I slept for the entire car ride back home from Cha-am. The sun had engulfed all the energy out of me. Beam let me sleep the whole time until we arrived back at my apartment. Beam lightly shook me awake, "Tabi, your home..." I didn't want to get up, I felt so groggy that the position I was already in was comfortable enough. 

"... Ugh..." 

"Tabi, do you really plan on sleeping in my car the entire night?" 

"... Ugh... Yes..." I didn't want to move from my spot.

"Fine! I'll sleep in here too..." At a snail's pace, I lifted my body in the seat and gave a nice long stretch. I yawned loudly, not caring how obnoxious I sounded. Beam quietly yawned to himself afterwards. While still trying to wake up, I attempted to convene my sentence, "... Thanks... For today Beam. I needed this." 

"You're welcome... Thanks, umm, for coming with me." 

"Thanks for inviting me." 

"Should we just keep thanking each other?" Beam had a grin on his face and I replicated my smile with his. 

"Anyways, I won't sleep in your car I guess, so I'll get going." I opened the car door and grabbed my belongings. Before I could say goodnight to Beam, he interrupted, "Did you really want to meet my family?" 

"Umm... Didn't I say I would?" 

"Yeah-yes I know you said... I'm just making sure..." 

"Do you not want me to meet them?" 

"No-no that's not it! I would lov- like for you to meet them. I just wanted to double-check, that's all." 

"Oh, okay... Yeah just keep me updated and you know my schedule for the most part, so just plan for it on one of my days off." 

"Yeah, I can do that. I'll let you know... Well, I'll let you go then." 

"Okay Beam... Goodnight..." 

"Goodnight Tabi..." I felt a bit diffident about the way Beam said goodnight, so I gave a quick wave goodbye, shut the car door, and took off to the apartment building. 

As I entered my home, I was greeted by Fah, "Soooo, how was today?" She said this is in a teasing voice, which made me feel even more shy. 

"It was good..." 

"... Anything happen?" 

"Nope, we just went to the beach and chilled out." 

"Oh my god Tabi! Nothing happened between you two?" 

"WHY WOULD SOMETHING HAPPEN?" 

"UMM HELLO! DO I NEED TO SPELL IT OUT? You and the model boy like each other!" 

"JESUS! I think we like each other, but not in the way you're thinking." 

"Bullshit! What guy, who isn't gay, hangs out with a girl every chance he gets, and the other way around with you?" 

"That's presumptuous of you Fah! Gay, or not, I think you can enjoy someone's company and not have to be romantically involved with them." 

"I DON'T BUY IT! I think you both like each other, but are being too stupid to admit it! I'm not trying to be a bitch Tabi, but don't you like Beam? Not just as a friend, but more than that?" 

"I like Beam as a friend! He's nice and listens to me complain about shit, but I don't think of him like that!" Fah was starting to irritate me. I don't understand why if I'm friends with a guy that it automatically means I like them! I'm sure Beam would feel the same way. If Beam liked me, he would've shown, or told me by now. 

"Ugh! You and the pretty boy piss me off! I don't know who hurt you in your past Tabi, but some day you're going to realize too late that you and Beam are meant for each other!" Fah stomped back into her room and slammed the door shut. I stood there in the living room, stunned at what she had just said. I don't understand why it matters if me and Beam like each other, like that. My head was spinning and I needed to lay down. 

Holding my head, I crawled into my bed, wondering why I was feeling like this. If what Fah said were true, why would Beam like me? He works with beautiful people all day long and I'm just some average person, with commitment and emotional issues. I don't know what to think anymore, and because of this, I now feel even more strange about meeting Beam's family. What if they're expecting some gorgeous girl to show up with him? I'm not that person... I-I can never be that person. My heartbeat began thumping faster and my breathing became ragged. I squeezed my pillow, in hopes I could release all my worries into the inanimate object. Without warning, I heard my phone vibrating in my purse. I wanted to ignore it, but it kept going, like it was trying to distract me. I shot up and started digging through my purse until I found my phone. What the hell? Beam was calling me... 

"Umm, hello?" 

"Are you okay?" Do I sound that shaken up? 

"Uh, yeah-yeah... I'm fine." 

"You don't sound fine..." I wasn't sure what I should say next. My throat felt tight and my mouth became dry. I was suffocating and I didn't want Beam to worry about it. 

"... I-I'm fine Beam! What do you want?" Why did I feel the need to lash out at him? I don't want him to hear me at my weakest moment, so instead I get angry! 

"Tabi I'm coming over!" 

"DON'T! I DON'T NEED YOU TO COME OVER!" 

*Click* 

What the hell! He hung up on me! I wasn't expecting that... I hated yelling at people, especially him. He's been so kind to me... Why did I always push people away? 

These melancholy thoughts came creeping in like bugs, making me feel more terrible about myself. 

I threw my phone across the room and dived back into bed, throwing my blankets on top of me. I couldn't hold back my tears any longer. I began hyperventilating with a stream of water running down my face. 

"... I hate myself... You're so stupid... Stupid... Stupid..." I cursed at myself repeatedly. I should have never yelled at Fah or Beam. They've become good friends and I've ruined it. I'll never be the same again... Why did you have to leave me James? This was all my fault! I don't believe I deserve this life... 

I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. My breathing had regulated, but I was still crying quietly to myself. I wasn't sure how much time had gone by, when I heard a knock at the door. I stayed silent, hoping whoever was there would go away, but then I heard a voice I didn't expect to hear, "... Tabi... Can I come in?" It was Beam. 

I wasn't sure what had gotten over me, but I sprinted out of bed and ran to the door. I flew it open, and there stood Beam, looking shocked and concerned. The tears appeared even faster once I saw him. I was so overwhelmed to see Beam, that I threw my arms around him. I cried hysterically into his shoulder. I could see Fah was a few feet behind him, she seemed like she was crying too. Beam embraced me into his arms. He was soothing the back of my head gently, repeating the same words, "It's okay Tabi... You can cry..." 

While I still had my arms around him, he gracefully carried me over to the couch. He sat down first and stuck his arms out towards me, "Come here Tabi..." I crawled into his body and nestled my head into his chest. I felt like a kid who had a nightmare and was being consulted by their parent. Laying into Beam was so comfortable, my body fit well into his. While I heard his steady breathing, I began mimicking it. I was still crying, yet not as hard as I was a few minutes ago. I was squeezing him, afraid that if I let go I would fall back into that dark void. 

As the tears became less and less, as did my energy. I was beginning to drowse off when I heard Beam's voice, "... Tabi... I'm not going to abandon you." I whispered into his chest, "... Beam..." as I drew myself closer to him. I wanted nothing more than to be with Beam. In my darkness, he was the only source of light I had. Maybe I was being selfish, nevertheless I... I know he is someone special to me and I don't ever want to leave his side. 

• • • 

My eyes were still closed when I noticed I was laying down on an unfamiliar padding, it was the couch out in the living room. I pushed the weight of my body up with my arms and took a look around the room. My eyes were barely open, but I noticed Beam laying on the other end of the L-shaped sofa. He was asleep, but he seemed to have positioned himself so that our heads were close together. 

After a night of crying, my eyelids were so swollen that I could barely open my eyes. I couldn't find my phone to check the time, but it must've been early in the morning because it still sounded peaceful outside. 

I needed to use the bathroom, although I did not want to get off the couch to interrupt Beam's sleep. So as gently as I could, I forced myself up, and like the wind, I tiptoed to the bathroom. 

Yep, just as I thought, it looked like I was in a boxing match last night. My eyes and the surrounding area were so red and puffy. I grabbed a hand towel and soaked it under cold water, then put the towel over my eyes to try and get the swelling down. I knew it wasn't going to work instantly, but thought it might help just a little. 

I grabbed my phone from my bedroom, and attempted to sneak back into the living room and onto the sofa. As I sat down, I thought I had succeeded in not waking up Beam, however I failed because Beam's head darted up as soon as I was trying to lie back down. 

I tried to speak up, but my voice cracked midway, "Hey-" Beam looked so drained, nevertheless he still managed to give me a tender smile. 

"How are you feeling Tabi?" 

"Umm, I'm okay... How are you?" 

"I'm okay too..." He looked down at the couch and started patting it, "... This is pretty comfortable." I glanced down and gave it a light pat, "Yeah, it's not too bad actually..." I wasn't sure how to interact with Beam. After everything that happened last night, I willingly showed a side to him that I didn't believe was possible. With Hinata, it was different. He found me. I wasn't looking for him during my time of crisis. He just got lucky that Cho told him what had happened between me and her, and to find me in a random field in Tokyo. But Beam... I didn't need to pick up his phone call. I didn't need to open my door. I didn't need to come crashing on him, draining all my worries into him... Still, I chose to do all those things, and I wanted Beam to know how I felt. 

"Hey Beam..." He gazed up at me with his innocent brown eyes, looking directly at me, "Yeah, Tabi?" 

"I-I... Last night... Well, I'm sorry to have put you through that... Umm, actually, I'm not sorry. That is who I am in this part of my life. I get upset, and angry, easily when people bring up topics without any warning. That's something that's always been a problem for me, even before James passed away..." I fiddled with my necklace, "... It's just gotten worse. I don't like acting this way, it makes me hate myself even more. I'm a mess and I don't know if I'll ever get better, but... But there are good things too: Thailand, the animals at the shelter, getting out of my comfort zone, Fah, and... And of course... You Beam. You are one of those good things. You make me happy..." My stomach dropped and my body became fidgety. I can't believe I was saying all this to him! It was like a confession... Actually, it IS a confession. 

Beam was sitting up at this point, staring at me, looking just as stunned as I was. He wasn't saying anything and I didn't blame him for that. I kind of just threw this all on him without much thought. Even if he didn't feel the same way, I just wanted him to know that I cared about him. 

Finally, Beam reached his hand out and set it on top of mine. He looked at me in the eyes, and said, "Tabi... I like you, a lot. You make me happy too." I didn't want to start crying again, but I could feel my throat getting tight and my eyes watering. I turned my head so that Beam wouldn't see me, however he gently put his hand on top of my head. I bashfully turned my head back around to face him, and Bean was smiling. It was a gentle smile, one letting me know that it was okay to cry. I leaned forward into Beam and dug my head into his chest, he put his arms around me, and I silently cried while he moved his hand back and forth across my back. Right now, I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.