
I apologize for the long wait, and the lack of attention I gave this story the first time around.
Expect some slight changes to the plot, and overall a much more condensed story with more frequent updates!
Also, the original first chapter is still available for reading on my wattpad.
Thank you for your patience, and happy reading!
The sun is peeking over the horizon as a boy sits alone at a bus stop. He holds a backpack on his lap, and a suitcase sits beside him. He lets out a lengthy yawn while looking around in hopes of spotting the bus he'll be boarding. His parents enrolled him in some fancy boarding school which they told him next to nothing about.
His eyes light up when he notices a small white bus turn the corner. It's surprisingly silent as it drives through the sleepy suburb. The bus slows to a stop in front of him, and the boy approaches with his luggage in tow.
The bus doors swing fold open, and a dour looking man wearing an unfamiliar uniform sits in the driver's seat. The boy climbs aboard and glances around in search of an open seat.
"There's not a single empty seat?"
The boy lets out a brief sigh before sitting down beside a friendly looking boy. His luggage is shoved onto his lap as well as on the floor between his legs. He takes a furtive look around the bus, and his eyes widen.
He observes several odd students, and can't help but feel a little freaked out. There's a boy with goat horns growing from his head, a girl with a unicorn horn growing from her forehead, and a boy who's missing his head entirely; It feels as if he's stepped into a haunted house.
"Do you get motion sickness? You look pale." The boy's seat partner asks.
"Something like that..." He replies weakly.
Truthfully the bus is an unreasonably smooth ride, yet the boy can't enjoy the comfortable ride with such freakish sights all around him. Ghosts and monsters are the stuff of fiction, yet here several very real looking cryptids casually chat with normal looking kids?
"That's rough. I'm Scy by the way, Scy Walker." Scy introduces himself.
Scy's casual words bring Michael out of his spiraling thoughts, and he temporarily forgets how freaked out he had just been.
"Oh, I'm Michael, Michael Fawkes." Michael returns the favor.
The two boys shake hands briefly before the whole bus and surrounding area are bathed in complete darkness. The sounds of chattering have vanished for the moment, and Michael yelps in confusion before putting a hand on his mouth.
Darkness gives way to light, and an otherworldly landscape reveals itself. Through the window Michael can see towering ebony mountains scattered throughout a sea of thick red fog. The sight of it all has Michael lost for words.
"Squawk!"
Michael yelps in fear as a black bird roughly two meters in length glides just outside the bus window. The strange bird's red beady eyes stare dumbly into the bus as it glides past; The bird flaps its wings and joins its brethren in the sky.
"You're scared of demon birds?" Scy asks with a smirk.
The question catches Michael off guard, but he manages a casual shrug in reply.
"They're just like big chickens. With lots of teeth. Also they eat people." Scy explains as his smile grows.
The color drains slightly from Michael's face as he processes what Scy just said. Something is very wrong, and Michael isn't sure how to extract himself from the situation at this point. He fears the bus driver is a monster in disguise, and maybe Scy is too.
"Did I get on the wrong bus?"
Michael glances out the window while considering his options.
"I'm not sure how I could escape this nightmare world, even if I get off the bus."
The bus follows the harrowingly narrow road to the top of the mountain. Michael takes a few deep breaths as the bus comes to a halt. The driver opens the doors before standing, and starts directing the kids in the back to leave the bus in a single file line; Staff will take their luggage to their dorms during the entrance ceremony.
Scy is behind Michael in line as they depart the bus. Michael's eyes widen for a third time that day as he steps off the bus and sees the school he's accidentally stumbled his way into; The structure resembles a castle topped with two monolithic towers.
"What kind of boarding school is this?"
The line moves him along as he struggles to maintain a poker face; Scy shakes his head at Michael's antics while the students are organized into rows. There are exactly twenty five new students here lined up in five rows of five.
"Greetings, new students." The kids all focus on the speaker.
The man is large in stature, and has the head of a lion. His golden mane reflects the sunlight as his presence dominates the stage.
"Welcome to Upside Academy; The boarding school for mages." He continues.
"My name is Professor King, and I'll be explaining how the entrance ceremony will proceed." Professor King introduces himself.
"Did he just say boarding school for mages?"
Two people wearing the same uniform as the bus driver carry a large crystalline object onstage. Professor King turns and places his hybrid hand-paw on the object's smooth surface.
"This is a magi-measurer. When your name is called you are to walk up to the stage and place your hand here..." Professor king explains.
His large hand-paw rests on the dome shaped top of the magi-measurer, and the contraption glows in response. The kids all watch with rapt attention as the machine projects a magical rectangle of light several meters above itself; There's text displayed on the illusory screen.
Name: Darius King
Magic: 98 / 181 mgl
Michael's heart beats like a drum in his chest as he realizes this device will reveal his lack of magic. Professor King steps aside and a staff member hands him a clipboard with the list of names.
"Arianna Truhuf." Professor King reads aloud.
Michael glances at the girl with the unicorn horn as she walks up to the stage. His thoughts are elsewhere as she touches the device, but he takes a moment to glance at her results.
Name: Arianna Truhuf
Magic: 48 / 63 mgl
Professor King sends Arianna back to her spot in the crowd before calling on the next student; This process continues while Michael panics internally. Name after name is called, all while Michael imagines being boiled alive in a warlock's cauldron, or cooked on a spit over a magical demon's fire.
"Michael Fawkes." Professor King says.
Michael's internal dilemma is brought to a screeching halt as someone with a similar name is called upon. His legs are stiff as he walks up the stage, and his throat feels dry. Professor King is looking at him as he puts his hand onto the magi-measurer. It gives Michael goosebumps.
Gasps of confused shock erupt from the crowd as the magi-measurer projects Michael's results for all to see. Professor King's stoic expression shifts to one of surprise upon seeing what everyone is so surprised about.
Name: Michael Fawkes
Magic: 0 / 0 mgl
Michael tenses up as he expects the lion headed man to eat him, or maybe just kill him, but it doesn't happen. Professor King stares at Michael for a few moments before gesturing for him to return to his place in the crowd.
"See me after the entrance ceremony is over." Professor King says quietly.
Fear is reignited within Michael as he nods meekly. He walks down the stage and returns to his spot; Scy is giving him a pitying look, while others look at him with hostility and disgust.
Hmm... I've read both versions, and as for this one, I feel like we know a little too little of Michael here. Is there any evidence that he wasn't supposed to be there aside from his jumpiness? Is he just prejudice towards others in a world of magical beings? Is magic common in his experience and he's timid?
What was he thinking when waiting for the bus? Is this the bus he intended to get on? If so, why is he surprised to see magic people? If not, why doesn't he attempt to leave? Where are they going? Why does he feel he needs to follow along?
I know you handled these questions in the other version, so it's not like I have no idea where you're going, but new readers do not have that luxury.
Like, I can definitely see you sped up the pacing of this story, and I don't think it was a bad choice to have done that, but I feel you rushed the first few paragraphs without context clues a bit too much, and if not either corrected or explained shortly in chapters to come, it forces the audience to make conjectures that can throw them off tangent of what you want them to see.
Just some things I noticed. I'm glad to see you writing this one again, as the story is intriguing, just, don't fear so much giving some explanation even if it can make a chapter run longer.
As an editor, I often have to remind authors I work with: you can always trim down a lengthy amount of detail, but you can't always add detail easily if you never gave key details anywhere earlier. Building your world starts with a solid foundation and your audience only sees what you show them.
Thank you so much for the feedback!
I totally agree with some of the things you've mentioned, especially when it comes to conveying the setting and Michael being an ordinary person in a world where magic isn't something most know about..!
I'll probably revise and add something to this first chapter; I was honestly trying to keep it brief, and I think the chapter's quality suffered in a few areas because of it.
Just letting you know I did some revisions as per your suggestion, and I think it improves the believability and makes it easier to understand Michael's reactions to the situation.
@LightNovelNovice the revisions definitely have added depth, so good job
Yay! I was really disappointed when the story was put on hiatus right after it got started. It looks like you're splitting up the original first chapter info several shorter chapters for now?
I'm actually writing chapter 2 right now, and the sequence of events is slightly different!
Sorry about that, I was going through some stuff and the old chapter 2 never got more than halfway done...
Thanks for reading again!
@LightNovelNovice well, I'm still excited to see where this story will go, so I'm glad that you're writing it again.
Glad to see you continue working on this novel
I think you should add a bit more details on the first chapter. It feels rushed and i have many questions non answered at this point.
I'll check out the rest of the chapters.
Not sure if anyone still wants more of this, but expect a few chapters today.