Chapter 6:
Memoriae aeternae
Luca was greeted by a busy hallway full of both girls and boys of various ages lined up to enter the dining room. As he passed, many of the children broke out into loud chatter, some even wondering aloud who he was, and why he was visiting the orphanage so early. Luca, unfortunately, did not have much time to speak, so he excused himself and hurried past them, entering the dining hall through the main doors as the other staff quelled the hungry, rowdy crowd.
“Luca, ‘s that you dear?” Walking into the cafeteria, Luca was greeted by Ms. Lowell, who was carrying a large tray of steaming pancakes in her arms. The tray was wider than her waist, and the tall stack of pancakes almost covered her face. She had to move her head to the side to see Luca’s face, her expression bright with a wide smile.
Before Ms. Lowell could carry the platter any farther, Luca lifted the plate gently from her hands and asked her, “What table is this going to?”
Ms. Lowell responded with the table to the left, where there were already plates of sausages, syrup, bacon, and pitchers of orange juice. Plates had already been laid out on the table, the cups facing down with the silverware freshly shined, resting just next to the plates. On top of the plates there were plain white napkins. Staring at the set up, Luca felt as if he had returned to his childhood, sharing a family-style meal at the orphanage once again. Seeing an empty spot in the middle of the table, Luca placed the piping hot pancakes on the table and turned to ask Ms. Lowell if there was anything else he could do to help.
“Is there anything else I can take care of?” Luca asked, looking around the tables, seeing most of them had already been prepared.
Ms. Lowell was about to speak up, but Felix walked into the room, holding a pitcher of water in one hand and a plate of toast in another. “Did you finish your conversation already?” Felix walked across the room from the kitchen and placed the items on a smaller table near the front of the hall. “Ms. Lowell and I did most of the serving this morning, but I’m sure we can use you later.”
Luca laughed, walking towards Felix as he shot a smile at Ms. Lowell. “I’d be happy to do whatever. Please, keep me busy.”
Hearing that, Ms. Lowell smiled and said, “Oh, that won’t be an issue, dear.” One of the nuns poked their head into the room and shot Ms. Lowell a look before Ms. Lowell nodded her head, making the nun poke her head back behind the door for a moment before she pushed open the double doors and allowed the children inside, allowing all chaos to break loose.
Children of all ages hurried to their seats at the table, randomly assembling themselves in spots until all the plates were filled, leaving only the two ends of the long tables to be taken by the orphanage staff. The noise was startling to Luca, who had well forgotten how loud children could be at any given time. Hearing that, he winced a little. Felix patted his shoulder with his hand.
“Come on. Let’s sit down too.” The two walked to the table together, sitting at the shorter table with Ms. Lowell, who had only passed by their table for only a moment before she walked into the room and began to start grace for their first meal of the day.
“Good morning, everyone!” Ms. Lowell’s voice cut through the room.
The children all responded, some out of beat with the others.
“What grace shall we start with today?” Her voice cut through the room, making even the most sociable children pause their conversations and listen to her. The children who had already started to speak yelled out the names of graces that Luca had forgotten. After so many years of not saying grace with his adoptive parents, he had forgotten them entirely.
After a moment of shouts, Ms. Lowell turned to Luca and said, “Well, Luca. The children would like to say the Johnny Appleseed grace. Would you like to lead it?” The smile on her face was sweet as she asked, thinking that Luca would be excited to lead grace after so long. But, what Ms. Lowell did not know that after Luca was adopted, his family never said grace and would often never pray, leading to Luca forgetting how to properly sing many of the graces.
Sweating a little, Luca turned to Ms. Lowell and smiled, about to gently turn her down when Felix spoke up and said, “Luca hasn’t been here in a while, so he may not remember all of the graces. Why don’t you let me lead it, Ms. Lowell?” His voice was not loud, but it was enough to fill the empty room with his authoritative voice.
Hearing that, Ms. Lowell stepped to the side, and Felix grabbed the relieved-looking Luca’s shoulder. “Don’t think that I won’t make you come up and help me.” He laughed, leaning close to Luca’s ear as he led him towards the front of the cafeteria. Luca wanted to curse at Felix, but before he knew it his feet were planted on the ground next to the happy Felix, who looked as if he were a cat that had caught a mouse.
“Alright everyone!” Felix started, speaking out loud as he said, “Let’s sing grace together. Is everyone ready?”
The children all chimed out together, some jumping up and down excitedly, many waiting to finish grace so they could eat.
After hearing the children call out, Felix looked over to Luca and mouthed, “follow me” as he then started the song. “Oh, the lord is good to me. So I thank the Lord, for giving me the things I need, like the sun and the rain and the appleseed. The Lord is good to me… Johnny Appleseed!” Luca had forgotten how talented of a singer Felix was. Though Luca could carry a pitch, Felix could sing quite well, well enough to join the church’s choir too. Unfortunately, Luca was not talented enough to join, so Felix had turned down the opportunity, unwilling to be separated from his good friend.
Hearing his voice again, Luca sighed to himself, thinking it was truly a shame Felix had not done more with his talents. His voice carried through the room, mixed with the voices of the children. Luca could only join in when he remembered a lyric, singing quietly with a smile until the grace ended, and everyone came down to sit and eat at their own tables.
With the sounds of benches clattering and silverware scraping into the dishes, Luca sat down between the director and Felix around the small, round table. Three plates had already been laid out in front of them, and as they sat down, each of them flipped over their cups. Felix was the first to lift the serving utensils before Ms. Lowell could reach them and without missing a beat, he grabbed her plate and began to serve her first.
“Felix, I can serve myself.” She said, her accent thick as he looked at the young man with a “I’m not that old yet” stare.
In response, Felix hummed and said, “Today’s a special occasion, Ms. Lowell. Let me serve everyone today.” He looked towards Luca and smiled, “Luca will be here for only a few days. Who knows when he’ll be back.”
Luca smiled, passing his clean plate to Felix, who had already passed a full plate of food to Ms. Lowell. Holding Luca’s clean plate, he doubled the food he had given Ms. Lowell to the point where the plate was heaping full of eggs, pancakes, and other foods until it was too full to fill any more. Carefully, Felix handed the heavy plate to Luca with a smile, “Careful, it’s hot.”
That’s not the only problem here. Luca thought to himself, hoping he would be able to finish all the food on the plate.
The atmosphere of the dining hall was lively, much like the mess hall at his university. There would always be students gathering together around the serving tables, clubs meeting and chatting over meals, and even students sitting on their computers, listening to music as they ate and studied. Luca liked the busy atmosphere, it reminded him of his time at the orphanage, his time sharing meals and eating the green beans off of Felix’s plate. Or the times when Mrs. Lowell would help bake cookies and pass them out to the children on special occasions.
Luca lifted his fork and took a bite of the mound of scrambled eggs Felix had forced onto his plate. They were still steaming but delicious, full of melty cheese and pepper. He could not help smiling as he took another large bite, enjoying the taste of nostalgia. “The cooks still haven’t lost their touch. This is delicious.” Luca swallowed his food and began to cut into the pancakes.
Felix laughed as Ms. Lowell responded, “If we keep you here any longer, you’ll get pudgy.”
Luca bit into his pancakes as Felix added, “While we don’t mind you staying, I would mind pushing you through doorways.” He chuckled, eating some of his own eggs on his plate.
The conversation between the three was light, and lots of laughs were shared between them. Some of the other children occasionally glanced at the visitor, while others squirmed excitedly in their seats, possibly recognizing Luca or just excited at the thought of seeing a new visitor. The nuns chastised the children and made them finish the food on their plates before they were able to clear the plates, wipe down the tables, and visit Felix to see the guest.
After Ms. Lowell collected the plates and placed them on the counter of the kitchen serving window, Felix grabbed a wet wash rag from the bin on the rolling cart next to the kitchen window and brought it over to wipe down the table. Luca felt guilty watching them clear the table, but he was quickly approached by the rambunxious children, who were chomping at the bit to visit him and talk to him.
“Who are you? Do you know Brother Felix?”
“Are you the one who sends the letters?”
The voices mixed as children, both tall and short, flocked Luca until he was completely surrounded by them, standing with his back to the edge of the table with a flustered expression. Though Felix had sent him letters with photographs of the groups during activities and other times, he could not name any of the children. Luca could only recognize their faces, and he smiled at each of the children and spoke to them with a warm smile once the surprise faded.
“I’m Felix’s friend, Luca. I used to be here in the orphanage until I was adopted.” He said, moving his head occasionally to speak to all the children around him. “Felix and I are pen pals, and he’s told me all about you guys.”
The children clamoured together, giggling and smiling as they asked more and more questions to Luca, asking his age, when he was adopted, and other information, some as simple as what foods he liked and what was his favourite colour. The childrens’ conversations stopped, however, when Felix came back to the table with a frown on his face, looking a little annoyed as he began to scold the children for crowding their new guest.
“Remember, everyone. Luca is a guest. How do we treat guests here?”
“With respect and kindness.” The children responded back together, looking down with dispirited expressions, feeling unhappy for being reprimanded. Some of the children hurried away, sticking their tongues out indignantly at Felix as they ran, hurrying back to their tables before they were led out to prepare for morning mass by the nuns.
Felix walked to Luca’s side and patted his shoulder, saying in a gentle voice, “Sorry, the children get so excited when they see someone new.” He waved his hand and said to the rest of the children, staring at Luca with wide, shining eyes, “Luca will be here for a few more days, so you’ll have plenty of time to meet him. Go clean up your tables and prepare to go to mass. Go on now.” It did not take much coaxing to send the rest of the children away, especially with Felix’s hard tone. His expression was gentle, but his words were a little sharp.
“Mass is after this?” Luca asked, sounding unsure.
Felix turned back to Luca, now smiling as he had before, “Yeah. Usually I walk over ahead of the children and set up the chapel. The rest of the staff take the children over and we have a short ceremony in the morning.” He rubbed the back of his head, “It’s more like a bible study class now than a ceremony.”
It was easy to forget the schedule of the orphanage after all those years, but Luca did not forget mass. When they were young children, mass was scheduled before the meals, but there were some problems with the children being more antsy and hungry, often distractedly waiting for mass to end, so Ms. Lowell changed the scheduling after speaking with the other staff. Now, it seemed that they kept that schedule. Thinking that, Luca asked Felix with a curious tone, “So the schedule is still the same, huh?” He trailed off, thinking of what they used to do during mass. After so many years, it was difficult to remember the many Catholic ceremonies.
“Not much has changed since you left.” Felix said, looking off towards the centre of the food hall, where the children were gathered, talking and playing as they finished cleaning up the dining hall with their usual obnoxious energy. The biblical verses shone with the overhead lights on the walls, and the tables were cleared, resting in the style as they had years ago. With another look, it really did feel like nothing had changed.
The only things that had changed were the people inside the orphanage, it seemed.
Feeling a hand on his wrist, Luca looked down and met Felix’s gaze, “Why don’t we set up for mass together. I’ve done it by myself for so long, it gets a little lonely.” Felix laughed, his hand lightly tugging on Luca’s wrist like a child.
Luca looked up, “What about Father Micheal? Doesn’t he help with morning mass?” Father Micheal would always be very involved with the children, especially during the ceremonies. Even if it was something as small as daily mass, he would be a part of it. Thinking this, Luca became concerned.
Hearing the worry in Luca’s voice, Felix loosened his grip as he said, “Father Micheal has been having some health problems, so I’ve taken over most of the small services to allow him time to rest. He should be here Sunday to lead mass.” Father Micheal had been training Felix and mentoring him to lead services. Maybe he had progressed so far already?
With that thought, Luca was led out of the dining hall by Felix. As they passed through the hallway towards the dormitories, Felix realised he was still holding Luca’s wrist. He looked down at their connected hands and said with a laugh, “Sorry, Luca. Old habits, it seems.” With a gentle lift of his hand, he released his grip and turned back towards the doorway to the dormitories with a steady expression, looking a little embarrassed by his childhood habits.
When Felix first arrived at the orphanage, he and Luca would often hold hands and walk together, Luca leading the nervous Felix around the orphanage like a small tour guide. It was not until they got older did the two stop, but sometimes Felix would take Luca’s hand in his, enjoying the companionship. Luca, having been raised by affectionate caretakers, would often enable Felix to do so.
It was natural, after all. Felix was like a brother to him.
Once the two entered Felix’s room, they grabbed their winter boots and jackets and walked to the doorway to the outside. They stepped into the small stone floor and donned their winter boots and jackets, leaving their indoor shoes to the side. The secretary at the desk greeted Luca, and Felix introduced her to him. The short, sweet woman was named Heidi, and she looked to be not much older than Felix or Luca. The pair waved to her as they stepped out, opening the door to a batch of cold air.
“Ah, it’s cold out today, huh?” Luca said, wrapping his scarf higher around his face as Felix closed the door behind them. The sky was light, full of fluffy white clouds, dulling the sky into a light grey shade. Wind picked up loose snow on the ground and lifted it up into the air, blowing around with a chilly bite at the end.
Felix nodded, puffs of warm air circling around his head like stars. He pulled up the collar of his turtleneck just below his chin and began to walk quickly with Luca towards the chapel. The sound of their feet crunching against the frozen snow rang out in the still and quiet winter morning. There were no sounds of birds, no animals, not even the sound of traffic. Having lived in the middle of the city for so long, Luca forgot how much he missed the quiet sounds of nature. Even though it was quite cold, he could not help but enjoy the feeling of the wind on his face and the smell of the fresh air.
Walking together, the walk felt short, and Felix and Luca soon arrived at the large wood doors of the church. Luca stood to the side, stomping the snow off of his boots as Felix used his key to unlock the doors, pushing it open with a light push of his right hand. Luca was led inside by Felix, who walked to the side of the sizable old church to turn on the lights. Luca could only squint his eyes before the overhead lights clicked on, and he blinked to get a better look at the never-changing inside of the church.
Looking down the red carpet aisle, Luca’s eyes fixed onto the small wooden table at the top of the small platform, and the crucifix affixed to the pale white wall, showing the bronze figure of the Lord’s son. The wooden pews were simple, decorated only with shelves on the backs of the benches, filled with lovingly handled bibles and song books. The lectern was faded but still in good condition, placed to the side of the platform, where Felix would be speaking from no doubt.
The windows had not changed in the past years either, Luca found. There had never been any stained glass designs, as they were too expensive for a small, simple orphanage to afford, but Luca promised Felix when he was wealthy enough, he would renovate the chapel and replace the windows with only the most colourful glass. Seeing the tall glass windows as they were, Luca felt a little sad, sighing softly as he redirected his attention to Felix, who was adjusting the curtain on the confessional with a small smile on his face, looking happy to be back.
“There should be some papers on the lectern, Luca. Do you mind grabbing them and organising them for me? I’ll be reading those for today’s mass.” Felix looked up to Luca, who had stopped wandering in the middle of the aisle.
“Of course.” Luca smiled and nodded, walking down the aisle, his footsteps clicking quietly through the empty hall as he walked to the lectern, leaving Felix to fix the confessional booth. With his back turned, Luca did not see the heavy stare Felix gazed at him with. The young priest’s eyes were affixed onto Luca’s figure with a chasing eye, and the smile across his lips could only be disputed by those who were to see it.
There was a joy and a dominative spark in his eyes, seeing Luca returning to such a holy sanctuary. Felix clasped his fingers tightly in his palm, attempting to hide his emotions as he watched carefully as Luca looked through the papers at the pew with a serious look, mumbling to himself decisively. In such an environment, Luca felt safe, but Felix knew he would have to play with the young man’s feelings of refuge to truly earn him.
There was no worry, no thought of failure. There was only the gaze of Felix as he walked up the aisle, the gentle air returned to him as he walked up to assist Luca. He gently placed his hand on the other man’s shoulder and gazed over to the pew, feeling the warmth of his childhood friend return to him.
…
Some notes: Remember football here is soccer for my American readers (lol). I'll be doing once a week updates with YMtK until my stockpile runs out for this. Let me know your thoughts, and see you next week >y<
