Later that day, when the spring sun came out to melt the night’s snow, the two boys were in their favourite secluded spot – A small lake beside a tree that they now used for shade. Adam sat with his knees tucked under his chin, enjoying the sunlight filtering through the leaves and the warmth of the afternoon. Matt, on the other hand, was massaging his calves.

“I don’t think I’ve ever done so much walking in my life,” He said with a groan, eventually falling back into the grass when he realised he wasn’t going to be able to get rid of the dull pain in his muscles.

Adam smiled from above his knees, tilting his head, “Didn’t I say it’d be more than just a walk through the countryside? Why’d you even come, Matt? I didn’t need the help.”

Matt cocked his head backwards, looking at Adam upside down.

“A while ago, you told me that you got lonely and stuck in your own head when you had to do the patrols on your own. Coming along seemed like a simple solution, but…” Matt scowled at his feet, causing Adam to laugh.

“You’re not wrong, dumbass, but I didn’t ask you to come because it’s a hard trek. Didn’t want you to get, well, all achey.” He waved at Matt’s legs, which he had been profusely complaining about the entire way back. Matt grumbled wordlessly, scooting up to lie parallel to the other boy.

Adam lay down in the grass next to Matt, and they stayed there for a while, recovering from their small journey and savouring each other’s presence. At some point, Matt’s hand found Adam’s, causing the tall boy to flush again.

“Matt,” Adam began quietly, “What is… this? What are we?”

It was a question that hadn’t come up in the past year despite their little ‘japes’ becoming more and more affectionate. Matt snorted with amusement but didn’t unwrap his hand from Adam’s.

“What, beyond a little bit of camaraderie? Perhaps a sense of fellowship between brothers in arms? Sometimes brothers in each other’s arms?”

That got a curt laugh out of Adam, and Matt thought for a while, still staring at the sky.

“I’m not quite sure. I’ve known you since I was three days old. I’ve seen you knock yourself out by running into a tree branch at full speed when we were ten. You’ve seen me experiment with eating my own snot when we were six,” Another light laugh from Adam, “We’ve both braved the terror of growing up together. Normally, I’d think that that means I know too much about you, but that’s not really the case, is it?”

Adam squeezed the other boy’s hand.

“No,” He mumbled quietly.

Matt still stared up at the clouds, “I suppose… God, I’m bad with words and letters, you scoundrel, and you’re trying to make me explain – We are friends, yeah? Have been for as long as we’ve been us. But I don’t think I’d mind being something more.”

It was silly, really. Their ‘friendship’ had been much more than that for at least a year, but it was the first time either of them had put it into words. That’s what made Adam’s throat dry as he replied.

“I don’t think I’d mind either.”

Matt grinned like a drunk before turning back to the clouds, “Well, there you have it.”

And although that seemed like the conclusion to this little moment, Adam began to try and speak. He stumbled over his words as if they were hurdles, growing redder with each one that managed to escape his mouth.

“Ok, so- Would you be willing to try something more serious than a peck on the cheek, then? Nothing unclothed, but I know that you had something with Lisa… Could you show me how you did it with her…?”

Adam trailed off as Matt raised his eyebrows with surprise.

Lisa had been one of Matt’s previous flings, lasting for half a year right before he and Adam had begun… This. Their relationship had always made Adam jealous in a way that he didn’t understand, most likely because he himself had never gotten close to someone before Matt.

“It was usually her that led, but I can try… Are you sure?” Matt asked, rolling over onto his elbows, “I don’t want to rush you with anything.”

Adam smiled nervously, “Yes, I’m sure. I’ve thought about it for a while; I’m just terrible at speaking when I feel like this – It’s a whole mess.”

Matt nodded, “If you feel uncomfortable or want me to stop, tell me so, and I will without hesitating, alright?”

Adam grinned in reply, face still flushed, “Alright.”

Matt moved in, placing gentle pressure on Adam’s arms as he positioned himself above. It wasn’t uncomfortable in the slightest, and although Adam was by far the larger of the two, he suddenly felt very small. He didn’t dislike the feeling.

Adam’s heart began to quicken as Matt traced a finger over his collarbone underneath his shirt, but a few moments after Matt’s finger made contact with his body, Adam felt like something was… wrong.

It was like some passive feeling in his mind exploded into blistering clarity, and the soft weight of Matt became too much to bear.

“Stop-” He blurted out, and Matt, bless him, did as he was told immediately. The pressure was lifted, and Matt was back on his knees with a concerned look in his eye as Adam began to shiver, gripping his own shoulders.

Adam felt awful. He wanted this – desperately so, but just Matt’s touch was enough to make him nauseous. Why? What was wrong? Was it Matt? Was it the way that it had happened? Guilt mixed with his need for contact led Adam to a slow realisation.

It wasn’t Matt that was wrong; it was him.

Adam felt repulsive, and he didn’t know why. A light distaste for his own body had always been under the surface, causing him to squint at reflective surfaces and move in such a way as to cause the smallest impression possible. That was normal. However, it was like that subtle dislike had been increased tenfold, and his entire body was brought under his own mental scrutiny. His hands felt too large, fingers too thick, proportions stretched out. How could Matt bear to even look at him, let alone touch him? Suddenly, the idea of subjecting Matt to him made Adam’s stomach churn. He couldn’t hurt Matt like that. It wasn’t moral.

Adam hadn’t realised he’d started crying until Matt pulled him in for a hug.

“I’m sorry- I-it’s me, I just can’t-” Adam mumbled apologies into Matt’s shoulder as the other whispered small reassurances. They didn’t help, but Adam appreciated them regardless as he properly sobbed for the first time in what must have been years.

After a long while, Matt helped Adam back to his out-of-the-way country home, separate from the rest of the town and near the lake they both loved. His parents ushered them both inside, leading a still-sniffling Adam to his bedroom. Matt didn’t leave his bedside until late in the evening, though Adam couldn’t even bring himself to speak.

 

---

 

Adam slipped silently out of the house in the early morning, near twilight. What he needed now was the absence of thought, a lack of questions with good intentions. He understood on some fundamental level that his parents wanted to know what happened in order to help, but Adam would not – could not – think about… that. So, he stayed silent instead of speaking, lying under the cover of his blankets – until now.

It was not his time to patrol; usually, one of the family left at a far more reasonable time in the morning, but Adam needed to move his legs and sink into routine. His breath came out light and fast, forming puffs of white in the brisk morning air. He didn’t know where he was heading, but anything was better than thinking.

Adam found an animal trail and followed it automatically like a moving cart on a predetermined rail. He was hardly in reality, eyes glazed over as he allowed muscle memory to take control. He eventually came to a small, calm lake, like a shining mirror reflecting the still-visible stars. The trail continued down a gentle slope, and Adam was about to continue when a lack of clouds allowed an additional flash of moonlight to illuminate the scene. He snapped out of his stupor as he had a sudden realisation,

The trail he had been following was not one made by paws; it was made by boots.

Voices echoed from further ahead, smug and victorious. Adam darted behind a tree, peeking down the hill to see three figures standing around a burrow. The tree was scorched, though they had no visible torches with them, only a minor lantern.

CW For a description of animal death, it’ll only be this short paragraph, and it’s skippable.

End of CW

Adam recognised it; a boreal wolf, a powerful predator living in the colder forests. There were already so few of them, and these fuckers had gone and… Why?

He felt an indescribable cocktail of emotions bubble and roil in his stomach, twisting his expression into an ugly look of fury as he stepped out from behind the tree. His normal fear of coming across as intimidating disappeared, and he shouted at the top of his lungs.

“Oi! You bastards!” Adam bellowed, causing all three of the men to swivel in surprise.

They were clearly experienced. Their hiking clothes were tailored and well-maintained, and two of them had rather nasty-looking weapons at their hips. City folk, most certainly.

The tallest, equipped with a longsword, stepped forwards with fingers tapping an eager rhythm on the hilt,

“Hello there, son; it’s a little rude to be saying things like that to your peers, no? What’re you doing in the woods so early?”

The poacher’s grin was insufferable, wide from the euphoria of his little victory. Adam knew that the pelts of boreal wolves went for high prices, which only served to make him angrier.

Adam’s response to the stranger was to sling a bolt of ice at his head.

Unfortunately for Adam, he was very inexperienced as a sorcerer, only coming into his abilities earlier that year. The shot went wide, and the poacher let out a string of curses as he dove to the floor to avoid it.

“Francis!” The stranger barked from the floor, drawing his sword, “Maim the little fucker!”

The man without a sword smiled wide, and sparks gathered in his palms.

Adam’s expression darkened further, and he found himself screaming.

“You used magic to kill endangered animals?! You utter fucke-”

The fireball launched from the poacher’s hands, and it suddenly dawned on Adam that he was in a lot of danger. He threw up his hands instinctually, and his magic responded. A shield Adam had never seen before manifested in front of him, shimmering in the air. The fireball hit it and was deflected behind him, smashing into a tree and reducing it to smouldering splinters. Adam turned to watch, a look of horror on his face.

Something within him clicked.

Perhaps it was the fury, the horror, or the fact that this was the first life-threatening situation he’d ever been in. The area around him suddenly lit up, illuminated by a new source of light, and the expressions of the three poachers below him snapped from murderous rage to terror.

Francis, the mage, raised his hands again to fire off another spell, but before he was able to, the tallest of the three dragged him down by the ear.

“That’s a fucking aasimar, Francis! You’ve heard what they can do!”

Francis looked between his leader and Adam frantically, “That’s just shit they say in taverns. He’s a fucking child, Travis!” He did not sound very convinced.

Travis began to run away, “Then you can fight him on your own, you twat! The bloody wolf isn’t worth it!”

Their leader escaping seemed to be the last straw. Together, the three men sprinted deeper into the forest, leaving behind the wolf and the sled it was sitting upon, breathing hard as they made their escape. Adam shot off another bolt of ice at them, but it missed. He started down the hill to pursue them, anger fuelling his advance, but all of that disappeared as soon as he laid eyes on the wolf.

Adam slid down the hill, hands shaking as he stroked the fur and mumbled apologies. The creature had been huge, easily as tall as him if it had been able to stand on its hind legs, and its fur was gorgeous. The new source of light followed him as he moved and jostled around, attempting to untie the body from the sled.

For some reason, Adam’s emotions were far more forceful at the moment. He found tears in his eyes, despite finding multiple animals left behind by poachers. Why was this one hitting him so hard? Was he in shock from the fight?

And what was it that the poachers had said? ‘Aasimar’? His mother was the aasimar. He couldn’t even be one. What could they have meant? Adam dragged the wolf off of the sled, tears beginning to run down his face. Sorrow gripped him as it had never before, and he was so very confused.

You aren’t thinking straight, Adam thought to himself. What are you going to do with the wolf, bury it? Sit down and breathe. Calm yourself.

Adam sat down next to the edge of the water, tears hot on his face. He reached up to touch them, brows furrowed. Why was it suddenly so easy to cry?

That was when Adam caught a glimpse of himself in the lake. It was a perfect mirror, after all, and it revealed the sudden source of light.

A cool-blue halo hung behind his head, identical to his mothers in every way except for its colour.

 

 

Adam screamed.