One last chance – this was Fumihito Inugami’s last possible opportunity to convince Chou Usagi that he was worthy of dating for-real. He’d have to pull out all of the stops if he wanted the girl of his dreams to fall for him! Previously, he had vowed not to do this, but desperate times called for desperate measures; and besides, he had earned plenty of money from his My Precious Ko series to financially secure him for the foreseeable future.

“I’ll take your most expensive solitaire-style engagement-ring, please!” the dog barked, slamming an entire briefcase full of bills onto the jewelry shop’s counter.

“You want to trade that case for an expensive-ass ring?” the cashier asked.

Fumihito rolled his eyes. Sometimes, he could’ve sworn that his life had become nothing but a rom-com. And not a very funny or romantic one, either. “There’s a few billion dollars in there.”

To you or me, it may seem like Fumihito was foolishly blowing all of his money to try and impress someone who was literally incapable of returning his feelings (because he was), but to a New Pork Rinds best-seller millions, billions, trillions and even morbillions and bazillions were nothing short of chump-change!

 

Meanwhile, Chou had just changed into fancier clothes in preparation for her final date – a date which would probably end in disaster. The more things change, the more they stay the same…

“You sure that a double date is a good idea?” Hisui asked. “Aren’t you worried I’ll upstage you in the romantic department, or something?”

“The fuck do I care?” Chou replied. “This is Fumihito and I’s final date anyways, so we have no need for chemistry anymore! My manuscript’s nearly complete!”

“Yes, your… manuscript. It’s still just a first-draft, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Oh, thank the gods! I was worried you’d lost your touch, Sis!”

“Cut me some slack,” Chou squeaked, “you know romance stories aren’t my forte!”

“In the time you’ve been dating Inugami, you could’ve quit and found work at a different company that didn’t force you to write a romance story!” Hisui joked.

“Whatever,” her sister said, “just grab your girlfriend and get ready. We’re heading off now!”

“Where is Inugami taking us, again?”

“The same restaurant where this is all began,” Chou said.

“Oh, you authors and your bookends!” Hisui chuckled. “How romantic!” she teased.

“Get bent!” Chou retorted, causing the two sisters to burst out laughing. “Don’t sweat it, Hisui, I’ll pay for you and your girlfriend’s meals. After-all, once I finish my next novel, I’m gonna be rich!”

“I wouldn’t bet on it,” Chou’s sister shrugged.

“Pfft, puh-lease!” Chou rolled her eyes. “If writing this romance crap worked-out for Fumihito, it’ll work-out for me!”

 

About ten minutes later, Chou, Hisui and Hisui’s girlfriend Monika Ward greeted Fumihito Inugami by the front entrance of the Chez Platypus restaurant and diner.

“Chou, Hisui, hey!” the cavalier King Charles spaniel waved. “I take it this is Hisui’s GF?” he asked, gesturing to Monika.

“I’m Monika,” she smiled, “but my friends call me Ika.” Monika wrapped her tentacles around Hisui’s arm. “And Hisui calls me many things…” she winked.

“Oh, stop it!” Hisui blushed, brushing her girlfriend’s limbs off of her. “Anyhow, Inugami, Sis told me ALL about your dates!”

“A-Ah, really?” Fumihito sheepishly grinned.

“Yep, so let’s make sure nothing goes wrong tonight!” Hisui winked.

“Ignore her,” Chou instructed, walking inside the restaurant.

“H-Hey, wait up!” Fumihito said, following behind her, as Hisui and Monika sniggered to themselves.

“Let’s place our bets how long it’ll take before everything goes wrong!” Monika laughed.

“Ika!” Hisui stammered. “I have the utmost faith in my sister! Nothing’s going wrong tonight!”

“A fiver sez you’re wrong,” Monika grinned.

“…Make it a tenner, and you’re on.”

“Deal.”

 

A waiter showed the couples to their shared table; the same waiter from the night of Chou and Fumihito’s last meal together. Just like their last visit to Chez Platypus, they were surrounded by tables of other couples enjoying romantic meals together. Chou rolled her eyes, before directing them instead to the menu.

“See anything you like, Sis?” Hisui asked.

“Hmm…”

“I’ll have the shrimp,” Monika piped-up. “And you’re gonna have the fruit salad, right, Hisui?”

“You girls know each other well, huh?” Fumihito smiled, wrapping his arm around Chou’s shoulders.

“Well, duh, we’re in-love!” Monika beamed. “Any true partner will know every detail about her girlfriend inside and out!”

“I know everything about Chou too!” Fumihito chuckled.

“Piss off,” Chou laughed, “you do not!”

“Your birthday is August the sixth, your blood-type is AB, your major in university was animation before you dropped-out, you have B-cup breasts, your favorite color is purple, you don’t have any tattoos or piercings, you don’t smoke, but you do love an occasional drink, you always do stretches and drink a warm glass of milk before bedtime and you had no issues at your last doctor’s check-up…”

“Wow, uh, ok, that’s kinda creepy,” Monika admitted, “even I don’t know Hisui that well! What are you, a stalker, or something?” she nervously laughed.

“What?! Uh, no???” Chou replied. “He’s my best-friend! Of-course he knows that sorta stuff!”

“Ouch, friendzoned,” Monika said before letting out a groan as Hisui elbowed her in the gut.

“Cut it out,” Chou’s sister growled through gritted buckteeth.

“I’m just kidding!” the squid sighed, rubbing her belly. “Lighten-up, Hisui…”

“Hey, where’s Perry?” Fumihito asked.

“Perry?” everyone else responded.

“The waiter,” the spaniel clarified. “Have you decided what you want yet, Chou?”

“I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

“What about spaghetti?” Monika wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “You can recreate the kissing scene from Duchess and the Stray!”

Fumihito’s tail began to wag as his face went red. “Y-Yeah, maybe…”

“Eew, gross,” Chou moaned, “why would I want to get dog spit on my lips when I’m eating dinner?”

 

Eventually, the four animals finished their respective dishes and got to talking about things! Romance, past experiences, ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends, favorite dates, dream honeymoons, other topics that Chou didn’t participate in. The rabbit author took her cellphone out of her jacket pocket and looked at the time.

“Well,” she said, tapping Fumihito on the shoulder, “these last few weeks have been fun, but I think I’m gonna bounce, now. I have to get home and finish writing my novel.”

“O-Oh, what’s it called?” the dog asked. “I never actually asked about it before now. I want to know what I’m looking out for when it hits store shelves! I’ll be first in-line to grab a copy!”

“Oh, I haven’t actually decided on a name, yet,” Chou admitted. “I usually give all my stories punny titles, so I’ll have to think of a clever name later…”

“Hey, don’t change the subject,” Monika said, “we were just getting to proposals!”

“Proposals?” Chou asked. “What are you proposing?”

“Wedding proposals,” Hisui explained. “While you were zoning-out staring at your phone, Ika, Inugami and I were talking about romance.”

“Yeah, I heard,” Chou grunted. “So what? Are you and Ward getting engaged now, or something?”

“Ohoho, no!” the tentacled mollusk laughed. “I was just wondering… Hisui, when are you gonna propose to me?”

“If you want a proposal so bad, then why don’t you propose?!” Hisui retorted with a giggle.

“Yeah, this has been fun, but I’m gonna go before my eyes fall outta my head from all this eye-rolling I’m doing…” Chou excused herself, standing up.

“Wait!” Monika yelled. “How about you, Fumihito? When are you gonna propose to Chou?”

“Oh, uh, well, uh… I was waiting ‘til we were back in the parking-lot and, uh, I, um… Err, what I mean is…”

“Ika,” Hisui sighed, “they’re not really dating. They’re just doing this because Chou thinks it… somehow helps with generating ideas for her newest novel.”

“Yeah, what she said!” Chou nodded. “Welp, see ya!”

“Uh, wait, Chou… There actually WAS something I wanted to ask you.”

“F-Fumihito?” the other author stammered as her coworker got out of his seat and onto one knee. “What the fuck, we’re in public??? If you want to know what color my panties are, y’coulda just whispered that into my ear, y’know?!”

“W-What, n-no?!” the cavalier King Charles stammered, “That’s not what I wanted to ask you!”

“Your sister’s a riot!” Monika chuckled.

“Oh, gods, no…” Hisui muttered under her breath.

 

The entire restaurant fell silent as the question escaped Fumihito’s muzzle, before erupting into a chorus of cheers, claps and cries of “aww, how sweet” – all except for Hisui and Chou Usagi, for they were the only two animals in attendance who knew the truth.

After what felt like hours for both Chou and Fumihito, the lagomorph author let out a sigh.

“Uh, Fumihito… I’m aro, remember?”

“Arrow?”

“Aro,” Hisui corrected, “y’know, short for ‘aromantic’?”

“OH!” Monika beamed, “Now I get it!”

“B-B-B-But…” the canine stuttered, dropping his ring-box to the tiled floor. “So, all this time… all this time I’ve been trying to impress you, you’ve felt NOTHING?!”

“Uh, yeah,” Chou said, giving Fumihito a look which screamed “I think you’re being a total idiot, right now”. “I told ya so, didn’t I?”

“UH, NO?!” the dog shouted.

“I’m pretty sure I did,” Chou rolled her eyes, folding her arms and snickering.

“YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!” Fumihito roared.

“W-Whoa, Inugami, calm down!” Hisui said, hopping up and wrapping her arms around the cavalier King Charles spaniel.

“Get off me!” Fumihito yelled, storming off. “You can keep the ring, Usagi! I’m done here!”

“Wow, dick move, Chou,” Monika said.

“What’s his problem?!” Chou groaned. “He knew we weren’t really dating, so I don’t get what the big deal is!”

“Oh, Chou…” Hisui sighed.

To be continued…