I hate surprises, and Conor should remember that after my tenth birthday party. Wow, yet another memory that is about to pop up unannounced, feeding my anxiety.

To keep it short: My friends and family literally scared the shit out of me when they all screamed, “Surprise.” And when I say ‘literally,’ I mean ‘literally.’ On that day, being ashamed turned into being mad very quickly. I was so infuriated that I smashed the custom-made football cake and threw it through the living room to ensure no one had fun. But with my friends being the lovely eggheads they were, Conor, Milo, Leo, Will, and my cousin Tristan (Let’s not talk about him. There’s a special place for him reserved in hell.) joined in, turning this into the messiest food fight our house had ever seen, followed by the most strenuous clean-up my parents forced me to do. Luckily the other parents insisted on the guys helping, too, because if they hadn’t, I would still be scrubbing the windows.

So... I didn’t like Conor’s answer about what he planned for us to do next.

Why can’t you let me prepare mentally for at least one thing tonight?

We had been wandering around for roughly twenty minutes. He was serious, not giving me the tiniest hint about our next adventure, even after I kept asking him several times. My blood pressure rose the further we walked, which had me huffing and puffing louder by the second. And somehow, it seemed as if Conor didn’t even notice how miserable this made me. Or maybe he enjoys slow-burning me? I scanned every sign, advertisement, and window display, hoping to find a hint, so I didn’t have to relive my tenth birthday.

As I stared at a ceiling signpost, I was about to bark at Conor when I realized he wasn't next to me anymore. Am I stupid? I turned my head to find out that he had stopped walking about ten feet ago. Thanks for making me look like a fool. He waved his eyebrows at me as if I was the one who decided to stay silent after the swimming pool incident.

“Here we are,” he raised his hand to point to the left. I was so fixated on looking for clues that I didn’t even notice that we were standing right in front of a cinema. He could have just told me that this was his plan. It would have saved us some fuss.

“Not the worst idea to kill some time,” I said aloud when I better shouldn’t have.

“Don’t kill time. Seize it,” Conor said as if he were my afternoon tutor. I will seize the shit out of you, I thought and threw a deathly stare at him that only made him widen his smile. Stop having such an adorable smile. This makes it challenging to stay mad at you.

The store front was modeled after an old-fashioned theater, with a black and white board over the door announcing the next showtimes. I walked past the movie posters in front of the small lobby, trying to get an idea of what kind of movies they were showing.

“Any favorites?" I asked, not seeing anything particularly appealing at first glance.

Conor pointed directly at ‘Colossus Two,’ a sci-fi movie. The poster showed a woman in a metallic jumpsuit charging against a colossal robot in a desert-themed world. I don’t really hate sci-fi, but it’s not my go-to genre, to be honest, and “I haven’t seen the first one.”

“The other option is some romance from the 2000s.”

I looked at the poster adjacent to the Colos-something. It showed a man and a woman sitting on a bed, separated by grey tape.

“Who is Jennifer Aniston?” I asked as I surveyed her suspiciously weird-looking face, and Conor smiled as if I were his girlfriend, asking a stupid question.

“Well, at least you are cute.”

Don’t treat me as if I am stupid for not knowing some actress from the, what, 1980s? Wait, did he call me cute? Is taking me to the movies a scheme to trick me into having something similar to a real date? Even if it was, would I mind? After everything that already happened tonight?

“Ugh, okay,” I mumbled, trying not to give away that my thoughts were racing.

I touched the door handle, and as soon as I pulled it open, the smell of popcorn blasted into my face.

“Really? No comment on the ‘cute’ remark?”

He is trying to get to me, isn’t he?

“No…,” I blurted out, without knowing how to proceed with this sentence.

I'd better finish that sentence immediately. It seems like Conor is getting suspicious, as it takes me so long to answer something. But I still don’t know what to say. How about ‘No, you are cute.’ And then I tell him I love him, want to marry him and have his children and a house in the suburbs.

“No… comment. Yes,” I said and shoved Conor inside the cinema.

What a remarkable comeback. That will show him.

I slapped myself in the face to get rid of my sarcastic inner voice distracting me from reality.

“Are you okay?” Conor looked at me, concerned about my self-harming behavior.

“Yeah,” I nodded and concentrated on not running into other people waiting for their turn to buy tickets. It was surprisingly crowded. But it makes sense. All those people here are stuck like us, and it’s the perfect time for a movie.

They lit the inside dimly, so it was pretty in contrast to the bright lights in the airport halls. The walls were painted black and covered with dark red velvet curtains to support the old movie theater theme. They had three small auditoriums. The doors to the one next to us were closed, as a screening was already in process. Most of the other people were couples waiting to see the Jennifer Aniston movie, which was shown in the center room.

We didn’t talk as we waited in line. Conor paid for the tickets, and I returned the favor with some popcorn and lemonade. And soon enough, we walked into the small room in the back. With only twenty seats and a screen barely wider than a regular TV, it didn’t look like a movie theater, more like a cozy living room. And for some reason, they only had loveseats. What person would think that up? Especially in an airport, where it shouldn’t be uncommon for people to go in alone?

“Guess no one else likes this kind of movie,” I said, as we were the only ones here. I secured the popcorn in a cup holder and threw my bag and jacket onto the seat next to me. Conor carefully put his bag and jacket on the ground before him.

“I like it,” Conor said.

You did it again, Ash. I felt terrible, as I had just offended a movie he was undoubtedly looking forward to watching. Because you don’t use your brain before speaking.

“So you’ve seen the first one?” I asked to get our conversation back on track.

“Yeah. I watched it with Milo last Christmas.”

“He is into such stuff?”

Conor glared at me and announced a simple “Yeah.” And there is so much more you don’t know, I finished his sentence in my head for him. It would help if you cared more about the people around you, Asher.

“The more I talk to you, the more I get the impression that I’m a selfish person who doesn’t know shit about his friends.”

Although to be fair, I haven’t spoken to Milo in over a year.

I looked at my feet, waiting for Conor to shoot his next bullet, by finally confirming what I had just said and asking me to work on my personality. It may help to hear it from him.

“Don’t beat yourself up. You have positive qualities too.”

I laughed uncertainly, as this wasn’t how I expected the conversation to proceed. And it wasn’t true.

“I always thought you were very loyal and protective. For example, you always defended us in front of the coach. You often took the blame for some of the crap from the others and I so we wouldn’t get into too much trouble.”

“Like when they locked that nerd, whatshisface, in the supply room?”

“Oh yeah, I felt guilty about that one.”

“But you weren't even involved. And I only took that up my hat because the most dangerous thing that would happen was running thirty rounds and one hundred sit-ups. As if that was punishment.”

“But you still did it.” Conor locked his eyes on me again.

“Maybe you don’t know everything that you could know about your friends. But it’s never too late to ask.” He grabbed the paper bag filled with popcorn and shoved a big handful into his mouth.

“And I bet there is stuff we don’t know about you, too,” he mumbled while chewing. What is he alluding to? Is that a sign that he knows what is happening to me, what I am thinking about? – Come on, you had a fucking boner because you touched his skin for a second! How can he not be aware?

The lights in the small auditorium dimmed further, and they started showing trailers. I couldn’t concentrate on any of them as I was still processing what Conor had just said. Should I tell him what ruminates in my head? I mean, he is the expert on being gay here. If anyone knows how to deal with it, he should. Suddenly, I recalled my friends sweeping their hands at me as I was on my way to speak with Sarah.

“You said it’s never too late to ask,” I whispered. Do it. You can trust him. If anything, he shouldn’t be the one trusting you. “How did you find out you were gay?”

“Stupid question,” he answered within a second. “One just knows.”

“I don’t know.”

He stopped chewing, turned his head, and raised his eyebrows almost to the ceiling. He pushed his head forward, awaiting me to tell him more.

“What exactly do you not know?”

Go for it. Tell him what you feel. There won’t be a better time for it.

“Whether I… am… or not. I mean, I like girls, I know that. But sometimes, it feels as if there could be… more….” More with you, Conor. But I couldn’t say that.

His eyebrows lowered to their average level, and he smiled understandingly. Why aren’t you saying something, Conor? The trailers kept playing, and we both didn’t care about them. Don’t just stare at me. Please say something. Anything…

“Ugh, it’s nothing,” I said, as his I-just-look-and-don’t-say-anything reaction was too much to handle. “Forget about it.”

I should just change the topic. The movie will start soon anyways, taking your thoughts off everything for a couple of hours.

“Do you also think it’s a bit cold in here?” I said and tried to snuggle myself more into the seat.

What an intriguing subject, Ash.

I closed my eyes as if I could escape this situation that way. And even though the trailers kept blasting into my ears, I could hear how Conor huffed, as if he had something to say. Come on, destroy me. Let’s get it over with. I pressed my eyes closer together as if he was about to hit me in the face. After a very long second, I felt his left arm around my shoulder. He pulled me closer. Then his right arm wrapped around my chest, hugging me fervently. 

“Better now?” he asked softly.

What the fuck is happening?