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I don’t know if I’ll be able to survive this time… So, if anyone stumbles on my eulogy to my mother before it is finished, then head my warning:

Walls or not, the messengers of Order can still find you. Whatever or whoever they are… That’s what mother called them.

I was hiding inside what can only be considered a forest of stone. I don’t know what they looked like, as they came to me as a surprise in the darkness. The only sound there was was that of a fire I had managed to make, and then there was nothing. Simple and pure emptiness had swallowed me…

I think I’m currently falling while thousands of eyes are trying to dissect me with their gaze. It’s odd. As if nothing existed, while at the same time being drowned by those onlookers. Since I have nothing better to do, I’m writing like always.

Mother once taught me how to survive them, and that is by simply remaining whole. Your mind, your senses… you can’t allow the union of mind, body, and soul to falter. It’s something that I often wondered about but have only now started to understand. But… I wish I was wrong, as I think the only way to avoid them is with a true death of all three at the same time.

The body is just a container made from a collection of random molecules. Your skin sheds, and new flesh grows. When you die, the atoms making up your eyes might become the tail of a rat; your fat might help a larva grow into a fly; the carbon in your guts will become the bark of a large tree; one day, you return to dust as you once were – for what is above, so is below. Basically, there’s no regeneration of the flesh, for it is part of something greater than yourself. The body is simply a lung for the mind to exist…

I must kill my body to escape them. One of mother’s rules about reality is that something cannot stop existing. Oh ironic… But once I destroy my body, its concept should be transferred somewhere else. What scares me is the possible loss of my memories and or consciousness. I guess that if reality is eternal and infinite, that a perfect copy of myself will be created with my consciousness and memories intact. Or maybe what will come first is the creation of a body with only my consciousness. Without my memories, can I still call myself me?

This is what stumps me right now. The only way to escape is through the death of my body, but doing so will divide everything else that matters. I don’t get it. I really don’t. I feel like I’m just rambling. I’ll keep writing about my past until I find an answer. After all, doing so made me realize a lot of things.

Haaaa…

 

❀

Lotus and white hibiscus, Part 1

Clay porcelain,
Sing and dance:
Your fate to entertain.
The wolves of vain.

You, who bought those candles,
Of vainglory.
All to please those vandals
Like dolls at the pillory.
….

 

Tsuki was pulled around by a dozen or so women as they made her try all sorts of colorful dresses or delicate fabrics. It was only once a miniature war started in order to determine the best fit for her that she was freed.

She exited one of the rooms while trying to make as little sound as possible. Finally, some rest, she thought.

"You shouldn’t go out alone," suddenly said a girl. Tsuki hadn’t realized it before, but each room had access to small gardens. It made the building itself appear more grandiose than it really was and also allowed some of the women working there to appear like fairies when welcoming guests. And the girl who suddenly spoke to Tsuki was inside one such garden.

Tsuki realized at a glance who she was, as the weird girl that was interested in Sinorous told her much. With her refined expression, always hiding behind a jade fan, and heavily dressed in cloth decorated with lotuses, she was the most sought-after woman in this place. She had refused every client, and this made her value skyrocket. Just listening to her sing or drinking tea with her required a year’s worth of money from a normal family. Although it wasn’t rare for someone in her discipline to be expensive, the fact that the emperor himself offered to make her empress and was rejected made the common folk's imagination run wild.

In truth, HE had never accepted a client because of his gender. This was a secret only a handful knew. How and why the weird woman knew this, Tsuki didn’t know and was kind of mad, as all it took to learn of this was allowing her to feed Sinorous once.  

But still, for the young Tsuki, such an implication went right past her. Her worst sin was that she never cared about appearance in the past, such that her future self is fuming for not asking a trick or two…

Anyway! Tsuki simply looked at this person in the garden, not too sure of their intention or whether they would take her to another room for a hellish session of dress-up doll.

"Come here," they said. They were sitting at the simplest of wooden tables in the garden, which was surprising as everything else seemed so delicate in comparison. The contrast between a beauty transcending gender and the simplicity of their throne made them seem approachable and warm. "The name’s Lotus. Not my real one, but a name nonetheless."

At this warm invitation, Tsuki got closer and sat on the opposite side of Lotus. "Call me: Crescent Petals!" said Tsuki after changing herself with petals. She was so proud of herself for that name and wanted everyone to know it. She had no reason to hide her identity since she came to this building as Crescent Petals in the first place.

"Ah, you’re that trouble maker."

"What!???"

"Yes~ Some high-ranking officials thought you were a spy at first. It was a certain civil servant who covered for you. You should thank him when you have the time."

❀

 

The two of them had talked until they became parched. It was surprising what they knew, and they explained that learning so much was natural in their line of work. People wanted to feel special and simply blurted out all kinds of secrets in exchange for empty praise. This somehow made Tsuki ashamed, as she revealed she was Crescent Petals in the hope of receiving such praise. Still, it allowed her to learn that the poor kappa-soji, which she was unreasonably mad at, was seen positively by other people while Crescent Petals was seen negatively. She promised herself to one day prove the vile nature of this strange fish with a turtle shell.

"Can I make some tea?" asked Tsuki, who saw that there was a small oven specially made close by to serve clients something to drink while they watched.

"Hmm? Yes, you can use any of the infrastructure due to working for us."

Lotus was expecting something great when Tsuki pulled out a box she received from Carlson back in the fishing town from her backpack. The herbs and cups were all above average and would have cost quite a few coins, but worry dawned on Lotus once they saw how awkwardly Tsuki was using her tools. "Want me to teach you?"

"Yes……" Tsuki only knew how to make tea by putting a tea bag in warm water, and she had no clue what the brush she had was for.

"You only have the bare minimum, so I guess you’re not interested in the presentation, right?"

This revelation confused Tsuki even more. How could there be more tools? For her, tea was only ‘tasty’ water. This was due to the fact that the leaves available when she was a slave were artificial and all of poor quality. She did have memories of drinking some kind of tea when she was a shepherd, but it was more like someone throwing random stuff into a pot… even to this day, some of her experiments haunt her taste buds.

In the end, Lotus started brewing the tea. They smelled every single leaf Tsuki had while covering their face with a fan. It was somehow impressive how they managed to do everything with just one hand. Their movement was refined and confident. Still, it made Tsuki wonder what they really looked like. While some might think that under such heavy garments, a peerless beauty waits to be uncovered, Tsuki wondered whether they had a scare or something to hide. After all, she herself tried to hide a few parts of her body. The maws on her leg were simply disturbing to look at, and the flowers looked painful. More so, she didn’t want to see what had become of Alice’s body…

Lotus finally picked up a strong-smelling medicinal herb that reminded them of their mother. Slowly, they explained every step of making tea and how small changes could affect the taste. Most of it wasn’t understood by Tsuki as she had no prior experience to apply what she learned, but by the end, she was able to make something by herself. It wasn't as good as what Lotus made, but the strong and unpleasant medicinal taste was almost gone.

It was then that the horde of women exited the room with a clear winner in their hands. They looked at Tsuki like hungry beasts.

"Hummmm…"

"Get her! Don’t let her escape!"

In the end, Tsuki was captured by the women who had made her a dress in this short time. She didn’t really mind, as free clothing was free clothing and everything else she had was badly damaged. If only they didn’t act like ravenous beasts…

✿

 

The establishment Tsuki was in was called Specular Saffron, and they were offered the main role of entertaining people during the closing ceremony of the festival happening right now. Some of their best would go up on a stage built in a clearing outside the city to dance and sing in front of many people. It was how the festival concluded each year. At first, it was only a way to represent the return of those who protected the city and were welcomed by their lovers. Now, it was a way to incite travelers into the city every year. And this was more than successful, as it attracted many visitors from around the world. Even the Emperor was said to be going this year…

Tsuki’s task was simple. She simply needed to take care of the ambience by moving petals around. Some of the girls had special requests, but they weren’t that hard to fulfill. With winter approaching, this kind of display was bound to revitalize people.

As for the special requests, the three women who had first talked with Tsuki each asked if they could borrow one of her creatures. One obviously asked for Halambusha. Another strangely asked for the owl. She said she felt some kind of connection with the violent bird. Oddly enough, it was calm when Tsuki summoned it. Lastly, the weird girl, whom Tsuki didn’t even let make a request and automatically summoned Sinorous. She was honestly curious what the end result would be. All that she was left with was a screaming crow, some eldritch maws always begging for food, and the plush of a one-eyed cat that manifests only when it wants to.

She honestly didn’t like the two birds, as she knew nothing about them. Maybe they had their own story, but she felt like the way she got them was unnatural. As opposed to Halambusha, with whom she fought after eating his heart and learning a whole bunch about his past, the birds were a mystery.   

With no other choice, she summoned the crow. Luckily, she was wearing what the women had made her. It looked like a red yukata with simple flowers for motifs. It was surprisingly thoughtful, as it allowed her to hide most of her body quite well without getting in the way. The sash was also quite nice, as her back always felt cold due to the tattoo of snowflakes. But it had a major flaw, which was mobility. As such, she could only use it for special events.

"Who are you?" asked Tsuki to the crow.

It said nothing in return and only looked directly into her eyes.

"I’m calling you Crowbar if you don’t tell me your name."

Again nothing. Only the piercing gaze of the old crow that seemed to intimidate the girl.

"Ok! I’m really going to call you Crowbar! Is that really fine with you?!"

Still nothing. All that was visible was the dark plumage of the bird. Black and only black, which seemed to devour all light. She looked at this darkness as fear grew in her heart. She thought that she shouldn’t have messed with this bird, and it became apparent as it screamed while unfurling its dark wings until only darkness was left.

Suddenly, Tsuki was in a place void of light. Luckily, it only lasted for a moment as searing light fell upon her eyes. There was a heavy smell of blood and dirt in the air, and once her eyes got used to the light, she found herself above a battlefield. She was flying freely with wings of dusk, similar to the crow's.

Below was a fortress of flesh that looked to be trying to reach for the sky. What defended it were strange creatures able to change form at will. One second, they were a snowy mountain, and the next, a fire-breathing dragon. Most of the time, they looked like the drawing of a five-year-old that came to life, but they still managed to display impressive might.

They were attacked by four armies on each side, and Tsuki even recognized some of the participants. More accurately, Scylla, the giant monster who had destroyed the fishing village, was attacking from the south. Each of her strikes was followed by waves many meters in height, and inside swam the same fish-like monster she commanded last time.

In the east, there was an army clad in darkness that used magic like someone might breathe. They had a difficult time moving closer but were steadfast and never backed down. Sometimes, those hiding in the darkness would be pulled by the defender and instantly killed. But even then, they were revived as powerful ghosts, able to fully exhaust all of their strength before disappearing.

The north was strangely led by none other than Rouhong. He led an army of flying monsters whose lives were preserved by the power of a large dragon, akin to a manifested dream.

Finally, it was the west. She was shocked to see who was leading the charge, as it was herself. Behind her, she recognized Shamala and Yassil, who both led their own squadrons.

She wanted to get closer, and suddenly she was in her own body but not in control of it. She saw herself doing things she thought impossible and fought as if it were second nature to her. She dashed toward a large wooden totem and struck it with her glaive moment before it changed into something else.

The impact made the surroundings go black again. In this darkness, she saw the beady eyes of the crow, darker than the lack of light itself.

"Who are you?" asked Tsuki, now terrified.

What she thought were the eyes of the bird moved closer and enlarged. It was a large horse mounted by a dark warrior. It passed by her side as if ignoring her, and another horse appeared from the darkness to do the same. From two horses to five, to ten, to fifty, to a hundred, to… They strode forward, all ready for war and death.

Still, it didn’t even answer her question, and she asked again, screaming louder this time.

"We…." said a passing knight dressed in an armor of black feathers. "Are…" followed another. Together they spoke, "…The horsemen of the Gale. We are: The Morrigan."

 With this said, Tsuki was back inside Specular Saffron while wearing the red clothes she had received. Their beauty seemingly faded from her eyes after the carnage she was made to see…

*

 

Gupta’s report of the week

Gupta managed to create working clones and is now hunting the creatures. The bodies are cause for worries as they might infect the water source.

Extermination: (0% ->35%)

Resources needed: 50 units of wood. Lockpicking tools.

Research: 10% walls.

Map explored: 10%

Mine discovered. Substance A35.