false hopes for a moment.

Well… Bringing this guy down is impossible anyway.

*Sigh*

I’ll send the file and go to sleep.

I had enough sleepless nights because of him, it’s enough.

.

.

.

Will tomorrow be better than today?

.

.

.

*Knock-Knock*

Ugh…

What time is it?

*Knock-Knock-Knock!*

8:15

I’m late…

“I’m coming!”

I put on my clothes as quickly as possible and open the door.

“Did you stay up late again!? We’re gonna be late!”

“It’s good to see you too.”

A girl of my age is in front of me.

We always go to school together.

“Hmph!”

She’s too punctual and doesn’t like to be late.

…But still waited for me.

“...Sorry.”

*Thump*

Ouch.

She tossed her bag into my face.

“Carry it and I’ll think about forgiving you.”

By her tone of voice alone I could tell she already did.

Her smile confirmed it.

A~h, her smile…

I needed it.

Even if this moment lasts for just a few seconds… It’s enough for me to drown in her blue eyes.

I feel as if I was born anew.

…Am I smiling?

“Let’s go already, silly, or we really will be late!”

“Yeah.”

.

.

.

“...and she was like “I forgot to do it…” Hahaha, everyone was laughing so hard!”

I’m not much of a talker, so it’s always her who tells stories on our way to school.

Listening is one of those things I’m actually good at.

And listening to her… is all that I need.

“...Are you even listening?”

“Of course.”

“Yeah, yeah, “of course”. I know it too, but you should at least nod here and there.”

“...I’ll try.”

Even though I say that I don’t really know when it’s better to nod…

I’m lying to her again…

“Yes, yes, you should. Oh! Here we are! Okay, give me my bag, I’ll go alone from here.”

It seems the most pleasant time of the morning is over.

I gave her the bag back.

“Thanks! See you later Thomas!”

Right… today is that day.

Good.

“Bye, Lisa.”

I wave my hand and slowly watch her back.

Elisabeth Rousseau.

That’s her name.

I’ll be late for class, but I don’t care.

We can not be seen together after all.

It would be bad if everyone finds out she hangs out with someone like me.

She’s hailed as one of the most beautiful girls in the school.

Lisa has many friends, I’m lucky to be among them.

Although it wasn’t always like that… I miss the times when it was just the two of us…

But as long as she’s happy…

.

.

.

The school went as usual.

Except…

Who are those guys?

“Hey, come with us.”

Don’t tell me…

Delinquents?

“...Why?”

Do they not know who I am?

What is the point of this?

“Tsk. Look at this dipshit!”

There are three of them.

One in the middle is clearly the leader.

The one on the left seems to be the muscle.

And on the right… the grunt?

It was the last one who took a step towards me.

Until he was right in front of my face.

“Listen here! You do what big bro tells you to do, got it!?”

His breath stinks.

“Scared, huh? *Spit*”

He spits on the ground.

“Your mug is even uglier up close.”

“Ha! Good one Brock!”

“...Follow us.”

The buff guy and the minion are in a good mood.

But their boss doesn’t give any reaction.

No… Is he in a sour mood?

I’m not that good at reading people.

They started walking away.

I should just go home…

Or…

Is it about yesterday’s mistake?

No, no, no… They don’t operate in this sort of way… I think…

…I guess I should find out what those guys need.

.

.

Behind the school, huh… 

Why do people not come here anymore?

“Bro, I don’t like his look, can I hit him once?”

Threats.

It’s a usual tactic.

“Not yet.”

He turns to me after answering the brute.

“You, sit.”

He points at a trash bag near me.

I do as he says.

“Hehe.”

Brock, right?

Why is he laughing?

The boss of the group is sitting on the garbage container, so I’m forced to look up at him.

Is this a part of the intimidation tactic?

He takes out a cigarette and put’s it in his mouth.

Brock immediately lights it for him.

He inhales slowly and exhales a puff of smoke in my direction.

“I need information.”

…Information?

Why does he come to me for information?

…Is he really a part of the organisation?

“...What kind of information?”

“Pfft.”

The buff guy glanced at Brock as if telling him to shut up.

“Tell me about the gangs in this school. Amount of people, who’s the leader and where they gather.”

…What?

“There are no gangs in this school.”

No way Lisa would go to such a school.

“...Are you lying to me?”

His tone didn’t change much… maybe a bit irritated?

*Crack*

The brute cracked his knuckles.

I shake my head.

“No.”

“Hm… That makes sense.”

“I told you, bro!”

“Quiet, why is that so?”

“It was like this since about half a year ago.”

“What happened?”

“The last gang disbanded.”

“The last?”

“Yes, others disbanded over the last 2 years.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

Though I have a clue.

“I don’t like that answer, Matt.”

The brute moves forward.

“Hehe, I’m sure you were bullied before kid. It’s gonna be much worse.”

From this position, it’s easy to-

“Stop.”
“Boss?”

“I’ll give him last chance.”

Matt goes back with a disheartened look.

“Do you know someone who can provide that information?”

“Well… There are a few former gang members I know.”

“One is enough, bring him.”

“He probably went home already.”

“I don’t care.”

…

This is stupid.

I guess it’s time for me to go home.

I stand up.

“Oh, and before you go. That girl was Lisa, right?”

“What!?”

Did he just?

“Ho-ho! Look at that! He can change his expression! And here I thought he was a robot! Haha.”

I ignored Brock and looked at the leader.

“...How do you know?”

The road we always take is full of adults, kids like us never take that road.

And even if they do, it’s almost impossible to discern someone.

“We happened to wander on that street today. And I tend to appreciate all cute girls passing me by… How could I miss №1 beauty of our school.”

He looked down at me.

For the first time, I saw him smile.

And that look… That mocking stare.

It’s been a while since I’ve seen it.

“You… Why did you really bring me here?”

If he wants to get to Lisa through me…

“I want you to introduce me to her. It’s obvious that the king should be together with the queen. Oh, and you should obviously fuck off. Lisa is mine.”

I can feel blood coming to my head.

I am angry.

Yes, that I can tell for sure.

“...Elisabeth.”

“What did you say?”

“Even friends call her Elisabeth.”

“And?”

“Only I am allowed to call her Lisa.”

“Look at this fucker. Matt, teach him some manners.”

“Haha! Finally!”

The Brute looked overjoyed.

He took a running start.

“You’re dead punk!”

Matt is probably one and a half my size.

With his sleeveless shirt, I could see his bulging muscles.

I can tell what he’ll do from looking at them tensing up.

He’s easily predictable.

Right hook to my face.

With a gentle movement, I grab his incoming punch and using his own weight throw him over my shoulder.

*Thud*

“AAGH!”

The ground is full of rocks and trash, so it must’ve been painful.

“What the hell!?”

Having Matt’s arm still tightly gripped, I lock his movement in armbar position.

“I-Is that karate!?”

Brock is evidently not the brain of the group.

Matt screamed.

“You fucker! What now!? You can’t deal with three of us with your stupid grapple-”

*Crack*

“AAAGGH.”

I broke his arm.

“M-Matt!”

I let him go and stood up.

“YOU FUCKER! IT HURTS! I’LL KILL YOU!”

He was holding his wobbling arm and also started standing up.

It seems that he is sturdier than I thought.

One broken arm is not enough to stop him.

So I push him down and…

*Crack*

Brake his leg.

“AAAGGHHH. MY LEEEG!”

Matt bit his lips to bear the pain.

He’s not a threat anymore.

I turn to the boss.

He was just watching as this unfolded.

Still is.

Except there is no smile on his face.

He suddenly looked at Brock, who was shaking on the side.

Brock gulped.

He took something out of his pocket and rushed at me.

“So what if you know how to fight a little!? Eat this you fucker!”

A butterfly knife.

He’s slow.

Slow enough for me to do almost anything to him.

I carefully parry his attack and change the trajectory of his swing to his own knee.

*Shick*

It went in quite deep.

“Y-You stabbed me… AAAgh-”

*Thud*

He fell down.

Passed out it seems.

Only one left.

The boss is no longer sitting. 

He jumped down and starring straight at me.

He took a stance…

Boxing?

“Ha… You fucked up big time…”

It appears that Matt still has the strength to speak.

“Boris never once lost a fight!”

Is he from Russia?

Didn’t the Russian mafia recently move into town?

“Knowing jiu-jitsu won’t help you.”

Boris stepped forward.
There is no need to think much.

Boxing won’t stand against other martial arts.

In an actual fight, the boxer’s legs are his weakness.

He rushed at me.

He’s quick, but I can tell it’s a straight jab.

I dodge to the side and immediately duck.

From here I just sweep his legs and-

Huh?

He blocked it?

*Thump*

I couldn’t stop his punch.

.

.

That hurt.

.

.

My consciousness is slipping away.

Why… isn’t he advancing?

He got an advantage…

His face…

He’s smiling…

And that damn look…

Right now, I almost hate him as much as my uncle… almost.

He took a step forward.

I should take this more seriously.

I can see him swing his arm back, preparing for a sucker-punch… except that’s a faint.

He perfectly switches for a kick, which I manage to block.

Now that he can’t block his other leg, I successfully sweep it.

*Thud*

He fell.

It should be easy from here.

I drop on my knee, hitting him on the solar plexus.

“Gha!”

I don’t give him any time to recuperate.

*Thump*

I hit him in the face.

*Thump*

Again.

*Thump*

And again.

*Thump*

Blood started flowing from both his nose and his mouth.

But… The look in his eyes still annoyed me.

“You fukel! Youl dead! Ha, hahaha!”

It seems he cannot talk properly from all the blood in his mouth.

*Thump*

“HA! You neva killed anyone ave you!?”

He’s right, I didn’t… yet.

*Thump*

“My fade will KILL YOU!”

*Thump*

It’s always like this.

*Thump*

They all act strong and throw threats.

*Thump*

But they never really do anything after.

*Thump*

I guess that’s the only thing my uncle is useful for…

*Thump*

Fucking bastard.

Oh, I knocked him out.

I look to my side, it seems Matt passed out soon after his last line.

Brock is still out cold.

Ha~.

Even though I promised Lisa not to fight anymore…

.

.

I hope she will forgive me.

.

.

As I return home I notice that the door isn’t locked.

I pay it no attention and go in.

“I’m home.”

“Why are you la…te… Did you fight again?”

Her voice sounds down…

I made her sad.

…Why did those guys have to bother me today of all days?

“...You promised.”

“...Sorry.”

I don’t know what else to say.

I’m indeed to blame… but I had no choice.

For her… I would even…

*Foosh*

She just threw her apron at me.

Was she making food?

“Make food, you hopeless teacher.”

She’s mad.

Actually mad this time.

…But I’m given a chance.

I just need to make some tasty food.

I need to try my best.

.

.

Teacher…

She started jokingly calling me like that a while ago.

Lisa came here to study after all.

She has perfect grades in all subjects now, however, it wasn’t always the case.

She struggled quite a lot back then.

I tried as hard as I could to help her get better.

Somehow, we got through.

Nowadays, she doesn’t really need my help… I’m really glad she still comes by.

“The food is ready.”

“Oo~h, finally. The smell was so good I almost died from waiting.”

“What!?”

“That’s… Right, you’re bad with this kind of stuff.”

Judging from her reaction I made a mistake again…

“...Sorry.”

“Forget it. Let’s eat!”

“Yes.”

The meal was rather simple.

Just some fried chicken meat covered in spices and a special sauce.

But for a neighbourhood like this, eating meat every day could be considered a luxury.

I’m lucky to have a “job” that pays well.

“Gosh, you sure made a lot this time too.”

She said that with stuffed cheeks.

There was at least as much as we just ate still left on the table.

“You should take it.”

“Okay.”

I usually just follow the recipe when making food.

And most recipes are for four people.

Even now, I have a fridge full of leftovers.

So when we are eating together, I always let Lisa take some home.

Apparently, she likes my cooking even more than her mother’s.

I was happy to hear that.

Soon after we started studying.

It didn’t take us long to complete the homework.

We both were too smart for this school.

However, we didn’t end it at that.

With the help of the internet, it was easy to study harder subjects.

Phycology is something Lisa took interest in.

I don’t understand why, but as long as she likes it, I don’t care.

She wants to get a degree in it.

And obviously, she will enrol in a university in a near future.

I will follow along.

Phycology is something I have no interest or understanding in.

But that doesn’t matter.

For some reason, Lisa set the bar quite high when choosing which university to attend.

She chose the best university in the country.

It’s also called the best university in the world by some.

But I heard that dreaming big is good, so it’s fine.

Even though it’s extremely expensive and they don’t provide any accommodations, I’m sure she’ll succeed.

There is a chance to get a full scholarship, though only the best of the best get that treatment.

That’s why she’s been working so hard.

She isn’t from a rich family.

Moreover, hers is a rather poor one.

Even if she gets in… she won’t be able to pay the fees.

Nevertheless, she decided to give it a try.

I will be always there to help her.

With the amount of money I make, I could probably afford to pay both her and mine fees.

…Though I might need to take riskier jobs.

I haven’t informed Lisa about it yet.

First, she would question where I get the money from.

She already has a hunch about me doing something at night.

I can’t hide anything from her.

Although I can never tell her what exactly I do… It doesn’t matter, I’m doing it for her after all.

Second, Lisa once told me she liked surprises.

I’m bad at making them, but I think this one will make her happy.

So I’ll wait until we pass the exam to tell her.

When the sun was far behind the horizon, we decided to stop.

I yet again was forced to make food, but this time Lisa helped me out.

I guess she became quite bored, so she started a casual conversation.

As usual, I listened, I have nothing to tell to entertain her.

It was fine until she suddenly stopped and her voice became a bit grim.

“...Have you heard the recent rumour?”

There were quite a few things I’ve heard recently, both from her and not.

“I’m not sure?”

“...It’s about a thief appearing in our town.”

A thief?

I haven’t heard about it.

I should close my window shut at night then.

“...He was noticed by a guard in a local insurance company’s office.”

Hm? Why does that…

Oh…

“...And reportedly the thief was just a kid… Did you hear about it?”

.

.

“...No.”

“Was it you?”

She came closer.

Please don’t look at me like that.

“...”

Should I lie again?

I don’t want to.

But what choice do I have?

I need the job… and I don’t want to put her in danger.

…But… won’t that make her cry?

“...I’m sorry.”

“...”

She averted her eyes.

I can not tell the expression she has right now.

Is she sad?

Mad?

Disappointed?

I don’t know.

I’m scared.

“Lisa… I…”

“I knew for a while now… that you were doing something… bad…”

I know…

“I gave you hints, heh…”

I know…

“From where else would you get that much money, but from your uncle…”

I know…

“What?”

“Has he forced you to do it?”

No, what?

Why does she think that?

Doesn’t she know how I hate him?

“I don’t… work for him.”

“Of course… I understand, you could’ve done nothing. Even the police wouldn’t dare to go against him.”

She took my hand.

“But why haven’t you told me? I know how much he made you suffer.”

Her eyes were full of pity…

This is a misunderstanding…

After all that he did… how could I work for that bastard?

I would rather…

“Is it hard for you? Maybe… maybe if you’d take his offer, then-”

I take a step back.

“Are you serious?”

“T-Tom?”

“Why are you always telling me to take that offer? You know what he did to me! You know what he did to my parents!”

*Thud*

I can’t help but hit the wall.

How much did that fucker torture me for?

And she tells me to take his offer?!

“Tom! Please! That was an accident! A traffic accident! Some drunk driver hit their car! We went over it! There is nothing that points to your uncle being at fault!”

“Yes! There is nothing! Absolutely nothing! It’s too clean! It’s as if someone wanted it to look like that! But you know who he is! You know how much it benefited him! He of all people could make it happen!”

He killed them!

Why won’t she believe me!?

One day I’ll prove it!

There must be a trace he didn’t hide!

“Even if he did! What does it change now!? If you won’t take that offer he will continue forcing you into a world of crime!”

“I’ll never take anything from him! And never will he force me to do anything for him! I’d rather die than be under his feet!”

For a moment Lisa’s face was filled with confusion.

“Then… you aren’t being forced?”

“As I said! I would never work for him! Not in this life! Not in… another…”

.

.

Is… Lisa… crying?

Oh, God, what have I done?

I didn’t mean to…

“So… you chose this… yourself? To steal from others again? Even though you promised that you wouldn’t? So you lied to me… What’s next, Tom? Robbery? Blackmail? Murder? Will you kill someone for money, Tom?”

Not for money…

For you.

Seeing tears flowing from her eyes makes my heart ache.

I’m so sorry.

“Lisa… I’m-”

Before I could finish my sentence she ran out.

*Boom*

I heard a loud sound of a door closing.

It wasn’t my door, but hers, as she lives close by.

Should I follow her?

I want to…

But it’s better not to.

Both she and her parents won’t want to see me.

.

.

And yet again I am left alone.

In this cursed place that I call home…

.

.

All alone…

.

.

.

*Sniff*

…What is that sound?

*Sniff*

Ah…

This dream again…

*Creek*

A door slowly opened, shedding some dim light into the room.

In a corner, I can see a small boy wrapped in a few layers of blankets.

He is sobbing.

His face is stiff, his nose is runny and his eyes are empty.

Despite all the clothes on him, he’s still trembling.

It’s winter.

And a harsh one at that.

.

.

Two men came into the room.

The boy pays them no attention.

“How long do you think you can handle it?”

The man spoke indifferently.

He looked the boy straight in the eyes.

“I can end this. You just need to do what I say.”

The man smiled.

His voice sounded sweet and caring.

And yet his figure looked like that of a devil.

The boy ignored them still, holding back his voice and hiding his fear.

“Tsk.”

The man soon left.

*Boom*

And the door close.

.

.

…Leaving the boy in darkness…

.

.

…all alone…

.

.

.

Those days were the worst of my life.

It happened soon after my parents suddenly passed away in a traffic “accident”.

My uncle became my official guardian.

When he came and said that my parents died, I didn’t believe him.

I started crying and screaming.

…He looked annoyed.

He told someone else to calm me down.

After I did, he told me many weird things.

There were no words of conciliation or promises that it would be fine.

No.

Instead he, like a robot, told me some legal bullshit that I still don’t understand.

He wanted me to verbally agree to it.

There was a legal representative of some sort standing behind him, I guess he would testify to me agreeing.

I said no.

How could I agree to something I don’t understand…

All I wanted was to see my parents.

They tried making me say yes to that offer in various ways.

I always said no.

The main reason why I said no was simply that I didn’t like how my uncle behave.

It was my first time hearing that I have an uncle.

I had no relatives and as a child, I always wanted some.

But the man in front of me did not fit the criteria of a caring uncle.

.

…Looking back at it now… Why couldn’t he just forge my agreement?

I was just a child back then, what could’ve I done?

.

After they gave up for the day and left, I was alone.

I did nothing that day but cried and waited.

I was hoping that my parents would come back.

…I was hoping that it was a bad dream…

The next day I didn’t go to school.

Nobody came to check up on me either.

I was hungry, and fortunately, there were some leftovers in the fridge.

Being too tired to cry, I decided to go outside.

I was a popular kid before.

Many friends, the centre of the group.

But when I came to play…

They told me to go away.

Kids didn’t want to hear about how sad I am.

They said that I was ruining the mood.

I ran away in tears.

That day I understood.

I had no real friends.

…And I was all alone…

.

.

In the evening the doorbell rang.

I jumped out of the bed and rushed to the door.

I was so happy, thinking father and mother returned home…

It was my uncle again.

I started crying.

How silly I was…

Why would my parents ring the doorbell when they have a key?

My uncle told me the same thing all over again.

Yet again, I didn’t agree.

I threw whatever I could grab at him.

He said he would come every day until I agree.

I yelled that I would never agree and that I hate him.

In the morning doorbell rang again.

I knew it was my uncle.

With wet eyes and pupils full of rage, I went to the door.

I opened it and wanted to scream for them to go away.

But to my surprise…

It was Lisa.

…My dear Lisa.

It was hard to call us friends back then.

She was a timid and shy girl who barely played with my group.

When I asked her with a sour voice what she wanted, she handed me a bag.

While stuttering, Lisa said she was sorry for my loss.

In the bag were a few sweet buns.

They were extremely cheap and not that tasty.

But for me who hasn’t eaten properly in a few days… Those were better than any food I ate before.

…Was it then that I fell in love with her?

Like that, she became the only ray of hope and happiness in my life.

Every day, Lisa would come to my house.

Not to give food, but to hang out.

Sometimes play, sometimes just to listen…

But it helped.

…a lot.

In the evenings, my uncle would come, and we would repeat the usual scenario.

Like that a few weeks passed.

I was basically eating raw, microwaved food.

My stomach hurt.

And the fridge was almost empty.

That day something happened.

A letter came.

It said this apartment is late on tax fees.

So that same day they would cut the supply of what wasn’t paid.

That meant everything.

Water, gas, electricity.

I would be left in an empty, cold, dark apartment.

All by myself.

I cried again.

Cried so hard that it hurt to cry.

And no tears would come out.

That evening uncle didn’t come.

I thought my life has come to an end.

That night I lay on my bed, awaiting death.

Many things passed my mind that night.

It felt like an eternity has went by.

I couldn’t fall asleep.

It was too cold.

I was too hungry.

But I didn’t care.

I just wanted it to end.

And to cry.

However, a thought came to my mind.

A memory.

Someone with a kind, yet strong voice said once to me.

“It’s not just me who doesn’t like seeing you cry! The world itself hates crybabies!”

It was but a way for a father to calm his child down.

However, I took that too literally.

And that night… was the night when I stopped crying.

When the sun was high up in the sky, I was still in my bed.

That’s when I heard a doorbell.

I ignored it.

Whoever it is, the door’s closed, so they would eventually leave.

And I would be just a corpse in an empty apartment.

*Click*

I heard the door opening.

I forgot to lock the door.

…that mistake saved my life.

It was Lisa.

I told her to go away, but she didn’t.

She brought food.

Something she made herself.

Lisa said she simply wanted someone to tell how it tastes before cooking it for her parents.

It smelled good.

I opened my eyes and wanted to scream at her to screw off…

But when I saw her face.

Something stopped me.

And I wanted to live once more.

.

.

.

My life from there on was hard.

But together with Lisa, I managed.

I needed money to buy food.

Luckily, I found some inside the house.

It wouldn’t last me long though.

I desperately looked for a job or a way to earn money.

Even though I was a smart kid, I couldn’t find a way to do so.

Food was scarce, I was becoming skinnier by the day.

A week after cut out.

My uncle came again.

He said he can end it.

Make it better.

Offered me food, money… I didn’t take it.

He started coming every day once again.

Eventually, I just started ignoring him.

Once, Lisa somehow managed to convince her parents to let me stay for dinner.

I was happy.

They weren’t.

Lisa’s parents were extremely poor and barely had food themselves…

But when I looked at their expressions… There was pity and guilt mixed in them…

They aren’t bad people… just poor and scared…

There weren’t many times when I ate at Lisa’s house…

But I still remember every single dish they fed me.

That taste will forever be engraved in my mind.

As I could not continue living like that.

I decided to ask for help.

Police was the first place I went to.

They declined me.

“Your uncle will take care of you.”

That is all they said.

I screamed that he wouldn’t, but they just kicked me out.

I went to my school.

I’ve missed quite a few classes, but for some reason, nobody cared.

When I told my classroom teacher about what happened…

He looked apologetic, but as if he already knew.

He told me:

“Your uncle will take care of you.”

That’s when I knew that nobody could help me.

I was all by myself.

…All alon- No. 

Lisa was with me.

I wasn’t alone.

Not anymore.

So I didn’t ask for help anymore.

That was the first time I tried stealing.

I stole from an old lady.

It was easy.

I didn’t feel guilty.

All adults are the same after all.

They all were on his side.

That day I bought good food.

I shared it with Lisa.

Seeing her smile made me more determined than ever.

It didn’t matter what I do.

As long as I get to make her happy.

.

.

.

A few months passed with me living like that.

I was good at it.

Didn’t get caught.

One day Lisa yet again came to my rescue.

She found out that I could pay taxes with a computer or a laptop.

We were kids, so we didn’t know all the details of it, but trying wouldn’t hurt.

There was no way Lisa’s parents would allow me to use their family computer, though that was unnecessary as my mother had a laptop at home.

All I needed was to charge it.

Lisa helped me with that.

Once I got a fully charged laptop and found a place with free wifi, I searched for a way to pay my taxes.

At the age of 10 I was forced into such a cruel world.

I was very lucky.

My mother had everything set up in a way that it would automatically pay for all the taxes.

All that it required was a manual entry of a pin code.

I became happy.

Maybe I’ll get to enjoy a warm bed once again.

I searched the house from top to bottom to find some sort of a clue.

Nothing.

I found the actual credit card, but not the code to it.

The usual, gloomy me returned once more.

Out of desperation, I decided to enter a random number.

I had 3 tries before it blocked the credit card, so why not.

{8399}
[Wrong!]

{9202}

[Wrong!]

What a waste of time, I thought.

I closed the browser and what greeted me was my mother’s desktop with its background.

The background was a picture of us.

Me, a few years back, smiling from ear to ear.

My father, giving my mother bunny ears.

My mother, smiling and holding my shoulders.

All of us.

Together.

…Happy.

I miss them.

Looking at the picture made me feel nostalgic…

So I gave it one last try.

{1028}

[Correct!]

.

.

It was my birth date.

.

.

That day was one of those I wanted to cry the hardest.

But I didn’t.

.

.

When I got access to my mother's credit card, I made the payment.

I also could see that there was some money left there.

Only then did it strike me that I need to use the money to pay taxes.

I would need to somehow put money on the card.

I guessed that it was possible now that I had the card and pin code.

That’s when something happened.

I saw the amount of money change very quickly.

For a moment, I saw a huge amount of money.

But it disappeared as quickly.

Only a small amount of money was added to a sum I saw before.

When I clicked on transfer history, I saw countless operations.

All of them are from different people and are being sent out to some anonymous card.

At the time I had no idea, but now I know that my uncle uses that card to launder money.

How or why?

Does it matter?

I’m just lucky to get leftovers from those operations.

By no means was that enough to live even for a month… but plenty to pay taxes.

That’s when my life slowly started going back on track.

.

.

Or so I thought.

.

.

I got caught stealing.

Not by the police.

Worse.

Lisa.

She recognised the wallet that I had on my desk when she came by.

I was foolish enough to hide it.

It belonged to a grandma living in a complex opposite ours.

Stealing from old people was easy and the chance of me being caught was low, so I often picked them as my targets.

Everyone heard about the increase in theft cases in the town, but most didn’t care, considering how much crime was in the city.

So as long as nobody found out it was me, I wouldn’t be actively pursued.

And yet… 

I got caught by Lisa.

It was the first time I made her cry.

She told me that the same grandma was now struggling to buy food.

With her age, she wouldn’t survive long.

There was no one to help her.

…We were similar.

And when I asked how she even recognised the wallet…

It was the same wallet that grandma used to buy Lisa sweet buns.

The same sweet buns Lisa would give to me.

.

.

I did not cry.

.

.

Although I felt bad.

.

Very.

.

That day Lisa made me promise her that I would never steal.

 And I did.

Not only to her but to myself.

I would never steal from the poor.

Would never harm those who know my pain.

Not all people are bad.

Just some.

Maybe most.

But those who aren’t… 

I want to make this world a better place for them.

To give them hope…

Like Lisa did to me.

But that is but a dream that I would never pursue…

I had more important issues at hand.

I needed Lisa to forgive me.

So I asked what I should do.

And she said:

“...Every time you apologise, I want a flower from you.”

So I asked what flowers she likes.

But she puffed her cheeks and said she doesn’t know.

I thought she was getting mad yet again, so I hurriedly looked around for a flower.

It was early spring, so there weren’t many flowers blooming.

I found one lonely yellow flower and brought it to her.

While out of breath I asked her if she likes this one.

.

.

…She smiled.

.

.

.

Like that, I lived my life with Lisa.

It was hard, but I managed to get by with the money left on the credit card.

I started going to school again… although it was never the same

My uncle finally stopped torturing me with his everyday visits.

And, my search for a job finally gave me results.

There was an organisation recruiting young people.

Yes, they were shady.

And they did bad and illegal things.

But that didn’t really matter.

I can freely choose the job.

And I would just never harm someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Although… I didn’t know I would break my promise to Lisa.

However… there is no way I could just watch Lisa eat plain food.

I also wanted to give her gifts… and I often apologised, so buying flowers was also necessary.

It would’ve been fine if she didn’t find out…

In the end, it’s for her own good.

I’m sure she’ll understand.

Maybe not today… maybe not tomorrow.

I’ll wait.

.

.

And buy as many flowers as needed.

.

.

.

It’s been a week since I last saw Lisa.

School is going to end soon.

Maybe she’ll contact me after the exams.

I know she’s going to forgive me eventually.

This is not something that can break us apart.

Confirmation of that is the fact that she didn’t report me to the police.

I have enough patience.

I know she goes to school and is well.

But I don’t want her to feel creeped out, so I’m keeping my distance.

Oh, right, there is a job today.

Need to prepare for it today.

Hm?

…Is that?

“Hello, you son of a bitch.”

What was his name again?

Brock?

“Follow us, you motherfucker.”

And… Matt, right?

“...Again?”

“Yes, you bastard. Again!”

“...You want me to beat you again?”

“You!”

Matt was walking straight at me.

He didn’t look as intimidating with casts over his arm and leg.

The sound the cane made with his every step didn’t help either.

He was now right in front of my face.

“Follow us if you want to see your girl.”

But that sure as hell worked.

“Lead the way.”

“Heheh, look at how his attitude changed!”

I kicked Brock in his wounded knee.

“AGHHhh! You fucker!”

“I said to lead the way.”

If they touched even a hair on Lisa’s head…

They brought me to the same location behind the school.

I can see Lisa.

She seems fine.

Thank Goodness.

Although she’s awfully close to Boris.

He must be holding her hostage.

“Boss, we brought him.”

Boris turned to me and smiled widely.

“I can fucking see that.”

“...Let her go. I won’t run away.”

Lisa looked at me with a weird expression.

I don’t quite get what that’s supposed to mean.

“Hah! I’m not holding her!”

“...What? Lisa?”

What does it mean?

She didn’t answer.

Just continues to stare.

“It’s just that, you see… She wanted to hear some answers. I’m here merely as a mediator and a protector.”

…Protector?

What the hell is going on?

“...I don’t understand.”

“Pfft, of course, you don’t. You see, I’m not a nobody you can just beat for no reason at all!”

Huh?

No reason?

“It just so happens that I am of royal blood.”

You’re a son of a Russian mafia boss.

Not of royal blood.

“That’s a-”

“And you dared to touch me and my servants. Who, mind you, are as dear to me as family.”

“I’m touched!”

“Brother!”

What kind of absurd situation is this?

“This is stupid. Lisa let’s-”

As I take a step forward, Boris stops me.

“No, no. Look behind.”

He smirked.

I quickly glance behind.

“See those cars?”

3 black cars outside the school premises.

“Those are all my people. And if you dare to go even one step closer… they will apprehend you.”

I can see silhouettes of people in those cars.

He’s not bluffing.

“...But why?”

“Safety measures, of course. Look what you did to us before!”

This clown does nothing but laugh and spout nonsense.

It’s useless to talk to him.

“...Lisa, what’s going on?”

“Hey, eyes on me. I’m a mediator for a reason!”

I starting to get pissed.

But I look at him.

“...Those eyes are indeed scary… Anyway, Lisa said that she doesn’t want to speak to you. She’s here just to listen. So all the talking is done through me. Got it?”

…No…

I don’t get it.

Is… Lisa still mad at me?

But why bring this idiot into this?

…Fine, Let’s just get it over with.

“Yes.”

“Great! Then let’s start. First question! Do you plead guilty to being a filthy thief?”

“...Is this a joke?”

“Answer.”

“No.”

“Tsk, tsk. Lies. We know that you are.”

…I don’t understand where this is going.

Don’t understand at all.

…Wait.

Did… Lisa tell him?

That…

“...Why?”

I was looking at Lisa.

She too looked at me.

Her expression is complicated…

But… I think she’s sad…

“What do you mean why? Pffft, you know what’s coming, don’t you? That’s what you get for messing with me!”

His words were crude.

I think I’m getting pissed.

Not because of him or his mocking tone.

…Lisa…

What exactly is happening?

This is just one big misunderstanding, right?

You know me better than anyone.

You know I wouldn’t do something truly bad!

“Then! Second question!”

Lisa!

Please!

Explain!

As if reading my mind, Lisa averted her eyes.

...She hid behind him.

“Tell me, Tom, did your uncle Lee have anything to do with your crimes?”

Why bring him into this?

Is this ordeal his doing?

…Did he finally decide to use Lisa to get to me?

“Nothing! As if you don’t know that!”

He smiled.

His lackeys chuckled.

“Oh, I know well.”

Figures.

My uncle’s working with him and his family.

It seems the Russian mafia desperately wants to gain Lee’s favour.

“After all, who doesn’t know of him? He’s more loved by this city than the mayor himself after all. Millionaire, philanthropist, kind, generous, outgoing… How can you not like him!?”

Indeed.

His public image is great.

There is no way he’d let even an article of some sort slip by.

Everything that can harm his perfect image gets swept under the rug.

But that’s just his image.

People know that he is a dangerous and criminal individual.

They just don’t know what exactly he does, or where he stands.

I’m one of those few who are aware that he is the leader.

A fucking crime lord.

“...We both know the truth.”

“Hm? Something tells me that only I know the truth… You believe those stupid rumours, poor soul.”

“...”

Rumours.

That’s the only thing he can not control.

“So let me ask you something quickly. If he’s so strongly involved in crime… How come the crime level of this city is so low?”

Simple.

He only does high-scale operations.

Moreover, never in the city he lives.

Here, he only eliminates those he doesn’t like… those who oppose him.

What is the point of going after poor people for him?

 “Do you know the answer? No? I do! He’s chivalrously fighting said crime from the shadows! But shhh, he doesn’t like to brag. Ah~, he’s so awesome.”

All he does is seize control of small bands and gangs, then tell them what to do and what not to do!

Can he stop praising that bastard?!

“He’s nothing but a lying hypocrite!”

“Oh? Nothing is pointing on that, though?”

“There is enough in my eyes!”

“Tsk, Tsk. Paranoical as ever, are we, Tom?”

Huh?

“Well! Let us not drag things out! The last question!”

Finally.

I am prepared to take Lisa and run if this won’t end.

We need to talk in private.

… I need to say sorry.

I should’ve approached her sooner.

“Who do you work for?”

What!?

How does he…?

No, calm down.

He cannot know.

No traces were left and I always acted alone.

“...I work alone.”

He sighed and turned to Lisa.

“See? I told you he’d protect them. He was brainwashed a long time ago.”

Damn it!

He knows!

How?!

Did I make a mistake somewhere!?

They won’t like this!

“Hahaha! Look at that face! Oh, Tom, we know everything! Ha~... I wanted to thank you before the police take you away.”

…

“...I don’t understand…”

Why is this happening?

I… haven’t even done much.

“Heh. You see. Life has become boring for me lately… But you made it so much better!”

“Why… me?”

All I ever wanted was a happy life.

Yet…

“Oh, at first, you were just a douchebag who beat me up… However, when I asked my father to investigate you… I have never seen such an interesting person!”

“...My life…”

…is so unfair…

“Yes! It’s so peculiar! I thought my life was unique! But you! Recruited by an organisation of that calibre!? I was jealous! And… I don’t like to be jealous.”

“...”

When was the last time I felt… alive?

“But! Because of you! I got to meet Lisa!”

…Lisa…

Yes…

I felt alive with her.

She’s the only reason I’m still alive.

And yet…

“Lisa… why are you on his side?”

“Hey! I said-”

“Because you’ve changed.”

“...Me?”

Did I ever change?

… I don’t know.

“Yes… From the moment you started getting bruises. You… I knew you doing something bad again… But… But to think you were working for terrorists!”

“...What?”

What did she just say?

“I never would’ve been with you if I knew! How could you use me like that! Even after all I’ve done for you! After all those years!”

“...Terrorists?”

Them?

Why… would she think so?

“Yes! You should know better!”

“N-No! They…”

They aren’t…

But I can’t tell you that…

I can’t betray them…

If only you were here alone, then-

“I knew it! You’re an awful liar! How could I be so blind!? Why did I waste all those years on you…”

…Waste?

Was… saving my life…

“Lisa… Dear Lisa… I’m so-”

“Don’t you dare say it! I’m sick of hearing it! It was so annoying hearing you say it each time! It didn’t feel real then, but now I know for sure your apologies were all fake!”

How can you say it…

Why do I feel like…

No…

“L-Lisa! Please, listen! This is really just a misunderstanding!”

Don’t do it, please!

“Shut up! I’m done!”

…don’t leave me…

“Lisa… you’re… my… Lisa..”

“Don’t call me Lisa! I’m not yours anymore! No, I never was! But now-”

Not…

…mine?

.

.

.

Time suddenly slowed down.

.

.

It’s as if each second was stretched.

.

.

Like on that day.

.

.

I can see Lisa slowly approaching Boris.

She’s so beautiful.

I can discern her every detail.

Her slightly dishevelled dress.

Her shiny blonde hair.

Her blue-as-sky eyes.

And her red lips.

.

.

But why are those lips… so close to his?

.

.

What is she doing?

.

.

She…

She…

.

.

.

Kissed him.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

“I’m his!”

.

.

“Woah… This is so fucking fun.”

.

.

“I hope you rot in prison!”

.

.

“Damn, girl. I think I love you!”

.

.

.

Me too.

.

.

.

“I-Is it fine for him to just leave?”

.

“Pfft, he can run, but he can’t hide! Ahaha!”

.

.

.

.

.

.

My life was always cruel.

I thought that I was just unlucky.

But I always believed that fate was fair.

That with everything that I went through, I would find as much luck later on in life.

Elisabeth was my proof of that.

Even though the odds were so low…

She always managed to find me when I needed her the most.

I would be dead long ago if not for her.

Not only because of food she brought me.

There is no point in living in darkness.

…and I know darkness well…

She was my only source of light in that darkness.

Every time I went to school or on a job…

I thought of her.

I thought of how good it would be if I could spend more time with her.

All the happiness in my life came from her.

Although I met people who I came to like…

No one could compare with her.

And now…

.

.

She’s not a part of my life anymore.

.

.

I once told myself I won’t cry anymore.

And I haven’t.

.

.

And I won’t.

.

.

But that didn’t really matter.

.

Life doesn’t like me either way.

.

.

And I don’t like it that much either.

.

.

So it’s time to throw it away.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

-Lisa’s PoV-

It has been a few months since that bastard went missing.

Thomas, I mean.

I hate him.

I wanted to see him locked up in prison.

Boris told me they would find him soon, and that I shouldn’t think about him anymore.

I can’t do that.

Boris just doesn’t understand how big of a role he played in my life.

How dear he was to me.

But that was before he got recruited.

The Tom I knew was a kind, caring boy.

He would always look only at me and help others when I’m not around.

After the incident with the wallet… He promised to never steal again.

And he didn’t for a while.

Moreover, he felt so guilty, that grandma that he started helping her with everything.

He basically became her only family.

I’m sure she was like that to him too.

…He made her last years full of happiness.

It was at her funeral that I saw his eyes fully empty… for the second time.

Probably around then, that damn organisation found him.

I should’ve noticed.

He never once even mentioned her… Never went to her grave…

How could I be so blind?

I thought that he just didn’t want to think about that, so I didn’t mention her either.

His life, after all, was hellish enough as it was.

I tried to alleviate that pain as much as I could.

Although it was out of guilt at first, I’ve come to like him.

But now… he’s just a memory.

A painful memory.

…Sometimes, I think that I said too much back then.

I acted on emotions, so my words came out too crude.

And… I even gave my first to Boris in front of his eyes.

However, who knows? Maybe his feelings for me were fake too?

He never once said he loved me after all.

Wel… Neither did I…

All of that is behind me now…

Or it should’ve been.

And yet, here I am.

In front of his door.

I wanted to come here before but decided to wait until I pass my entrance exams for the university.

…He and I wanted to go there together.

But I chose another main subject.

It was Phycology before because I wanted to help him…

I always wanted to help him…

Going on regular therapy didn’t help him.

So I wanted to do it myself.

But now it doesn’t matter.

I hope I can find a way to finally get over him and proceed with my life.

Maybe I’ll even find some clues to his whereabouts.

I always had a spare key to his house.

He gave it to me himself.

*Click*

Here I go.

Ah…

He would announce his arrival in my place…

Pfft, what a stupid habit.

…

Everything is the same.

It doesn’t look like he took anything.

The food in the fridge is almost all rotten.

…Even leftovers of his food were tasty…

He never went into his parents' bedroom.

He close it with a key and threw the key away.

…Said that even looking at their pictures hurts him…

So only his room is left.

We used to study here all the time…

His laptop isn’t here…

I never could guess his password.

Hm?

What’s this?

Flowers?

They are almost withered.

Oh, and… a note?

.

.

.

『Dear Lisa Elisabeth,

I do not know when you will be reading this. But I’m sure you will, one day. There is no one else who would go in there but you. You are the only one I have had after all. So I just left it here. I wanted to explain myself to you. It does not matter if you believe me or not. All I wanted to do was put it on paper, whether you read it or not. Call it an act of selfishness if you wish. Today, I have heard many things. Said many things too. Some things I should have told you a long time ago, and regret I didn’t. Although it is late, still let me tell you. The organisation I am part of is by no means terrorist. I would never do something like that. I never broke the promise I gave you either. I’ve never stolen from people like us. The people I stole from were all evil, like my uncle. Please do not believe him, you have seen enough to understand that. And the thing I regret not saying the most. I’m sorry. It might be annoying to you, but I hope you will forgive me this once. I do not ask you to forgive me completely, however. I understand. So the last thing I can do for you is to never show my face in front of you. My body too. I will make it so that they will never find it. Please live your life to the fullest. As mine does not have a light in it anymore.

I will always love you,

______

P.S

In the daffodils is my last gift to you.

I’m sorry I didn’t get to surprise you with it.

Pursue your dreams, and be happy.』

.

.

.

*Sniff*

The last words are barely readable…

And there are wet marks on the edges of the note…

But they are not mine…

Is this the truth?

Can I believe him?

And does it matter?

He isn’t missing… he’s…

.

.

Is this my fault?

.

.

There are more than a hundred flowers in this vase…

And… an envelope inside.

There is an emblem of my university on it…

My God…

There is so much money inside…

It’s…

It’s enough for at least 2 people to fully pay their tuition.

…

Tom…

You…

Did you… save it… for me?

.

.

There is something written…

『For every sorry I owe you』

Those… daffodils…

.

.

You remembered…

.

.

They are my favourites…

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Tom… I once asked you why you stopped crying. I have never seen you cry when we were growing up. I couldn’t understand your answer. You simply said that there were no tears left to shed. That they were all used up. What a stupid answer, I thought…

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But now I get it.

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Because it doesn’t feel like I’ll ever stop crying.

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As the chapter name implies, this is part 1, part 2 will be an epilogue and it will be much shorter(I hope).

More about the fate of Lisa, Boris and the organisation.

I don’t like when the story ends on a bad note.