“Why would you need my help? You know how to levitate!” Radestro says, crossing his arms.

“It’s the astral projecting — makes me out of sorts and worse at magic,” you lie.

“You literally already put me to sleep with magic.”

With a shrug, you say, “But this time the magic would affect me, so…”

“Charming as ever, love.”

Stomping over to the bank wall, Radestro puts his hands out in a cup form for you to step into. You do, but when he lifts you up, it quickly becomes apparent that the highest he can go will still not get you up to the second story windowsill. It sits there, just out of reach, a meter or so away from your outstretched arm… if only Ruem were taller.

“Maybe I can help you do the levitation spell?” Ruem says from your shoulder. “You’d only have to make it a short way.” Given the fact that Radestro is starting to shake from strain, you might as well give it a go. After giving Ruem a short nod, you watch her disappear and then reappear on your hand. She helps you through the motions, then instructs you to “Put your hand on your boob.” A little confused, you do as she says and immediately start floating up, up to the window. Ruem, meanwhile, has reappeared on your shoulder and is cackling. When your attention shifts to her, your body starts to fall, so you desperately throw your arms out and manage to grasp the windowsill. “Focus!” Ruem shouts between bouts of laughter. Somehow, despite her, you manage to do so, floating a little higher to compensate for your weak arm muscles that definitely were not going to manage to haul you up into the window. Pushing your upper half through the open frame, you tumble head over heels inside, landing on your back on the office floor. Ruem wheezes with mirth.

“I didn’t actually have to put my hand on my boob, did I,” you say, stretched out on the floor like a beached starfish.

Ruem’s first few attempts to answer are more unintelligible sounds than actual words. Finally, “You — hah — did not!!”

With a sigh, you haul yourself to your feet and look around. A very plain office surrounds you, with a desk, a stack of papers, a filing cabinet, and virtually nothing exhibiting personality. Though perhaps a severe lack of personality does somewhat count.

“Alright, so… how do we let Radestro in?” you say, moving quietly to the ajar office door.

“If you go down this hallway, there’s a staircase to the bottom floor. The back door isn’t far from there. But…” You raise a brow. “There is a doorway at the bottom that the mirrors can see you from. So you’ll hafta move quick…” Much more quietly, she adds, “Hopefully that won’t set ‘em off.”

Anxiety rising, you say, “But what if it does?”

“Then you’ll hafta kick a security guard’s ass, I guess.”

Sneaking down the hall toward the staircase, you grimace and say, “Pretty sure I’m the one more likely to get their ass kicked in that situation.”

“Uh… then get the back door open and hope Radestro can kick his ass?”

Arriving at the stairs, you sigh deeply. “So encouraging.” Casting that speed spell you learned earlier, you charge down the stairs and past the open doorway, quick as lightning. When you get to the back door, you stop, stand and listen for any sound, but you hear nothing save for the muffled snoring of the guard in the other room. Unlocking the door, you push it open as quietly as possible, and wave Radestro over.

He trots over and enters the building. When you tell him the guard is asleep, he whispers, “So we need not worry about using magic on him?” Visibly irritated, he whispers, “I tested the spell for nothing?”

“If you put him to magical sleep, those mirrors won’t wake him up, and neither will us talking at normal volume,” says Ruem, a touch of irritation in her voice as well. “Or us touching him. Literally nothing except dispelling the magic or the magic timer running out will wake him, really.” You relay this information.

Relieved, Radestro says, “Ah, good. Well let’s take care of him, then. Can you hit him from the doorway?”

“No,” Ruem says. “I think you’re gonna have to dash over to him, then cast the sleep spell as quick as possible.” Rolling over to your hand, she says, “Here, lemme help you with the time part of the movement… four hours should be enough, right?”

When you voice that, Radestro replies, “Yes, four hours should be fine.” Worry crosses his face. “What if you don’t cast quick enough, though?”

“Then you better be there to prove that sword on your hip isn’t just for show,” you say as you start to mime the spell with Ruem’s assistance.

“You know it is not!” Radestro says, turning his nose up at you. “But fine, yes, I shall serve as your backup.”

Casting the speed spell again, you take a deep breath, then rush into the middle of the building. Ruem shouts directions at you to get you where you need to go, resulting in you narrowly avoiding a desk, a wall, and a trash can. When she yells “Stop!” you screech to a halt, mere centimeters from a surprised man sitting in a chair. As if in slow motion, you watch his hand raise to touch his neck, and you know your time is limited. Going through the motions you practiced with Ruem, you toss your hand out toward the man and are shocked when nothing happens. “The loop!! You forgot the loop at the end!” Ruem shouts. A brown trail of magic hovers in the air as the guard nears the end of whatever spell he’s casting. Desperately, you cast your spell again, making sure to include the loop, and then hurl your hand toward the guard. His body slams back into his chair, his magic fizzling away. He slumps in his seat, nearly slipping out of it to the ground.

“You did it!!” Ruem shouts.

“I did it!!” you shout too, your breathing ragged, sweat pooling on your brow.

The sound of clomping boots reaches your ears, and a moment later Radestro appears. He looks at you, then over at the unconscious guard. “Ah, you did it!”

“Little late to the party, bub,” Ruem mutters, and you both giggle. Radestro raises a brow.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” you say, looking back at the sleeping guard. The morality of what you’re doing might be questionable, but pride still swells in your chest. Ruem helped, but ultimately you accomplished this on your own. No magical powerups from mysterious dream girls this time. You learned some magic and you put it to use! You’re getting pretty good at this magic thing, really, and Ruem is a surprisingly big help. Maybe you should take lessons from her, rather than Umeso or the Headmistress. It would certainly be less painful than the latter.

Stepping forward, Radestro starts manhandling the unconscious guard, and eventually steps away with a key in his hand. The rustled body falls to the floor behind him. “There we go, that should get us through the door!”

Not having looked before, you turn to stare at the vault door in question. It’s a gigantic display, at least twice as tall as you. No wonder the second story is so high off the ground. Where a keyhole would reside on this massive slab, you haven’t a clue. Taking a few steps closer, you scan the wide expanse, and eventually notice a handle off to the far right, with a small keyhole above it. Radestro apparently sees it too, as he steps forward, slips the key into the lock, and turns it. That goes smoothly, but when he tries to open the door… it won’t budge.

“Are you sure you unlocked it?” you say, moving closer. He glares at you.

“Of course I’m sure!” To prove his point, he turns the key back and forth, and you hear a soft clicking noise each time. “It’s just absurdly heavy!”

Pushing his arm away, you try your hand at the door too, and indeed, it’s very heavy. Way too heavy for either of you.

“You’re probably supposed to use magically-enhanced strength or something,” Ruem says from your shoulder. Grumpily, she adds, “I don’t know any spells like that, though.”

Flipping through the magic book, Radestro harrumphs again and again, finally slamming the book shut after a few minutes. “Nothing! Not one spell about strength at all!”

“Can I look?” you say, not exactly trusting his reading capability. He tosses the book your way, and a few minutes later, you find that he’s correct. There’s some frankly terrifying spells in this book, but nothing that seems like it would make you stronger. And the one with the word ‘explosive’ in the name seems a little much for this particular case. You hand the book back to him. “Maybe if we both pull?”

Radestro nods, and the two of you grip the door handle, your hands brushing. It sends a shiver of disgust through your body. Trying to ignore the contact, you pull with all your might, and slowly but surely, the door starts to creak open. Except it’s really, really slow going. After a minute or two, you both have to stop and rest your aching muscles. Continuing on with this starting and stopping approach, after about half an hour the two of you manage to open the door enough that you can slide inside. Finally, after all that, you enter the bank vault.

The interior is suitably vast, the walls lined with lockboxes and piles of gold covering huge swaths of the floor. Leaping for joy, Radestro beelines toward one of the gold piles.

“Okay, you’ve gotta convince him to stay now, alright?” Ruem says, gesturing with her orb body at Radestro. “Maybe make it clear that we can run away eventually, just not right now?”

“But why?” you whisper.

She glares. “I dunno, say you still haven’t packed yet or something!”

You wave a hand. “No, no, I mean why do you still want to run, anyway? Can’t you just stay with me and Umeso and Kittpey?”

Ruem seems taken aback, and for once has no immediate response. “I…” She scowls, getting up in your face. “Hey, how about you keep focused on the task at hand, Miss Nosy??”

With a shrug, you say, “Fine, but you’ve gotta start explaining yourself eventually, you know.”

“I don’t have to do shit!”

“Also the packing thing is not a long-term excuse.”

Ruem’s yelling at you now, trembling with rage. “Then let’s just tell him I’m actually not in my body right now so I can’t go yet, since my excuses are so bad!”

“Okay,” you say, striding forward. Radestro doesn’t look up as you approach, too busy shoveling money into a sack that he must have had hidden on his person.

“Wait, what’re you—!?” Ruem squeals, rolling back and forth on your shoulder.

Pressing a hand to Radestro’s arm, you say, “Hey, dickhead, take a look.”

Glaring at first, his eyes soon go round in surprise. “What in the world is that?”

“Uh… hi,” Ruem says, peeking out from behind your neck.

“Why does this weird circle sound like you?” Radestro says, staring.

Pushing her out onto your shoulder, you say, “She’s the real Ruem.”

He looks back and forth between the two of you, clearly not understanding. “It’s true, this is me, Raddy!” You visibly cringe. “I’ve been stuck like this for a while now!!”

Radestro squints at you. “But then… who are you?”

“The name’s Biat,” you say, splaying your arms.

His eyes keep flicking back and forth. “So I have… two girlfriends now?”

“What!?” you and Ruem both scream.

“No the fuck you don’t!!”

“I’m a lesbian!”

Turning to face you, Ruem says. “Oh, really? Nice.”

Realization hits Radestro. “Wait! Is that why we haven’t had sex lately!?”

Shivering, you say, “Yes. That’s super not happening while I’m in here.” Though you had, admittedly, let it get uncomfortably close to happening once or twice before. Damn your people-pleasing nature.

“It also means you groped someone that’s not me!!” Ruem shouts.

“Though it would’ve been bad even if it was her, because she never gave you permission to do that,” you add.

Rolling his eyes, Radestro says, “I said I was sorry already!” Tossing his other arm about erratically, he says, “What, do I need to do it five more times? What’s the arbitrary number that’ll allow you to get the fuck over it? It’s not like I knew it wasn’t you!”

“Yeah I already said why that doesn’t matter.”

Voice pacifying, which is something you’ve never heard from her before, Ruem says, “Look, we don’t have to dwell on it! But Raddy, this is why you can’t go!” She rolls down your arm, maintaining eye contact with him the whole time. “I’m stuck like this for now!”

He grimaces. “Um… you could… sit on my shoulder, then? Wait, can you even do magic like that? Or have sex?”

You gawk at him. “Why would you—”

“No, baby, I can’t. I mean I haven’t tried that second one, but the thing is, you can only see me because Biat here is touching you.” To illustrate, you pull your hand away, allowing Radestro to see how she disappears. Then you put your hand back. “So you’ve gotta wait, okay?? We’ll get this whole body thing sorted out soon enough and then—”

“That isn’t going to work for me,” Radestro says, face hardening.

Despite having few facial features, Ruem’s face falls. “Isn’t gonna— What do you mean?”

“I’m not spending even one more night in this hellhole,” Radestro says, wrenching his arm away so he can continue shoveling gold into his bag. “I almost died here! I’m getting out now, whether you’re going with me or not.”

Ruem trembles on your shoulder. “Wha-what? Radestro, you…”

Knowing he can’t hear her, you reach out to touch his arm again, but he moves away. “No, this isn’t a debate! Sorry, dearest. It’s been fun, the sex has been great and your magic has been useful, but all good things must end, right?” He looks you in the eyes. “Unless your ‘lesbian’ friend here—”

“Whatever you’re going to say, the answer is ‘fuck no,’” you say with venom. Somehow it’s becoming easier and easier to say no to this absolute piece of shit.

He shrugs. “Your loss.” He continues shoveling gold.

In tears despite not being able to physically shed them, Ruem says in a wobbly voice, “B—But… How can he call me dearest but then—?” She sobs. For her sake, as well as your own indignant curiosity, you voice her question.

“That’s just how I talk,” he replies, not bothering to look your way.

Stooping to pick up a solid brick of gold, you aim it at his head.

“No, stop!!” Ruem practically screams. You lower your arm. “Don’t hurt him!! I just— He— Just leave hi—” She cries more, very loudly, and you let the gold brick drop to the ground with a sigh.

There’s nothing more to do here. You managed a feat you never would have imagined yourself capable of in your past life… but what has it left you with? A room full of money you don’t want, memories of being groped by a creep, and an emotionally devastated friend. Slumping in defeat, you turn away and plod towards the vault door.

“G—g—gold,” Ruem says through her tears. You stop. “Y—you’ve gotta get some!!”

“Why?” you say, doing your best to keep your tone level.

“Even if that bastard doesn’t love me—” Ruem spits, her body shaking, “—even if no one does, like hell am I staying here!!” Sniffling, she takes a second to get her voice back, then says, “I need that money to leave, Biat, so just fucking take some already!!”

Desperately wanting to remove you and your friend from the situation, you don’t argue. Bending down, you scoop two handfuls of gold up against your chest, then take your leave. As you slide out the vault door, you take one last look back at Radestro. He doesn’t return it. Then you turn away, and that’s the last time you ever see him.