It started raining shortly after that, and everything grew quiet as a gentle and chilly autumn shower started to pitter-patter around us.

Everyone was speechless, staring at Haigha, who'd delivered the finishing stroke to the Knave of Hearts. He just stood there, breathing heavily as his blood-soaked tunic continued to darken. Darkness fell over the land as campfires were put out, and silence reigned supreme.

No one really knew what to do next. The attack and ambush by the Knave of Hearts had come so suddenly. Nobody was prepared for it, and the aftermath had been as equal of a shock.

The emotional numbness I felt lasted only a minute or so after the fight ended. Once the adrenaline wore off, reality began to set in. Dozens of eyes turned to watch me as I cast a light spell, and the orb floated in the air, providing luminescence to the camp once more. Some other surviving mages followed my action in silence, and our orbs floated like paper lanterns during a lantern festival. Lightning flashed through the sky as slowly, reality sank in around the camp.

I looked around our wrecked encampment as people began to somberly fan out. Bodies lay strewn about everywhere, some maimed beyond recognition. Some of the wounded survivors had collapsed in shock, moaning in agony, while others wandered aimlessly without any idea of what to do, staring blankly at the carnage around us. More than a few stood over the heavily maimed bodies of their companions and loved ones, staring in shock or wailing in despair and denial. Some that were hardier than others scrambled immediately, creating tourniquets and makeshift stretchers to carry their companions to shelter for treatment. The infirmary we'd set up at the start of the expedition had been completely wrecked.

The adrenaline wore off, and my emotions came back in full force as I began to weep. Tears of sadness. Of loss. For all of those who would never see their homes again. Those who might have survived if I hadn't let them die. Fighting back the tears, I turned to look over the state of our own party.

Tarrant and Lori surrounded Dinah, who was the most grievously injured of the group. Her armor had been torn apart, and the tendrils had severely cut up her arms and legs. Now that I could take a closer look at her, it looked like her right eye's orbital bone had been broken when the Knave of Hearts slammed her on the ground. She likely had multiple broken ribs as well, and she was having difficulty breathing. They'd formed a makeshift stretcher and were trying to stabilize her beneath the shelter of one of the tents. Its roof was slightly torn, and it wasn't ideal, but time was of the essence.

Haigha walked past me towards Tarrant, who sat slumped on the grass with his hands wrapped around his stomach. I hadn't seen Tarrant when the adventurers regrouped to make their final stand, and his steampunk armor was shredded in multiple places. Blood stained his clothes, but he was lucid and bandaged up, hard at work trying to MacGuyver things to keep Dinah stable. I stared at Haigha's tunic and noted that blood continued to pool from his injuries in the battle. He noticed me staring and shook his head placatingly.

I looked around at all the carnage, then I turned to Friar Dodgson, who was wincing in pain on a stump. He attempted to bandage up his leg, which had previously been severed and reattached by some magical means. Blood continued trickling from his back, where one of his two wings had been torn off.

"Friar Dodgson, what...what can you do with...with your healing magic here? I asked.

He glanced at me with a tired frown and shook his head. "Not much, young Alice. Even as one with utmost devotion to Her as I, I have limitations to the number and severity of miracles I can call down, and I expended mine during the battle. The further from the time of injury, the less effective a healing miracle is as well."

"Dinah will be okay," Tarrant quickly reassured me with a nod. "She should live long enough for us to get her home safely for proper care. We need to focus on getting ourselves all patched up first, though."

I looked at the wounded catgirl uncertainly. She continued to bleed from both forearms and ankles, and her breathing was ragged and strained.

As I watched, Tarrant used his belt knife to remove several items from inside his torn-up clothing. He tossed these aside, revealing a small metal cylinder containing a red liquid. He held the bottle between his teeth, unscrewed the cap, and poured it out on top of Dinah's open wounds. She bucked in pain and visibly fought down a shout of agony as the liquid sizzled on the wounds along her arms and legs.

"What is that?" I asked, pointing at the strange concoction.

Tarrant winced in reply. "A tincture of mending. It won't fix all of her injuries, especially the internal ones, but it will disinfect and help her flesh wounds close. As soon as it's absorbed into her blood, it should begin to work on her wounds."

The elf's face twisted in pain as he tried to sit upright. I rushed forward and helped him to his feet.

"Are you alright?!" I exclaimed.

His smile was weak, and he nodded.

"Just a little dizzy. Not too bad, compared to some of the people here. Thank you for asking."

I looked back at the camp. Everyone seemed to be doing something important, whether helping to patch up their comrades, tending to the wounded, or moving equipment. No one appeared to be paying attention to me anymore. There would be time to think about and mull over what I had done later. Everyone was too busy attending to their own or to their shock and grief.

I knelt beside Tarrant and placed a hand on his shoulder as he continued to work on Dinah.

"Thank you." I whispered softly, fighting back tears.

He clasped my shoulders with both arms and looked me sternly in the eye. "Don't mention it. You really saved us all, Alice."

I didn't know how to respond to that, so I just bit my lip instead and looked around. My heart broke watching everyone around me struggle to deal with the aftermath. People around me were crying, praying, cursing fate, shouting obscenities, and even laughing nervously out of stress and denial.

I wanted to go to each person and offer comfort, but there was just too much. Far too much suffering around me.

Then, something caught my eye. A young man was lying face-down on the ground near us. His face was obscured by the dirt and mud covering him, but his brown hair was familiar to me. I hesitated for a moment and then approached the body carefully.

"Sis?" Lori called out as I stepped away, but I didn't pay her any mind.

For some reason, I felt compelled to see this through, but I just... didn't want to disturb anything, as contradictory as that sounded. I crouched down next to the adventurer's side, and with trembling hands, I reached out slowly and brushed away some of the dried mud covering his face.

I froze. There was no mistaking it; I recognized this boy.

I dropped to my knees next to him and touched his cheek gingerly, feeling for a pulse. Nothing came.

I looked up at the sky, and the gentle shower somehow made the night sky even darker. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to push away the memories. Trying desperately to forget. To deny that all this had happened.

But I couldn't escape this. Images flashed in my mind, and I found myself crying openly again, unable to stop.

The teenage boy had taken the sample from me back at the Halton Adventurer's Guild. His shining Rank D insignia, which once hung proudly on his chest, was broken now. The symbol was cleaved in two, and parts had chipped off completely. I remembered how proud he had been showing it to me, his eyes shining in excitement as I introduced my modeling clay to the guild. Those eyes were closed now, and his face twisted into a grimace of pain and fear. He had been killed by a single thrust through the heart.

Lori walked up to me and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Did you know him?" she whispered quietly.

"No," I said quietly, wiping my eyes with my sleeve. "That's...that's what makes it worse."

I hadn't even bothered to learn his name. He was just another random stranger whose life ended because of my failure. And yet, I felt such guilt and shame. Guilt and shame that I hadn't been able to protect him. Shame that he died alone and afraid. I was so concerned with my own situation that I couldn't even offer the boy the dignity of identification now.

I shook my head and wiped my cheeks dry with the hem of my shirt. Then, I looked around at everyone else. At all the other people who had lost family members today. People who had loved ones they would never see again. Friends and lovers. Children and parents. Brothers and sisters. Parents and children. Grandparents and grandchildren. Aunts and uncles and cousins. Old friends. New acquaintances. Strangers who might've become lifelong companions if not for tonight. They were all gone forever, and I knew nothing I could say or do would change that.

Nothing I could ever possibly do could bring them back.

"Hey..." I suddenly heard Dinah croak from the makeshift stretcher. "You...you did good, Alice..."

Her voice sounded hoarse and strained. I glanced back at her and saw her lips curling upwards slightly despite her obvious pain. Her eyes were closed, and her ears were flattened against her head like a floppy hat. "Don't... don't beat yourself up."

She coughed and choked, spitting a mouthful of blood onto her shoulder. Tarrant, who had moved away briefly for more supplies, scrambled back to check on her.

"We're alive right now... because of you." she wheezed. "And we'll continue to be because of you. So please, just do your best... stay paw-sitive."

I smiled weakly. I knew she was right. I was just an average person out of their depth, but I couldn't help but feel guilty.

Dinah gasped sharply and clutched at her stomach, tremoring before falling limp in place.

Friar Dodgson reflexively tried to stand up and immediately sat back down, groaning in agony.

"Dinah!" I cried, rushing over to her side. I took hold of her shoulders and shook her gently. "Dinah! Are you okay?! Dinah?!"

She didn't respond. Just more coughing and choking. Lori and I moved to check on her. She had fallen still, unconscious.

I carefully pulled a blanket around her body and then cast a levitation spell to carry her to our tent. She was stable now, and I could get her out of the rain, which was trickling down onto her. Tears fell freely from my eyes, staining her blanket crimson. I stared down at the maimed form of this vibrant and beautiful person who had become another older sister to me. Another friend. Someone I cared about.

This shouldn't have happened. This was all my fault. If only I had gotten that spell off a few minutes earlier. Maybe I could've stopped him. Couldn't I? But it wouldn't matter now. He'd already finished his job. Killed someone else's father. Another person's mother. Yet another brother's best friend. One after another.

With great power comes great responsibility. I thought I understood that, but the devastation wrought by the Knave of Hearts really hammered it home.

I sat on the tent's floor with my knees drawn up under my chin and buried my face in my hands. My fingers dug painfully into the skin of my palms as I sobbed uncontrollably, shaking violently.

My whole body aches. Every inch of me hurts.

Every muscle seems to be screaming in agony from my neck down to my toes.

I had depleted nearly all my mana from casting the spell that had reimposed order onto reality, but I was still conscious and doing what I could, digging deep.

Treating those who were most badly injured with what little first aid I knew. Moving the dead bodies quickly and respectfully. Doing everything I could to ease everyone's pain while also keeping watch. Keeping track of all the different tasks going on around me. Making sure that everyone got what they needed when they needed it. Checking back on Dinah every twenty minutes or so.

...

It all goes by like a blur.

I'm exhausted. Exhausted, drained, spent, worn thin, wrung out, tapped out.

But I keep pushing myself harder anyway. Because I know I need to. Because it needs to get done.

Even though I feel like I should just lie down and sleep until tomorrow morning.

I can't let anyone die here. Not now. Not again.

There are so many things I have yet to learn. Things I don't understand. Even basic stuff. Basic knowledge. Skills. Knowledge.

Things I wish I knew.

If I had known, maybe things would have turned out differently for these people. Maybe I would've been able to save them.

Or maybe I would've just failed again.

I try hard not to think about it.

Instead, I focus on my task: treating the wounded and caring for the deceased.

But one thought keeps creeping up in the back of my mind. It won't leave me alone, no matter how much I try to push it away.

I could have stopped this.

I could have saved everyone.