Feb 21, 2014, Friday.

"Wasn't he such a wonderful boy, Ruijun?" Ma coos.

Even though she is asking me the question, she is not turning around from the front passenger seat to look at me. I lean my head on my hand, too exhausted for any witty comeback.

"Yeah lah," I say simply.

Today has been a tiring day, and it is especially tiring when you have to pretend to be a different—nicer—version of yourself. Right after my tennis practice, the chauffeur took me straight to the Huang estate where we had an unnecessarily long dinner. And now, we are finally going back home at eleven o'clock.

"That boy Sean ah," Ba adds, "he's in the military and everything, and their family has a huge influence in the government leh. They might even help you get a scholarship with the government too."

I try not to roll my eyes. "Yeah, yeah, okay."

Why would I take a scholarship and tie myself to the government, when my parents have generational wealth I can make use of?

While Ba goes on and on about the greatness of the Huang family for the next ten minutes or so, I shut my brain off and fix my stare outside the car window. The high-rise buildings and canopy of trees zip by me in a blur.

I hate this.

This entire week has been hell. Every day after school, I either have physically-draining tennis practice or mentally-draining teaching. And I do not get a break after all that—the family chauffeur waits by the street wherever I go, and I have no choice but to go straight back to the prison of my house. I feel trapped. I feel strangled.

Worst of all, I have not yet found an opportunity to talk to Chloe privately at school, and I hate it. Just last week, we were hanging out almost every day. We were cuddling to sleep and I was giving her goodbye kisses. And now I am actively avoiding her as much as possible to avoid suspicion.

"Should we arrange to meet them again?" I dimly hear Ma ask.

"Of course lah! Definitely meet a few more times."

I purse my lips to stop my groan from escaping.

I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.

Our car pulls up to the driveway. As I trudge into the house, I see we have a guest—Jon is chatting with Ruimin in the living room. Judging by the books on the table, he is here to help my brother with his homework. But the way he looks pointedly at me suggests otherwise.

Like the sociable person that he is, Jon strikes up some friendly small talk with my parents for a bit before they bid him goodnight and leave for their room.

"I'll go to sleep now too," Ruimin announces as he hurriedly packs up his homework and rushes away.

And so, it is just the two of us. Just like the way it used to be—at least, without the strange tension in the air. I am still angry at Jon, and I do not mask that from him.

Stuffing my hands into my pockets, I ask, "Want something to drink, Jon?"

"Nah, sit down lah, RJ." Jon gives me a wink as he takes out a large bottle from his bag. "My dad went to Japan last week and got some sake. Dassai 23 Junmai Daiginjo."

Intrigued, I let out a whistle and settle next to him. After chugging the cup he pours for me, I let out another whistle. "Wah, I needed this so much. Thank you ah."

"I can tell, that's why I'm here mah." He takes a swig as well. "Ruimin told me your parents are super hard on you. You okay? You've been avoiding everyone all week sia."

"What do you think?" I give him a hard look. "I'm still pissed off at you and Huimin lah, and I didn't want to lose it in front of others."

"Oh, that's..." He gulps. "I'm so s—"

"If you apologize again, I'll smack you," I say.

"Oh. Uh... What can I do to make you less angry?"

I snort as I lean back on the couch. "Nothing lah." Nothing he can fix, that is, especially what is happening between Chloe and I. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I change the subject. "I just need some time. Everything going well with you, by the way? You... happy with Huimin?"

Jon raises his eyebrows. "I'm not allowed to be in a relationship till I graduate, remember?"

"Oh, right."

"But it's okay. We were never that serious lah. Hooked up a few times only. She wanted to make it more serious than I wanted to, so..."

I pause as I process that information. "Wait, so you were using our fake relationship to keep things casual with her?"

A sheepish smile creeps up his face. "Uh, kinda?"

I groan. "Wah lao eh, Jon! You know it's all your fault I'm in this situation now, right? I just got back from a stupid dinner date—meetup, whatever—with Sean Huang and his family leh."

Jon's eyes widen. "Sean Huang? The guy who used to attend ACS?"

"Yeah lah, that stuck up school full of people flaunting their wealth. You know him?"

"Oh yeah, he goes to my church. Kind of a prick, to be honest. Your parents are trying to set you up with him?"

"And with a bunch of other people too." Jabbing my finger at him, I snap, "And I'm doing all this because you wanted to hook up with a friend."

Wincing, Jon scoots next to me and begins giving me a shoulder rub. "Ah, sorry lah, RJ. I didn't mean for this to happen lah."

I let him ease the tension in my back for a while—it's been hurting since tennis practice today—before shaking him off.

"Enough lah," I grumble as I rotate my arms around to loosen up my joints. "God, Joei is training the hell out of us."

"The new tennis captain, right? Huimin was complaining about her too..." He trails off and changes the subject immediately. "Okay, moving on. How about you? How are things with you and..." —he lowers his voice to a whisper— "Chloe Lee?"

My body tenses again. "How do you know about her?" I demand.

"Logan told me you were sleeping over with someone last weekend after that night. And you were acting weird with her too, so I just guessed lor."

Frowning, I take gulp of sake. "Keep quiet about this, okay?"

"I will, I will," he assures before leaning forward and wiggling his brows at me. "So you really slept over at her place ah? Did you also... sleep with her?"

Memories of the day flood into me and I cannot help but crack a small smile. "Yeah."

"Nice lah, RJ! So are you two, like, a thing now? Girlfriends? Or keeping it casual?"

The smile on my face grows. "Girlfriends. We talked and it's official."

He blinks. "Wow. That's fast."

"Worth it lah. She's the best girl on Earth," I say with a longing sigh. The alcohol is getting into my brain, and I find myself adding, "Honestly, I'll marry her in a heartbeat too if she wants."

Jon stares at me as if I have grown an extra head, while my cheeks burn with embarrassment.

"I'm just- it's just talk lah," I add. "I'm not actually gonna do that..."

"I mean, I get it lah." Jon shrugs. "She's quite hot."

"Very hot." I correct him. "Smoking hot."

Chuckling, Jon raises his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, I get it, you're in love."

The burn in my cheeks intensifies. Love. Am I in love with Chloe? A month ago, I didn't even talk to her, but now, she is all I think about. What does it even mean to be in love?

My head throbs and I lean back in pain. This is not a topic I should get into while drunk.

"I miss her so much, Jon," I blurt. "I don't want my mother to find out about her so I haven't been talking to her. I can't even text her sia."

"What? Why?"

"My mother is monitoring my phone lah."

Jon looks taken aback. He takes a moment to consider before he says, "Hey, I have a spare phone. You know that extra one I bought when I lost my phone for a while?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to use that phone to text Chloe instead?"

My mouth drops. A new phone! Why didn't I think of that? "Oh my god, Jon, thank you! That's literally the smartest idea you've ever had."

"Har? It's not even that smart lah. I think you were just too heartbroken to think properly sia."

"Maybe." I let out a chortle as relief surges through me. "Oi, give me your phone first thing tomorrow, okay? God, I can't wait to talk to her again."

"Yeah lah, yeah lah, I'll drop by tomorrow morning. Just don't sext her please. I still want to use the phone in the future and I don't want to see any weird shit."

"I will do my best to be as dirty as possible in my texts. You're welcome."

"Fuck you lah."

We laugh for a bit before Jon looks at me with a strange expression. "So, Chloe Lee, huh. What do you like about her?"

I stare down at my cup. I think about Chloe, the way she frowns as she studies, and the way she looks at me with a pout on her lips. I think about the dark circles that she tries to hide and the cheery smile she puts on every day. I think about the way she rushes to help her mother at the dining table.

My heart flutters in my chest. Maybe I am in love.

And then I remember how I have not talked to her in a week, and my heart sank back down. I take a huge gulp of sake. It's okay. Soon, I'll be able to talk to her again. Soon.

"She's got a really good heart," I say. "I've never met anybody as pure and as ...good as her." An absolute angel. "Plus, she's, like, super hot. Jon, you can't imagine just how hot she is."

"Do you really want me to imagine?"

"Don't you dare."

Jon snorts. "Well, you seem to like her a lot more than Yuna."

I have not thought about my ex for a long time now. "Yeah, I guess. I've moved on liao lah, but also, maybe she was never right for me."

Jon rubs his flushed face."Relationships are so hard. Like, how do you know when someone is right for you, you know?"

"Yeah, I'm not sure either."

There is a slight pause before Jon asks, "How are you so sure about your sexuality too? Like, do you really not like men, even a little bit?"

I feel as though I am punched in the face. I cannot believe Jon is asking me this after so many years. "What the fuck, Jon. Why are you asking that?"

"I mean, I've been reading online, and people say sexuality is a spectrum or something. You sure you're not even a little bit straight?"

"Fuck no! I'm one hundred percent gay, dude!"

"Not even one percent straight?"

"No!" I am so exasperated I want to kick Jon in the stomach. "Are you one percent gay?"

"I don't know," comes the unexpected response. "I mean, there's some men I'd be okay fucking."

"Oh." All anger dissipates from me. "For real?"

"Well... Like I'm not gonna say no to... Chris Hemsworth, you know?"

Laughter overtakes me and I begin to roll on the sofa.

"Don't laugh leh!" Jon protests. "I've read that it's normal! I'm still straight."

"You want to... fuck Chris Hemsworth... and you still say... you're straight," I say between fits of laughter.

"Everybody wants to fuck Chris Hemsworth lah!"

"I don't!"

"Oh, shit, really?" Jon sits back. His face contorts with both confusion and realization. "But why would you not..."

"Wait, wait, let's double check with more people, okay?" I take out my phone and call Logan.

"Aye, RJ! What's up?" Logan screams through my speaker.

"Lobang! I'm here with Jon. We have a question for you. Would you fuck Chris Hemsworth?"

There is a long moment of silence on the other end. "Huh? What are you talking about sia?"

Logan's reaction sends both of us into laughter, but I push through with my questioning. "Would you fuck Chris Hemsworth lah?"

"What? Why would I? Huh?"

I raise my brows at Jon as if to say, See? Told you.

Meanwhile, the boy is groaning and burying his face in his hands.

"Why leh?" Logan is still confused. "Is this a dare? Huh? Am I supposed to say yes?"

I decide to change the question. "Okay, okay, Lobang, would you fuck Jon?"

Jon lifts his head in shock. He is about to retort but Logan's answer comes much quicker than his previous response.

"Fuck yeah!" he screams. "Jon so sexy, of course must bang lah! Jon ah, you there? Love you so much lah, bro! I'll bang you any day!"

We are both in tears from our laughter as Logan continues screaming, "Did I say the right answer for whatever game you're playing? What are you two even doing together sia? Why never invite me?"

"Bye lah, tell you later."

Jon and I keep laughing for the next ten minutes. By the end of it, we lean again each other on the couch, sighing from exhaustion.

"Okay," Jon mutters, "you know what? I think I may be, like, twenty percent gay."

We burst into laughter again.