Chloe

September 14, Mon, 2015

"Don't watch too many movies on the flight, okay?"

"Okay."

"Remember to drink water."

"Okay."

"And don't stay up too late ah."

"I'll try."

"Remember to eat your veggies."

RJ chuckles. "What are you, my mom?"

I keep my eyes glued to the airport's shiny, marble floors as I blink back my tears. Tightening my grip on RJ's hand, I choke out, "Four o'clock, every day, promise?"

"I know lah," RJ says with a sigh. I've repeated that time so often it's no wonder she's exasperated. "Four pm for me, nine am for you, after classes for me, before work for you."

My vision blurs. "Every day, okay?"

RJ leans over and kisses my forehead. "Every single day. I promise."

Gently, she wipes away my tears, allowing me to see her face again. She's as beautiful as ever. Without a dress code limiting her, RJ's hair is now blonde with light brown streaks complimenting her dark, gorgeous eyes. A small, wistful smile tugs on her lips as she says, "Come over soon, okay?"

My throat is stuck, but I manage a small nod.

I've dreaded this day for months, but it is here. RJ is leaving for Los Angeles today.

The two of us applied to the same schools together. As expected, RJ managed to get into a few, and she picked UCLA for the location, weather, and good computer science program. Meanwhile—just as expected—I didn't get into any schools. After all, my grades were not as good, and I didn't have any extra-curricular activities to show—my time spent at Tropics Fall is not really something to show off to the Admissions Committee.

RJ wanted to delay her enrollment to wait for me, but I reminded her of our pact. She should go after her goals, not pausing her life and waiting around for me. I will try my hardest to get to her instead.

And we have two more years in the pact.

I said all that, but right now, how I wished I had been selfish.

Tears cloud my eyes again, but RJ wipes them away. "Hey, hey, hey, don't cry lah, Chloe. Work hard at your new job, get some new experiences, and apply again next year, okay? You'll get in next time, I'm sure of it."

I force a smile. RJ is a lot more optimistic than I am, but she is right. When I was applying with her, my life wasn't going well—the cost of my mother's surgery weighed down on me and I was still struggling with school. Now, the surgery is over, my mother's vision is stabilizing, and all the required standardized tests are over. I have a lot more time now to focus on myself and figure out what I want to do with my life. And I have a new job now.

The head chef that Mrs. Shin linked me up with actually replied. He was kind enough to let me tour the kitchens and shadow him for a day. For some reason, he decided to extend an offer for me to become a part-time junior chef-in-training, despite there being no opening spots available. I've since been working alongside some of the best chefs in the country, which is very exciting.

I want to agree with RJ and think that this can improve my application chances. I want to promise that I'll get into a school the next time I apply. But I can't bring myself to be optimistic. Not today, not when she's leaving me.

Slumping into her arms, I sob. "I'll miss you so much lah..."

RJ pulls me close, a firm hand on my head and an arm around my waist. "I'll miss you too." Her voice is as calm as ever, but I can hear the slight trembles. "I'll wait for you. We'll make it work."

"I don't know... if I can... do it..." I say in between my sobs. "I don't know... if I can... get into... any schools... I'm not... like you..."

"Don't say that," RJ whispers as she plants kisses on my hair. "You are so much more capable than you think lah, okay? Have you seen yourself in the kitchen? The way you talk about recipes and how they work and how to improve them? You're smart, Chloe, for real. Not only that, you work hard, so passionately hard. I believe in you lah, okay?"

RJ's sincere words are making me smile and cry at the same time. "I don't... even... believe... in myself lah..."

"You have to. And you have to believe in us." RJ lifts my head and caresses my face. "And I'll still be helping you, okay? I'll be reading and editing all your essays. And I'll make Jon help too. We'll get you to LA, okay?"

RJ is so encouraging and so comforting, but I am still unable to stop crying. These past few months, we've had to juggle school and work, we've had to sneak around the school just to be together, we've had to resort to sending letters and secret text messages. We had more chances to hang out after graduating, but I had my new job, and RJ had an internship. We have been through so much, way too much, and yet the world is making it so hard for us to be together.

Love has been so, so hard. Why does it feel like never-ending work? Why is everything in life never-ending work? Why can't I just get a happy ending?

"Chloe, look at me."

I blink. RJ's stern eyes come into focus. She leans forward and presses our foreheads together. The warmth from her skin lightens my mind, while her breath tickles my lips.

"We made a pact," she whispers, "and I will honor it. I promise you. I know this is hard, but I will do whatever it takes to make it work because I want to make this work. I will call you every day, I will text you every morning and every night, and I will visit you whenever I'm back for the holidays. We'll get through this, okay?"

The sound that comes out of my throat resembles that of a dying cat. "Okay..."

RJ glances around before closing the gap between us and kissing me on my lips. When she parts, my hands clench around her shirt as if I want to trap her here forever. We've kissed many times during the year, but something about knowing this will be the last one I'll be getting for a long time wrenches my heart out of my chest.

"I love you, Chloe."

And my heart returns to my chest in a hot, flowing puddle.

"I love you too," I whisper.

RJ smiles in response. Smoothing my lips over with her fingers, she says, "Okay, I really need to go now."

I nod. I wipe my cheeks as I watch RJ grab her carry-on luggage and walk towards her friends gathered on the other, busier end of the airport.

Jon, Logan, Huimin, Audrey, Adrian, and Emma have all come to say their farewells to RJ, but they graciously let the two of us have our time together. Her brother, Ruimin, is also with them. RJ purposefully booked her flight on the day of an important shareholder's meeting, so her parents can't be here to send her off, but Ruimin was still willing to come all alone.

One by one, they give RJ a hug. Embarrassed by my tear-stricken face, I stay where I am until RJ waves me over.

She chuckles at my shyness before placing a hand on my cheek. "Take care, okay?"

"Don't worry lah!" Logan jumps next to me, banging on his chest. "I'll take care of her while you're gone!"

"Shut the fuck up lah, Lobang," RJ snaps. "You're in the army now, how are you supposed to take care of her?"

All the boys instantly look insulted—National Service is mandatory for them, so RJ's statement must have felt like a dig.

Emma chimes in, "I'll take care of her! I don't need to go to the army!"

"You're not much better lah, you're gonna be drowning in schoolwork soon," RJ points out, deflating Emma's energy. Emma got into a local university, and her first day of classes is actually tomorrow.

"I'm not in the army yet," Ruimin offers.

RJ ruffles his hair, despite being a head shorter than him. "Focus on school lah."

"Just go lah, RJ," Jon says while rolling his eyes. "We are all here with Chloe, but you're there all alone sia." He gives RJ a hard pat on the back. "You... take care over there, okay?"

There's a shimmer in RJ's eyes, but she quickly blinks it away. "Yeah." She slaps her hand on Jon's. Their hands stay together for a long while, before she mutters, "Thanks, bro."

"Come back for Christmas."

"I will." RJ sighs and waves. "Okay lah, don't make me miss my flight. See you all."

As RJ walks towards the gate, Emma puts her arm around me. I feel my body shiver against hers. It's time. RJ's leaving. She's leaving.

I watch as she hands her passport to the security guard. The guard scans her photo and reads the ticket. He nods and returns it back to her. She turns and walks into the boarding gates.

She's really leaving.

My heart is shattering as I cry. She hasn't even left the country, and I already miss her so damn much. I know this is the best decision for both of us, but it's such a painful decision. Why, oh why, must this be so hard?

A hand tilts my head up. I blink my tears away only to see RJ again.

"RJ?" I mutter. Did she come back because she saw me crying? "Idiot. You should go before you miss your flight."

"Can I just have one last kiss?"

"But there's so many people here."

"I'm leaving this country lah. I don't care."

I chuckle. "What about me leh?"

"You're joining me soon." She cups my face. "And then I'm going to kiss you every single day."

Then, in the middle of the busy airport, in the middle of all our favorite friends, she leans in for a kiss.

The world around me dissolves. I wrap my arms around her neck and savor her taste. Savor her.

Two more years. Two more years for her to wait. Two more years for me to try.

But for now, kissing her goodbye is all I can do.