Sir’s House of ASSignation

R.A. Duck

 

Chapter 1

Did that happen?

 

Oh man, this was such a good idea! I can’t believe I never thought of this before now. My eyes roving greedily over the unsuspecting wonders and bountiful treasures in front of me, oh glorious alphabet I’m a genius!

 

“Sir?”

 

Crap. I freeze at the polite feminine voice behind me. The toad!

 

“Excuse me, sir, what are you- “

 

Double Crap!

 

The sharp intake of breath told me it was too late to hide it. Too late to even pretend like I was lost. She saw it. Him. In all his glory. What was I going to do? What could I even say to get me out of this nightmare situation? Oh man I’m going to jail, aren’t I? I begin to turn to the woman, who must have been motionless as my mind went on overdrive. As I fully faced her, him still at attention, our eyes met and then hers began to travel down. That’s when the screaming started.

 

Loud shrieks.

 

Like holy single and double letter alphabet loud.

 

The wordless cries quickly turned to thundering words.

 

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING! YOU CREEP! THIS IS THE CHANGING ROOM! PUT THAT LIMP NOODLE AWAY AND SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!” YOU ARE LUCKY THERE ARE NO CHILDREN HERE!”

 

The toad screeches this at the top of her lungs, pointing her finger so intently it felt like it reached into my very soul. Her cries of course alert every other presence in the changing rooms, several curtains are thrown open, I am greeted in several instances by the objects of my desire. The bouncy beauties held my attention before the woman began to cry out, many of these a high-pitched screech before swiftly shutting their curtains, many having had no bras on. glorious.  

 

As more shrieks and shouts began to sound, a sudden rush of bodies surrounded me, and then I felt the first fist strike the side of my face. Not a hard hit but it caught me completely off guard.

It seemed to catch everyone else off guard too, as the mob quieted and fell still. Before suddenly another fist rocketed into my left eye, the large rock on her ring gouging deeply, sending stars into my vision. Causing me to illicit a great scream of agony. This cry seemed to signal the mob to join in as fist after fist slammed into my head. It soon seemed like everyone in the dressing area was throwing, fists, feet, even purses. I vaguely remember a mannequin spinning in front of me as I found myself on the floor arms thrown over my head and legs curled in as vicious strike after vicious strike came. A loud thump and a sharp pain in the back of my skull causes whatever sense remained in my swiftly numbing body to be knocked out.

 

 Blinking slowly and opening my eyes expecting to see a jail cell or the lights of a hospital room as the events before slowly came back to his mind. Reaching up to feel my eye I was surprised to feel smooth unbroken skin, I was sure that rind had punctured my eye. I felt the juices on my cheek. It was then I realized I didn’t hurt. Like at all! Holy crap how long was I out for? Searching my whole frame, I couldn’t even find any signs of healing.

 

“Hello Judd” A rich melodic voice filled the room.

 

I swiftly searched about really seeing for the first time, too focused on myself. I was in the center of a large white room, the walls and floor made of large interlocking smooth stone blocks. Looking all around me, positive I had searched the whole room finding it empty and feeling very confused. About to start looking around again, I am instead greeted by the most wondrous sight.

 

Before I stood a curvaceous goddess, easily the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. Her bust was such an impressive size I was amazed they did not plop out from her low-cut white top. Her figure showed well in her skintight pants, her wide hips hiding the most perfect bubble butt. Her delicate features gave her a soft and welcoming look, with plump pink lips that glistens and enticingly begging to be kissed. Long golden hair fell majestically around her shoulders and framed her heart-shaped face. Her large baby blue eyes stared intently into mine, seeming to see everything about me, down to every single dirty deed. She didn’t look away.

 

Woah, she’s hot!

 

Then she smiled. My goddess was it a smile. The world seemed to grow brighter as her lips curled. She followed this by speaking the voice from before being hers. “I see you are already enjoying your second chance” amusement rang clear in her voice as her eyes traveled down and stared at the obvious swelling of my pants. “I hope I am not too distracting for us to speak seriously?”  

 

Shit. Caught. “Right, apologies. Uhm, yes? What do you mean a second change, exactly?”

 

“I am sorry to tell be the one to tell you Judd, but you died in that dressing room. Those women beat you to death. Don’t fear, all is not lost! I will offer you a second chance to start a new life. How does that sound?” Her voice is eager and hopeful.

 

“So I have to go back there with those women that murdered me? With the toad?”

“No! No! Of course, not silly! Do not worry, you will not return to your Earth, nor any Earth. Instead, you will be taken to a place where you can reach all your desires and dreams. Fame. Wealth. Woman. You can have it all.” This last she said with a coy smile.

 

Her smile was infectious, and I was awed by her beauty, making my heart skip like no Jennifer’s secret model ever could. However as stunning and captivating as this woman was. Momma didn’t raise no fool and Daddy always had a saying; “Why pay for what you can get for free but get all and then some of what you pay for. Because in the end you always pay.’

 

“I mean it sounds great; I find I have a few questions though.”

 

“Of course, ask away!”

 

“Will I come back as the fat piece of crap I am now, or do I get to design a new body?”

 

“Well…no, not exactly.” The Devine beauty in front of me looked at the ground and sucked on her bottom rubbing one foot on the back of the other. Her ample chest jutting out. Mumbling the rest of her answer

 

“What was that?”

 

“Ughh! I said you will be a dungeon core! Ok. Abyssal fire! Why does everyone have to ask.” The blonde crossed her arms under her chest and turned half away from me.

 

“Woah! I don’t know what that means but, by your reaction, I should be, unhappy about it?”

 

“No, you should be ecstatic!” She cries out throwing her hands up and out making me think and hope her chest will take the plunge. “Just no one wants to wait for the perks to kick in! If you could just wait it could be amazing!”

 

“Long game huh. I can work with that. I’ve never heard of a dungeon core before though. Is it some sort of creature in a dungeon?

 

“You’re interested?!?” she can’t help but shout out in shock. “I mean no! Even better you will be the dungeon!”

 

She stares at me brightly.

 

I stare back.

…

“So…nobody?”

 

“Nope! Not at fi-“

“NOOOOOOO” My sudden cry makes her jump back cutting her off mid-word “what am I supposed to do without my buddy?”

 

“w-Wait!” Beauty begins frantically swinging her hands back and forth, hair and bust flailing.

 

“You can, just not at first!!”

 

“oh…” feeling instantly better and extremely embarrassed I forget to ask any of the other questions I had prepared. “Well then, where do I sign?”

She seemed very confused, “That’s all it took... you don’t want to know anything else?”

 

“I’m positive, I can still have fun with the ladies and be a dungeon! Right?”

 

“Well yeah…. after you gain the Avatar skill…Nothing else, we might not meet again for a long time?” She is looking down at the ground and rubbing one of her feet against the back of the other with a slight pout on her full lips that made her look even more stunning.

 

“What? You’re going to leave me? But you’re my goddess!” I can’t help to blurt out as I hear that this buxom queen won’t be here for when I get my new body. 

 

Her face turns garnet, making her blue eyes pop as she says her breathing growing heavy “I’m afraid so. When you accomplish great deeds or overcome the impossible will, we have a chance to meet. Until then it is…unlikely.”

 

Her words leave me slightly stunned before speaking “are you not going to guide me? I have no idea how to be a dungeon”

 

“No, I will give you a guide but I’m afraid I will have very little control of who they are. They might not mesh well with the Theme of your dungeon though.”

 

“Oh alright, I guess I can live with that as long she’s a cutie!” I say with a laugh rubbing the back of my head not sure how to respond when someone like her tells you that she is all but useless. 

 

“…is that all” her tone makes it clear I am supposed to ask for something else. As she stared up at me with her head tilted down so I had no choice but to all but stare down her ample cleavage if I wanted to make eye contact. 

 

“Uhm, is there something I should ask?” 

 

It was clear from the moment those words left my lips; they were the wrong thing to say. Her gaze went from cute and inviting to slits that made it hard to tell if her eyes were even still open, while she puffed her cheeks and pursed her lips. I think she meant it to show her anger, but it was adorable. 

She lets out a large puff of air and her glare opens slightly but her blue eyes have turned from warm to icy. “Hmmm… I don’t know. YOU COULD ASK A GIRL HER NAME SINCE YOU HAVE BEEN OOGLING ME SINCE YOU GOT HERE AND I HAVN’T SAID A SINGLE ANYTHING!” as she speaks her voice rises in volume until she is holding both her fist and yelling at the top of her lungs. When finished, she is standing there her chest heaving, eyes now blazing with intensity. The force of her words had knocked me off my feet sending me tumbling end over end back words several feet away. 

 

Crap.

 

Thinking quickly, I scramble to my hands and knees and immediately prostrate myself at her feet placing my forehead on the floor. Having never been afraid to grovel and beg before. Letting my mouth save the day as I had hoped it would with the toad, it wouldn’t be the first time. “Oh no great goddess, I had assumed one as lowly as I would only be graced with your name if you so desired it! I know I am lucky enough to be blessed by your beauty and grace alone! I would not dare to dirty your name, as I am ashamed my gaze has dirtied our growing bond!”

 

Laying there waiting to see if my words having any effect, as I am about to raise my head to look at her when she speaks. 

 

“Aphrodite Urania” Her voice returned to the pleasant voice that had first greeted me. I look up to see a beautiful face framed in golden hair above me, cheeks scarlet, eyes wide and the widest smile I had seen on her yet.

 

“Like the Greek goddess?” continuing when she nods, smile growing wider. “Like married to Hephaestus that Aphrodite?” 

 

She rolls her eyes as soon as I ask this and stands up straight taking a few steps back. “No that’s my sister. As amazing as he is I could never stare at that face for eternity.”

It’s hard to see from the floor but it looks like she shivers at this thought, standing up quickly I bow low and begin apologizing profusely before she stops me with a heavy sigh. Making eye contact with her after straightening her speech. 

 

“It was not your fault; many do not know. Especially those of the Earths, several were close but as a whole Earthlings have not stayed consistent after we left. You will encounter many different gods or greater beings in this world, take caution, and do not assume what you know of them is true. There are three of us. Myself, Urania, and then there is my older sister Pandemos, who is the one married to Hephaestus. Apotrophia. 

 

The youngest of us, but who has lived the hardest.” she ends sadly and stares off into space. 

As I take in what she had just told me, one thought kept coming to mind even with the sadness that filled her eyes at the name of Apotrophia. Do they all look like her? No! Now is not the time to get lost in your dirty thoughts, Judd! Scolding myself as I realize Aphrodite was not the only one staring off into space, I just had returned faster and just a little harder than before. I reach out and touch her arm, her skin smooth and flawless. She comes to with a jolt, her eyes teary. 

 

“Right sorry! Was there anything else you wanted to know from me personally? Otherwise, your companion will be able to explain the details of becoming a dungeon core. “Her voice cracking and more than one-half sob escapes her throat, the thoughts of her sister seeming to cause her great pain. 

 

This was not how I ever thought my first time meeting a true goddess was go, not that I ever thought that I would ever meet a goddess in person. She just looked so sad and broken at this moment compared to the joy she had just shown moments before. I think I even preferred the previous outburst to this pain that she was now showing. Before I could think of the repercussions, I throw both my arms around her and squeeze her tightly to my chest. She froze at first, her breath catching before she squeezed me back. 

 

“Thank you.” A wet warmth touches my cheek and spreads to my entire body. 

Finding myself holding empty air Looking around in bewilderment before I realize the large white room is slowly fading to black. Thinking of the rollercoaster of emotions the beautiful blonde goddess obviously will be. I can’t help but smile and say to the room just before everything fades to black.

 

“I think I’m in love”