I sat there staring out through the window, watching the street lamps pass by in a dimly lit haze. The car ride was silent between Beam and I, as I was afraid to disrupt the silence with the sound of my nasally voice.

Words couldn't describe how I was feeling. My emotions were like a pendulum, going back and forth, wondering what was going to happen next. My anxiety was building up and I was wondering what Beam was thinking during this car ride. Did he still want to be friends? Or whatever our relationship was exactly. That unknowing feeling made me want to cry again.

When I could feel my throat tightening up, Beam spoke aloud, but in a softer tone, "Do you want to go back home tonight?"

"Wha-what?"

"Did you want to go back to your place tonight?"

"Umm, where else would I go?"

"I-I just thought that maybe you wouldn't want to be there... You know, with Fah hounding you..."

"Oh. Yeah I guess you're right, but I don't have anywhere else to go."

"Umm, that's not true. There's, umm, always... Hmmm, my place-that's if you want to..."

"Oh!" Why did this feel so awkward? But in a funny way, it made me chuckle to myself.

"It's not like that, Tabi! I-I'm s-sorry! That came out wrong! I just thought it would be a change-change of scenery for you... That's all!"

"No, it's okay! I'm okay with that, if you are?"

"O-of course! Now that I think about it, you've never been to my place, right?"

"Umm, no I don't think so."

"I wish it was under better circumstances, but I hope it'll make you cheer up a bit more."

"Your place will cheer me up?"

"Oh! Umm, that's not what I meant! I-I, uh, you'll see when you get there."

The rest of the car ride was silent again. Beam was so clumsy with his words that it made sense he did modeling more than acting. I didn't mind him fumbling his words though, it showed he was human and not just a pretty face.

• • •

You know when you are driving to a new place it feels time just moves slower, well that's what it felt like getting to Beam's place.

Even though my eyes felt heavy, I could not manage to fall asleep. I was actually kind of nervous going to Beam's place. This would be my first time and I didn't know what to expect. I don't even know how he really lived and I think when you go to someone's place for the first time you really get a sense of their lifestyle.

We were back in the city, which made me feel at ease. I found that if Hinata wanted to look for me again it would be difficult for him to find me with all these people around. Still, this thought puts my stomach into knots. I never wanted to see him again and as hurtful as it may sound, I don't care what happens to him.

"We're here!"

The sound of Beam's voice gave me a start. I looked around and all I could see were high rises and a few restaurants before we started pulling into a parking garage. So, Beam lives comfortably, I see.

Beam pulled into a parking spot with a number marked on it. He turned off the car and jumped out before I could manage to take my seat belt off. Jeez, he's in a rush. Before I noticed where he had gone, he was already opening the car door for me, "Need help?"

"Thanks..."

Beam held his hand out, waiting for me to grab a hold of it. I grabbed my purse and reached my hand out to grab his as I lifted myself up out of the car. Thinking he was going to let go of my hand as soon as I got out of the car, he did not. He held on to it as we made our way into an elevator from the parking garage.

We took the elevator ride up, "Do you own this apartment or rent it out?" I don't know why I asked that. I guess I was just curious if he was planning on staying here long-term.

"Oh, I'm just renting it out. I don't plan on staying here for too long... Just a temporary thing."

"I see."

We had finally arrived on the 26th floor and this was out of 30 stories, so this apartment complex was more like a hotel to me. I don't think I've ever been in such a luxury apartment, or at least nothing with no more than 4 stories.

We walked down the opulent hallway while I tried to keep my head down. This place was far too fancy for me, and the way I looked just felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. Now that I know Beam has a following, according to Hinata, I don't want to taint his image.

Beam stopped in front of one of the doors in the hallway and opened it up using the keypad. He held the door open and gestured for me to go in first. It was dark, as no lights had been turned on yet until Beam switched it on.

"Whoa..." I muttered under my breath. This place was nice! The floors were a black porcelain tile with paper white walls. There were foyer dividers placed in what looked like the dining room and living room and as I took off my shoes I noticed there was an upstairs. Jesus, is he rich?

"Tabi, make yourself comfortable. There's actually 3 bedrooms... I know it seems excessive, but it actually works out when my family comes to visit. Also I can lend you something to wear for bed tonight and you can wash your clothes too... Umm, I think that's..."

Beam started trailing off, looking around the room as though doing that would help with his thoughts.

"Thank you."

That snapped Beam out of his daze, "Oh yeah, sorry! I was just thinking if there was anything else I didn't mention, but it's no problem." He gave me his boxy smile which made my heart flutter.

"Umm, Beam?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you show me a shower I can use please?"

"OH! Of course! Follow me!"

I followed Beam as we made our way up the stairs, "Since there are two extra rooms, do you have a preference?"

"Uh, is there a difference?"

He chuckled, "One is bigger than the other...?"

"I'll take the smaller one then."

"You sure?" He opened the door to the smaller guest room.

"This is small?" It was not small. It was a decently sized bedroom with a bathroom attached to it. The room had dark red mahogany wood flooring and the walls were white with nothing on them except for a mounted TV. At the end of the room, there was a full length window. I walked over immediately to see what the view looked like and it was nothing spectacular, just another luxury apartment building.

I let a small sigh out in disappointment and Beam must've noticed because he spoke up, "When you are done with your shower, I'll show you something cool! But for now go ahead and get cleaned up. I'll leave clothes for you on the bed."

Beam started walking out of the bedroom, "Thank you again... I really mean it."

He turned around and walked over and threw his arms around me, "You don't have to keep thanking me. I want to do this for you."

The sudden embrace and words of affirmation made my heart pound. I wrapped my arms around Beam and we stood there not saying anything to one another. I wanted to start crying again, but I knew that was only going to ruin this moment. I didn't want this moment to end, until Beam slowly let his arms go and looked me in the eyes and smiled, "Go take your shower Tabi."

I nodded, returning the smile, and headed towards the bathroom. I walked into the restroom, just as expected, the restroom is just as nice as the bedroom. The tiles were a ceramic off-white color with a bright white painted wall. The contrasting color was brown, which made it feel more like a hotel bathroom. I did not mind that because the shower made up for it with a rainfall shower head. I got so excited that I nearly ripped my clothes off just to absorb all the water as it washed away any doubt I may still have.

There is something about taking a shower that can be so calming, but also kind of frightening. All your thoughts start to race and you begin thinking of all the things you could have done. Was leaving Hinata behind the right thing to do? Should I have stuck up for myself more? There was so much more that I wanted to say and yet I was afraid... Afraid to lose Hinata. It made me sad seeing him, he had changed so much. Was that because of me? Or am I overthinking it? I have to tell myself that Hinata was not the one for me, he was a liar and abusive. Beam is good to me and treats me with respect. I guess it's just been a long time since I've been treated this well, that I feel as though I don't deserve Beam. He would scold me if he heard me say this. Actually, I'm not sure what he would say because I'm not even sure what our relationship is exactly. Are we friends? Just really close friends? Or maybe dating? I don't know and it's confusing and hurting my head.

I hopped out of the shower and dried myself off. I did not bother to look in the mirror, as I did not want to see the marking that was left by Hinata. I poked my head around the door to look into the bedroom and check if Beam had laid out clothes for me. There I saw on the bed, folded up, was a big black hoodie and gray sweatpants. I smiled to myself, thinking it was kind of sweet that he folded the clothes up.

As I put on each item of clothing one by one, I could smell Beam's scent, which I thought was an odd scent because it had the masculine sandalwood, but also vanilla mixed with some kind of fruit. I did not mind it however because it suited him, he was manly in his own way, but had the softness too.

I made my way downstairs to see that Beam was nowhere to be found. I shifted my head to see if he was in the kitchen, the lights were off so that was a no. I began to feel a bit panicky, thinking the worst that Hinata came back, but then I heard a door open nearby. Hesitantly, I turned around and saw Beam standing in the doorway, giving me a pleased look, "Come out here! I want to show you something."

Seeing Beam was such a relief, that I found myself skipping over to him just because he had such a kid-like demeanor that it made me feel youthful.

"This is what I wanted to show you..."

As I stepped through the glass door, I noticed we were out on a balcony. It was dark, but I could see the skyline and all the lights lit up throughout the city. It was beautiful. You couldn't hear much from up here, but down below you could still see cars driving around and a few people walking. I wasn't sure how to describe it, but it took my breath away.

I was so caught up in the moment, that I didn't realize Beam was standing behind me with his body and arms wrapped around my backside. I did not want to ask him this question during this time, but I felt it was only necessary.

"Hey Beam..."

"Yes?" His warm breath sent shivers down my neck, which caused me to become a bit fidgety.

"Umm, what are we? I-I know after everything that happened tonight it seems kind of weird to be asking this, but it's uh been on my mind... I guess."

He was quiet, and I could feel the drum of his heartbeat on my back pick up pace. Was he nervous too?

"I, uh, thought we were already dating..."

"Oh?" I turned around quickly to face him, but didn't realize how close we were, face-to-face. Even though it was dark out, I could still make out some of the features on Beam's face. He's really pretty and has a very stern look when he's not smiling.

"Did you not want to date me?" Beam's tone changed to a more worried one, and I could feel his hands slowly letting go of me.

"Uh, no! That's, uh, not what I meant! I was asking because I've been confused about so much lately, and uh, considering how tonight was... Well, I just didn't think you would want to. I'm kind of a train-wreck and well, I wouldn't want to be with me either-"

Beam raised his voice, "Tabi! You have to stop putting yourself down like that! I wouldn't have come looking for you tonight if I didn't care! I was scared and when I saw you with the bruise on your face and that man, my blood started to boil!" His voice began to shake, "I-I don't think I've felt so angry before..."

I thought the rain was done for the night, but it started to pick up again with the wind howling through the skyscrapers like a wind tunnel.

I've always hated the rain, but there was something different this time. I felt a burning sensation crawl through my body and my stomach was in knots. I hadn't had this feeling in so long, and with that, I reacted to it without even thinking.

I reached my hands to Beam's face and kissed him. I wasn't thinking and yet, here I was kissing Beam with all my might. I didn't know how he was feeling about this, so I started to slip away, except he pulled me back into his lips. His lips were soft and warm, and his tongue invited itself into my mouth and I did not resist. I could hear Beam's heavy breathing in between movements and wondered if mine was just as loud.

Suddenly, Beam wrapped his arms around my backside and lifted me off the ground. I was unable to keep my mouth off his as he tried walking through the apartment into his bedroom, and it only intensified more once I realized we were in his bedroom. While I still held on to him, he delicately laid me down on his bed and moved closer to my face, "Tabi, do you want to do this?" 

Do I want to do this? 

The only light that was on in the room was the one on the nightstand near the bed, so I had a clear vision of Beam's expression. The rain that had been falling on both of us made it hard to tell if he was sweating or not. His gaze was so focused on mine that I thought if I kept staring long enough my vision would become blurred. 

Do I want to do this? I nodded my head carefully in agreement. Beam leaned in for a kiss, but this time more gentle. His hands were caressing the sides of my waist, which created shivers down my spine. I had my arms wrapped around his neck when he suddenly sat up and took his shirt off. This was only my second time seeing Beam shirtless, however in this light, his build seemed more lean. 

I reached to the bottom of the hoodie Beam had lent me and began lifting it up to take it off. I realized I did not have a bra on, so this meant Beam was going to see all of me which made me feel bashful. Beam was hovering over me as he watched me pull the hoodie off. I threw the hoodie onto the floor and went back to lying down on his bed. He came back in with an intimate kiss and his hands moving closer to my breasts. I let out a slight whimper as I felt his lingering hand grab a hold of my left breast and began massaging it. 

I couldn’t hold back my actions anymore, with all the supple touching and passionate kisses, I wanted to get to it. I knew Beam couldn’t hold back any longer either as I could feel his bulge rubbing up on my pelvic area. Trying to be careful while still locking my lips with his, I nervously pushed the sweatpants down and once Beam noticed what I was doing, he mimicked my movements and started to do the same with his pants. I could tell Beam was just as anxious as I was because he was having a hard time trying to unbutton his pants with his trembling hands. 

Once he was finished taking the rest of his clothes off, I laid there with Beam being so close into entering inside me. Before he could do so, I paused for a moment, “ Wait…” 

He scanned me with a worried face, “Are you okay?” 

I reached my hands around my neck, as I started to unlock the clasp of my necklace. Beam then realized what I was doing and waited patiently for me to take it off. With unsteady hands, I managed to get it off and I carefully set it down on the nightstand beside the bed. 

Without so much as a second thought, I intertwined myself into Beam's body and he surrounded himself with mine. I clinged on to him tightly as he slowly put himself inside me. This sensation was so overpowering that I let out a loud gasp. I haven’t done this in so long, I had forgotten how much I yearned for the touch of another person, and that person being Beam made it all feel more magical. I just hope that I won't let this moment between us make me remorseful...